Detecting Serious Symptoms

They start swinging in their 70s. Relationships that last 40 years committed faithful. Until that one dry spell. So what I'm saying is no relationship is completely successful because someone dies. What hurt me most was the fear of bullies and the difficulties of keeping a job, even though I worked as hard as I could and tried my best. Keeping Jobs was Difficult When I was forty-six years old, I learned that I have Asperger's. Before then, I could not understand why I had few friends, had a lot of difficulties with most people, struggled immensely to keep jobs, and have never been married. I consider myself a kind and thoughtful man, and that image of myself is reinforced by others. When I learned that I am an Aspie, I thought, Great--another label. I joined an Asperger's group, read up on the subject, and began shoring up my deficiencies (ie, communicating with others). Knowing that I have Asperger's allowed me to focus on sharpening my social skills and helped my counselor work with me more effectively. I learned that because of my Asperger's, I am very literal and do not understand subtext, which is why I ask others to speak very directly to me. Some folks consider it rude to be so blunt. With those values in mind, he develops the following mission statement: John's life mission statement: I commit myself to spending time pursuing my interest in politics. I will attend local political meetings and learn about how I can participate in my community as a leader. I vow to put 15 percent of my income into a retirement account to rebuild my finances. John found that his life mission statement helped him clarify who he was and where he wanted to go in life. He realized that much of his behavior and focus took him away from his real goals and values.

After writing his mission statement, he developed a deeper understanding of his identity and what his life is about. Finding Forgiveness and Self-Compassion You'll likely succeed in implementing your new life mission statement with time, patience, and persistence. However, when you are bogged down by rage at other people, or even yourself, those feelings hamper and stymie your ability to progress. Well, if you do, that just means you took the order down wrong! YOU: That is not likely, Mr. Gaines, but if you like, I can retrieve the paperwork. I can get your original purchase order. This will take about three minutes. May I put you on hold for that long? CUSTOMER: Yes, go ahead. Let's get to the bottom of this. YOU (returning): I have the purchase order here, signed by you, and it does specify Model 34567. If you like, I'll fax you the document . Instead, she points out how we hurt ourselves in the present. In the following excerpt from our first meeting, a woman said that she was moved by what I had told her. What do you notice feeling as you let me help you? You just came out of hiding. She sighed. I was afraid I would start crying.

Wouldn't it be better to cry than to be anxious? It was very moving for me. At that moment, I thought, `I hadn't met a man before who would hear me. Are you willing to let me hear your tears? There's always a possibility your soul tie. So if you are with someone until you die and they move on, would you call that a successful relationship? If you're with someone for half of your life and now you want a different life, and you break up. You break up on mutual terms. Does that equal a successful relationship? Relationships can come and go and change in an instant. Relationships can be successful at the time where you're speaking on it, but there's no such thing as an ultimately successful relationship. That is because one instant, one second, one circumstance, things can change. One day you wake up; So they was actually that moment where you thought things were cool maybe two weeks prior. For me, it eliminates misunderstandings. Like many Aspies, I dislike change. It takes me awhile to become comfortable in new surroundings, and especially with new technology. If anything causes me to melt down, it's a major update with a computer system or smart phone. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for most of my life. Only in the last year have I felt more buoyed, perhaps because my attitude toward life is improving.

I have special interests: investments, national news, and the weather. I keep up with these three items every day. I can talk for hours about my passions, especially the stock market. I also consider myself a writer and creator--not an Aspie writer and creator. Rage consumes huge amounts of emotional resources. Even a small fraction of the energy you currently devote to rage can take you a long way toward positively implementing your life mission. However, learning to let go or find forgiveness can be a disturbingly difficult task -- especially when you have good reasons for feeling enraged. But, we do believe that forgiveness is worth the effort. As you begin to consider forgiveness as a step toward implementing your life mission, you need to think about the two types of forgiveness: forgiveness of yourself and forgiveness of others. Forgiving yourself first Many, perhaps most, people with BPD spend a lot of time feeling down about themselves. They usually know when their behaviors have been inappropriate or have caused unnecessary harm to others or themselves. With that realization about their actions, they feel self-loathing and despair. Typical thoughts at such times include CUSTOMER: No. That won't be necessary. I guess I made a mistake. YOU: Well, unfortunately, the model you ordered and received is a custom design, which means that I cannot simply exchange it for 12345. However, Mr. Gaines, have you considered just keeping what you have?

You know, the 34567 should deliver satisfaction. Is there anything you don't like about it? CUSTOMER: Well, not really. It's just not what I thought I'd ordered. I'm not going to cry anymore. When therapists see how we reject our feelings, they comment on the cruelty we inflict upon ourselves, a cruelty we don't see. They neither collaborate with our dismissal nor judge us for it. Instead, they compassionately point out how we cause our suffering. Do you want to stay anxious instead? Why be so cruel to your tears? Don't they deserve love too? How long do your tears have to be rejected? When do they get to come back in the house? They must be getting very cold outside. In order for a relationship to be successful, you would have to be a fortune-teller or live in the future. You don't know what the future holds, so live your life like there is tomorrow. Don't be so fixated on the idea of what happiness is! Learn to live life for the moment because you know, however many moments you will have. I've repeated time and time; It gave me an abundance that I got from nothing else.