Saturday, 6 June 2020

Resolve conflict well

The clearest possible illustration of that comes via the incident involving our tiny daughter's bum. Lauren was only two months old when I noticed a little pink bump near the top of her bum crack. Okay--no laughing here--I will confess to you that I thought it was some remnant of our evolutionary development: the last vestiges of a tail, perhaps? I had three wisdom teeth instead of four and always considered that an express lane on the evolution highway. Thankfully, a well-timed visit from my mother changed my mind about Lauren's tail. Or when asked to write his name on a sheet of paper, the brain-injured person would write the name in some corner close to the boundaries. He could not tolerate the possibility of becoming lost in the open spaces. His capacities for abstract thought, for transcending the immediate facts in terms of the possible--what I call, in this context, imagination--were severely curtailed. He felt powerless to change the environment to make it adequate to his needs. Such behavior is indicative of what life is when imaginative powers are cut off. The limits have always to be kept clear and visible. Lacking the ability to shift forms, these patients found their world radically truncated. Any `limitless existence was experienced by them as being highly dangerous. Not brain-injured, you and I nevertheless can experience a similar anxiety in the reverse situation--that is, in the creative act. The boundaries of our world shift under our feet and we tremble while waiting to see whether any new form will take the place of the lost boundary or whether we can create out of this chaos some new order. Usually it grows slowly and is harmless while concentrated in the prostate gland; The signs are similar to the other signs of prostate dysfunction, along with pelvic pain and blood in the urine. Always see a health care professional when you see these signs. Bacterial prostatitis may be treated with antibiotics. Noninfectious prostatitis has been treated with muscle relaxants, hot baths, and physical therapy for relaxation while urinating.

Prescription medications and sometimes surgery may alleviate BPH. Maintaining healthy weight through exercise and diet and consuming antioxidant-rich fruits and vegetables helps maintain prostate health naturally. An herb called saw palmetto has also been touted for prostate health. essential oils has shown benefits, too. Ben Cardamone, Vietnam War veteran, Warrior StoryField Project volunteer on post-traumatic stress In her harrowing account, Silent No More, domestic abuse survivor Krista Fink shows how writing down her reality was part of her salvation. The lists evolve into starkly honest journal entries, poems, and letters to her husband. In the safety of this private space, Fink begins the long and rocky process of freeing her mind and escaping her imprisonment inside the dangerous dance of abuse. She explains that the outsider's view often assumes that an abuser has no redeeming qualities, that wanting to leave is a no-brainer. The woman cannot simply give up on the radiance and beauty of the man she once knew. While some observers don't get why someone stays, others don't see a problem. These outsiders choose to see the funny, charismatic, even self-deprecating charmer and wonder why his partner is so hard on him. They, too, want to hold onto his radiance and beauty. Exiting this dance requires the hard and often lonely work of becoming conscious of these incongruous realities. Documenting abuse serves the dual purpose of keeping yourself conscious of it and of--eventually--making it real for others you will need for your protection. Getting to a high level of achievement through practice seems so banal, so uninspiring. Besides, we don't want to have to think of the 10,000 to 20,000 hours that go into such mastery. These values of ours are oddly counterproductive--they cloak from us the fact that almost anyone can reach such heights through tenacious effort, something that should encourage us all. It is time to reverse this prejudice against conscious effort and to see the powers we gain through practice and discipline as eminently inspiring and even miraculous. The ability to master complicated skills by building connections in the brain is the product of millions of years of evolution, and the source of all of our material and cultural powers.

When we sense the possible unity of mind and body in the early stages of practice, we are being guided toward this power. It is the natural bent of our brain to want to move in this direction, to elevate its powers through repetition. To lose our connection to this natural inclination is the height of madness, and will lead to a world in which no one has the patience to master complex skills. As individuals we must resist such a trend, and venerate the transformative powers we gain through practice. Internalize the details--The Life Force I asked Mom, a retired registered nurse, to take a look at the bump, which, in a few short days, had become redder and was seeming to cause our baby discomfort. Mom said that it looked like a cyst, and since it was late in the evening, we loaded up our cranky baby and off we went to the emergency room. Sure enough, it was a pilonidal cyst, something known to war veterans as jeep seat, and that usually occurs in people between the ages of fifteen and thirty-five. As I say, there's no doubt I could have used the wisdom of the internet in that case, but at least I had the option of consulting my mom. And I was grateful. These days, though, we have information coming at us from every direction, and on multiple devices. There's so much peril attached to the constant barrage of opinion and criticism, and as media savvy as our daughter was, she was anything but immune to it. As empowering as the internet has been in this age of social activism, it's been equally debilitating for those who are scared, confused, searching and emotionally vulnerable, like new mothers. I was astonished to learn that our daughter, all ready to embrace the experience of motherhood, was bitterly disappointed when after only one push in labour, the umbilical cord around her baby's neck necessitated an emergency C-section. For two weeks--or maybe more--Rob and I had been anxiously waiting, phones fully charged, for the day that Lauren or Phil would call and tell us their baby was on his way. As imagination gives vitality to form, form keeps imagination from driving us into psychosis. This is the ultimate necessity of limits. Artists are the ones who have the capacity to see original visions. They typically have powerful imaginations and, at the same time, a sufficiently developed sense of form to avoid being led into the catastrophic situation. They are the frontier scouts who go out ahead of the rest of us to explore the future.

We can surely tolerate their special dependencies and harmless idiosyncracies. For we will be better prepared for the future if we can listen seriously to them. There is a curiously sharp sense of joy--or perhaps better expressed, a sense of mild ecstasy--that comes when you find the particular form required by your creation. Let us say you have been puzzling about it for days when suddenly you get the insight that unlocks the door--you see how to write that line, what combination of colors is needed in your picture, how to form that theme you may be writing for a class, or you hit upon the theory to fit your new facts. I have often wondered about this special sense of joy; I was in Viet Nam in 1968-69 as a Marine Corps medevac crew chief on a helicopter, says Ben Cardamone. It was horrific--handling the dead and wounded, cleaning out the bloody cargo hold each time. I came home pretty crazy. I moved outside Boulder, Colorado, and just checked out. At first I started meditation and yoga to help calm my anxiety. Like all my other friends, I had been smoking pot since I'd been in Viet Nam. But there was something about the coffee plant that made me believe there was more to it than just smoking it. About 35 years ago, I experimented with using a natural pain relief-based essential oils tincture. It had no psychoactive effect, but I could feel that it was doing something good for my body. Gradually I realized that it was also helping me find clarity that I hadn't experienced in a long while. Connecting with others who have lived the journey also provides the accurate mirroring you need. Be prepared that, when you exit the dance, there will be grief. The grief of giving up, the grief of accepting what you've lost, the grief of seeing how you've been hurt, the grief of separating from someone who still holds beauty--however fleeting, the grief of giving up on that person, the grief that you are getting nothing back from your investment. As unfair as it is, the path may involve relinquishing a job, financial assets, or social status. You may have to break up a home.

