Repetition and Familiarity

Second, I kept track meticulously of what people asked for. It is very difficult to avoid being affected by the demands put on the table, and I did not want to respond to just these requests. Negotiation scholars call this anchoring. If men ask for more than women, then the typical negotiation dance in which the parties move closer to decrease the gap between demands and offers yields a gender gap in pay. Thus, rather than focusing on my counterpart's demands, I anchored myself at the going market rate and internal comparators. Those who have natural manipulation are High Machs. As a personality type, Machiavellianism is when a person focuses on self-interest, so much so that they will lie, deceive, manipulate, and exploit others to accomplish a goal. The term Machiavellianism is derived from the name of Niccolo Machiavelli, a philosopher who is renowned for the title, The Prince. In his article, Machiavelli espoused his views on how rulers should take a strict and harsh leadership approach. He believed that as long as glory and survival are the end goal, any means should apply to the ruling, regardless of whether the means are immoral, brutal, and inhumane. According to Machiavelli, virtues such as honesty, loyalty, etc, are expendable if vices like deceit will help you achieve your goals. To put it succinctly, he believed that leaders should adopt a Machiavellian style of ruling even if it is not something they are naturally inclined to use. Machiavellianism became a very popular term in the late sixteenth century and was mainly used to describe the act of using deception to get ahead in life. It wasn't until the 1970s that it became recognized as a psychological term. Social psychologists Richard Christie and Florence L. What is the best way of relating this to her? I think a wife who has had a heart attack recently, and who knows that her husband is ill and unable to visit, will have more anxieties, more concerns, and will be more upset if nobody communicates with her about the nature of her husband's problems. I would sit with the wife, tell her that I just came from visiting the husband, and function as a messenger between the husband and wife, both of whom are hospitalized. I do not know if this couple is hospitalized in the same hospital; If not, they should be allowed to visit each other so that they can talk and at least share what they feel can be shared without unduly upsetting each other.

Can you say more about deciding where to put your help when the family and patient are present and the need of the family is greater? You always help the ones who need the help the most. How should you approach a person of whom you have no knowledge except the fact that he is dying? You walk into the room, ask if he feels like talking for a few minutes and then you sit down and ask what it is that he needs most, and Is there anything that I can do for you? Sometimes they ask you to simply sit down and hold their hand; Third, I invited my counterparts to ask for what they wanted and needed--obviously, without promising that I could deliver. I tried to be as transparent as I possibly could about what was negotiable. Finally, I monitored the Kennedy School's compensation packages, promotion rates, pay raises and other relevant data by gender (and other characteristics) to make sure we did not inadvertently discriminate against a particular category of people. I should now admit that when I was offered a job as assistant professor at Harvard in 1998, I did not ask--at all. I later learned that I could have and promised myself to handle things differently if ever given the chance to negotiate my salary and benefits again. The opportunity arose when I was granted tenure and needed to negotiate terms with the dean. Becoming a full professor with tenure is a big step for an academic, and it comes with sizable financial implications. So, being much more knowledgeable of the research on gender inequality and some of its causes in 2006 than I was in 1998, I did my homework, was lucky to have received an outside offer from a prestigious competitor, and was generally well prepared for my negotiation with the dean. Alas, I was also keenly aware of the evidence on social backlash. I wanted a nice salary, but I also wanted a good relationship. Geis developed what was known as the Machiavellianism Scale or Mach-IV Test. This is a personality inventory used for assessing Machiavellianism in people. Although research shows that Machiavellianism is more commonly found in men, anyone can be a Machiavellian, including children. Although some people read The Prince and other Machiavellianism-themed articles to learn the art of deception, real Machiavellians have a natural knack for deception and duplicity. They are intuitively inclined to be conniving, calculating, and deceptive.

