Thursday, 13 August 2020

I hear music up above my head

It's the story of your life. And that story isn't just part of you. It is you in a fundamental way. Life is the story you tell yourself. But how you tell that story--are you a hero, victim, lover, warrior, caretaker, believer--matters a great deal. How you adapt that story--how you revise, rethink, and rewrite your personal narrative as things change, lurch, or go wrong in your life--matters even more. The papers were filed last month. No chance of reconciliation? He said no, I replied. The words came out flat. I could still hardly believe the betrayal that I felt. The bitterness of it all stirred from within and climbed up my throat. I tasted the bile on my tongue and gulped it back down, biting the left side of my lip as to hide my weakness. Learning he had long ago, moved on allowed me to finally make sense of his behavior. Suddenly I understood why he had distanced himself. Suddenly I understood why he left. Empathy is a concept often mentioned but less often understood. Most people recognize the importance of being sympathetic, and this is often confused with empathy. Empathy involves not only understanding the emotions of others deeply, but it involves sharing those emotions. This means experiencing the subjective feelings of others, a capacity that is uniquely human and a very important part of emotional intelligence.

There is a lot to the subject of empathy, a subject that will be explored fully in the fifth article. The goal is that the reader not only recognizes the key role that empathy plays in emotional intelligence but develops the skills needed to have empathy and infuse this quality into all of their relationships. Training your own emotional, intellectual skills is key to success in relationships of all kind. Emotional understanding, and the actions and words that stem from it, allow you to connect with others uniquely and powerfully. In the sixth article, you will learn how emotional intelligence is critical to all relationships, and how your previous relationships may have suffered because these important skills were not being put to good use. From friendships to familial relationships and romantic relationships, honing empathy, and other aspects of emotional intelligence is key to getting the most out of your relationships. They tend to say something like, Sure, of course, I really am different people at different times and in the different parts of my lives. Or sometimes they say, Well, I've known this about myself for a long time, but I never talk about it. Given the strength of the Single Self Assumption, many people have never considered their own experience of healthy multiplicity. But once the healthy selves worldview is brought up, those able to look beyond the Single Self Assumption begin to see the confusion and difficulty that flows from it begin to drop away from their lives. An obviously easier and better way to live is not just around the corner but already resides within you. As your selves come to look past the Single Self Assumption and experience what we are discussing here, most or all of you may naturally and readily choose to take increasing advantage of the totality of who you are. Each of your selves, whether or not you ever name them or identify any of them with precision, is a very real being, entity, or self-state, an autonomous complex (as Jung called it) that has its own agenda, its own needs, and its own ways of working with your other selves and other people (and their selves). It is not just that you have different moods, aspects, or feelings; It's really quite striking: we have a culture-wide adherence to an assumed unity that rarely if ever exists, and a corresponding denial of what many of us already know to be so about the way that things actually are. Almost all of us have experienced what it means to be in a different self. Maybe you don't register this, your mind searching for the letter's terminus, which comes suddenly, out of nowhere, mid-sentence: `whether all this constitutes a psychiatric overlay, likely stress-related? Or is it indicative of incipient organic process? In other words, anxiety or terminal disease? Our questions to each other often hinge on such choices, known as `differentials', usually pairs of names opposed like bouts: Alzheimer's vs Vascular?

Alzheimer's vs Depression? Alzheimer's vs Lewy Bodies? Lewy Bodies vs Parkinson's? Parkinson's vs Progressive Supranuclear Palsy? Progressive Supranuclear Palsy vs Corticobasal Degeneration? Title fights. You pick a particular practice (or set of practices) and designate them as your gong and diligently practice them every day, without fail, for the time period. This not only builds resolve but also forces us to wake up and pay attention to our day-to-day routines. We know that our everyday microhabits lead to the lives we have now. Making small, simple yet significant changes along a longer period of time is the way forward. Change a little here and there and eventually life takes off in wonderful ways. A gong is a powerful way of not only building focus and determination but also ensuring that you train regularly. A gong is a dedicated act of self-love that snaps you out of your daily trance and brings the light of awareness to your consciousness. The more we practice, the more we wake up and the better off we are. Because it takes at least 90 days for a particular good habit to burn into your nervous system, I have found the 100-Day Gong to be the most appropriate length to practice. You can think of it as a 100-day ritual that helps instill new habits. With every player, there is a floor and ceiling. But each one can get better if we put them in certain activities that give them the opportunity to develop and train the decision-making components of anticipation, recognition, and awareness. Part of the issue is that most coaches don't know how to do that. In hockey we have a much better understanding of how to improve a player's skating ability, for example.

We can help a player learn how to stick handle, or work on catch and release, or improve the velocity of his or her shot. But as coaches and parents, we also need to ask how can we help this player with anticipation skills and recognition skills and decision-making skills. For me, these are our next challenges. As a professional coach at the NHL level, I try to learn as much as I can about how people learn. By learning about the brain, I can use activities in practice that can help us train our guys to get better at the intellectual side of the game, which is every bit as important as the physical aspect. When I sit in meetings with our scouts to talk about drafting players, I often hear He's six foot four, 220 pounds, strong as an ox, and can stick handle in a phone booth. With the pancreas undermined, there really is no insulin to process blood sugar. Therefore, someone with type I diabetes has to get the insulin from outside, perhaps by daily injection, for life. Usually type I is detected in patients before their twentieth birthday. This form of the disease though, is not the one responsible for the burgeoning increase in cases mentioned earlier. According to the American Diabetes Association, type I diabetes is responsible for only 5 percent of all diabetes cases. Type II diabetes, also known as non-insulin-dependent diabetes or adult-onset diabetes, is the one whose numbers are getting staggering. This one, which occurs most frequently in adults over forty, and more often in women than men, is not tied so much to early infections or genetic factors as to lack of exercise, obesity, and lifestyle factors. However, it is now beginning to show up more and more in children and young adults. Type II Diabetes in Children and Young People This is a heartbreaking trend. My life as an unhappy, overweight, serial dieter has been transformed. All the energy, time and effort I used to put into trying unsuccessfully to lose weight in the past has been freed up and goes into more joyful, rewarding and enriching activities. Today, I have a life Beyond Chocolate. Sophie Just like my sister, I spent most of my adult life from the age of about 13 to 34 either on a diet or eating for Britain.