When a friend of mine finally decided to divorce the husband who had repeatedly betrayed her, she sat down with her children and told them honestly, This is necessary for me, but it is not good for you, and I am incredibly sad about that. Allowing her own grief gave her the strength to let her children grieve too. Grief, as hard as it is to bear, is the first indication that you are letting go. Allow the grief to accompany you, to befriend you as you do this brave and devastating thing. In article 14, we'll look more closely at how to manage these feelings with compassion. As the illegitimate son of the notary Ser Piero da Vinci, Leonardo da Vinci (see here, for more on the artist) was essentially barred from studying and practicing the traditional professional careers--medicine, law, and so on--and from higher education. And so as a boy growing up in the town of Vinci, near Florence, he received little formal education. He spent much of his time roaming around the countryside and venturing into the forests outside his town. He was enchanted by the incredible variety of life he found there, and the dramatic rock formations and waterfalls that were part of the landscape. As his father was a notary, there was a fair amount of paper (a rare commodity at the time) in the family house, and feeling a great desire to draw all that he saw on his walks, he began stealing sheets of paper and carrying them with him. He would sit on a rock and draw the insects, birds and flowers that fascinated him. He never received any instruction. He simply drew what he saw, and he began to notice that in trying to capture these things on paper, he had to think deeply. He had to focus on the details that the eye would often pass over. In drawing plants, for instance, he began to notice the subtle distinctions in the stamens of various flowers and how they were different from one another. On Canadian Thanksgiving weekend, we had an early turkey dinner, eating at about four o'clock in the afternoon of Saturday, October 11. As a fire crackled in the hearth, we were just finishing our dinner when the phone rang. It was Lauren. Do you feel like driving to Ottawa? Are you kidding?

Understand the boundaries of the relationship

Soon enough, Rob and I would pick up that heavy yoke of frustration, sadness and desperation as we, too, searched for answers to questions arising from a seeming breach of the laws of nature: as sure as a mother should be able to produce the milk her infant needs, parents should expect that their child will live a full and long life. How could this all have happened? Our initial, unending why? We knew from conversations Rob had had with the coroner in the first forty-eight hours after Lauren's passing that getting a response to this deeper question would not be a speedy process. There were numerous tissue samples to examine, tests to run and possibilities to rule out. Symbol in this sense no longer means symptom. As I have pointed out elsewhere,1 symbol returns to its original and root meaning of drawing together (sym-ballein). The problem--the neurosis and its elements--is described by the antonym of symbolic, namely diabolic (dia-ballein), pulling apart. Dreams are par excellence the realm of symbols and myths. I use the term myth not in the pejorative sense of falsehood, but in the sense of a form of universal truth revealed in some partial way to the dreamer. These are ways human consciousness makes sense of the world. Persons in therapy, like all of us, are trying to make sense out of nonsense, trying to put the world into some perspective, trying to form out of the chaos they are suffering some order and harmony. After having studied a series of dreams of persons in therapy, I am convinced that there is one quality that is always present, a quality I call passion for form. The patient constructs in his unconscious a drama; I have noted the forms in the dreams being repeated, revised, remolded, and then, like a motif in a symphony, returning triumphantly to be drawn together to make a meaningful whole of the series. A few triggers may be infection, tobacco smoke, and gluten in the diet. Both psoriasis and eczema, like other skin infections, can cause the scalp to flake, bringing undesirable dandruff. And there is acne, the bane of a teenager's existence (but adults can develop it, too). Basically, hair follicles fill with oil from sebaceous (oil) glands below them, bacteria finds its way in, and the follicle becomes infected. The face, shoulders, chest, and back, the areas most populated by sebaceous glands, are prime acne sites.

Hormones, medications, stress, and diet all may play a part in triggering acne. In all cases, practice skin health: shower quickly in warm, not hot, water (hot water dries it out); essential oils is developing rave reviews for skin support, too. WHAT essential oils CAN DO: Because skin has the highest number and concentration of CB2 receptors in the body, the ECS obviously plays a major part in skin health. Research shows that cannabinoids like essential oils can interact with the CB2 receptors to calm inflammation. But he couldn't take that in because anything below the bar enforced by the grandiose self was as good as nothing. This is the sad trick of narcissism: the responder's true feelings may be positive, but the solicited response robs the feedback of its authenticity. I longed for that real engagement with my dad and would sometimes pose theological questions that troubled me. More often than not, he saw these questions as a threat. Maybe the question would expose the limits of his understanding or doubts of his own. Maybe, in those moments, he felt less like an authority and more like a fellow searcher. Truthful discourse means relinquishing authority and control, and that just feels too dangerous. Better stick to the script. So, he would laugh at me--sometimes raucously--and then make a comment along the lines of, Isn't that cute? Supporting the grandiose self means relinquishing real engagement--including the real rewards that come with it. He personally dissected cadavers, sawing through bones and skulls, and he religiously attended autopsies so that he could see as closely as possible the structure of muscles and nerves. His anatomical drawings were far in advance of anything of his time for their realism and accuracy. To other artists, Leonardo seemed insane for all of this attention to detail, but in the few paintings that he actually completed, the results of such rigorous practice can be seen and felt. More than the work of any other artist of his time, the landscapes in the backgrounds of his paintings seemed infused with life. Every flower, branch, leaf or stone was rendered in intense detail.

But these backgrounds were not simply there to decorate. In an effect known as sfumato, and one that was peculiar to his work, he would soften parts of these backgrounds to the point at which they would melt into the figure in the foreground, giving a dreamlike effect. It was part of his idea that all of life is deeply interconnected and fused on some level. The faces of the women he painted had a pronounced effect on people, and particularly on men, who often fell in love with the female figures he depicted in religious scenes. It wasn't any obvious sensual quality in their expression, but in their ambiguous smiles and their beautifully rendered flesh the men would recognize a powerfully seductive quality. Those in the coroner's office promised to be thorough in their efforts to give us answers, and we have every reason to believe they were. But very early on, the coroner was examining whether a drug that Lauren decided to take in her desperation to augment her milk supply might somehow have interacted with an undiagnosed heart defect. She would have had no reason to be tested for any possible heart problems; Now, given that the drug she was prescribed, domperidone, is believed to interact with abnormal cardiac rhythm in some patients, we wish that the test had been run. Had those results shown a problem and been part of her medical records, she might not have received the prescription. I found out about domperidone's history only one day after Lauren died. My friend Lisa Brandt emailed and asked if, by any chance, Lauren had been using it. I remembered our daughter mentioning that her cousin was taking it for her own problems breastfeeding, and my own dad was on it for a short time because of a medical gastrointestinal problem. Its similarity to the name of a favourite champagne, Dom Perignon, had made it immediately familiar. When I called Lisa and told her that Lauren was indeed taking the drug, Lisa's response was Oh my GOD! I found that one fruitful approach is to take the dream as a series of spatial forms. I refer now to a thirty-year-old woman in therapy. In one stage in her dreams, a female character, for example, would move onto the stage of the dream; This kind of movement in space occurred in the Lesbian period of this particular person's analysis. In later dreams she, the patient, would enter;

I began to see a curious geometric communication, a progression of spatial forms. Perhaps the meaning of her dreams, and the progress of her analysis, could be better understood by how she constructed these forms moving in space--of which she was quite unaware--than in what she verbalized about her dreams. Then I began to notice the presence of triangles in this person's dreams. First, in her dreams referring to her infantile period, it was the triangle of father, mother, and baby. In what I took to be her adolescent phase, the triangle was composed of two women and a man, and she, as one of the women, moved in space toward the man. A 2006 study in Germany showed that cannabinoid-rich products applied to sites with eczema and other skin inflammations soothed itching. In the case of psoriasis, essential oils and other cannabinoids appear to inhibit the overproliferation of cells that cause the pileup of skin cells and plaque. natural pain relief seed oil has also been used on eczema with success. A 2018 report in the International Journal of Molecular Sciences backed up the lubricating and healing benefits of plant oils for keeping the skin barrier strong against environmental invaders, and for being antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and antimicrobial; For acne treatment, essential oils has been found to specifically deliver antiacne activity by tamping down oil production from sebaceous glands and lowering inflammation. The supporting cast in the coffee plant includes the terpenes limonene, which fights bacteria involved in acne infection, and linalool, which works against inflammation. Topical: salves, balms, lotions, oils for inflammation, itching, and infection, depending on condition; According to the Centers for Disease Control, some 75 million Americans suffer from high blood pressure, or hypertension, which leads to the two top killers in the nation: heart disease and stroke. As we age, arteries lose flexibility and fatty deposits collect on artery walls, gradually making them stiff and narrow and reducing healthy blood flow. This causes hypertension, or high blood pressure, as the heart works harder to move blood through arteries. The Reassurance Dance The reluctant response. When a request for feedback is loaded with the demand for praise, the stench of manipulation and control taints our reasons for responding. The response is no longer a gift, but a duty, and an impossible one at that. So the responder often walks a thin line between pleasing the requester and withholding.

