Tuesday, 10 November 2020

The Secret Guide To Anxiety

We have the power to choose our own meaning. Maitreya smiled in agreement. I felt excited and empowered by the discovery. Deliberating over several choices, I'd finally deciphered the meaning of my life. It was to enrich the life of at least one other human being. That was my purpose. I could choose any meaning that I wanted for my relationships, my family, for love, for friendship, for the process of ageing, for every damn thing. I felt empowered. IT FELT LIKE a rat lived inside my stomach. If you feel excited, do you notice that your heart beats faster, like when you skip or dance? Or do you feel more energy in your limbs that motivates you to move? After exploring, wait another minute or two while focusing your awareness on what happens next. If you were excited, does the excitement settle down? If you were calm or sleepy, did the instructions elevate your energy enough to follow this experiment? Or did you notice that your eyelids were heavy and you decided to take a nap? I really did mean, let's (you and I) have a little fun, as I just now paused to check in with my own weather report and here's what I discovered: I noticed that I felt a bit tense and rushed--my shoulder and arm muscles were tight. As I paused to notice more, I sensed my blood pumping fast enough to easily feel my pulse; I waited a bit more, hoping I would become calmer. That did not happen. Being able to truly relate to others, the higher the success rate will be, and that is not only financially, but I am also talking about success as an effective, loving human being.

Those individuals who are truly self-aware, have the ability to empathize with others, effectively communicate and read the cues of people are considered to be successful in my article. Praise & Motivate Your Team As a leader, when you take the time to show others that you not only notice their work but appreciate and love it, this can make a huge difference in the way that those who you are leading will respond to you. Not only will they feel that you truly appreciate them, but they will also be inspired and motivated to keep working to get better at whatever it is that they are doing. When you feel good about yourself and make sure that you are taking good care of yourself, it comes naturally for you to have a love for others. You automatically nurture and inspire others without having to think about it or work on it. A really good leader has the ability to make others feel like the project that they are working on is actually worth all of the sweat. When you are a leader, make sure that your light is shining at all times, people should look at you and just smell inspiration, love, motivation, and compassion. Being a leader means that you are living in your truth, walking in your purpose, and helping others to do the same. Also, think about how within our own bodies, the different systems are connected with one another. Every system contributes to the foundation. Taking care of yourself physically is a way of practicing the art of placing value on yourself. For many of us, we need to be reminded to do that every so often. We want to try to be everything for everyone at all times. We want to always be there when our friends are having a problem and need someone to talk to. Parents have a near constant worry in the back of their minds about not being able to fulfill all of their children's needs. In turn, children feel the pressure of getting good grades in school and behaving in a way that makes their parents proud. For those in the workforce, a thought that takes up a great deal of their day is wondering what else they could have done today to make themselves valuable at work and staying in their boss's good grace. People who are currently unemployed have a lot of guilt because they feel like they are not pulling their weight in the house, and so the job hunt becomes a stressful event for them because they are under pressure to find work to help support their family. If you both settle on a question about what is useful, you can ask:

What would happen if we didn't do anything? How confident are we in the outcome of these different proposed actions? The other thing to be mindful of is the level of anxiety, or cognitive dissonance, in the room (even if it's a virtual room). The amount of cognitive dissonance different people experience will vary depending on how much their in-group identifies with being picky about bagels. New Yorkers might be so anxious about the prospect of bastardizing a bagel that they're immediately triggered when that preference is violated. People in groups who are neutral about bagels (of which I'd consider myself a part) might not feel much cognitive dissonance at all. People who are familiar with bread-sliced bagels already (like St. Louis residents) won't feel as much because mere-exposure effect (we tend to prefer things that we have become familiar with) has already reduced their dissonance there. A third way to reduce cognitive dissonance beyond qualifying or rejecting the conflicting perspective is to update your perspective with the new information. Maybe that's my next article (or a year-long therapy bill). But I realized that the longer I denied my dysfunction, the worse I felt. I become more depressed. I had to learn how to become independent of other people and my past experiences. There was this interdependency that ruled my life. Even though I was a grown up and I had a child of my own who very much needed me to be his mother. Even though I lived on my own for over a decade in a different city than my parents. Even though I had a job that paid my bills most of the time. Even though I was adulting, I always knew that my parents, my mom to be specific, would be there to bail me out of any problem that I had. When my mom died, my dependency abruptly ended and the detachment process began. Let's use the same model structure we used for your savings account.

Just as it stood true in the case of money, the more lynx you have in the stock, the more lynx will be born. The feedback mechanism at work is a reinforcing one. The population growth of the lynx will show an S-shaped growth--there will be a quick growth over time, the number of lynx will peak at some point, then it will stop and stabilize at a level at which the lynx population is sustainable in the system. The population grows or decreases following the simple rule of thumb of having enough resources to sustain it. As you can imagine, the story is more complicated than this. So far we have a competing balancing and reinforcing feedback loop. The reinforcing loop is dominating the system at first, thus the grown in the population. But then we can experience a shifting dominance as the balancing loop diminishes the growth. The birth rate and death rate of lynxes are in balance at this point. Develop self-inspection. Watch yourself the way cameras watch shoplifters in a store. Put mirrors and cameras around you and watch yourself with full awareness, with full attention, with full alertness. And as soon as you spot a mistake in your behavior, whether it is omitting to act according to what you already understood, or it is a negative thought on the rise, just realize that its root is in fear and it arises from your self-protection. Where I grew up we say the devil in us, which Eckhart Tolle explains so brilliantly: What a liberation to realize that the voice in my head is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that. I got you! Please go back and let me be happy. And then do just this. Once in a while, it lunged at me (or so I imagined), squeezing a bit of my flesh with its four front teeth.

Holding the bite, while shaking its head violently. Struggling to separate the meat caught between its teeth. Backing off. Then repeating the routine. Over and over. Until then, I'd believed that only the absence of love hurt. Being hungry for six days hurt more. Even though I was drinking copious amounts of water to dilute the pain, it didn't help. Not even slightly. However, I noticed that I was thirsty and that my bladder was full. Being fully aware motivated me to take care of both of these needs and also to stretch a little. When I sat back down, I noticed that the bones in my bottom sank into the cushion and my gluteal muscles released, sinking deeper into the chair. After that a lovely, deeper breath came spontaneously, as the tension and rushed feeling settled down. Mind you, this did not give me extra time to finish my work, but now, in this most recent moment as I write again, I feel open in my chest, breathing more easily, and am more relaxed overall. So, in a way I do have more time to finish my assignment because I will most likely be able to work longer with less fatigue. This is self-care! If you wait a moment when you check inside, just like the weather outside, it will change. I hope you tried the exercise and got some benefit from the pause. But no worries if you are unsure. Many times in life, we tend to keep our deepest desires from most of those that we know and love, which does not seem to make much sense.

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