I remember very well the first time I dieted; We decided that we would have a bowl of All Bran with skimmed milk for breakfast followed by two Ryvitas with Marmite for lunch and the same for dinner! I lasted about two days. Over the years I went on every diet in the article and made up many more of my own. I believed with all my heart that if I could just lose weight and be thin then everything would fall into place. When I was thin, men would find me attractive. Recently, something happened to me that made me focus on these issues: I lost control of that story bouncing around in my head. For a while, I didn't know who I was; I didn't know where I was going. I was lost. That's when I began to realize: While storytelling has drawn significant academic and popular interest in recent years, there's an aspect of personal storytelling that hasn't gotten enough attention. What happens when we misplace the plot of our lives? When we get sidetracked by one of the mishaps, foul-ups, or reversals of fortune that appear with uncomfortable frequency these days? What happens when our fairy tales go awry? That's what happened to my dad that fall, to me around that time, to all of us at one time or another. We get stuck in the woods and can't get out. I quickly pulled myself out of my memory when I noticed Elizabeth watching me process my thoughts. My throat tightened and my belly clinched as I worked to control my breath and the tears that threatened. My mind raced as I tried to think of ways to hide my embarrassment. Though no words were spoken, Elizabeth seemed to understand the gravity of it all.

Wednesday, 12 August 2020

Someone like you makes it all worth while

They are probably not basing it on Western-style analytic techniques that followed a control trial design30. A philosopher, having made an appointment to dispute the philosophy and views of Mullah Nasreddin, called and found him away from home. Infuriated, the philosopher picked up a piece of chalk and wrote Stupid Oaf on Nasiruddin's front door. As soon as the Mulla got home and saw this message, the Mulla rushed to the philosopher's house. I had forgotten, he said, I had such a busy day at work, and I sincerely apologise for having not been at home when you called. Of course, I remembered the appointment as soon as I saw that you had left your name on my front door. One man's philosopher is thus another man's fool. It gets even weirder. Dr Stevenson examined experimental birthmarks: cases in which a mark was left on the body of a deceased person in the hopes that the mark would show on the person who later reincarnates. In a case in Thailand in 1969, a boy's dead body was marked with charcoal before he was cremated. He had died from drowning. The next boy that the same mother birthed was born with a birthmark near the location of the charcoal marking. Once the boy was able to speak, he began describing details of the life his deceased brother lived. He also had a fear of water. In another case in Burma, a girl died after unsuccessful open-heart surgery. Her classmates put a mark in red lipstick on the back of her neck before she was buried, in the hopes that the mark would show in the deceased girl's next incarnation. Thirteen months after the girl's death, her sister gave birth to a girl who had a prominent red birthmark at the back of her neck in the same location where [the deceased girl's] schoolmates marked her with lipstick [emphasis in original]. You're overthinking. Again, the advice is to consume only the information you need and avoid gathering information from too many different sources. To avoid the above issues, you must become a strategic learner by deciding what exactly you need to learn and why you need to learn it.

Then, you must stick to one specific program or article until you achieve tangible results. Now, it doesn't mean you should never ever read articles, watch videos or even check out other courses on the same topic. However, you need to make sure that, when it comes to taking real action on the key goals that matter to you, you focus mostly on one specific program and stick to it, using the mastery mindset. This will allow you to maintain laser focus, complete what you start and achieve the results you want. Let's say you want to create an online business and make it your primary source of income moving forward. Read dozens of articles and watch hundreds of videos on how to create an online business, or Buy a specific program from someone who clearly knows what he or she's talking about. The second you stop looking for someone else in your mirror and start looking at YOU is the second you will start to appreciate what you are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. You are perfect. You are more than enough. You are the best thing that has ever happened to you. And you are farting beautiful. Now say it with me. Note: The body positive activism movement is multifaceted in the way that the feminist movement is multifaceted. There are different approaches, schools of thinking, and ways of learning, much like feminism and other movements as well. For me, a fool is someone who blindly believes everything they hear or read. I am not trying to convince you that we cannot release stored emotions from our hips, I personally just don't buy it. You as a student/teacher have to reach a conclusion for yourself and not just blindly agree with what is considered the vogue thing to say.

Meditation in the yoga tradition is not something you do. You cannot suddenly decide now is the time to sit down and meditate. This is not how yogic meditation works. One falls into a state of meditation. Mediation in the yoga tradition is a destination. What we do when we close our eyes and say we are meditating is just the limited Western interpretation. You can call this silent reflection, but it is not mediation in the purest yogic sense of the word. Dr Stevenson commented that she also had a birthmark that appeared as a thin line with diminished pigmentation that ran vertically from her lower chest to her upper abdomen. This corresponded to the surgical incision for the cardiac surgery during which [the girl] had died. In other cases, more extreme physical deformities can be linked to traumas experienced by the previous life remembered by the child. A Burmese girl was born with birthmarks near her heart and on her head; But her leg is naturally shaped that way, without anything constricting it. It is by no means the typical shape of a leg. When the girl was able to speak, she identified herself as a man who had been tortured (fingers cut, tied in ropes). Dr Stevenson was eventually able to verify this man's identity. There was indeed a person tortured and killed in the precise manner described by the little girl. Distressed by her birthmarks and deformities, the little girl said, Grandpa. Because this is a major goal for you, it is probably a good idea to invest in a step-by-step course. It may cost you money upfront, but it can save you time (and money) in the long term, providing you: Select the right course for you, and