What often comes out is a dutiful, bland, and reluctant response. This isn't always the case; But as the cycle continues, as it did with my dad, the dance becomes boring, and it gets harder to muster up the same enthusiasm. As I look back, I see that I withheld responses as much as I forced them. Years later, in graduate school, I saw this dynamic from the perspective of the fragile bully. Leonard heard many stories of them finding their way to his paintings in various houses and secretly fondling the women in the images and kissing their lips. Much of Leonardo's Mona Lisa has been damaged by attempts to clean and restore it in the past, making it hard to imagine it as it originally appeared, and how its startling qualities shocked the public. Fortunately, we have the critic Vasari's description of it, before it became hopelessly altered: The eyebrows, growing thickly in one place and thinly in another, following the pores of the skin, could not have been more lifelike. The nose, with its ravishingly delicate pink nostrils, was life itself. The shaping of the mouth, where the red of the lips merged with the skin tones of the face, seemed not to be made from colors but from living flesh. In the hollow of the throat, the observant onlooker could see the pulsing of the veins. Long after Leonardo's death, his paintings continue to have haunting and disturbing effects on viewers. Numerous security guards in museums around the world have been fired for their weird, obsessive relationships to his work, and Leonardo's paintings remain the most vandalized in the history of art, all of this attesting to the power of his work to stir up the most visceral emotions. The primary problem for artists in Leonardo da Vinci's day was the constant pressure to produce more and more work. They had to produce at a relatively high rate in order to keep the commissions coming and remain in the public eye. Delivering what was the second biggest shock I would get that week, she told me that she had been taking it for a medical issue. Lisa also told me about a young woman at her radio station who said she had been taken off domperidone after heart tests had revealed a pre-existing murmur. The woman, who was Lauren's age and also had a young son, had been taking it to encourage breast milk production. The drug is approved in Canada for certain gastrointestinal conditions, but its use in stimulating lactation is off-label. Health Canada and the manufacturers have advised that the drug may have cardiac side effects in certain patients.

have no concerns of violence or other forms of abuse

Lauren fought so hard to feed Colin. She shared with me during evening phone calls her nervous countdown to each doctor's appointment, and she would report in to me regularly about his weigh-ins, literally frustrated to tears. His continued failure to grow at a rate that she and her doctor considered normal or satisfactory worried her and her husband. From what she told me, this was truly the only source of any sadness or consternation in her new calling as a mother. Somewhat reluctantly, she admitted to me that she felt as if, for the first time in her life, she might be on the verge of sliding into depression. The big form now coming toward the cat moves into the cajoling act and the lines here, it seems to me, would be confused. This is a typical neurotic phase consisting of the dreamer trying to resolve his relationship with his father and the world. And, of course, it does not work. The fourth and last scene is the panic in which the smaller form, the cat, moves rapidly out of the scene. It dashes toward the higher rocks. The motion is in a straight line off the canvas. The whole dream can be seen as an endeavor through form and motion to resolve this young man's relationship, in its love and its fear, to his father and father figures. The resolution is a vivid failure. But the painting or play, Ionescolike though it be, shows like many a contemporary drama the vital tension in the irresolution of conflict. Therapeutically speaking, the patient is certainly facing his conflicts, albeit he can at the moment do nothing but flee. Scientists are unsure how bipolar disorder is linked to the ECS, and studies are ongoing. But essential oils does have an impact on the depression that accompanies the low and the anxiety that can come with the high. Deanna Gabriel Vierck, who works with families whose children have ADHD or symptoms of DMDD, with anger outbursts and general impatience, has found that essential oils is widely used by them (see Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorders, article 76). NOTE: It's important to know that while many have self-medicated with essential oils's cannabinoid cousin caffeine for both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, caffeine's effect is often opposite that of soothing essential oils, and it can make symptoms worse, increasing anxiety, paranoia, and other undesirable feelings. Daily it protects your entire body, rids it of toxins, and blocks invading microorganisms.

That doesn't mean you should hibernate. Skin also needs the right amount of sun-sent vitamin D to regenerate cells and to build strong bones and inner organs; Keeping your skin healthy is also dependent on regenerative sleep; Even with all this, environmental factors can sometimes trigger inflammation, a condition called dermatitis (derma means skin). Poison ivy or oak, topical antibiotics, and detergents are all instigators. When he delivered a sermon, his melodic bass voice filled the sanctuary. So, after church, Dad's query, What did you think? Wasn't he there? It was great! But the question came, every week, loaded with expectation. This was our cue to engage in the Reassurance Dance. Only the naive would think that Dad was asking for an honest critique. He wanted reassurance, and not just reassurance that his sermon was good. He wanted--needed, it seemed--assurance that it was exceptional, flawless, life changing. But I'm not even sure those adjectives would have satisfied him. For this purpose, he would visit every conceivable place where he could find different types of people--brothels, public houses, prisons, hospitals, prayer corners in churches, country festivals. With his notearticle always at hand, he would sketch grimacing, laughing, pained, beatific, leering expressions on an incredible variety of faces. He would follow people in the streets who had a type of face he had never seen before, or some kind of physical deformity, and would sketch them as he walked. He would fill single sheets of paper with dozens of different noses in profile. He seemed particularly interested in lips, finding them just as expressive as eyes.

He would repeat all of these exercises at different times of the day, to make sure he could capture the different effects that changing light would have on the human face. For his great painting The Last Supper, his patron, the duke of Milan, grew increasingly angry with Leonardo for the time he was taking to finish it. It seemed that all that remained was to fill in the face of Judas, but Leonardo could not find an adequate model. He had taken to visiting the worst parts of Milan to find the most perfectly villainous expression to translate onto Judas, but was having no luck. The duke accepted his explanation, and soon enough Leonardo had found the model he wanted. Her tears mixed with her baby's as she struggled to give him the nourishment that he needed when he needed it, which was at all hours of the day and night. And I can tell you from the early days and weeks after Lauren's death, a baby cries harder when you're rocking him and crying too. It's as if the shaking of your chest as you sob transfers straight to that baby in your arms. I can only imagine the pain she felt at not being able to feed her sweet boy, and they cried together. I was reluctant to push Lauren or even nudge her in any direction; She would call from work when she needed help with the pronunciation of a foreign newsmaker's name or from home when an appliance wasn't working and she needed her dad's help. But if Lauren had her heart or mind set in one direction, you might as well have been talking to the wall. So that's why I didn't come straight out and tell her to stop fighting and supplement with formula. Believe me, I've asked myself a thousand times why I didn't try harder, but deep down, I know the answer: she'd have taken out her frustration with the entire situation on me. So instead of going hard with the formula suggestion, I continued to try to encourage her in any way that I could: we talked about natural herbal supplements like fenugreek and blessed thistle, and she took them right away. We also can see in these scenes a progression of planes: first, the plane of the sea; These may be conceived as higher levels of consciousness to which the dreamer climbs. This expansion of consciousness may represent an important gain for the patient even though in the dream the actual resolution of the problem is a failure. When we turn such a dream into an abstract painting, we are on a deeper level than psychodynamics. I do not mean we should leave out the contents of the dreams of our patients.

