Behavior Is a Joint Product of the Person and the Situation

How will you develop your compatibility as a J married to a P? Here is what Dr David Stoop and Jan Stoop say: Judging and perceiving organizers complement each other's styles. Judging people are sometimes tired of living in their structured, organized world and would love to break free. As they watch the play ethic of the perceiving person, they long for that fun-loving approach to life. During the early stages of a relationship, they will often act a lot like the perceiving person, in that they will drop what they are doing and have some fun. On the other hand, perceiving people get frustrated with always organizing and never actually being organized. They sometimes long for some structure in their lives or for someone who will be decisive and know where to put things. Furthermore, this is especially likely for men characterized by the hostile masculinity syndrome (Vega & Malamuth, 2007). SECTION REVIEW Violence Against Women Women have been targets of male aggression in many places and times over the course of history. Male abusers of current or former romantic partners tend to believe that marital violence is acceptable. There are three categories of domestic violence offenders: psychopathic, overcontrolled, and borderline. Men who commit acts of sexual coercion are insecure about and hostile toward women, are turned on by the idea of dominating them, and tend to believe myths about rape. Evidence suggests that films which portray women as targets of violence promote aggression against women and more tolerance of it. Reducing Aggression Learning Outcomes Summarize ways to reduce aggression at three levels: society, relationships, and the person. The complete picture only comes when you are on the ground and taking action. This is when you find out what problems need to be dealt with.

When you are in motion, any setbacks are signs to modify the plan not the goal. Keep that strong self-image of yourself and remember your goal to be disciplined. Sports teams will adjust tactics on the move, so do military units. You have to be ready to do the same. A problem can be dealt with using the same techniques as anything else. Break it down into pieces and see what you need to solve first. Focus on this first job, and find the solution, even if that means trying a few different solutions until you get the right one. Then you can move to the second issue and more until they've all been solved. During the early stages of the relationship, they may even feel a spurt of organizational skill that puts some structure in their lives. Judging people want some freedom from structure, but not that much freedom. If things get too flexible they begin to feel as if their lives are unraveling and they are losing control, so they quickly go back to their strength and tighten the loose ends. Perceiving people may look to their partner to help them get organized but will begin to feel crowded by the seemingly endless structures and start to loosen things up a bit. One judging husband, who later admitted that what attracted him to his perceiving wife was her playful spirit, wanted to help her get organized. One weekend, when she was away visiting her family, he decided to make it easier for her to organize her kitchen. He emptied all the cupboards and the pantry and cleaned it all meticulously, and then put in new white shelf paper. As he put everything back into the cupboards, he took a black marker and made the shape of the item on the shelf-paper. Inside one circle he wrote peanut butter. In a rectangle, he wrote cereal. It would be an overstatement to say that all types of aggression are bad for individuals and for society in general. Appropriate expressions of anger and aggression can help a person avoid being harmed, treated unjustly, or blocked from worthwhile goals (DaGloria, 1984;

Felson & Tedeschi, 1993; Netzer et al. Also, in many cultures, people value others who are willing and able to be aggressive, from military and law enforcement personnel to professional athletes. Nevertheless, interpersonal aggression causes a great deal of harm and often has tragic consequences. How can we reduce, if not prevent, such harmful aggression? When this question is put to psychologists and lay people alike, a frequent answer is catharsis, or allowing people to blow off steam or otherwise vent their aggressive impulses. These ideas are generally incorrect. Catharsis--whether it is vicarious (like watching a violent film) or direct (punching a pillow)--has side effects that make it not only ineffective but also likely to exacerbate aggression. If you use this mentality, you can learn how to do anything. Experience will help you to do all of this even better in the future, and it also helps with your discipline, because the more problems you have to deal with, the less they can affect you in the future. Another David Goggins quote: You have to build calluses on your brain just like how you build calluses on your hands. He's talking about enduring tough situations. Goggins does ultra-marathons and a whole variety of other crazily difficult things just to build a strong mind, which has faced difficulty many times. He does the things he hates, in the worst conditions, so he will be mentally strong and disciplined in any situation. Experience with discipline will give you the same benefits. It will strengthen your mind and get you used to being disciplined, which makes it easier to stay disciplined in the future. It even lets you build on your discipline and raise it to higher levels. He couldn't wait for her appreciative response. After all, he was helping her get organized.

Little did he imagine the intensity of her reaction. She was livid! She took it as the ultimate insult. And for her it was, for he was saying that her personality style was inadequate, that she needed help. It didn't take very long for her to put the peanut butter where he had written cereal and the dishes over the word glasses. Unfortunately, this husband had lost sight of his appreciation of his wife's personality. When pressed, he could identify how much he enjoyed her spontaneity, her ability to manage a large number of things at one time and her fun-loving spirit. You might think that only judging people are perfectionists. These side effects include making violence seem acceptable, reinforcing aggressive scripts and actions, and increasing arousal that can get misattributed as anger in response to provocation (Bandura, 1973; Geen, 2001; Zillmann, 1979). If vicarious catharsis worked, people would be less aggressive after watching hockey, football, wrestling matches, and violent films than they are before seeing them. But quite the opposite is true: Crowds are more aggressive after such events than before them (Geen, 2001). So what does work? Because aggression has so many causes, there is no easy answer. Fortunately, though, there are some effective interventions that address society, relationships, and individuals. In the Purge films, the government designates one day a year when most forms of violence are allowed. The idea was that this would produce a catharsis, leading to peace the rest of the year. Remember that you don't want to overwhelm yourself in the early days - it's a marathon, not a sprint. It's better to have continuous, consistent progress that will raise your mental discipline gradually to the highest levels.

W ith the advice given in this guide, you should already be able to greatly improve on your mental discipline. You now have the tools and techniques to create a more disciplined life. We just finished talking about how you can (and should) build on an already disciplined life to make it even better. Everything in life has different levels to it, and by reaching the highest levels of discipline, you will unlock whatever type of life you want. In sports, it's easy to see the different levels. You have different tiers and levels of sports teams. There are people who perform well at high school level but struggle at anything higher. There are also people who make it all the way to the professional level and are considered star talents. The truth is that both types struggle with perfectionism. Perceiving organizers think they're great organizers, but if you ask them whether they can keep their files organized they have to say no. They're always in a hurry to get on to something else so they don't keep their things organized. Judging people are practicing perfectionists, and perceiving people are practicing perfectionists. Often you hear a J saying to a P, The problem with you P's is that you answer a question with another question. The perceiver responds, So . If you are a J or a P trying to connect with your opposite, consider the strength each of you brings to the relationship. A P is the one who expands information and alternatives before making decisions. Some of these alternatives could be better than what the J partner has considered. On the other hand, the J will make sure that conclusions are reached and decisions followed. Research indicates that this would actually cause more violence rather than less. Societal Interventions