Commit to taking action on everything you learn consistently until you achieve the right results. The course might not be perfect, but it can help you start on the right foot and accumulate small wins. While you may read articles or watch videos on a similar topic, make sure the primary course remains your focus for as long as is necessary. You need to avoid consuming any information that is out of alignment with your overall strategy. Stick to your strategy unless you have a very good reason to change. Otherwise, you'll keep jumping from one opportunity to another. If necessary, re-read the section, How to Select the Right Product for You. Of course, while pieces might move independently, body positive activism proponents all believe the same thing. Something akin to: All bodies are equal. I've created a list of websites, blogs, social media sites, and resources for you that relate to body activism. I'm definitely not responsible for the content on these sites, because, y'know, I have zero control over what they post; If you find one that doesn't work for you or you disagree with, don't fret.Reassure them that anxiety is normal. Give them an example of a time when you felt anxious and how you managed it, and tell them you're both going to work together to boss back their worries. If you feel their anxiety is too big to handle yourselves, get some professional help. Deep-breathing techniques can help calm things down and are nice to practise together. If your child is good at talking about their thoughts, then using a `worry box' or having `worry time' is a constructive way for them to express their worries. If your child is getting very upset by their worries or is acting out then having a `calm box' and `calm space' can be helpful. An argument could be made that this silent reflection can be a precursor to meditation. Let us consider the two types of meditation. We will begin by examining the modern understanding and practice of meditation - what it is we do as a practice to bring about a sense of calmness and wellbeing.

Subsequently, we shall consider meditation in the purest yogic sense. You will soon see why I often say that we do not and cannot meditate. Often, people get very flustered and defensive when I say this. I am not mocking modern meditation or our modern therapeutic type of meditation at all. I am just trying to explain so you can understand the difference between yogic mediation and our more modern version of meditation. Ultimately my aim is to help you understand that what we do in the West under the title of meditation, could be considered something that you might actually do to arrive to meditation. Disciple: Okay, I heard that. Look at what they did to me. How cruel they were. How could she have known such specific details? Why would a young child be saying these things? Why did her body reflect such distinctive deformities that matched the way the man had died? Dr Ian Stevenson investigated the case of a young girl who had specific, distinctive deformities that match how she described dying in a past life (shown above). In fact, there was a person who died in the precise manner described by the little girl. She described being tied in ropes and tortured in her past life. The shape of her legs seems to match that description. The figure above is from Dr Stevenson's article Where Reincarnation and Biology Intersect (1997). One last thing to remember is, while you may believe consuming more information will help you make faster progress, less is often better. For instance, focusing on one great article and applying everything in it can be far more effective than reading fifty articles. The information you collect is only valuable to the extent you apply it.

Tuesday, 11 August 2020

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

What amazing things did you step up and do that you never thought you could? How are you feeling about the incredible year that you've had?First the old woman stands in front of you and looks deeply into your eyes. Her voice is the most beautiful sound you have ever heard. She looks at you and says, I am honored to be in your presence. Before you can speak she puts her finger over your lips and tells you to hold on to the love and not give it away with your words. Coffee date love. Lifetime-forever love. And yes, most importantly, they find self-love. Never find love, my ass. Community and Friend Love I'm learning so much about the power that having a circle of friends can hold in my life. Not just one friend, or a bunch of acquaintance friends, but rather a tight-knit circle of people who know you, love you, and support you. It's a farting wonderful thing. It's also a farting important thing. Obviously, who you surround yourself with matters, and when you're learning to love yourself (and your body), it's critical to be around those who are aligned with your values and supportive of your ultimate goals. You could also have Mary the first timer to yoga who has done a little Pilates before. You also have a gymnast in your class as well as a large burly builder. You also have a keen yoga teacher trainee in your class. Does this caution of not doing headstand after shoulderstand (or vice versa) apply to everyone in this class? My Laura defies the laws of physics at times.

Is she to NEVER do these poses in that sequence because it is dangerous? What logic is this rule based on let alone any science? The basic laws of health and fitness say that when you are writing an exercise programme for a client, the exercises selected should be suitable for that client's ability levels. This is common sense. So, nothing is dangerous if the client or student has been built up for the more complicated exercises. Asking these questions stems from some good democratic values that certainly benefit the children. I often ask my wife what she would like for dinner without being obliged to serve this. Likewise, she might ask me which dress I think she should wear--only for her to return a while later in a completely different one. Questions of this nature show an interest in getting some input, inspiration or perhaps a desire to be challenged. Neither party should feel bound by the answer--irrespective of who asks. Being right or getting things your way might mean that you are taken seriously--but it is only one of several ways of being taken seriously. Sometimes it might also mean that the one who asks does not feel like having a conflict or getting into an argument. The spontaneous No! I am confident that many parents regularly feel they instantly need to say No! They might have norms or values that are so ingrained that they do not need any consideration at all. She hugs you and then she is gone. Next the old man stands in front of you and says, I too am honored to be in your presence. His voice resonates through your entire body. You take a deep breath and take his words in. He smiles and before he leaves he reminds you that they will always be with you, right at the edge of your reality, waiting, and wanting to love you.

Whenever you think of them you hear their voices reminding you, loving you. They are a part of you now and always. You stand alone in the middle of the clearing and you are filled with love and peace. You are your true self and you know you are a gift, and you go forth into your life to share your light. Take your time getting up. Take inventory of those around you. Make sure they respect themselves and you. Make sure they are the kinds of people who are working toward happiness. Make sure the good they bring is good, and the bad they bring is far less than the good. A favorite tweet of mine? Find the people who will help you create that life. Love them unconditionally. That's from my gal Virgie Tovar, of course. We are taught to be nice and polite humans, and that those who in any way disregard others must lack some sort of moral upbringing. We are also conditioned to believe that the more people like us, the better. In a yoga class, nothing is dangerous if the student has the capacity to tolerate the stress. So, saying one should never do this or do that is absolutely incorrect. The teacher just wants to be perceived by the class as authoritative and knowledgeable and I sympathise. In the modern and very competitive yoga teacher market, what teacher wants to tell their students that everything is fine? If I say to students, Yeah, just do whatever as long as it doesn't make you cry and another teacher says, You should never lock the knee, which teacher appears knowledgeable to the new student?