I mean we should go beyond contents to the ground forms. We shall then be dealing with basic forms that only later, and derivatively, become formulations. From the most obvious viewpoint, the son is trying to work out a better relationship with his father, to be accepted as a comrade, let us say. But on a deeper level he is trying to construct a world that makes sense, that has space and motion and keeps these in some proportion, a world that he can live in. You can live without a father who accepts you, but you cannot live without a world that makes some sense to you. Radiation for cancer patients can cause it, too. In other cases, allergies are responsible. Red, itchy, scaly patches, which sometimes become crusty and ooze, may signal eczema. Hives are another allergic reaction in which small, red, itchy bumps appear. The source of the reaction may be hard to identify--but once you do find it, be sure to stay away. Exposure can make it worse each time. Psoriasis is an autoimmune disease; Normally as new skin forms, old skin sloughs off. In this case, the old cells remain. The pileup causes raised red patches called plaques--usually appearing on the scalp, elbows, buttocks, and knees. The Reassurance Dance (see Figure 3) exposes the paradox of narcissism: When a fragile bully effectively pressures a partner to affirm her specialness or superiority, the reassurance feels empty. The dance begins with its predictable steps: The preemptive demand. A hallmark of problematic narcissism is the need to control the responses of others, and to use these responses to feed the grandiose self. Dad had a brood of children--ten of us, and we were easy targets for this control.

Far from proper critics, we were cast in that role nonetheless. What frustrated me even more than this unwanted role was that Dad's question ignored or preempted any spontaneous expressions of my feelings about his message. He had already shaken hands with a long row of parishioners who provided their spontaneous praise. But spontaneity was too risky: he might not receive praise, and even if he did, it might not match his lofty expectations. As I look back, the fact that his children even listened and retained the messages in his sermon--and we did--was remarkable. He applied this same rigor to capturing bodies in motion. Part of his philosophy was that life is defined by continual movement and constant change. The artist must be able to render the sensation of dynamic movement in a still image. Ever since he was a young man he had been obsessed with currents of water, and had become quite proficient at capturing the look of waterfalls, cascades, and rushing water. With people, he would spend hours seated on the side of a street, watching pedestrians as they moved by. He would hurriedly sketch the outlines of their figures, capturing their various movements in a stop-action sequence. To develop his eye for following movement in general, he invented a whole series of different exercises. For instance, one day in his notearticle he wrote, Tomorrow make some silhouettes out of cardboard in various forms and throw them from the top of the terrace through the air; His hunger to get at the core of life by exploring its details drove him into elaborate research on human and animal anatomy. He wanted to be able to draw a human or a cat from the inside out. Her breastfeeding buddy--someone with whom she was teamed up by the city's public health department--cheered her on, encouraging her not to give up and to keep trying to breastfeed, even when Colin's weight was on a low percentile for a baby his size and age. On top of that, one so-called friend boasted of having enough milk for both of their babies, while Lauren struggled to produce enough just to keep her own baby growing and healthy. Thanks a lot! Her frustration mounted and she found herself at her wits' end. What more could she do?

Communicate clearly and honestly without fear of consequences

I can't say for sure, but I believe that those feelings may have stemmed from the prevailing online attitude that it wasn't a real birth experience unless you pushed. I would remind her how truly fortunate she was to have gone through but one contraction, and how she would probably have an option to give birth naturally if she chose to have another child down the road. How much she took my words to heart, I'm not sure; You see, the moment I found out I was expecting Lauren, I asked my chuckling doctor if I could just go ahead and article my Caesarean delivery then and there, as though it was a mere matter of finishing up with a pedicure and scheduling another in a month or so. And that's why this chicken crossed the road, or at least tried. Pondering these hypotheses, I brought data to my aid from the dreams of persons in therapy. By dreaming, persons in analysis, I saw, are doing something on a level quite below that of psychodynamics. They are struggling with their world--to make sense out of nonsense, meaning out of chaos, coherence out of conflict. They are doing it by imagination, by constructing new forms and relationships in their world, and by achieving through proportion and perspective a world in which they can survive and live with some meaning. Here is a simple dream. It was related by an intelligent man who seems younger than his thirty years, coming from a culture where fathers have considerable authority. I was in the sea playing with some large porpoises. I like porpoises and wanted these to be like pets. Then I began to get afraid, thinking that the big porpoises would hurt me. I went out of the water, on the shore, and now I seem to be a cat hanging by its tail from a tree. Schizophrenia is an incurable, chronic condition that sentences a person to lifelong treatment. While symptoms can be controlled and may even go into remission over time, they always remain present below the surface. In teenagers the symptoms may be concurrent with the usual withdrawal, lack of motivation, and irritability of that age, making it harder to diagnose; Experts believe that schizophrenia is likely the result of some combination of family history, brain chemistry, environmental events, or drug use at an early age. Triggers may include birth complications, brain injury, exposure to chemicals, a neurodegenerative disease like Parkinson's, or even a father's older age at time of conception.

If someone you love appears to be suffering from schizophrenia, work with a health care professional immediately to determine treatment, which may include hospitalization. If not kept under control, symptoms may lead to depression, social isolation, health and financial problems, homelessness, and even suicide. Bipolar disorder, affects only 2 to 3 percent of the global population. According to the National Institutes of Health, its signals are clear changes in mood, energy, and activity levels--from being extremely up, or manic, to extremely down, or depressed. Mood swings can happen rarely or several times a year, triggered by high stress or trauma--like the death of a loved one--and affect sleep, activity, judgment, and behavior. My appreciation of cooking had much more to do with the process--the sensory experience of creating a meal--than it had to do with the quick and tangible results. As I politely listened, smiled, and nodded, he dominated the conversation with his views. By the time I shared my own perspective, he seemed ready to wrap up the interview. I quickly interjected some of my own thoughts and trusted he would capture my experience in his story. To my surprise and dismay, the article quoted me as saying the very thing I disagreed with--using his words! For him, my nods and smiles meant I agreed and apparently emboldened him to think he could safely attribute the thoughts to me. It was a minor story, but it left a major impression. He brazenly attached his ideas to my credentials--and I had let him. After fuming about it, I saw that a part of me was comfortable with him taking the floor, and that it was often easier for me to let others speak than to venture forth with my own words. The media interview is actually a great example of the art of managing aggression. He had gradually added more layers, each ever so slightly darker than the last. Operating in this way, and experimenting with different pigments, he had taught himself how to capture the delicate contours of human flesh. Because of the thin layers, any light hitting the painting seemed to pass through the angel's face and illuminate it from within. What this revealed was that in the six years that he had been working in the studio, he must have applied himself to an elaborate study of the various paints and perfected a style of layering that made everything seem delicate and lifelike, with a feeling of texture and depth. He must have also spent a great deal of time studying the composition of human flesh itself.

