Other Variables That Play a Role in Obedience

Narcissists exhibit several characteristics that can be used to identify their personality. The following are some common ones. The first thing to look out for in a person is their excessive need for admiration. A narcissistic partner or coworker loves to talk about themselves, and the only thing they expect from you is your attentiveness. If your partner likes to reel off about how their day at work went without ever asking of yours, that partner is more than likely a narcissist. Create a printout with a photo of Daddy at work with colleagues and pin it to the door. When your kids see it, it means you're doing office work and no disruptions are allowed. You can also try installing the red light, as mentioned in article 1 (here ). As an added incentive, hand out a small reward when your children stick to the rules. You can do something similar at work. That colleague of yours who simply can't resist stopping by for a quick chat whenever he passes your desk? Explain that when he sees the photo of you collecting last year's award for best sales rep faceup on your desk, it means you're working on trying to win the same award and he should not disrupt your focus. When my partner is working from home, he settles down to work right away and is incredibly focused, whereas the sound of a passing vehicle is enough to break my concentration. He doesn't think twice about interrupting me because it's not an issue for him, but these little chats throw off my productivity like crazy. I usually close the door of the room I'm in to indicate that I'm working and he shouldn't interrupt. Given the billions of dollars being spent globally on diversity training, this should give many companies pause. In part a response to these disappointing results, a few companies are trying different approaches, from implicit bias training to programs aimed at micro-inequalities, about whose impact we know even less. What, then, should the firm focused on achieving real results do? Babcock and Loewenstein's research on the effectiveness of various de-biasing techniques provides some hints. They tried two more interventions that had been shown to help in other contexts.

You might have heard of perspective-taking. It is advice that you will get in almost any negotiation course. To negotiate more effectively, this advice runs, you should try to walk in your counterparts' shoes, take their perspective, understand where they are coming from. Although it turned out not to have a big impact in the legal dispute case that opened this article, perspective-taking has been shown to impact people's beliefs in other contexts. For example, walking in an elderly person's shoes by writing an essay from their perspective has been shown to reduce stereotypes about the elderly. They may never request to know things about you, and even if you manage to chip in something about yourself, they are always quick to divert the attention back to themselves. This behavior may make you feel annoyed, bored, or even drained, but these feelings never last. Many narcissists can beguile their audience (victim). They are usually charming, successful, talented, and beautiful, so much so that you are willing to let go of whatever feeling of annoyance you have about their behavior. You will be too enchanted to care about what they are doing to you. Keep in mind that narcissists are also very good at seduction. So, even when they act interested in you, it will wane over time. Narcissists make use of flattery a lot, especially when they are trying to win you over. Not only do narcissists seek desperately for attention, but they also have a grandiose sense of self. They believe that they are special. Quite often he ignores me, but at least I try! When you need others to give you some space, a simple sign or note can do the trick. Whether that's a red light, a closed door, or a sign at your cubicle, make sure you share upfront in a nonemotional way what the sign means, then use it to create some space. Just Like Diamonds, Social Media Posts Are Forever Social media is powerful because so many people can see your messaging, but it's important to remember that social media can also create a very public and lasting perception of you.

Don't rely on deletions. There are apps that store and archive deleted posts, so once your post is up it may be too late to make it disappear entirely. The best way to manage public perception is to carefully curate your social media profiles. A friend of mine, also a speaker, had a bad experience with a global brand and decided to vent about it. Instead of unloading to a friend or a family member, however, he chose his very public Instagram profile to grumble about the quality of the company's products and state that he generally didn't like the brand and preferred a competitor. Similarly, perspective-taking interventions that instructed people to focus on others' emotions, say by empathizing with African Americans when seeing or reading about discrimination, positively influenced attitudes and increased people's interest in interacting with them. In another intervention, management students' bias against members of lower castes in India was attenuated through exposure to a reality TV show, Satya Meva Jayate, hosted by a famous Bollywood movie star. The program documented the atrocities and inequalities that lower-caste people often experience. Narrated using emotionally charged language, people from the lower castes shared their experiences of inhumane treatment, then a former justice of the Supreme Court reminded viewers of the values of equality, fraternity, liberty, and justice treasured in the Indian Constitution, followed by statistics of discrimination and observations narrated by a documentary filmmaker. This arguably heavy-handed approach building on much psychological wisdom worked. It decreased implicit bias, measured by an IAT, and increased the likelihood that the students felt more favorably toward lower castes compared to a control group with no exposure to the TV program. Those results were evident three months later when another IAT was administered. The study's authors infer that the emotionally charged nature of narrations was an important element in reduction in prejudice levels. Perhaps empathic perspective-taking will prove to be an important element of successful diversity training. Babcock and Loewenstein gave one last bias-removing technique a try. They brag about their achievements in the bid to impress you. When you first meet one, you may not instantly pick up the level of their exaggerations unless you are already familiar with narcissism. If they are not yet accomplished, they may fantasize or brag about how they deserve more recognition than they get. All of these are borne of their need for constant validation, praise, and recognition from others. Since most narcissists tend to associate themselves with people of perceived high status, they may tell you about the celebrities they claim to know.