It certainly is not me. Yoga teachers put too much stock in what some senior teacher said or what they hear. Very little of what they say is based on actual evidence. It was the Buddha who urged us all to find and seek for ourselves. We should also apply these wise words to our teaching. This might be something they carry from their own childhood or something rather irrational and very difficult to explain. If this causes a serious conflict it is worthwhile considering our motives but it is not always necessary for you to be able to explain the reasons for the No! It is, in fact, more important that the parents are able to stand up for their right to be irrational than that they invent some convoluted pedagogical explanation. For example-- I can't tell you why I say No! I just know it is what I mean and you will have to accept that for the time being. Humans are not rational beings and I honestly believe it is very important that adults as well as children stand by their right to be irrational--and even unreasonable. A few days, weeks or months later we might revisit the issue and talk to the other person about it again. Were you to make up some explanation to suit the occasion you might also be blocking your ability to subconsciously work on the issue. You would be none the wiser from the experience. You might want to put a sign on your mirror that says, I'm honored to be in your presence. Read it often and speak it lovingly to yourself as you stand in front of the mirror and look directly into your eyes. Agreements--Consciously or unconsciously we make contracts or arrangements with the people in our lives and with the world itself. We have agreed to believe certain things and to act in a specified manner. If our parents believed intimacy was unsafe we may have agreed to believe that too.

We may have an unconscious agreement with ourselves to remain unhappy. We are generally unaware of our agreements and yet they dictate most of our choices and our actions. Assumptions--We often assume that we know what another person is thinking or feeling. We assume other people think the same way we do. We assume people mean the same thing we think they mean. As in, the closer your individual feedback rating is to 100 percent, the better a person you are. This is sometimes called the Need-to-Please Disease, and there are a number of causes. It's especially common with those of us who have super low self-esteem. When we don't believe in ourselves, we think we need a large number of other people to validate us. Unfortunately, while support systems are definitely necessary, accumulating copious amounts of devotees ain't the answer. We don't need a million friends; If you find yourself struggling with the Need-to-Please Disease, try spending less time trying to seduce lots of people to like you and instead focus on cultivating relationships with those who are also working toward a life full of love, happiness, and (most importantly) progress. Now, I'm not saying you should ditch any of your friends who aren't wildly successful and spout affirmations every ten seconds with a shit-eating grin on their faces 24/7. In fact, if you had friends like that, I would be completely weirded out and wonder what they're hiding, because Jesus, whatever it is, it must be BIG. What I AM trying to say is probably better said by Jade Beall: The Buddha taught us to know for ourselves what is hurtful or divisive. The emphasis is always on seeing and knowing, not on calculating and believing as seeing creates wisdom. Knowledge that has been imposed on us or borrowed from someone else is not wisdom. We must be convinced of our own logic before we tell our students what they should or shouldn't do. The more one studies the human body, the more you question what you read.

Monday, 10 August 2020

If my heart could do my thinking

Not trying too hard is what has allowed my hamstrings to relax. When I was stretching them before, they were getting the same message they have been receiving for twenty-five years. They were still trying to generate force. Children do not use this little word to whine about something. From time to time parents might use No! Parents unfortunately, often take this No! When young children say No! They use No! They also use No! Children have no carefully conceived motives behind saying No! Much has been said and written about how important it is for children to have boundaries and that adults are able to control children's behavior. These issues play a dominant part in the field of child-psychology. So much in fact, that you are forgiven for thinking that this is what parenting and child development is all about. So you spent Saturday mornings before inspections baking and brewing. Furniture gets moved to places it's never sat before, shelves get decorated in new ways, and gardens get lovingly tended. After the hours of effort and sweat, you take a step back to inspect your handiwork and wonder why the hell you would ever sell a place that looks this amazing. Disruption breeds innovation. When we disrupt the norm, the status quo, we start to see new ways of operating in our world that we previously hadn't paid attention to. Change gives us the opportunity to look through different glasses at everyday patterns. Through the growth of `hackathons' (times when individuals come together to collaborate intensely to generate new products or processes) in our workplaces, organisations are going out of their way to disrupt things even when they are working well -- because they understand that innovation and advantage are born out of uncertainty and change.

Shifting into Stand Out is an internal and external disruption you are going through, so it's time to `hack' your own habits, shake things up and try on new ways of interacting with your world. DISRUPTION BREEDS INNOVATION. WHEN WE DISRUPT THE NORM, THE STATUS QUO, WE START For as long as I could recall, his dream was to buy a boat, something he achieved at a relatively young age. At the marina, I saw my dad come alive for the first time. Within a world of charts and navigation, Jimmy Buffett music and GPS technology, a whole social circle existed, full of folks who shared a passion for his special interest. Often, if I came home to visit from college for a weekend, he would spend the whole time on the boat, instead. Back then, I was insulted. But in hindsight, I understand. He had found his nirvana, and would always go to the place where he was most comfortable being Joe. He was painfully shy, often rocked back and forth clumsily during conversations, and relied on scotch or cigarettes to get him through social engagements. When he saw me struggle, asking Santa for a friend, or crying about another social blunder, it was just too much. He would turn and walk out of the room. Even though I want them to get more flexible, I instinctively try to achieve this by making them work harder. I am thus contradicting my own body. Disciple: If the pose remains just physical, just a stretch or just an exercise in balance, are you not missing out on so much? If asana is a branch on the tree of yoga, are you not missing out on something by making this about just physical exercise? That is a good question. You have been taught well. The pose should gradually move into a different dimension from a physical one like an evolution or a metamorphosis.

