Self-Serving Attributions

Grapefruit: Grapefruit is known for its citrus, tangy smell and is commonly used to help alleviate stress and irritation toward others. Grapefruit also moves stagnant energy within the solar plexus chakra. Issues with overeating are often helped through the grapefruit. Rosemary: Since the solar plexus is often connected with the digestive tract, it is common to use the rosemary essential oil to heal it. The strong scent helps strengthen willpower and creates an avenue for boosting your inner fire. Please know that despite the challenges of my job, I'm never too busy for family. Your conciliatory tone deflates Pam's argument. She shifts uncomfortably, not wanting to accept your gratitude, then changes the subject to her daughter's high grades at school. How you respond to these hidden or partial messages is really up to you. If someone is making a veiled accusation or trying to bait you, you have to decide if you want to take the high road and ignore the negativity, or shine a light on what's being said and deal with it directly. If the conversation is happening in front of others, you may want to speak privately to your antagonist. If you're dealing with a bully, however, sometimes it helps to stand up to the person publicly to show you're not intimidated. Weigh the pros and cons and make the call that works for your situation. People sometimes disguise their message or just want to needle you and provoke a reaction. Listen for the underlying meaning and motivations behind what's being said before you decide how to respond. But if individuals invest their resources in a romantic relationship, they may feel like they are being held back from pursuing other personal goals. At the same time, if they focus too much on making their unique mark, they will likely create tension in the relationship (Baxter, 2004). Once people have a firmer footing in their professional careers, they experience less conflict between their desires for attachment and intimacy and their desires for independence and achievement. Let's say a couple has made it through the turbulence caused by adjusting to interdependency, and they have struck a workable balance between their motives for independence and belonging. They decide to get married, pledging to spend the rest of their lives together.

We can now expect that they will live happily ever after, enjoying the same or even higher levels of satisfaction. Marital Satisfaction? Unfortunately, research shows that the prognosis for the course of the marital relationship is not as blissful as most couples expect it will be when they tie the knot. In one of the more comprehensive studies of marital satisfaction, Huston and colleagues (2001) followed dozens of spouses who married in 1981. Relationship satisfaction steadily declined for both husbands and wives as the years ticked by (see FIGURE 15. Lemon: Lemon is often used in cleaning supplies because it has a cleansing property. It is commonly used for physical places within the solar plexus, such as the pancreas and spleen. It is commonly used to heal stress and anxiety. The heart chakra activates love instincts. It is susceptible to hard times, so it needs care and attention to nourish compassion and love. The essential oils used for the heart chakra open up these areas. Rose : Roses are used as a love symbol in most cultures, but it is also the most effective tool for opening the heart chakra. Rose creates a sense of compassion for oneself and others. It can be expensive, however, and more difficult to find. Chamomile: People with overactive heart chakras benefit from chamomile because it is designed to calm the heart chakra. You may want to get to the bottom of things, or you might just take the speaker's words at face value and move on. Let Someone Know They Hurt Your Feelings Recently, your consulting company took on a new client with a very aggressive project deadline. Although your team worked hard to meet the first milestone, they handed in the deliverable a little late. During the next client meeting, when their representative asked why the work came in late, your manager said that it was partly your fault and did not acknowledge any responsibility as team leader.