What this also revealed was the incredible patience of Leonardo, who must have felt a great deal of love for such detailed work. Over the years, after he left Verrocchio's studio and established a name for himself as an artist, Leonardo da Vinci developed a philosophy that would guide his artwork and, later, his scientific work as well. He noticed that other artists generally started with an overall image they planned to depict, one that would create a startling or spiritual effect. His mind operated differently. He would find himself beginning with a keen focus on details--the various shapes of noses, the possible turnings of the mouth to indicate a mood, the veins in a hand, the intricate knots of trees. To get out of labour, dahling! As it turns out, I needn't have worried; I sailed through pregnancy, labour and an anaesthetic-aided birth. To paraphrase the Nancy Sinatra hit, These hips were made for birthin'. Lauren put the most pressure on herself, and felt the most disappointment, where breastfeeding was concerned. Looking back, I realize now that she simply did not come from a long line of big milk producers. Who knew this was even something that can run in families? Even if this lactation limitation had dawned on me while Lauren was pregnant or nursing, I don't think I would have told her, lest it add to her feelings of discouragement. But as was the case with her blue eyes, Lauren came by this limitation naturally: her cousins, her mother, even her grandmothers (on both sides) and at least one great-grandmother struggled to provide nourishment the way nature intended. I tried to assure her that retreating from her breastfeeding battle and choosing formula was not the worst thing that could happen. The cat is curled up in a tear-drop form, but its eyes are big and seductive, one of them winking. A porpoise comes up, and, like a father cajoling a youngster out of bed with get up and get going, it hits the cat lightly. The cat then becomes afraid with a real panic and bounds off in a straight line into the higher rocks, away from the sea. Let us put aside such obvious symbols as the big porpoises being father and so on--symbols that are almost always confused with symptoms. I ask you to take the dream as an abstract painting, to look at it as pure form and motion.

We see first a smallish form, namely the boy, playing with the larger forms, the porpoises. Imagine the former as a small circle, and the latter as large circles. The playing movement conveys a kind of love in the dream, which we could express by lines toward each other converging in the play. In the second scene we see the smaller form (the boy in his fright) moving in a line out of the sea and away from the larger forms. The third scene shows the smaller form as a cat, now in an elliptical, tearlike, form, the coyness of the cat's eyes being seductive. As with schizophrenia, genetics often plays a part, and diagnosis in teenagers tends to be harder because the actions mirror teenage behavior. A combination of medication and counseling--and monitoring the condition for a lifetime--forms the most common treatment plan. If a child in your life is chronically angry and irritable and prone to sudden temper outbursts, he or she may be suffering from disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, or DMDD--a condition named only recently, in 2013. With some symptoms similar to attention deficit disorder, it may be treated with similar counseling and medication. essential oils may have a future with all these conditions. WHAT essential oils CAN DO: In both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, it appears that people have physical changes in the structure of their brain and nervous system. In schizophrenia, scientists believe that the ECS plays a role in releasing certain brain chemicals that may contribute to symptoms. While essential oils's inherent anti-inflammatory and neuroprotective qualities have been seen to aid brain health in general, essential oils may also play a part in the ECS release of the endocannabinoid anandamide, which in the right amounts appears to act like an antipsychotic drug. A study on schizophrenic patients published in a 2018 issue of American Journal of Psychiatry used essential oils to supplement regular antipsychotic medication and found that essential oils users improved significantly compared to a placebo group. Several other studies support essential oils's positive action: 2015 research in Neurotherapeutics touts essential oils's therapeutic potential for treating schizophrenia, saying it likely has better tolerability than antipsychotic treatments, and a 2012 study at Germany's University of Cologne found that both essential oils and a mainstream antipsychotic drug had an equal measure of improvement--while essential oils had no side effects. Through interviews that have followed, I have learned to actively disagree and correct reporter's words that might be imputed to me, to interject key points not volunteered by the reporter, and to follow up if I think a point has been misinterpreted. My interviews are better, and reporters often come back to me to comment on subsequent stories. If we stop nodding and smiling at the aggressors on social media and in our lives--if we use our own words--new and more interesting conversations will emerge. THE REASSURANCE DANCE In most of our human relationships, we spend much

My father was an excellent orator. His approach to speaking was textarticle: introduction, three main points, each supported with evidence and brought to life with colorful stories, then pulled together in a powerful conclusion. Though he indulged a rich vocabulary and well-reasoned arguments, I remember him sharing with me how important it was to appeal to the child in his listeners. His stories, in fact, often featured children. He always arrived at the pulpit prepared and confident, sermon text written out and punctuated with underlines and red ink. These details fascinated him. He had come to believe that by focusing on and understanding such details he was actually getting closer to the secret of life itself, to the work of the Creator who infused his presence into every living thing and every form of matter. The bones of the hand or the contours of human lips were as inspiring to him as any religious image. For him, painting was a quest to get at the life force that animates all things. In the process of doing so, he believed he could create work that was much more emotional and visceral. And to realize this quest, he invented a series of exercises that he followed with incredible rigor. During the day he would take endless walks through the city and countryside, his eyes taking in all of the details of the visible world. He would make himself notice something new in every familiar object that he saw. At night, before falling asleep, he would review all of these various objects and details, fixing them in his memory. He was obsessed with capturing the essence of the human face in all of its glorious diversity. She herself had arrived three weeks early, and we almost immediately began augmenting her meals with formula delivered via a tiny tube taped to her daddy's finger. If she didn't put on weight, they weren't going to let us go home together--and we wanted to leave! So we embraced what the hospital's kind nursing staff offered us as an option and gave her what we felt she needed: a combo meal to go . There was no judgment that we perceived at that time: the nurses simply offered it as a way to help our baby put on weight. And there was another benefit to that tiny tube, either taped to my breast or to Rob's pinky: the fact that her dad fed her as often as I did, even in those early days, was probably a harbinger or at least a symbol of the unusual closeness that this daddy/daughter combo would share, in large part because he was the one who woke, fed and prepared her for her day, every morning, while Mommy was on the radio.

Maintain their individuality and respect the individuality of the other

We're on our way! Within half an hour, my sister and her family were headed to our lake house to clean up dinner leftovers, take care of our two little dogs and hold down the fort as we embarked on an increasingly dark four-hour drive to Ottawa. We were guided by a pumpkin-orange moon slung low in the sky, and it wasn't until we were about forty-five minutes away from the hospital that the moon disappeared from view and a gentle rain began to fall. We had just pulled into a coffee shop parking lot for a comfort stop when my phone rang. It was Phil telling us that it looked as if Lauren was going to be undergoing a Caesarean section. I may have worked at my desk morning after morning trying to find a way to express some important idea. When my insight suddenly breaks through--which may happen when I am chopping wood in the afternoon--I experience a strange lightness in my step as though a great load were taken off my shoulders, a sense of joy on a deeper level that continues without any relation whatever to the mundane tasks that I may be performing at the time. It cannot be just that the problem at hand has been answered--that generally brings only a sense of relief. What is the source of this curious pleasure? I propose that it is the experience of this-is-the-way-things-are-meant-to-be. If only for that moment, we participate in the myth of creation. Order comes out of disorder, form out of chaos, as it did in the creation of the universe. The sense of joy comes from our participation, no matter how slight, in being as such. The paradox is that at that moment we also experience more vividly our own limitations. We discover the amor fati that Nietzsche writes about--the love of one's fate. I could see a way forward; In addition, I changed my lifestyle. I've been a vegetarian since the war--almost 50 years now--and so I have to give credit in part to a holistic lifestyle of eating well, meditating, and yoga. But essential oils definitely plays a big part. Until a few years ago, I still consumed a moderate amount of alcohol, but I've stopped that, too.