So, the pose may be just physical for the first few years or decades (finding your balance) and then you may find yourself in a much deeper or further enquiry into yoga. You may find yourself asking questions and reading articles you would not have been ready for all those years ago when you first started. The gradual mutation should be very natural and as a consequence of disciplined practice and not forced because the yoga community says you should be reading a certain article or doing something esoteric by now. This thinking has a widespread and very dedicated following. Accusations of irresponsibility and laziness quickly become the labels that stick to those parents who do not set strict boundaries. This is strongly supported by another primitive trend in children's upbringing and pedagogy. Namely, the increasing popularity of super-nannies, boot-camps and pop-psychology which claims to be able to convert any troublesome family into a calm, clean and structured unit in just a few days. The people behind these approaches try to convince us that theirs is the best way to live. It is noticeable and indeed worrying that the need for setting boundaries is growing at the very same time when children's physical and emotional spaces are decreasing. Most people think that children have become more liberated in their interactions with adults. They also think children have become super-consumers, but they tend to forget the fact that it is no longer possible for children to play, live and grow or indeed do anything without adult supervision. Just a generation ago children had plenty of space and time without adults. That is exactly how they developed what we today call social competence. TO SEE NEW WAYS OF OPERATING IN OUR WORLD THAT WE PREVIOUSLY HADN'T PAID ATTENTION TO. Disrupt the natural patterns that we slip into, even for the small things. For me, disrupting how my day starts has been revolutionary. Instead of being sucked away from dreamy sleep by the pitter-patter of little feet and fingers prying my eyelids open each morning well before they're ready -- and so being on the back foot for the rest of the day -- I realised capturing the sacred solitude of time before the household wakes is integral to my sanity and my ability to tap into calm. Now I'm up at 5 am and my non-negotiable is ten minutes of solitude. This completely changes how I turn up to my day.

Sometimes I'm out running at this time, sometimes I'm reading, sometimes I'm stretching, and occasionally I even have a bath (seriously, the pre-breakfast bath has changed my world). So, instead of having dinner at the same time and the same place every night, mix up your routine by packing a picnic and heading to the river. Instead of articleing back-to-back individual meetings with your team, look at catching up with people in duos so the conversations are still intimate while halving your time. Time passed, and I rather adeptly learned to mimic scripts, faking social ease with finesse. I charmed my father, too, and he was elated. I'm so glad, I remember him saying, a glass in one hand and tears in his eyes, that you don't have the trouble with people that I do. What a pure expression of love. We all want better for our children, and my dad didn't want me to hurt as he had on so many occasions. I remember being somewhat pleased and yet also sad that I'd so easily fooled him; Let him think I haven't been where he has. That I won't yet hurt as he has. Give him that. On one particularly trying night a few years later, my dad told me something that I will never forget. This again is just our mind and insecurities that make us feel desperate to fit in. The reality is that it should not be forced. You cannot enforce dietary changes or spiritual changes on anyone or even yourself. After a while, you just go back to the way you were because this approach does not make you happy. So, to reemphasise, the changes including the new-found interest in the deeper machinations of yoga and meditation should be natural and organic to you but never forced. Patanjali teaches that we should let go of desire and adopt discipline. If you desire spirituality and meditation, you will always be ignorant.

You will always be unsure and feel lost. If you adopt discipline and just practice asanas as a lifestyle rather than a race, you mutate into the real you. You will discover who you really are. This is something neither parents, schools, kindergartens or any other institution can teach children. No matter how hard adults try. Today's child has to be well-functioning--a label that is glued to children making it impossible for them to move freely. For exactly that reason, this article is not designed to support those parents who see a need to set fixed limits and strict boundaries for their children. We do not want to support anyone's desire to control or gain power over others -- children or adults. On the contrary, this article is all about the quality of our relationships and how important it is that we are able to say No! We need to learn to define our own personal boundaries --and as part of that process define ourselves. This is as important for our own lives as it is for the relationships and communities we are part of. We can do this with a very clear conscience for the simple reason that we will provide a good role model for our children. It is first and foremost through loving relationships with others that we are able to learn about ourselves on a deeper and a more profound level. Disrupting your pattern on the small things has the power to shift your world. YOU HOLD THE RULE article The majority of our work at Pragmatic Thinking involves delivering presentations and training programs. Very early in our business, we decided to stop handing out the traditional training evaluation forms for the sessions we delivered. You know the ones because you've filled them in -- asking you to rate the food, the venue, the presenter, and whether Tom's outfit matched the company logo or not. Ditching these forms was a conscious choice and one we haven't regretted, but it wasn't a natural shift to make. We used the evaluation forms when we started our business, and when we sifted through them we started to notice a trend.

Sunday, 9 August 2020

I saw the light

Success only comes from the willingness to never stop trying. Hold for 20 seconds, then release briefly, and repeat the pressure twice more. Still supporting your right foot, find the point just below the nail on the upper side of your second toe. Using the thumb and forefinger of your right hand, gently squeeze the toe, applying pressure to this point. Hold for 20 seconds, release briefly, and repeat the pressure twice more. Finally, the results with tryptophan were inconclusive, although anecdotal evidence suggests that taking supplements of this amino acid may be of help. Herbal remedies need a little more explanation. Herbal remedies Of the herbs that have been rigorously tested, only valerian root has come close to standing up to scrutiny as a sleep treatment (see box, below for a valerian bedtime drink). Historically, though, many herbs have been put forward as treatments to help combat sleeplessness. I've listed these below, but note that these haven't been rigorously tested for their sleep-promoting qualities. Dweck shows that the differences between the two groups (fixed and growth) are remarkabl on just about every measure. Those people who have a `fixed' mindset believe that character, intelligence, talent and ability are set and won't change in significant ways, and assume that success is a result of inherent intelligence. On the other hand, a `growth' mindset thrives on challenges. Failure is not seen as evidence of a lack of intelligence but as an opportunity to learn, develop new skills and grow. The following table provides some examples of the difference between fixed and growth mindsets. Fixed Growth I've always been hopeless at maths . Perhaps if I get some coaching and dedicate a little more effort, I can improve . I never stood a chance in that interview .

