Sign of the Times

I dreaded the prospect of starting kindergarten, knowing there would be lots of kids and noise. As a young child, I thrived on peace and quiet and was happy to be around adults. I was most upset knowing that I had to go to kindergarten myself, without my mother. That first day was like a nightmare, and it pretty much didn't change for the next thirteen years, until I graduated from high school. School was, simply put, a torture chamber. The external stimuli were overwhelming. It was too noisy, with children playing, teachers talking, and bells ringing. The school bell that rang every hour was enough to send me into a tailspin. In either case, exercising yourself and understanding how to manipulate it may help you immensely. What Does Manipulation in Relationships Look Like? Manipulation in relationships usually focuses on the various behaviors and actions that are essentially controlled. Manipulative partners may use different techniques to persuade you to behave in a certain way or make decisions consistent with what they want. When being manipulated, you may feel powerless or scared. You may experience dieting (the term dieting refers to manipulating someone to question your reality) or other common manipulation behaviors. Manipulation can be manifested in many ways, and sometimes they seem harmless or acceptable according to social norms. For example, the technique of stepping on a door means that someone first starts in a smaller, more acceptable way, and then manipulates you to accomplish a great task. By making you feel loyal to others or consistently helping others, you can use this technique to win a lot of help. When you are the target, identifying manipulation can be tricky. The soothing voice of someone we care about--even on the phone--can settle us in an instant after a rough day. Seeing someone's face can be even more regulatory, activating our social engagement system that lies within the window of tolerance.

Relationships with trauma professionals, specifically, can help survivors regulate their arousal and learn to do so effectively on their own over time. The point here is that other people--who they feel are safe and trustworthy--can help survivors regulate arousal, whether through settling eye contact, physical touch, or overall presence. If our arousal level is too high, another person can help calm us down through words or by encouraging us to take deep breaths; Like an infant with a caregiver, these adjustments are often nonverbal, taking place largely through cues such as breath, gesture, and vocalization. When Sam had a session with me, I tracked his physiological signs as much as the content he was sharing through words. While video calls make it slightly more difficult to accomplish this, I'm often surprised how noticeable the slight shifts are that I need to watch--one's inflection, for instance, or facial expressions. The reason I'm tracking for this is that trauma isn't just about a person's words--it's ever present in their physical, lived experience. When I saw Sam starting to become distressed and disorganized in his thoughts, I'd ask him to notice what was happening inside. This is absolute freedom. Nevertheless, how I handle energy is my personal responsibility. Let's illustrate it in one image: If I take my car to the car wash and later drive it through the mud, I can't complain to the operator of the car wash and ask for another car wash free of charge. Here's an important point: The exchange of energy between two people always takes place in a perpetrator-victim set-up. So, what happens if you're attacked by an adversary? Their pent-up energy is supposed to be discharged via you, in order to elicit a reaction from you, which in turn replenishes and increases their energy level because they need your energy to maintain their blocks. But if you (as the `defender') are in G4, you'll essentially turn the tables. Energy is taken from the attacker, instead of them taking away energy from you. Since the attacker has little energy, the energy is taken away by the `defender,' where it's at its greatest: the block. It's resolved, and new life energy later takes its place. We all know we should do this, but it seems so not fun. It's sort of like writing a resume, and who really enjoys working on those?

So I decided to turn it into a party with the following ingredients: Several friends, lots of wine, several newspapers from around the country (so that we could look at some sample obits in the paper), some good food, and more wine. It's the only way I would get it done. And the reason I threw this party was because a friend, my age, had suddenly died. His partner was overcome with grief, and when I asked what I could do, he said, You're a writer! Write the obituary! What I discovered was that it's hard to gather facts without much notice. I had forgotten: Which college had he gone to? How many sisters did he have? Women may feel that they are not as appealing after stroke as they were before. Men may experience erectile dysfunction. Furthermore, some medications may have an effect on your libido. What specific adjectives describe your marriage/partnership? Life partner, sharing, love, parenting, pledge, vow, promise, sexuality, faithfulness, and unity are all words that may be used to describe your devotion to each other. Continue to enhance your unity. Help your lover understand that you still love him or her. If your partner is experiencing emotional problems toward resuming sexual relations with you because of the stroke, consult a professional counselor. Intimacy (Tips 474-485) Caregiver and stroke survivor may now equal husband and wife or lovers. To answer this we have to look at a hormone that most people associate with feeling good, legal or otherwise, the hormone of Prozac and Ecstacy - serotonin! Conveniently (for me) the name serotonin simply means blood vessel (sero-) contractor (-tonin).

So, the link between capillaries closing up and serotonin is a given. How does it relate to the spleen, though? Serotonin is best known as the feel-good hormone, but what is less known is that over 95 per cent of serotonin is found not in the brain but in the gut! In fact, serotonin should probably have been called enterotonin as its Italian discoverer Vittorio Erspamer named it. This was after its ability to make the gut (entero-) contract (-tonin). Sadly, neither Erspamer's moniker nor `serotonin' won out and its official, rather dry, name is 5-hydroxytryptamine (5-HT). As is now becoming patently obvious in the world of medicine, hormones and neurotransmitters are not only indistinguishable, but have a diverse and ubiquitous role throughout our body. Serotonin is no exception; The therapist's face scrunches up into a look of acute sadness. I look up at her, surprised. That wasn't the sound I was expecting. What does it mean? That I am worth keeping safe? We sit for a few moments with the sound still echoing in my chest, and I'm shocked by the reflexive honesty of it. To me, it's just a statement: I'm not worth keeping safe. Of course not. Never have been. That was my experience in childhood. They may dwell on unsupported ideas of betrayal by friends, spouses, or acquaintances. They often read unwarranted, threatening meanings into other people's innocent remarks.

Such paranoid mistrust and fear commonly accompany BPD. Paranoia can range from merely heightened distrust to full-blown delusions of a psychotic nature, meaning they have little or no grounding in reality. However, people with BPD don't generally experience extremely intense psychotic delusions. When people with BPD do experience paranoia, their delusions tend to be brief and don't depart severely from reality. The following story about Alex, who has BPD, illustrates a type of paranoia that often accompanies BPD. Alex looks out the window, hoping to see Madeline entering the apartment building. He paces back and forth, his tension rising. He calls her cell for about the 100th time -- it goes right to voice mail again. I started to cringe minutes before it rang, and when it did ring, it sent a shudder throughout my entire body. My school had strange smells. I got bullied and was forced to do things against my will. I hated being away from the security of home. I recently found my kindergarten report card. The teacher wrote that I appeared anxious all the time and never seemed to calm down. My mother was frequently called in to the school to discuss my non-compliance with the rules. The teacher said I wasn't like the other children, I didn't listen to her, nor did I fit in with everyone else. I just seemed to do what I wanted, and I was in my own little world. Sadly, bullying became a normal way of life for me. If this is the case, don't be embarrassed; Things such as controlling your personal information, personal financial information, etc are also examples of shocking behavior.