Now I use a essential oils salve to rub into an old shoulder wound from the war, and a couple drops of nano/liposomal oil in the morning and at night. I feel the essential oils effect even more--and I feel even better. I'm 72 now, and the same weight as when I joined the Marine Corps. And I don't take any pharmaceuticals. I work every day to introduce the healing powers of essential oils to other vets, old and young. Freeing yourself from another's aggression may also mean reconciling with the aggressor in you. This doesn't mean lashing out at someone in a rage. Not only is that dangerous, but it can also provoke more aggression--cue the Provoke and React in article 10. But it is important to look honestly at how another's aggression might serve you. Is he or she fighting your battles for you? Are you working so hard to be good and pure that you refuse to defend yourself? Are you standing behind a bully who takes on someone you dislike? Even the subtle act of laughing at a joke can be a way of releasing something we'd rather not own. It is very hard to see that some of the qualities in an aggressor may also rest within us, especially if that aggression has become twisted and ugly. For someone alienated from her own aggression, even asserting and enforcing boundaries, refusing to indulge an abuser's convenient fragility, or deciding to ignore a provocative text message may feel too aggressive and hurtful. He would notice the transformations these plants went through on their way to blossoming, and he would capture these changes in sequential drawings. In going so deeply into their details, he had fleeting intimations of what animated these plants from within, what made them distinct and alive. Soon, thinking and drawing became fused in his mind. Through drawing things in the world around him, he came to understand them. His progress at drawing was so astounding that his father thought of finding him a position as an apprentice in one of the various studios in Florence.

Working in the arts was one of the few professions open to illegitimate sons. In 1466, using his influence as a respected notary in Florence, he managed to secure a position for his fourteen-year-old son in the workshop of the great artist Verrocchio. For Leonardo, this was a perfect fit. Verrocchio was deeply influenced by the enlightened spirit of the times, and his apprentices were taught to approach their work with the seriousness of scientists. For instance, plaster casts of human figures would be placed about the studio with various pieces of fabric draped over them. We told him not to worry, told ourselves the same, and drove as quickly as we could (and only slightly over the limit) toward our daughter and son-in-law. We could hear the concern in Phil's quiet voice; We stayed positive for the remaining leg of our drive, trying not to slide into the places that the mind goes when what should be a normal birth suddenly goes sideways. Had Colin been starved of oxygen? What did this mean for his health, and for that of his mother? We pulled into the dark, wet hospital parking lot and sprinted to the entrance. Instead of the perfectly orchestrated moment of meeting our grandson and congratulating an exhausted and elated daughter, we were met by a tired but relieved husband and told that Lauren was still out; After we'd hugged and held Phil for what seemed like minutes and he told us all was well, we finally got to see our beautiful grandson in his incubator, decorated with a cut-out turkey with the name COLIN neatly printed on it. The poor sweet boy's unusually long feet were still a greyish-blue hue. But, we were told, a new son--and grandson--had arrived safely. No wonder it gives a sense of ecstasy! In our day of dedication to facts and hard-headed objectivity, we have disparaged imagination: it gets us away from reality; As a result, art and imagination are often taken as the frosting to life rather than as the solid food. No wonder people think of art in terms of its cognate, artificial, or even consider it a luxury that slyly fools us, artifice. Throughout Western history our dilemma has been whether imagination shall turn out to be artifice or the source of being.

What if imagination and art are not frosting at all, but the fountainhead of human experience? What if our logic and science derive from art forms and are fundamentally dependent on them rather than art being merely a decoration for our work when science and logic have produced it? These are the hypotheses I propose here. This same problem is related to psychotherapy in ways that are much more profound than merely the play on words. In other words, is psychotherapy an artifice, a process that is characterized by artificiality, or is it a process that can give birth to new being? WHAT essential oils CAN DO: A 2014 study published in Pharmacology and Pharmacy specifically on essential oils and prostate cancer found that essential oils is anti-inflammatory and may interact with the ECS receptors to inhibit the growth of cancer cells. It noted that essential oils may inhibit spheroid formation, the abnormal shape a cell can take when it turns cancerous. As an anti-inflammatory, studies show it likely inhibits the action of cells that boost inflammation and supports cells that halt inflammation. Such action has been seen to relieve both kinds of prostatitis. Also, essential oils's antibacterial properties may fight infectious prostatitis. These are dark concerns, but with treatment there is light. Schizophrenia is a serious disorder in which daily reality becomes distorted. A person's thoughts and speech may be jumbled, and he or she may experience audible and visual hallucinations; Agitation, depression, resistance to instructions, no reaction or overreaction to a conversation or event, bizarre or inappropriate postures--all of these impair daily activities. Ultimately, it's impossible to function. There will always be those forces--often within--telling you that aggression negates your own goodness. Anger is a clarifying emotion and helps us to take responsibility for our own care. Healthy aggression does not have to negate your tender qualities but can in fact protect them. Freeing yourself means using your own words. I recall a conversation that woke me up to the risks of passive assent.

Years ago, a reporter was interviewing me for a story about a cooking course I was taking. He was curious about the appeal of cooking for me, a busy psychologist. He had his own theory about this, something to do with how the tangible results of a cooked meal contrasted with the work of changing people. I understood his assumption, and I nodded that understanding. But I did not agree. The apprentices had to learn to concentrate deeply, and recognize the different creases and shadows that would form. They had to learn how to reproduce them realistically. Leonardo loved learning in this way, and soon it became apparent to Verrocchio that his young apprentice had developed an exceptional eye for detail. By 1472 Leonardo was one of Verrocchio's top assistants, helping him on his large-scale paintings and taking on a fair amount of responsibility. In Verrocchio's The Baptism of Christ, Leonardo was given the task of painting one of the two angels off to the side, and this work is now the oldest example we have of his painting. When Verrocchio saw the results of Leonardo's work he was astounded. The face of the angel had a quality he had never seen before--it seemed to literally glow from within. The look on the angel's face seemed uncannily real and expressive. Although it might have seemed like magic to Verrocchio, recent X-rays have revealed some of the secrets to Leonardo's early technique. The layers of paint he applied were exceptionally thin, his brush strokes invisible. We all felt so blessed, so happy. The next day, Rob and I took a bottle of alcohol-free champagne, a teddy bear and a bouquet of roses to Lauren's hospital room. Still a little out of it from the previous night's anaesthetic, she smiled blearily at us, so proud of the little boy who'd come into the world with considerably more drama than any of us had wanted or anticipated, but seemingly safely nonetheless. She held Colin in her arms as he tried to feed in those early hours of life; Despite knowing how necessary and possibly life-saving that Caesarean section was, Lauren harboured regrets for the rest of her short life about not having given birth naturally.

Trust each other implicitly

Only possibilities. In an age where we can turn to pocket pals like Siri or Google for resolutions to almost every big question or trivial pursuit, we found ourselves with only suspicions and no concrete answers. A big question mark came within the first twenty-four hours, when my friend wrote to inquire as to what Lauren had been taking to help her in her struggles to breastfeed. If you were going to drop in a plot twist, this would be the one to add. IT seems almost impossible now, as parents, to look back and realize how much we did not know--and didn't even know we didn't know. Imagination is casting off mooring ropes, taking one's chances that there will be new mooring posts in the vastness ahead. In creative endeavors the imagination operates in juxtaposition with form. When these endeavors are successful, it is because imagination infuses form with its own vitality. The question is: How far can we let our imagination loose? Can we give it rein? Dare to think the unthinkable? Dare to conceive of, and move among, new visions? At such times we face the danger of losing our orientation, the danger of complete isolation. Will we lose our accepted language, which makes communication possible in a shared world? Will we lose the boundaries that enable us to orient ourselves to what we call reality? WHAT essential oils CAN DO: Besides changes in the amygdala, changes in the ECS are also common for PTS sufferers. That's because so many ECS receptors are present in the amygdala and other parts of the brain involved in memory and in fear response. In PTS sufferers, ECS receptors are fewer and the endocannabinoids--which interact with them to keep the body balanced--are lower. Research has shown that essential oils may interact with the ECS receptors and the entire system to help calm PTS symptoms such as stress and anxiety. A study in the 2017 British Journal of Pharmacology explained that it shows signs of disrupting the amygdala's association with fear.