I'm gutted I missed the job, but I'll contact the panel chair to find out where I can improve . Take it from perfectionist OCD mommy here. Ironically, at other times, the brave decision is to actually pull back. We parents are bombarded by therapists of every kind - well-educated, well-intentioned people who sincerely want to help our kids be the best they can be. And, of course, each and every specialist feels that her arena is the most important. But occupational therapy (OT), speech therapy, play therapy, psychology, applied behavior analysis (ABA), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), oxygen chambers, nutritional changes, social skills groups, animal therapy, music therapy, vision therapy, listening therapy, and a cadre of academic tutors cannot all feasibly be most important. One of the most common questions I'm asked by other parents is which service is the most important, and which can be dropped from the overstressed kid, schedule, pocketarticle, and family life? The honest answer is that there is no answer. I have found that at various times, OT took precedence for one child while talk therapy (with a psychologist) was most important for another. Like a triage team on perpetual duty, we Asper-parents face a lifetime of perpetual choices between which needs are the most pronounced at present, and which can be put off for a while. Women know that from the moment a pregnancy is announced, everyone has an opinion about something - including strangers on the street. Willingness, like courage, originates from the three-pound (or so) lump of corrugated flesh that we call our brain. We have been given a brain; Willingness and repetition work hand in hand to create the full expression of the pose you wish to succeed in. But we must, at the same time, pause and not get too carried away with ourselves. Our commitment can also become food for our ego. We must learn to nurture our discipline so as to not let it mutate into an uncontrollable desire. We must learn and understand the difference between desire and discipline. Maybe the best way to learn this is through our own journeys and experience. So maybe there should be some desire or else how can one overcome something they know nothing about?

Maybe the path to discipline is through the painful path of desire? GADGETS, GIZMOS AND THE WORLD WIDE WEB For most of the life of sleep medicine, gadgets and gizmos have been the province of research laboratories and sleep centres (see pp. Now, versions of these technologies are available for us to download or to buy and use in the home. Devices are broadly those that track your sleep (trackers), help you get to sleep (mollifiers) and wake you up (grizzlies). Internet websites can provide a personalized sleep service to help you to monitor your sleep and find advice that's unique to your own sleep situation. SLEEP THERAPY COOL VALERIAN ROOT INFUSION Use the following recipe to make a valerian root infusion. However, please check with a qualified herbalist that the herb is not contraindicated for you first. Have one cup of the infusion as part of your pre-sleep routine every night for up to six weeks. I can't help it. I've always had a really short fuse . I can keep my cool in certain circumstances; I'm sure I can learn strategies to do this more often. It's hopeless. What's the point? That certainly didn't go as planned. Let's sit down and learn from our mistakes so it doesn't happen again . Think about famous athletes hitting rock bottom after retirement, the countless examples of people winning the lottery and being broke only a few years later, or the cases of relapsing substance abuse.

These are all examples of people who don't grow and evolve their identity as the climate changes around them. The same is true in the world of autism/Asperger's. What is miraculously potent for one child may be completely ineffective for another, and conversations about said intervention will go on ad nauseam. The point is that there is no right answer. There is each parent's right answer, right now. It takes great courage to honor that place of trusting your gut, and this really must be respected as one of the few ways we Asper-parents have any sense of control. And please don't hide those big, fat feelings from your Asperkids, lest they blame themselves. Admit that even moms, dads, and teachers don't have all the answers. What we must have, though, is love and acceptance big enough for both of us, adult and child. Once someone becomes a parent, her life is no longer her own entirely. But for most folks, there are breaks - getaways with friends, date nights with a spouse, maybe just dinner at a neighborhood pub. Thus, I am not going to tell you to not desire and to not crave advanced poses. After thinking about it, I have realised that I actually encourage it. This is our greatest learning tool. We learn more about ourselves and the philosophy of yoga while battling with desire and discipline than we will ever learn from reading a article or from a `wise' yoga teacher. So `desire' away. Experience desire and learn from it as have I and have all the other teachers who have advanced in their practice. But consider some words of wisdom as well. A very wise man once said that the three greatest treasures for man are simplicity, patience and compassion. No, that wise man was not me, but Lao Tzu.

In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu continues, Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being. Break for two weeks, then resume for up to another six weeks if necessary. Crush 1 tsp of valerian root in a pestle and mortar and soak it in one cup of cool, filtered water for up to 24 hours. Strain the infusion and drink cold. These range from those that are essentially simple diaries, recording the time you go to sleep and wake up, and asking for information about the quality of your sleep; Many trackers are available as straightforward smartphone apps, and many are free to download. Inevitably, some are more useful than others, but generally I recommend those that disconnect your phone from the network and shut down your connection to your Wi-Fi during the night. In this way you can make sure that you won't be disturbed by late-night communications, but you can still use all the features of the app. Somewhere between these simple apps and the Zeo lie trackers that measure your movement during sleep and match that to the phases of sleep. An accelerometer built into the app means that, once downloaded, the app allows your smartphone to monitor how much you're moving about during the night and also works out when, once you've had your sleep quota, you're in the lightest phase of sleep so that you can wake feeling most refreshed. If you don't have a smartphone, you can find similar devices that you wear on your wrist. If you believe you're just a [insert label], it's highly likely that's all you ever will be. Stepping into your new identity isn't about severing all ties with who you were in the past or turning your back on who you've been. It's your previous experience that shapes who you are now and the path you've found yourself on. Ignoring that does disservice to your present -- it's like cutting off a limb and pretending nothing happened. Your focus is not on developing a brand new identity, but expanding your identity. Say `thank you' to who you've been and what it's taught you as you welcome in the new you. Be present to this expanding identity and all its facets, notice the doubts as they arise and step into a growth mindset to expand what is possible for you. It's time to surprise even yourself. Fear -- can it be your friend?

Saturday, 8 August 2020

Will the blush still remain

Alternatively, it won't benefit you to be a fearful whirlwind of unrest trying to save civilization. And my heart would sink. The towels were surrounded by itchy grass or hot pavement. The bathrooms were echoing and slick. I didn't have friends there, and I couldn't just join in with some group of strangers. What the heck was I supposed to do, exactly? I was self-conscious and clueless as to where she wanted me to go, and had a million examples already in my mind of messing up socially - why put myself in harm's way again? The worst part was, though, that I took her dismissal as rejection. In my mind, even my mom didn't want me. Without a plan, I'd either head to the playground alone or sit beside her and read - which she said looked weird. And though she couldn't know, those words hurt more than anything else. Think again of your yoga poses, you do your part, and science will take care of the rest. It is just like one plus one equals two. The science is that exact. This is the basic and most fascinating economics of yoga. As my Laura pointed out, this is perhaps what Pathabi Jois was saying when he famously said, Practice and all is coming. Along these lines, Aristotle once said, For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them. This means that with regular practice, through repetition, the body will adapt. This is science. Be patient and trust in the process.

