Boil the Kettle, Mother

The Middle-kidney also forms the testes and associated piping in the male. The testes start life where the kidneys do, and that's why it drags its arterial supply all the way down into the scrotum. Ureteric pain (for instance, when kidney stones are being passed) is often felt as going from loin to groin and into the testicles. It is also apparently the worst pain you can get: women who have given birth and have had this pain describe ureteric colic as worse, so any men who have had this pain have the dubious honour of knowing what childbirth is like. Their pain is so classical (extreme and can't get comfortable) that it can be diagnosed from the bedside. The patients' description of the pain is not `brain confusion', though (see Appendix 3 for more on the science of referred pain); These structures all sit along one fascial plane. This fascial plane starts at the ureter, passes down to the back of the bladder, transfers through the fascia of the prostate, down the ductus deferens and ends in the testicles. Bad people do bad things; I am a bad person; Shaming myself--the brutal, censorious self-deprecation of constant criticism and judgment upon myself--is the only thing that holds back vile atrocities. Again I shrug. We are stuck in a Catch-22. Of course the therapist doesn't believe how bad I really am: if she did, she wouldn't let me come. I mustn't tell her, or show her, or let her see. So she will never believe me when I tell her that I'm bad. How then to move forwards? But there's something strangely comforting about her presence here with me even as I grapple with these thoughts. Being able to see how other people think and feel enables you to successfully relate to friends, colleagues, and lovers. People with BPD are truly deficient in understanding the nature of other people's thoughts and feelings.

They're not purposely trying to hurt themselves or others. The following story about Gary, a man who has BPD, and his wife, Denise, depicts Gary's unawareness of how his behavior profoundly affects his wife. Often people with BPD are astonished when their spouses leave them. Outsiders, on the other hand, aren't so surprised. Denise, did you get my jeans washed? Yep, they should be on top of your dresser with all the other folded clothes for the trip, Denise replies. By the way, we need to leave for the airport in about 15 minutes. Traffic can be bad at this time of day. I had my own mind, my own imaginary friends, and my own music in my head, and I didn't want anyone else. Difficulty with Speech My outside world swirled around me, and I experienced anxiety and panic every day. There were good things sometimes, too, especially in the calm of winter. I could understand most of what the adults around me said, but no one ever listened to me, and I didn't realize that I really couldn't talk very well. I thought I could talk, but the replies that came back never made any sense. I got dizzy from confusion and exhaustion and had to lie down. Trying to talk always exhausted me. Later, after my sister learned English faster than I did when she was around three years old, I felt a deep hatred toward her because I became aware of a secret bond between Helen and my mother. I felt this to be wholly unfair. It is why it is essential to seek treatment if you suffer abuse. Emotional manipulators are masters who make others feel small.

If you are abused, you may feel that it is your fault. Remember that the long-term effects of abuse can be terrible, so it is so important to see a therapist. Whether you see someone online or locally, you can get help with mental abuse. Manipulation in Real Life Do you hate manipulation as much as I do? Bitches, bullies, social perverts, and sweet talkers, this world is full of people, they will say and perform anything to get what they want, and will not hesitate to use you for personal gain. If you hate manipulation as I do, this is for you because I will introduce these manipulation strategies to recognize them when they appear. Acts Above You Another way to work with attention is to focus on resilience--a counterbalance to trauma. Resilience, Staci Haines wrote, is our inherent capacity to see beauty, find connection, commune with something larger than ourselves, and create--even in or after horrendous experiences (personal communication, June 20, 2016). It reflects our capacity to cope effectively with adversity and stress, and has a strong connection to both mindfulness and trauma. Resilience can involve purposefully turning our attention toward what brings us energy and joy. Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson (2009) refers to this as taking in the good--a practice we can purposefully engage in to internalize positive experiences. Recalling who or what we love is an example of resilience. So are self-care practices, or community events that nourish us. It helps remind us that our own bodies can be a source of pleasure as opposed to only trauma and pain. Communities can also engage in collective resilience practices in the face of trauma and oppression. Cara article, a Black, queer activist and healer who is currently director of the Audre Lorde Project,* defined collective resilience as: At that time, Reiki was very trendy, and so I sought out a good Reiki teacher to initiate me in the technique. Within six months I had two initiations, and I became a Reiki master and teacher.

Although I initially found the technique fascinating because I was controlling my energy for the first time, I ultimately didn't enjoy it. I noticed that something wasn't quite right with this method. Certain symbols and terms are part of Reiki, and in strict schools a photograph of the founder of Reiki, Mikao Usui, who died in 1926, is displayed along with a candle. Yet I noticed that the room darkened as soon as the picture was put up; When I worked with people, they felt warmth, but at the same time I felt that energy was being taken from me. I got to know many Reiki masters, and remarkably, they all lived in (involuntary) financial poverty. This makes little sense, because if you have enough energy and are completely satisfied with your job, you can't be involuntarily financially poor. Someone will only lack money if they're suffering from a permanent loss of energy. I don't even need those certain family members who are extremely toxic to my emotional well-being. Simplifying one's life can be quite a challenge--saying no to people is particularly difficult, but it might also let you focus on the people who are worth saying yes to. Hold your seat Using death as my advisor has made me (a little more) confident that when my time comes, I will meet it with a lot more goodwill, courage, bravery, and grace. I hope this is true for the rest of life as well. When something comes up, I'd like to think I'm a little better at holding my seat, as the Buddhists say, which to my mind means that I try to operate from a place of centeredness. It doesn't mean I can't feel anger or lust or love or irritation: it means that I hope I'm having a proper relationship with my emotions. I want to accept death's necessity and feel confident and composed when I face it. Consider money Using death as your advisor can save you a lot of cash. Check with your accountant, tax preparer, or state property tax office for the proper qualifications and how to apply. Even with decreased property taxes, you have the same responsibilities in maintenance and upkeep as any other homeowner.

Spring and summer mandates mowing the grass, cleaning the pool, trimming and/or gardening. Autumn calls for leaf raking and cleaning rain gutters. In many parts of the nation, winter demands shoveling snow. Planning each task is essential. Start gradually until you build endurance. Rest frequently and take your time. Slow and steady wins every time. Pushing, even a self-propelled lawn mower, can be exhausting after stroke. Pain that lies the other side of the collecting duct embryology (ie in a slightly different fascial plane) never follows this pathway - instead it stays as a vague pain in the loin of the back. The reason ureteric pain radiates so far is because it is so intense. The pain of kidney stones represents the internal pathways of the Kidney to the Bladder, but there are also external pathways. The external pathways are the pathways that lead to the outside, the fingers and toes, and to find these we have to go the fascial coverings of the external kidney. When the Ultimate-kidney is forming it will have organising centres that tell it where to stop. These organising centres will communicate their messages through pathways, and these pathways will persist in the adult as the fascia. Fascia is - literally and embryologically - the defining aspect of an organ. The fascia of the kidney wraps it, channels through the retroperitoneum to the Heart, communicates with the bald area of the liver, and then flows down around the organs in the pelvis. How do we know this? The kidneys, adrenal glands and vessels are contained within the perirenal space which is contained by the kidney fascia. There's something disconfirming about her whole way of being. And I see, in a sudden flash, that she is not my mother, and that she doesn't hate people and judge them and write them off.