Being Motivated to Resist

Even if they don't discredit it, they may try to convince you to change it to something that would be more beneficial to them. Every day, clarify your goals and priorities to yourself. Remind yourself of your dream and ambition. Ask yourself what the tasks you engage in mean to you and how they contribute to your aspirations. If they don't appear to contribute in any way, drop them and start engaging actively in the ones that matter. They will know that the body has been packed and if it is very necessary, you may ask an orderly to unpack the body once more in order to help the family to come to grips with it. If you have a good relationship with the funeral director, you can ask him to talk to the family and invite them to come to the funeral home later on after the necessary procedures have been done there. Should a member of a helping profession show his emotion when a patient dies? I wonder why we should not. At what point does grief become a pathological reaction? I am trying to help someone whose family physician told her to snap out of it yet she feels she needs a psychiatrist because she is so full of guilt. She got into an argument with her husband and he died suddenly and she is so depressed. She picks me to talk to yet I can't overrule her physician. I am only a nurse and a neighbor. I have to refer to your last sentence before I answer your question. And some go further and try to change the very dynamics that led to Goldin's conclusions. In an interview with the Financial Times, Niall FitzGerald, then co-chair of Unilever, explained how this could work: when one of his colleagues said, We must identify very clearly those jobs which can be operated in a flexible manner, his response was, You're going in absolutely the wrong direction. We will say: `In principle, every job can be operated in a flexible manner unless it can demonstrably be shown to be otherwise. There is a reason for the due process requirement in criminal law that stipulates a defendant is presumed to be innocent until proven guilty. Defaults are powerful, and requiring the government to prove the guilt of a defendant and not the other way around safeguards justice.

As a default, flexibility unless proven not to work would dramatically change the structure of work. If flexible work arrangements were the default until proven objectively untenable, or until employees decided that they wanted to opt out, many more people would embrace working flexibly. Much research by behavioral economists underscores that moving from opt-in to opt-out defaults can have huge impacts. The now-iconic example is how participation in employer-sponsored 401(k) plans increases dramatically when companies automatically enroll their employees compared to when employees have to take the initiative. A well-established bias explains why: people tend to cling to the status quo, aptly named status-quo bias by William Samuels and Richard Zeckhauser in 1988. This is to fortify yourself to an extent where you can't be manipulated into shifting course. You also need the focus to avoid getting too emotionally invested if the manipulator is creating relationship difficulties. Call it as you see it One of the reasons why manipulators perpetuate their negative and damning behavior is because they believe that they can't get caught. Sometimes, when you identify that the person you are in a relationship with is manipulative, don't just move on from the relationship. Confront them and let them understand that you know who they are. This will take them aback and shake up their superficial confidence. Wobble up their delusional state of mind in an unavoidable confrontation and let them know exactly what you have observed and how their actions affect you. If anything, the manipulator, in this case, will be the one to run far away from you. Before you confront them, though, ensure you have a list of specific offenses, with the minutest and most obvious details. You say, I'm only a nurse and a neighbor. I don't understand why nurses or neighbors, for that matter, have to undersell themselves. I have seen more dying patients helped by nurses than by a physician or anybody else. If it had not been for the nurses and the clergy I don't know what would have happened to my hundreds of patients. A nurse who empathizes, who obviously has some feeling for this woman, can help this woman probably better than the physician who tells her to snap out of it which is a silly request.