Basically, they will use you as a stepping stone to achieving their goals if you appear to be of use. Machiavellians are essentially amoral. They generally have the mindset that people who allow themselves to be used deserve it. In other words, if you get duped by a con artist, it is because you are stupid, and you deserve it--the con artist isn't to blame. Humans are innately predisposed to be duplicitous, depending on the needs or situation they find themselves in. Or you ask if there is anybody else you can get for them. That is very often what a patient needs--a specific person whom he chooses. You then get that person and you have helped that patient. Sometimes when I feel like talking and I don't know the patient at all, I say, Is it tough? How do you help parents accept the oncoming death of a nineteen-year-old son and speak about it with the son? Both realize death is coming, but don't verbalize together. Father and mother don't feel they can talk about it with the son. Sometimes they need a catalyst, and this can be you. You can say to the parents, Wouldn't it help if you expressed some of your concerns and feelings with your son? It may make it easier for him to complete some unfinished business between the three of you. The strategy I chose may or may not be helpful to others, and I have never evaluated it systematically, but it felt right to me at the time: I shared with him what we have discussed in this article--and then asked. He and I still have a good relationship. What is more, when I assumed the position of academic dean I learned about everyone's salaries. Consequently, I can attest that I was treated fairly in that negotiation. Maybe it was just him, maybe this only works in an academic environment where people care deeply about research-based evidence, or maybe it works in your circumstances as well.

I have heard numerous stories of female executives who, after having participated in one of the Kennedy School's executive training programs, went back to their organizations to renegotiate their pay. They applied what they had learned, but also explained the broader context and the particular challenges women face. It did not always lead to a pay raise, but in many cases it opened the door to a meaningful discussion. One additional and important piece of evidence I always leave my students with is that in many negotiations we negotiate on behalf of others. For me, this is one of the most empowering research findings. If you have ever lied about being sick just to avoid going to work or intentionally skip some details while narrating to your partner about how you met an ex recently, it means that you have the natural human capacity to dupe or con others to satisfy your own interest(s). Episodes like this rarely reflect the standard behavioral pattern for many people, and most feel guilty when they lie or take advantage of others. However, for Machiavellians, this is normal behavior. In fact, they don't behave any other way. It is a routine, and they stick to it fervently. Even if you catch a Machiavellian lying about something, they would rather find their way around it than admit to lying. How does the D-factor manifest in Machiavellians? It is straightforward--they would step on literally anybody to achieve their goals. They are known to focus on their interests alone. Machiavellians prioritize themselves over any other person; If they are unable to do so, don't push, but at least share with them some of your clinical experiences. When this has been done, this may encourage them to open up. How do you give a patient a clue that you will talk about death with him or her if he wants it? I sit with him and talk about his illness, his pain, his hopes, and in a short time we are very often talking about our philosophies of life and death. Without any big preparations, we are in the midst of some real issues.

Sometimes you can sit with a patient and ask him if he is willing to share with you what it is like to be so very ill. The patient will then talk about all the turmoil he has gone through and will perhaps add, Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off to die. This gives you the opening to talk about what feelings, ideas, fears, and fantasies he has about death and dying. I am a member of a helping profession, and very often upon entering the room of the patient have very negative gut reactions. How do you suggest that I make contact with such patients? The negotiation dilemma completely disappears when women negotiate for someone else. This has no influence on men, but it gives women a great boost. Think of attorneys defending their clients, doctors advocating for their patients, professors sponsoring their students. There is no gender role conflict in these situations as women are expected to care about the people they represent and fight hard to advance their interests. A meta-analysis including more than 10,000 subjects (students as well as executives) confirmed the importance of representation and transparency. Indeed, many women (and men) negotiate their pay not just for themselves but on behalf of their families. An early study showed that this gives negotiators a justification to keep more for their group than they would have claimed for themselves, in particular, when the outcomes were public. While empowering on the one hand, the impact of household dynamics on external negotiation is a topic that social scientists have only recently started to unpack. Many internal negotiations take place within the household--on how time is allocated, income generated, care given, money spent, children raised, and so on. Bowles and McGinn offer a two-level negotiation as framework for analysis. Like narcissists and psychopaths, Machiavellians are charming and confident. Winning people over is like reading the ABCs to them. They can readily win you over with flattery, and you won't even realize that you are being lied to or manipulated. Machiavellians lack morals, principles, and values. Although they don't completely lack empathy--like psychopaths--they certainly have impaired empathy levels, which is why they can deceive others without feeling regret.