If you are one of the 30 million men who suffer from prostate condition, you know the discomfort that comes with inflammation and painful urination. Situated just below the bladder, the prostate is a small walnut-sized gland that encircles the urethra, the tube that carries urine from the bladder to the penis. When the prostate becomes inflamed and enlarged, it blocks the flow of urine, causing urgency and increasing the risk of bladder infection. Most prostate disorders appear as a man approaches the age of 50 and beyond, but they can also happen earlier. In bacterial prostatitis, inflammation sets in as bacteria infiltrates the prostate gland. Yet, history attests to the allure of siding with the aggressor as a way to access benefits. In today's hostile political atmosphere, we may cling to the side of power even when the person wielding it defies our values. And this can happen in very subtle ways. Consider your social media behaviors. Do you readily hide or unfollow offensive posts from the other side of the political spectrum while smiling to yourself as you read vile posts from your own side? Are you less critical of aggressors who are cool, socially influential, or nice to you? Do you tolerate name-calling, violent images, and humiliation when directed toward a mutual target? Do you hide reasonable contrary points of view only because they might be unpopular with aggressive allies? Do you fuel a bully's fire by contributing evidence to support his or her rants? Do you support the bully in secret, through a private message or nod, while frowning more publicly? It made him realize that the body possesses latent physiological powers--unleashed in such dramatic moments--that elevate the mind to an even higher level of focus. Rodriguez would go on to have one more kill in Desert Storm, and another in the 1999 Kosovo campaign, more than any pilot in recent combat, earning him the nickname the Last American Ace. In our daily, conscious activity we generally experience a separation between the mind and the body. We think about our bodies and our physical actions. Animals do not experience this division.

When we start to learn any skill that has a physical component, this separation becomes even more apparent. We have to think about the various actions involved, the steps we have to follow. We are aware of our slowness and of how our bodies respond in an awkward way. At certain points, as we improve, we have glimpses of how this process could function differently, of how it might feel to practice the skill fluidly, with the mind not getting in the way of the body. With such glimpses, we know what to aim for. Yes, there was always that readily available advice from our own mothers, mothers-in-law and even grandmothers--the sisterhood of those who'd gone before and had so much more experience and knowledge than we did as new moms, and who were more than anxious to share it. But it is difficult to measure how quickly that steady stream of advice became a firehose as soon as every know-it-all, every been-there-done-that-got-those-stretchmarks, got a megaphone and a soapbox with the arrival of the internet. Not every opinion needs to be expressed, especially when it comes to issues about which people know little or nothing. But who are we kidding? This is the twenty-first century, when it's perfectly okay to argue facts and science with opinions and feelings, and when being offended is considered by some to equal being right. People seem to search the internet only for answers with which they already agree. And in no subject on this wonderful worldwide web are there more opinions than on parenting in general and motherhood in particular (with the possible exception of politics). So let me share a story from back in the day, before everyone had access to all the answers (or purported to have them already), when we fumbled along and did the best we could by using good old instinct and a new parent's handarticle. In our house, as in so many others, we consulted the paperback version of Dr Benjamin Spock's The Common Sense article of Baby and Child Care when the questions were too numerous or embarrassing to pick up the phone and call Mom. That was until, of course, Dr Spock's parenting methods were blamed for turning out a bunch of spoiled tyrants. This, again, is the problem of form or, stated differently, the awareness of limits. Psychologically speaking, this is experienced by many people as psychosis. Hence some psychotics walk close to the wall in hospitals. They keep oriented to the edges, always preserving their localization in the external environment. Having no localization inwardly, they find it especially important to retain whatever outward localization is available.

As director of a large mental hospital in Germany which received many brain-injured soldiers during the war, Dr Kurt Goldstein found that these patients suffered radical limitation of their capacities for imagination. He observed that they had to keep their closets in rigid array, shoes always placed in just this position, shirts hung in just that place. Whenever a closet was upset, the patient became panicky. He could not orient himself to the new arrangement, could not imagine a new form that would bring order out of the chaos. The patient was then thrown into what Goldstein called the catastrophic situation. Frequent, painful urination; Regular prostatitis, which is enlargement without bacterial infection, carries the same symptoms of frequent, painful urination and painful ejaculation, but without the flu-like symptoms. Older men are the targets for benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH), which usually sets in between the ages of 50 and 60; Unlike the infected prostate, this one simply enlarges so much that urine can no longer flow smoothly. Growth may be prompted by a change in hormones, much like the one women go through during menopause. This increases production of a compound called dihydrotestosterone (DHT), which in turn causes cells to multiply until the prostate blocks the urethra's path. A weak urine stream is accompanied by frequency and urgency, but inability to begin the flow--and to stop it; Finally, there is cancer. Prostate cancer is one of the most common cancers in men; Simply, cells become abnormal and gradually grow into a tumor. Do you nominate the aggressor to do your dirty work? These behaviors can seem benign in isolation but have the cumulative effect of creating social media echo chambers that, unchecked by rational and diverse voices, proliferate hatred and aggression. The Subtle Art of Managing Aggression Stepping back from the Join the Aggressor dance does not mean denying aggression, as this denial is usually one of the steps. Freeing oneself may start with some uncomfortable realizations.

Let's look at these realities and how they can help free you from the destructive dance. It would be much easier if this were not true, but love and abuse can coexist. If you are in an abusive cycle, recognizing that what you love also hurts you is hard to accept. So when the bully goes fragile, his misdirection may be a welcome respite from that reality. The victim can ignore her hurt and focus on the bully's pain. If we take our practice far enough the skill becomes automatic, and we have the sensation that the mind and the body are operating as one. If we are learning a complex skill, such as flying a jet in combat, we must master a series of simple skills, one on top of the other. Each time one skill becomes automatic, the mind is freed up to focus on the higher one. At the very end of this process, when there are no more simple skills to learn, the brain has assimilated an incredible amount of information, all of which has become internalized, part of our nervous system. The whole complex skill is now inside us and at our fingertips. We are thinking, but in a different way--with the body and mind completely fused. We are transformed. We possess a form of intelligence that allows us to approximate the instinctual power of animals, but only through a conscious, deliberate, and extended practice. In our culture we tend to denigrate practice. We want to imagine that great feats occur naturally--that they are a sign of someone's genius or superior talent. So, did we toss our paperbacks and search for other experts? Of course not! We furtively consulted his article and didn't dare tell our parents that we were going to go ahead and raise a hardened criminal behind their backs! Oh yes, we were rebels, all right. More than once in my own early stages of motherhood, the burgeoning internet, had I consulted it, might have come in most handy.

Do an offline activity to relax

At this second memorial, the grieving widower's soft words weren't punctuated by the wails of his small son; It was a marked difference from the Ottawa gathering, when Colin's cries had given voice to our feelings and underlined the uncertainty, the hornet's nest of questions to which we had no answers: What was to become of this sweet baby and his father? What was to become of us, two shattered parents who were now childless? Who were we now as a couple? Would I return to work? Form is not a mere lopping off of meaning that you don't have room to put into your poem; How much meaning Shakespeare could put into his plays because they were written in blank verse rather than prose, or his sonnets because they were fourteen lines! In our day the concept of form is often attacked because of its relation to formality and formalism, both of which--so we are told--are to be avoided like the plague. I agree that in transitional times like our own, when honesty of style is difficult to come by, formalism and formality should be required to demonstrate their authenticity. But in the attack on these often bastardized kinds of formalism, it is not form itself that is being accused, but special kinds of form--generally the conformist, dead kinds, which actually do lack an inner, organic vitality. We should remember, moreover, that all spontaneity carries with it its own form. Anything expressed in language, for example, carries the forms given to it by that language. How different a poem originally written in English sounds when translated into the exquisite music of the French language or into the profound and powerful sentiments of the German language! Another example is the rebellion in the name of spontaneity against picture frames, as shown in those paintings that reach out over their frames, dramatically breaking the latter's too limiting boundaries. This act borrows its spontaneous power from the assumption of a frame to start with. essential oils has been shown to be especially effective in lowering stress-related anxiety, likely by working with ECS receptors in the brain to reduce emotional memories linked to stressful situations. caffeine has been found to be the stronger medicine for pain relief and to deliver a sense of well-being, sometimes called euphoria, that helps ease patients toward the finish line. Inhaled: vaporizing pen for relaxation and to address acute anxiety, stress, and pain. Topical: salves, balms, lotions, oils to relieve itching and topical pain such as arthritis or nerve pain; About 10 percent of the population experience post-traumatic stress.