You were shocked because you generally have an excellent working relationship with your manager, but you chose not to argue during the meeting. You try to let it go, but after consideration, you decide to let her know her behavior was unfair and hurt your feelings. But how do you go about doing so? It's important to choose your words and timing carefully. Blurting out accusatory, poorly considered comments can make things worse. A similar pattern has been reported for the majority of couples in other studies (Karney & Bradbury, 2000; Kurdek, 1999), but a substantial number of couples don't experience this decline (Kurdek, 2005). The Trajectory of Marital Satisfaction Most newlyweds presume that their marriages will become more and more satisfying over time, but statistics suggest that, on average, satisfaction actually tends to decline over time. The line graph plots the mean marital quality of wife and husband in different year of assessment. The x-axis of the graph represents year of assessment beginning from 1 to 10, in increments of 1. The y-axis of the graph represents mean mental ability beginning from 111 to 124, in increments of 1. The points plotting the mean mental quality of wife are (10,90), (11,93), (11,47) (12,34), (10,79), (11,62), (13,01), (13,58), (14,32), and (17,54). The points plotting the mean mental quality of husband are (11,68), (11,19), (12,11) (12,40), (12,28), (12,51), (13,19), (14,91), (15,65), and (18,16). Marital satisfaction tends to take a particularly steep dive at two points: The first and eighth years of marriage (Kovacs, 1983). Think of chamomile tea. It is calming and relaxing, perfect for relaxing the heart chakra. The aroma of blue essential oils helps relax the throat and makes speaking easier. When feeling negative energy, use the following oils to help release the problems. Frankincense: Frankincense is considered a holy oil because it was brought to the baby Jesus by one of the wise men.

It is also used for the benefit of an underactive thyroid. Its strong scent and clear properties open up the throat chakra. Sage: Sage was known in ancient times as the master healer, and it is commonly used for gum disease. It is also used to open channels for positive energy. Cypress: Cypress is commonly used for diseases that are affected by the throat chakra. The next time you see your manager in the hall, you feel your blood boil. You want to scream something like, How could you do that to me? Your behavior was completely out of line. We know it wasn't my fault and I can't believe you'd be so outrageous as to point the finger at me. You are ridiculous and I never want to work for you again! Take a deep breath. This is not the place. You don't want to dig yourself into a hole or get in a shouting match in front of all your colleagues. Instead, think about how to open the conversation and express your hurt and indignation in a less emotional way. It's good to take a deep breath, look your manager in the eye without smiling so she knows you're serious, and start with something positive such as, We've had a fantastic relationship for the past two years I've been on your team, and I really enjoy working with you. The big question, of course, is what causes the decline in marital satisfaction once the honeymoon is over. Let's consider six of the many factors. Partners Start with Unrealistic Expectations Good relationships demand a great deal more work and sacrifice than is typically portrayed in movies and on greeting cards. If a couple weds with unrealistically high expectations about the magic of marriage, they can feel cheated and disappointed later on, even if their relationship is healthy according to objective criteria (Amato et al.

As we mentioned when discussing social exchange, satisfaction in close relationships depends on how well the partners' current outcomes match their comparison level--the outcomes they expected to have when they married. Slacking Off When two people start dating, they go to a lot of trouble to be--or at least appear to be--polite and thoughtful. They suppress their burps, hold the door open, and put on makeup. But once this initial courtship phase has passed and the ink on the marriage certificate is dry, people may stop trying so hard to be consistently courteous and charming (Miller, 2001). It is also used to open the chakra to allow greater access from the mind to the throat. Aromatherapy helps open the mind and creates a space for endurance and learning. The following essential oils are best for the third eye chakra. Ylang-ylang: Ylang-ylang opens the third eye and combats delusion with its clear scent. It also encourages connectivity with the world and its resources. Ylang-ylang connects the body with the earth. Lavender: Lavender has long been known as a soothing scent for the soul. This wonderful scent also promotes emotional stability and dispels negative energy that leads to mental illnesses, such as anxiety and depression. Pine: Pine's heavy scent opens the mind for clarity during meditation. It also instills positivity and encourages self-confidence. Starting with positivity provides a cushion for a challenging situation and communicates that you like and respect your manager generally, but you are troubled about a particular situation. Remember to own your feelings. You can do this by starting your sentence with I feel. Instead of saying, In that meeting with the client, you really threw me under the bus and it was outrageously unfair, you could say, I feel that it was unfair to point the finger at me and let the client think it was my fault we didn't hand in the document on time. It was a team effort.