Do you give yourself permission to feel angry?

I closed my eyes and scanned my memory. I tried hard to remember if there were trees in any of my dreams. I didn't recall any. Then, in a flash, I recalled a recent dream: I saw myself floating amongst clouds. I replied excitedly, `I don't remember seeing trees, but I remember seeing clouds. Feigning seriousness, I returned to my plan, baiting him to my trap with a question. If he answered in the affirmative, I won. From that position, it was checkmate. I asked if he believed in karma. Not all students come to school with equity in resilience, openness, and confidence. While some children had secure attachments and no apparent single-incident trauma (also referred to as shock trauma because of its overwhelming effect on breaching the limits of the nervous system's coping capacity), others arrive in preschool or kindergarten with complex trauma. The latter group will need long-term external supports as they are also learning to build internal self-support alongside the rest of their classmates. The main difference between shock trauma and developmental trauma is that the latter disrupts brain stem development sometime during the fetal period or throughout the first three years of life. This can then derail neuronal and synaptic networks throughout the whole brain and body that are responsible for the growth and maturation of the nervous system. Dr Bruce Perry, of Houston's ChildTrauma Academy, observed three potential threats that can interfere with an infant's neurological development: trauma in utero, failure to form a secure attachment, and other postnatal trauma from a variety of sources. Fortunately, the model and roadmap I developed and describe below serve as robust preventative and healing medicine for everyone, no matter their age or where they fit on the continuum from simply stressed out to harboring complex developmental PTS. See brain image below. With extensive experience working directly with traumatized children, teens, and parents as well as providing experiential seminars for teachers, administrators, and mental health professionals; I have found the above model to be an indispensable roadmap in prescribing regulation, resilience, stress reduction, health, and happiness. This way there is no chance at losing or hurting a very important, close, loving and healthy relationships with those who are vital to us when we reach the last article of our lives.

No matter what you do, keep these relationships high priorities, focus on building, sustaining and keeping them healthy, so they will be there in your final days. And you want to be there for those that you love as well, being able to be that loving ear and heart to someone that you have cared for over the years does a great deal for the spirit. Admitting Fault Being able to admit when you have done something that was wrong shows a sign of emotional maturity, and it is vital to maintaining any healthy relationship. If you are the type of person who constantly refuses to admit your wrongs, it is just going to show the people who are around you who you truly are, as well as paint you in deceptive light. The most effective way to handle it is to be honest, own whatever it is, apologize and move on. Without realizing it, this is another way that you are releasing stress from your body. Anytime that you hold something inside, keep secrets or live in a deceitful way, it can be very harmful to your health in the long run. Eventually, you are going to be the person that no one wants to be around, so they will only interact with you when they really need or have to. Now I am going to tell you what I was talking about. As of current times, the art of learning has been broken down into four subsections. Each type has its own set of strengths and weaknesses, which means there is no one type that is better or worse than the others. It does not mean any one learner is smarter, or that one is below. The first type we are going to talk about is those who are visual learners. These are the type who benefit the best from things like flashcards and anything that requires you to see the information drawn in a picture. When their eyes take it in, they can understand what it means. The second type is the auditory learner. They remember the things they hear the most. You can either hear the information from someone else or yourself, which is why if you need to remember something, you should say it out loud the number of times that it takes to memorize it. You get to a friend's house and find them burning a pile of American flags in their fire pit while taking a lot of selfies.

You learn that most parents in your kid's elementary school don't vaccinate their children. You are at a restaurant with a communal table and realize, after an hour of pleasant conversation, that the party of ten people next to you are all registered sex offenders. You're camping deep in the forest and wake up feeling a little itchy, but it's pitch-black outside. You turn on a flashlight and realize you and your entire tent are covered in ants. CAN A BAGEL BE TRIGGERING? Once you start noticing how anxiety sparks, you'll see it happen everywhere. What's your first reaction when you see bagels sliced vertically, like a loaf of bread? If your response is anything like the responses that I saw when this was posted on Twitter, you're probably feeling something like level 2 or even level 3 anxiety. The responses on Twitter were entertaining: So when my mom died, I found myself immediately denying those feelings a place in my soul. I'm pretty sure this is why I hate feeling feelings. I remember it was father-daughter week at my school. My dad missed every single activity. I was bummed out. My friends began to ask where my dad was. I said that he was shipped off for duty in the Gulf War. War people! And I repeated it so much that I started to believe that shit. But the truth was his job sent him to get sober at this rehabilitation center a few hours from our house. Imagine yourself as a product that needs improvement.

It should be fast and consistent. A daily testing, measuring, and installing of improvements on your system can create better leverage. If you work on a daily basis to improve your relationship, for example, it will normalize quicker. Feedback Loops Feedback loops are the engines of the system--they keep the system running. While mentally it is hard to imagine them, by having a computer simulation they can become quite transparent. The money input rate is illustrated using a converter. Converters can include constants that you can utilize to alter other elements of the model. The money input flow is determined as savings x money input rate. We cannot reach harmony when one part of us is not at home. And all this is caused by FEAR. We fear that we made wrong choices in the past so now we are not safe. Or we wait for some future event in the hope that it will bring us to safety. In the meantime we tremble and wait in anxiety. Bring your mind home Sogyal Rinpoche would say. Yes, bring your mind home, reach inner harmony, and the level of your vibrations will start to rise. I believe that we are able to cure ourselves from almost all illnesses just by elevating the level of our vibrations. It is not only that I believe this, I am 100% sure! By leaving fear behind and advancing towards peace, towards our inner peace, we take our vibrations to a higher level and in most of the cases it leads towards self-healing. It was the right time to rattle his nerves.

I unleashed my next question. Is that correct? He nodded, yes. Charged, sensing a thumping victory, I carried on with the unanswerable question, `I took on a life form in my earlier birth for the sins of the life before that and so on. But there must've been a point in time when there was zero karma. So why did I come into being in the first instance? He was not perturbed by my question at all. His eyes softened into a warm smile. Do you understand? The top arrow points to the first skill taught in this article, an invaluable exercise for everyone. This skill tracks the miraculous workings of our physiology. Arousal from the threat response cycle was perfectly designed for survival, socialization, success, and well-being. Learning to become familiar with how it feels involves time and attention. It means pausing long enough to first notice and then cultivate an awareness of what--literally--goes on inside of us and gets under our skin, including feelings on the surface of the skin. The ability to perceive information by sensing the continuously updated status of our organs and muscles--for example, perceptions of hunger, thirst, rate of heartbeat, held or flowing breath, tight or relaxed shoulders, movement of our lungs and rib cage as we breathe, pain or pleasure, a relaxed stomach, or an impulse to stretch--is called interoception. Interoceptive awareness is one of the keys to resilience. The bottom arrow on this roadmap points to The Eight Essentials of Healthy Attachment that for the most part have gone unmet for students who were traumatized as infants, toddlers, and/or preschoolers. Interestingly, these same eight essentials are foundational to our adult relationships as well. Without them, we feel undernourished and life loses its luster. You are going to become consistently irritated with everything and everyone, simply because you are not being honest with yourself or anyone else.