If the science of movement can help those who have suffered brain damage from a stroke, then the science of movement and repetition can definitely help you. Sleep centres are special clinics where experts can diagnose and treat sleep disorders. They are, in many countries, connected to hospital respiratory departments. This is because sleep apnoea (see pp. These centres concentrate on measuring the airflow through your nose, breathing effort and blood-oxygen levels. However, throughout the world, there are also now clinics specifically intended for dealing with the full spectrum of sleep disorders. A sleep centre might be suitable for you if: What happens at a sleep centre? A sleep centre will almost certainly send you a sleep diary (see pp. What happens next depends on specialist analysis of your diary and your questionnaire answers. This monitors your levels of activity and rest over the course of 24 hours. This will impede your mission. Therefore each of us must put our own emotional house in order. Our world is in the midst of a quickening. It feels like time has accelerated, that the years keep flitting by faster and faster. This quickening, however, involves more than simply our altered perception of time as we age, our frantic culture, or anxiety about fulfilling our goals in life. The Hopis say our world is sick and needs to get well. To prevent what geo-biologists call the sixth great extinction of earth's species (akin to the disappearance of the dinosaurs), we urgently need to save the planet as well as our souls. Throughout history, human nature seems impelled toward turmoil, just as children by a tranquil lake will inevitably throw pebbles into the water to disrupt the calm. Even so, I have faith that with mindfulness more enduring peace is possible.

Who knows the Lords of Peace better than an awakened heart? Feeling that we have let down our parents is a pain anyone can understand. But feeling that one's innate self is a let-down just slays you. To be truthful, a lifetime of comments between then and now in which people I loved harshly criticized my social skills (with good intentions) has often brought that sense of rejection to bear. In her own way, my mom was trying to tell me that I was messing up. She made up stories with my Cabbage Patch Kids in which the redhead was a bossy smarty-pants whom no one really liked; Did I mention my mom was blonde? I know that her intent was to try to show why one personality was better received than the other. And I know that she really never gave thought to my misery at the pool - she just wanted some (well-deserved) time with adults. At the time, though, I couldn't see her perspective, and she didn't explain it to me. Everyone was expecting everyone else to read minds, and no one succeeded. Many decades ago, the prevailing thought was that the brain's movement pattern was unalterable like the earth's orbit. We now know that is no longer accurate. Due to the stunning power of neuroplasticity, the brain can indeed be altered, retuned and rewire. It can activate wires that have been long shut down and run new wiring like an electrician8. There is a tremendous amount of plasticity and malleability in the adult brain9. Much more so than we realise. I have a client in her 60s who is learning patterns of movement in yoga she never believed was possible. This is yet another example of a mini moment of enlightenment. The brain does not just change and adapt to new movement, it can also change as a result of the thoughts we have.

The brain can be altered by pure mental activity. This is the main diagnostic tool at all sleep centres and will require you to stay overnight at the centre (see below). Monitoring your sleep at a sleep centre At a sleep centre you'll be given a room and connected up to wiring that will measure your sleep. Many people worry that they won't actually be able to sleep in these clinical conditions. However, with so much excessive sleepiness already clocked up, and the security of knowing that you're in the process of finding out what's going on so that you can finally take control of your sleep, you'll probably have one of the best nights you've had in a long time. Certainly, in most cases, sleep at a sleep centre is no worse than it is at home. Overnight monitoring involves three sets of basic wiring. First, you'll need to have multiple electrodes (each smaller than a penny) glued to your face and scalp. These measure your brainwaves, eye movements and chin-muscle tone (during dreaming sleep the chin muscles become active). They provide all the information a sleep expert needs to map your journey through sleep's main stages. We're at a crossroads with choices to be made. We can ride the momentum of this quickening either to the depths of our love or to the edge of oblivion. Gone is the luxury of a middle ground. We need prophets who aren't afraid to speak out. It behooves us to heed Albert Einstein's admonition: I don't know what weapons World War III will be fought with. But World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. Emotional freedom tilts the tipping point toward goodness. It allows us to experience inner peace so that outer peace can prosper. Observing the world is the fascination of my life and profession.

I am drawn to penetrate to the center of things. One day after school during the year I was in ninth grade, my social studies teacher spied me walking outside with some other students. He hollered across the campus lawn, Oh, Miss Cook! I didn't realize you had friends! Was that supposed to help? Though things had turned around socially in just a year or two, when my friends were out of town on a class trip, I wouldn't chance a trip to the lunch room. The words of all those years took their toll, so I chose to eat my lunch alone, at the edge of the woods outside the high school. Odds are that I would've been welcome at another table quite readily. But in my mind, I was still that kid being called out by a teacher or spurned at the pool. And later, I got hit. By the time I'd grown into the alluring redhead, pretty and popular years later, I also had it in my head that I was difficult to love, that I should be grateful for whoever took me on. So, we can make our brains stronger and more efficient by creating positive thoughts and intentions10. As corny as it is to me, when a yoga teacher starts the class and asks us to set an intention, maybe they are on to something. Thus, the more repetition of a particular action (like the handstand, triangle, walking after rehab and so on), the more of the brain's real estate is zoned for that movement. If a movement is ingrained into the brain, it becomes second nature. There is a lot of evidence that shows how dynamic the brain is - more so than we ever realised11. The brain is constantly remodeling itself in response to an experience and repetition. Just be patient. Let us further examine the handstand. No other pose replicates the handstand in terms of the way it makes you feel - the negative emotions while trying and failing and then the positive emotions when you are successful.