If she has such unresolved guilt that she cannot just simply snap out of it, she may need professional counseling to help her out of her guilt feeling that she killed her husband. In the meantime, you are the one who can stand by and let her ventilate and talk. You will help her much more than somebody who wants to simply brush it under the carpet. When a patient's family asks you, Did he die in pain? I would not tell a family member that the patient called a name when in fact he did not do it. In particular, when people face complicated decisions, such as planning for retirement, they tend to avoid making one and procrastinate. In addition to defaulting people into a particular savings plan or flexible work arrangement from which they can opt out if they wish, simplifying the process and requiring people to make an active choice can also help them save more. The Australian company Telstra, mentioned earlier, is showing how this might work. It made flexibility the norm. Flexibility applies to every kind of role at Telstra, it now states on its website. Conversations I had with Telstra employees while I was in Australia in 2015 suggest that All Roles Flex in fact has become the default work arrangement. Before implementing the change across the board, Telstra ran a three-month pilot program in its customer sales and service business unit, which it described as a new and disruptive position around mainstreaming flexibility that would amplify productivity benefits, lift engagement, establish a clear market position, and also enable a new way of working. During the pilot phase, it monitored who applied for posted job openings and for what reason. As expected, the share of women in the applicant pool increased, and about one-third of the candidates reported that they had applied because of Telstra's stance on flexibility. While not a randomized controlled trial, the Telstra experience provides some hints at how flexibility might affect who companies are able to attract. Without the use of specificity, the manipulator may slip through your hands. However, go about it diplomatically rather than rudely. What are the things you shouldn't do? Don't believe the promises of a manipulator; Don't confide in them at all, except for the most basic and mundane things.

Don't think that you can outsmart or outmaneuver them; Don't believe their words, actions, and behaviors to be reflective of your self-worth. By following these tips, you can take control away from a manipulator and stay in charge of your life. You have come to the end of an amazing learning journey, and hopefully, it was worth it. Having reached this part of the article, you have successfully unraveled the art of manipulation and the psychology of manipulators. When they ask about pain and the patient did have pain, I would say, Yes, there was some pain but we tried our best to keep him as comfortable as possible if this is the truth. You should not lie to family members because if you tell them phony stories they sense it and will be more upset thinking it was probably much worse than it was in reality. If the family of a cancer patient refuses to accept the fact that their mother is dying, what can you do to help the family after she has passed on? How can you make it easier for them to talk about it if they still find it difficult to talk? It sometimes takes months or a year until a family can talk about it. All you have to do is to convey to them that you are reachable and available when they are ready to talk about it and eventually they will find the way to you when they are ready to share their unfinished business with a friend. When the stages of dying as you described in your article, On Death and Dying, have not been worked through by the family before death, how do you deal with it after death? How can it be worked out? The family has to go through all the stages the second time after death. Should a member of the helping profession show his emotion when a patient dies? Of course, if flexible work arrangements were no longer a woman's issue, there would no longer be the gender-specific career penalties that Goldin writes about. With increased demand for flexibility, we can (and you should) anticipate that competitive labor markets will adjust to employees' preferences and stop discriminating against people seeking flexibility. When seeking to hire, in addition to worrying about the content of your message, you also need to consider the context in which your job advertisement is read. Framing does not end with the language you choose or the defaults you set but includes, as marketing experts would tell us, all aspects of design, including the placement of the ad and the proximity of other ads. Recall the lesson learned in article 6: our minds want to evaluate everything comparatively.

Today, technology even allows job seekers to take what other applicants are doing into account. Benefiting from the large amounts of data collected by the professional social networking website LinkedIn, Laura Gee of Tufts University was able to measure how job seekers respond to information on what other applicants are doing. She analyzed the job search behavior of almost two million job seekers from more than 200 countries viewing 100,000 job postings in March 2012. About two-thirds of the job seekers were male, thirty-six years old on average, and almost half came from the United States. Most everyone had a bachelor's or a post-bachelor's degree. Right from the start, the article delved deep into dark psychology and the manipulative aspect of it. Consequently, the tempo remained the same as you learned more about mind control and brainwashing techniques such as gaslighting, NLP, subliminal influencing, and so on. You have learned enough to start protecting yourself from narcissists, psychopaths, Machiavellians, and sadists without question. Never forget that a person can only influence you to the extent you allow them. The power remains with you always! Part 2: How to Analyze People The Little-Known Secrets to Speed Reading a Human, Analyzing Personality Types and Applying Behavioral Psychology Introduction What if I told you that you've just made one of the best decisions of your life by reading this article? Well, that's what is happening! Did you have lots of tears at the beginning of your work? I still have lots of tears. A wife promised her husband a few days before his death that she would be with him when he died, but she was not with him when it happened. She now feels guilty and regrets the promise. How can she work through this now?