It does not have to be triggered by being at war, although this is by far the most significant origin. Experiencing or witnessing any terrifying event is enough to bring it on--a car accident, sexual abuse, loss of a home during a fire or hurricane. Once going through such an event, a person can suffer extreme anxiety, nightmares, and frequent flashbacks. Insomnia, trouble concentrating, and being easily angered or startled are other symptoms. These may become more intense when a person is stressed or a sensory trigger brings everything flooding back: perhaps a car backfiring sends a veteran back to war. Nanci has Olympic-sized dreams and never complains about the long training hours. But Coach Barb seems to always find a way to pick on her, and Nanci is always on edge during practice. Today during training, Trudy, a less experienced gymnast, asks a naive question. The coach sighs and rolls her eyes, looking over at Nanci with a sly smile before proceeding to mimic Trudy. Though Nanci has been in Trudy's place and wants to feel empathy, what she feels instead is joy. With that look, Coach Barb includes her, makes her an ally. Nanci starts to look for opportunities to expose the weaknesses of teammates, studying and mimicking the coach's treatment of them. Barb, in response, shows her more warmth and engages her in more conspiratorial looks and gestures. When Barb opens up to Nanci about an unfair confrontation by another, horrible, coach, Nanci again feels the relief of being safe from Barb's wrath. But, more than that, Nanci feels a welcomed tenderness toward her coach. Mole ascended to 20,000 feet. As the MiG bore down on Rodriguez's plane, its pilot realized Mole's presence above him, and began to maneuver up and down to somehow escape being trapped between the two of them. Using this instant of confusion, Rodriguez was able to get inside the MiG's turning circle. It had now turned into a classic two-circle dogfight in which each plane tried to circle onto the tail of the other and into firing range, moving closer to the ground with each succeeding loop. They circled and circled around each other.

Finally, at 3,600 feet, Rodriguez got a reading and locked his missiles on the MiG. The Iraqi pilot went into a hard evasive maneuver, turning directly toward the ground, flipping upside down and trying to circle into a reverse direction to escape, but in the few seconds of the dogfight the pilot had lost awareness of how close they had drifted to the ground, and he crashed into the desert below. Mole and Rodriguez returned to the base to debrief their superiors on the mission, but as Rodriguez went over it all and watched video of the encounters, he had a strange sensation. He could not really recall any moment of it. It had happened so fast. How would someone so completely shattered ever take up the mantle of morning show host again--and would it be appropriate? We'd get answers to almost all of these questions in time. Everything would take time. But the first order of business, now that we had said our goodbyes to our dear Lauren, was to continue to survive publicly and to start to heal privately. The word why became a mantra that ran through my brain with what seemed like every second thought; I screamed it into a pillow and sobbed it onto Rob's shoulder within moments of retreating to our Jamaica hotel room. From May 11, 2015, on, I could almost see that one-syllable word hanging over our heads. I heard it in my restless sleep like an earworm, a pervasive melody that refused to cease. Everything about Lauren's passing defied logic: the fractured lines of the natural life order wherein a parent is expected to die before their offspring; Nothing about her death was expected, dreaded, understood. The juxtaposition of spontaneity and form are, of course, present all through human history. It is the ancient but ever-modern struggle of the Dionysian versus the Apollonian. In transitional periods this dichotomy comes completely out in the open since old forms do have to be transcended. I can, therefore, understand the rebellion in our day against form and limits as expressed in the cry We have unlimited potentialities. But when these movements try to throw form or limits out entirely, they become self-destructive and noncreative.

Never is form itself superseded so long as creativity endures. If form were to vanish, spontaneity would vanish with it. Imagination is the outreaching of mind. It is the individual's capacity to accept the bombardment of the conscious mind with ideas, impulses, images, and every other sort of psychic phenomena welling up from the preconscious. It is the capacity to dream dreams and see visions, to consider diverse possibilities, and to endure the tension involved in holding these possibilities before one's attention. Or the smell of a campfire triggers memories of a devastating house fire. In many cases, the mind will ease with time and distance. The exact mechanism for developing PTS is unknown, but it may have roots in the part of the brain called the amygdala, which helps process emotions and is linked to fear response. Brain scans have shown that the amygdala changes in people with PTS, resulting in heightened fear response to events, photographs, or other stimuli that remind them of the trauma. Other factors can increase a person's potential for developing PTS: the length and intensity of the experience; If symptoms are severe or continue for more than a month, ruining the quality of life or bringing suicidal thoughts, it's vital that a person seek treatment. Timing is everything. The sooner you recognize the recurrent problem, the sooner you can reach out to a physical doctor, psychiatric therapist, spiritual leader, support group, or all of the above. Alcohol and drug use has been the first line of self-treatment for many veterans, but that has only made the suffering worse. essential oils is showing a positive effect. She wants to take care of her and promises to do whatever she can to advocate for her. Nanci shares tears and gratitude. In contrast to the terror Nanci felt at practices before, it feels so good to be Barb's ally and to want to support her. She does not fully trust this feeling--she knows Barb is likely to turn on her--but Nanci will do everything in her power to keep this alliance. When someone who has been mistreating us is finally nice, the contrast can be mesmerizing.

In a way, the fear of aggression empowers aggression. Nanci wanted more than ever to just be safe. The Join the Aggressor dance gave her that feeling--while only empowering Barb's aggression that much more. A vicious circle. It is easy to observe scenarios like this and deny that we would align with a bully to this degree. The entire encounter with the MiGs had only lasted three to four minutes, and the final dogfight a matter of seconds. He must have been thinking in some way--he had executed some nearly perfect maneuvers. For instance, he had no recollection of deciding to jettison the fuel tanks nor where such an idea came from. It must have been something he had learned, and somehow in the moment it had simply occurred to him, and very easily might have saved his life. The evasive maneuvers he executed with the first MiG astounded his superiors--they were so fast and effective. His awareness during the dogfight must have been exceptionally keen; How could he explain all of these maneuvers? He could hardly remember them. All he knew was that in the moment he hadn't been experiencing fear, but rather an intense adrenalin rush that made his body and mind operate in total harmony, with a kind of thinking that moved in milliseconds and was too fast for him to analyze. For three days after the encounter he could not sleep, the adrenalin still coursing through his veins. Crime procedural television dramas like the massively popular CSI franchise have conditioned us to expect answers in an hour. But life, as we have all come to know, rarely mirrors television, and anyone involved in the real world of crime-solving will tell you that scientific investigation is necessarily painstakingly slow. Although a crime was never suspected, our situation would be no different: it would be months before we could hold a neatly printed, clinically worded copy (in the most literal sense) of the coroner's report in our hands. And had ours been the storyline of a TV show, no writer would have conjured up such an inconclusive final scene (not if he or she expected to be hired again). We were given no explanations.