Friday, 7 August 2020

There's a dream where the contents are visible

Strength and flexibility play a much smaller role in this pose than people realise. That's right. Now envision yourself leaning back--like you're doing a trust fall off a picnic table and falling back into a heavenly cloud. This cloud feels so supportive . And it gently lulls your soul down 12 floors. It's almost as if this cloud is taking you away from this earthly world for a moment and toward a deeper and more spiritual existence. Floating down . Drifting down now . As this heavenly cloud takes you down to a place that's infinitely safe and supremely supportive . That's right . You can see it, can't you? One afternoon a friend and I were relaxing by the hotel pool during a break at a conference. Having forgotten my sunglasses, I was shielding my eyes from the sun with a piece of paper. When he reached over to hold it for me I resisted, but he just smiled, saying with absolute assurance, I can handle this. Talk about hearing the dream words you'd always yearned for. This friend, a psychologist with keen insight into human nature, had my number. I was so used--too used--to doing everything myself, wary that well-meaning others will only cause me more work. His competent, consoling gesture conveyed such empathy for my reluctance to accept help and actually trust that someone could make my life easier without having to ask. I was touched that he recognized and honored this vulnerability in me. Compassion also provides the crucible for healing miracles to occur.

One of my workshop participants told the following story. Not all of these songs are particularly about death but they are excellent songs anyway. If ever there is a need for a compilation CD of greatest death-related songs I would be happy to compile it and write the sleeve notes. Just saying.I guess that means we Aspies have a lot of living to do. It Depends On Where You're Standing Perspectives on Comfort Zones Have you ever read C. Lewis's The Magician's Nephew (1955)? I mean, most folks know about Narnia, and the tales of the kids through the wardrobe. But are you familiar with the lesser known prequels? They put everything to come in motion and perspective - explaining the magic and the allegorical adventures ahead. This pose is about self-exploration and really digging in until you discover that mini moment of enlightenment. When you discover that moment in a class, you will look at me with pure animation. A big cheesy grin will be plastered across your face, and your eyes will be as big as your chakras. It is that look that I see so often when I teach that makes teaching yoga so rewarding. That look tells me that you may not be able to do the pose as well as you would like, but you fully understand the theory behind what you are attempting, and you even felt that centre of gravity while you were upside down - even if it was for split second. Disciple: So all that is required to do my handstand is balance? Understanding the idea of balancing opposite sides of the body is the foundation for your handstand. Something else that we need to understand is the concept of muscle memory. The muscles that are required to work in handstand will adapt, over time, to the demand being placed on them.

Through repetition, the right and left sides as well as the front and back of the body will sync and work together to create the pose. And now, as I count from one to seven . If you'd like, you can even have a brief out-of-body experience where earthly time and space float away for the brief time of this practice. Your soul will come easily back down into the body, into earthly time, at the end of this practice because you're not done here . But even so, I'd imagine it'd be so soothing to have a glimpse. Of your spirit . Counting now. And now invite the subconscious and perhaps even your soul . I don't know where you'll go today. Perhaps it's back to a time when you were still wide-eyed and innocent, ready to change the world. Did you forget that you still have that innocent little girl or boy inside of you? Two years before, she'd longed to get pregnant but she had a rare, serious type of kidney disease. Her doctor warned that pregnancy would overly stress her body, even endanger her life. Still, this woman's desire for a baby was so strong she decided to risk it. Fortunately, she stayed well those nine months and her disease stabilized, which isn't typical during pregnancy--a great relief to her, her husband, and the doctor. However, in that same period, her young golden retriever, her constant companion and soul mate with whom she was so attuned, was diagnosed with kidney failure. Soon after the birth of her daughter, this loving animal died, as if having held on just long enough to see her through. Though cynics would dismiss as mere coincidence the fact that both contracted the same rare disease--especially when the dog had been perfectly healthy--I read this quite differently. For me, it seems rather to be a moving reminder of the interconnectedness of our hearts and the power of compassion. There was a special love between this woman and her dog.

Could it be possible for one life to so empathize with another that it can sense and even assume illness? As in most of life, there's more to the story than we think we know. That is the power of perspective. It tags question marks where we think there are periods, undoes absolutes. As Lewis put it perfectly, what you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing: it also depends on what sort of person you are (Lewis 1955, p. And if you are an Aspie sort of person, your perspective is generally a little bit different. I got glasses when I was seven years old. A routine physical had shown that I was quite significantly nearsighted, yet my parents hadn't noticed, and neither had I. In retrospect, I thought I could see as far as everyone else could. Apparently, that wasn't the case. Double-checking the doctor's exam, my mom tested me herself at, of all places, a Disney on Ice show. This creates a balance between the opposites. Still using handstand as an example, it requires conscious muscle movement and muscle activation to attempt and create the pose. But with time and practice, the handstand movement will become an unconscious movement. To rephrase, initially, the pose requires lots of thought, focus and awareness, but with practice, none of this is required. The pose then happens almost automatically. Disciple: How is that exactly? Picture my Laura doing a handstand. I am reliably informed that she was not born like this. She had to create a memory of the handstand movement within her brain before she could do the pose so effortlessly.

This is similar to learning how to walk or ride a bike. He or she is still right here . Maybe you can imagine that you are there, watching your childhood as a spectator. Or if you believe in destiny, imagine you're there before this earthly time existed . Either way, you can now see exactly what gifts and talents you were given, can't you? I wonder how you were meant to develop these gifts to better the world. Have you forgotten how inherently worthy you are? Some part of you knows that, doesn't it? Or do you need to go back and have a conversation with someone who has passed? Perhaps you can imagine your old self having a conversation with God or a higher power or your highest self. What path would have been different? Certainly it's something to contemplate. As a physician, I know that love can create miracles that defy logical explanation. Selfless giving resonates with such mystery. How wondrous and far-reaching compassion can be among all living beings. Each of us is capable of limitless love. The monumental implications of this fact continue to reveal themselves over the years, always giving me chills and reclarifying my emotional priorities. It's been said that when people stop performing random acts of kindness, the net that holds the world together will fall apart. Woe is that day when our compassion ceases, when anger has no means of being counteracted. Instead, together we can cultivate compassion's bounty and rejoice in each other.