Continuously Improve Yourself!

Twice this last month he actually did some thinking out loud with me, which was wonderful. I know it was difficult for Jim, but it was great to see him put forth that effort. I hate to admit it, I really do, but I see some value in being alone and quiet . I've also learned that when I encourage him to be who he is, I receive more of what I need. The other day, I knew he was frazzled, but I wanted to talk. Usually, I would have forced the discussion or tried to, but I remembered a couple of passages from Proverbs: Don't talk so much. You keep putting your foot in your mouth. Be sensible and turn off the flow! Berkowitz and Learticle's (1967) classic weapons-effect study shows that participants became the most aggressive when they were in a condition in which they were both angered and in the presence of a gun and a rifle, administering an especially large number of shocks to another person. The bar graph shows the level of aggression during angered and not angered, in the case of weapon present and no weapon present. It shows x-axis showing the level of aggression and ranges from 0 to 7 in increments of 1. It also shows y-axis showing two situations, angered and no angered. The level during angered in the case of weapon present and no weapon present is plotted at points 5. The level during no angered in the case of weapon present and no weapon present is plotted at points 4. You might be wondering whether something like this could happen outside the laboratory. You bet it could. In one field study, researchers got a pickup truck with a gun rack and had it stall at a traffic light (Turner et al. In one condition, there were two cues associated with violence: a military rifle in the gun rack and a bumper sticker that read VENGEANCE. I'm sure that you've seen a comedian get heckled by the crowd at some point. You might have even seen a performer or speaker of some type get booed offstage.

These things happen sometimes in life, but it isn't the end of the world. It's just a sign that something has to change, and you need to adapt. Unfortunately, some people are so afraid of being told they're not good enough that they won't try in the first place. Maybe it's better to give up on your dreams if reaching them means you have to hear some nasty words. Fear of Ego - Some people are worried about success because they think it will change them. This comes from a lack of trust in themselves. Of course, if you were handed unlimited money and power right now, it could easily corrupt you over time. When you have to earn it and fight for it, you tend to appreciate it a lot more. Self-control means controlling the tongue! A quick retort can ruin everything (Prov. So I said to Jim, You look like you need some time to recoup. Why don't you go read or do whatever, and maybe we could talk a bit later. And we did talk--quite a bit. And I am learning to write him notes, too. Jim understands things that used to really get me. He's better at it, but I've learned that a few of his words mean a hundred of mine. When he gets a big smile on his face and doesn't say much, I say, It looks like that smile is about 500 of my words. And he says, You've got that right. In another condition, there was one cue--the rifle--whereas the bumper sticker now read FRIEND. In a third condition, there was neither a rifle nor a bumper sticker.

Drivers behind the stalled truck were most likely to honk the horn when hostile cognitions were primed by the rifle and the VENGEANCE bumper sticker and least likely to honk when there were no cues priming such cognitions. This is a powerful demonstration when you consider that if participants had been thinking rationally about their behavior, someone with a rifle and a VENGEANCE bumper sticker would be the last person they would want to mess with. Why does the weapons effect occur? One reason is that weapons prime aggression-related thoughts, which in turn makes it more likely an angered person will think of aggressive ways to deal with that anger. Another reason is that weapons can induce a physiological reaction that prepares the person to lash out. In one study, participants who spent 15 minutes handling a pellet gun that looks a lot like an automatic handgun, as opposed to handling the children's game Mousetrap, showed increases in their level of testosterone (Klinesmith et al. In addition, the bigger their increase in testosterone, the more aggressive they were toward another supposed participant, spiking that person's water with more hot sauce. An interesting result was that these hostile acts occurred even though these participants had not been frustrated or insulted by the person they aggressed against. There's a reason that the people with the most responsibility also have the most power - they're the ones who are able to make the right decisions. If they weren't, they wouldn't have reached that position in the first place. This is true for you as well. The journey to your destination is going to teach and change you, but not in a bad way. This is called personal growth and everybody should be looking to grow. Avoiding success because you don't want to change is like a child avoiding growing up because they don't want themselves or their lives to change. It's great that you feel happy with the way you are now and your life at the moment, but change and growth are much more likely to make it (and you) better than worse. Maybe the possibility of misusing power is reason enough to avoid your life goals and avoid achieving anything though. Fear of Workload - This one is a bit more logical than the others. It's rooted in a lack of self-belief, which then means there's not much belief in the journey ending and actually having a pay-off. I just love good translators! So I've learned to give him time and space and not to interrupt when he talks.

And I don't assume anymore that he doesn't have opinions or want to talk. He's selective and more methodical, whereas I use a scatter-gun approach. Well, there they are--Jim and Alice. Each married to an opposite. And you know what? Neither person's style is wrong. Each was created in a unique way. Did you identify with one of them? The researchers suggest that because participants handled the gun for 15 minutes, their extended time with a weapon may have increased testosterone levels and aggression even though they had not been provoked or frustrated. Stimuli other than firearms also can become associated with violence and therefore can prime cognitions that encourage aggression. In one study, participants who watched a violent film scene involving the actor Kirk Douglas were later more aggressive toward a provoking confederate if he was named Kirk instead of Bob (Berkowitz & Geen, 1967). In another study, seven- to nine-year-old children watched either a neutral show or a violent TV show in which walkie-talkies were used. Later they played a game of floor hockey. Boys who had seen the violent show and then saw walkie-talkies at the beginning of the game were the most aggressive during the game (Josephson, 1987). So stimuli other than guns can become cues that encourage aggression, and furthermore, it's not always true that guns are cues to aggression. It largely depends on the thoughts that a person associates with guns. Although for many people guns have an associative history with violence and aggression, this is not the case for everyone. People who hunt for sport may see guns in a different light. It happens when you're already making sacrifices to try and succeed in life, and they're costing you in other areas, like your social or family life. If you succeed, the workload is going to get heavier and restrict your time even more, right?

Not really. Unless you DO want to be Elon or Branson, you're probably going to reach a level where you're happy and start focusing on making life more pleasant instead of pushing for more and more career success. You know your goals and what you need to live a happy life. Once you achieve it, there's no reason for you to be locked in and sacrificing your time. In fact, it frees your time up - that's the reason most people WANT to succeed! But hey - maybe it's better to have a little free time now and sacrifice the possibility of an early retirement and loads of free time later. Fear of Social Change - A bit like the fear of ego, this is a fear that success will change your life. This time it isn't about trusting yourself and abusing power, it's about the other people in your life. Or perhaps you saw a bit of both in you. WHAT DO YOU THINK? With whom did you identify the most, Jim or Alice? List five of the characteristics mentioned that also identify you. What suggestions would you make to enable an E and an I to communicate in a more effective way? Let's summarize what an E and an I are like. You have your own definitions of what an extrovert and an introvert are, but let's be clear about them. These qualities delineate the way people prefer to interact with the environment or the way they are energized. Extroversion Remember, an extrovert (E) gains energy from people. As a result, they don't tend to show activation of aggressive cognitions and are not more aggressive toward those who provoke them when exposed to pictures of guns; For hunters, pictures of guns actually arouse warm and pleasant cognitions (perhaps reflecting the enjoyable times with family while they've hunted).