They may wear the latest designer clothes, buy the latest expensive gadgets, or eat in the best restaurants. All this may entrance you, but they are symptoms of the narcissist's need to keep up a bedazzling facade to hide the emptiness they feel. Narcissists are commonly known for their lack of empathy. Although people who are not narcissists may also be known for it, the lack of empathy is a vital and determining factor when added to their sense of entitlement and the inclination to exploit others. Always pay attention to their expressions when you tell a sad story and check out how they receive and react to the narration. Years later, when my friend applied for a speaking opportunity at an event that the brand was running, he wasn't selected, even though he was well-qualified. When he asked why, he learned that his throwaway comment, which he had forgotten, was the reason. Although it's up to you what you complain about and where, this scenario illustrates how practically everyone can see social media posts. If someone wants to find out more about you and is prepared to dig deep and take time, they can learn a lot. Like a diamond, many posts last forever. However, if you're grumbling or making negative or potentially damaging comments, then your post is less like a diamond and more like a tarring--long-lasting, but not in a good way. We've all heard stories of public figures who shared controversial opinions before they were famous. When a big opportunity later came up, like running for public office, presenting at the Oscars, or representing a global brand, someone unearthed the unsavory comments and rallied for the celeb to be dropped from that high-profile role or campaign. You may not have any aspirations to be a celebrity, but reputation matters. Nobody wants to risk losing a job or facing backlash for something they communicated without thinking or during a heated moment. They experimented with what many perceive as the most general-purpose de-biasing strategy, namely a consider-the-opposite approach. This process encourages participants to play devil's advocate with themselves and come up with arguments for why their thinking, including their conclusions, might be wrong. In the experiment, plaintiffs and defendants were made aware of the self-serving bias and in addition were informed that it could arise from the failure to think about the weaknesses in their own case. Then, they were instructed to write down their case's weaknesses. Thinking of holes in their arguments substantially decreased both parties' optimism, almost completely closing the gap in their assessments.

While the impasse rate had been 35 percent in the control condition, it now decreased to only 4 percent, implying that almost all plaintiff-defendant pairings were able to settle out of court. Calvin Lai and collaborators, running a contest on what interventions work to reduce racial bias, came to a similar conclusion. Exposing people to counterstereotypical images was one of the winners. A meta-analysis on automatic stereotype reduction suggests that a similar technique might also work for gender. Instructing individuals to think counterstereotypical thoughts about the social category or making counterstereotypes salient through exposure helped reduce automatic stereotypes, although the effect sizes were rather small, and it remained largely unknown how long the effects would last. Are they devoid of empathy for the tales of hardships and particularly insensitive to your needs? Tell a narcissist that you cannot do something that you promised to do for them-- because of an injury or the loss of a loved one--and they will find a way to make it about how your disappointment will affect them. Some of the ways that a narcissist in your life may show their apparent lack of empathy include giving rude replies, ordering you around, not listening when you talk, ignoring boundaries, taking calls without permission when you are talking to them, etc These little gestures may seem trivial or insignificant--since they don't actually hurt you--but they give an insight into the kind of person you are dealing with: someone who does not care about your feelings. If they act like that on minor issues, they will behave worse on issues that matter. Narcissists have a problem with vulnerability--whether it is theirs or yours. They are also unemotionally unavailable. Most narcissists will keep their distance once they see that you are getting closer to them. They do this because they don't want you to see the person that they really are behind the mask. A psychological sense of entitlement is another common characteristic of narcissists. Their sense of entitlement explains why they believe that the world should revolve around them. Before posting online, always run a quick mental check. Ask yourself: Am I in the grip of a strong emotion? If you were calmer and more relaxed, would you make the same post? If the answer is no, wait a while before posting to make sure you still want to.