Behavior Is Shaped by Experience

Fragile & unstable SE: early shaming (dad); The fragile & unstable SE leads to over controlling. The over dependency and over control leads to jealousy, which further boost the behavior like anxiety, frustration and hostility in males. These behaviors may lead to psychopathy, social isolation, alcohol and finally spouse abuse. Research on the personalities of male domestic violence offenders has revealed three types, each characterizing about a third of total offenders (Dutton, 1998; Geen, 2001). The first type, the psychopathic abuser, is likely to employ physical aggression both inside and outside the relationship. These men are bullies with low impulse control and often a history of violent incidents. When I first came across this, it was through ex-SEAL and all-around tough guy, David Goggins. His saying is this: When your body and mind are telling you that you're done, you're probably only really around 40% done. That's where most people quit. At first this was shocking to me, but I heard it around the same time as when I got serious about my physical training. It was suddenly a lot more important to me, and I knew I could get the results if so many other people were. This was when I hired a trainer, a guy who had experience with dozens of top athletes. This guy would leave me feeling fried every day. I was exhausted during some sessions, looking at my trainer and pleading for sympathy, telling him I couldn't do any more. His response? But talk about opposites! The perceiver loves adventure--the unknown is there to be explored, even if it's finding alternative routes home each day.

If you're a perceiver, planning is not for you. It's too limiting. You would rather wait and see what unfolds. Those who see you as disorganized just don't understand you. Neatness has little appeal for you. Sure, you would like to be organized, but that's not nearly as important as being creative, spontaneous and responsive. A pile of papers to a J is nothing more than a mess to clean up. But to a P, that pile of papers is like compost. The second type, the overcontrolled abuser, is a man who generally is not violent but builds up resentments from various aspects of his life and eventually uses his relationship partner as a target for his displaced aggression. The third and perhaps best-understood type, the borderline abuser, is narcissistic and likely to have a borderline personality organization, which entails an uncertain, insecure sense of self, a proclivity for defensiveness, abandonment issues, anger, and impulsivity (Dutton, 2002). These men tend to have experienced disordered childhood attachment with one or both parents that involved neglect or abuse, and to have been shamed in childhood, typically by their fathers. They are overly dependent on their relationship partner for psychological security and consequently use jealous outbursts to control their partner. This type of offender often traps a woman in a cyclical pattern of escalating tension, hostility, and abuse, followed by contrition (eg, Baby, please don't leave me. I promise I'll quit drinking and never do that again. Walker, 1979). The 1984 award-winning film The Burning Bed portrays the true story of a woman caught in this cycle who endured over 15 years of on-again, off-again abuse. Finally, as the title implies, she did something drastic about it (Avnet et al. Sexual Coercion and Rape Now do this. It was unreal!

This guy was telling me that he knows I can't do anymore, and that's okay. But do a little more! It felt absolutely maddening, but every time he asked for more, I would try. I honestly expected to fall flat on my face with each push up, or slip off the bar if I tried even one more pull up. But sure enough, one rep at a time, more would come out of me. There were days when I thought I couldn't finish the second set, only to end up pushing all the way through all five. This was amazing, and it proved what Goggins said - most people really do cap out at 40%. These days I know that when I'm starting to feel tired or drained that there's still a lot more left in the tank. If you leave it there long enough, something good is bound to happen! Can you see how these characteristics both intrigue a J and frustrate him as well? What is time to a P? Even if you have a watch you don't look at it or want to be limited by it. You wait until the last minute to get things done, and although you usually get them done, you upset others in the process. In school you probably pulled an all-nighter to get that paper done or to prepare for an exam. As a P, your attention span is extremely flexible. That's another way to say you're easily distracted. Things have to be fun. If someone tells you a work project will be fun, you respond in a positive way. Sexual coercion occurs when an individual forces sexual behavior such as kissing, fondling, or sexual penetration on another person. The most severe form of sexual coercion is rape, forcing individuals to engage in sexual intercourse against their will.

Rape is generally more traumatic for the victim than are other forms of physical assault (Malamuth & Huppin, 2007). The great majority of rapes of women are committed by men who know their female victims. Date rape, which occurs in the context of dating or an ongoing romantic relationship, is more common than rape by a stranger (Sinozich & Langton, 2014). Almost half of college women report having been sexually coerced at least once, and 6 to 15% of college women report having been raped. Perhaps more disturbing are the data that come from men themselves. Fifteen to 30% of American college men admit having engaged in at least one act of sexual coercion (Catanese, 2007; Malamuth & Huppin, 2007). The pioneering researcher Neil Malamuth (1981) went one step further, asking men on a 1 to 5 scale (where 1 represents zero likelihood) how likely was it they would rape a woman if they knew they could get away with it. It motivates me and fuels my belief so that I can keep on pushing that little bit further, and that little bit is usually enough to reach my goals. On the flipside, 40% of your effort and focus is probably enough to move forwards too. Again, it comes back to waiting for the perfect time or perfect plan. Those things just don't happen, and you don't need to be 100% on form to make progress either. If you can give something 40% effort, it's usually enough to move forwards. Of course it's good to have high standards and always try to produce great work. Realistically though, your best work probably won't be needed very often. When it is, try your best and focus on producing at 100%. This is for those key make-or-break moments. The rest of the time you can get by with less than 100%, and 40% seems to be the golden ratio where your work will be acceptable, progress will be steady, and the pressure isn't too hard either. Just as possibilities are so important to the N, fun is critical to the P. It's difficult for you to make up your mind about things.

If you do, it may limit you from doing something better that might come along. Others may see you as noncommittal, hesitant or not having the ability to make up your mind. You may come home with clothes from the store but take them back the next day because you'll find something better at another store. Acting in a definite way is not your forte. You don't want to rule out anything by deciding one way or another. A P's motto for conversation is I'll get around to it or It's around here somewhere. As a P, you are agile and flexible in your conversation style. You don't need to resolve your discussions, even though you may go around the barn three or four times. In American college student samples, 65% of males chose 1, but 35% said the likelihood was higher than zero. When you think about all the social pressures against admitting that one would carry out a felony act of violence, a man who indicates anything other than a 1 (zero likelihood) is someone to be concerned about. Men who rape and commit other acts of sexual coercion are motivated by a combination of being turned on by the idea of dominating women and by insecurity about and hostility toward women (Malamuth & Huppin, 2007). Both convicted rapists and men who report a higher than 0% chance of raping a woman if they could get away with it report being aroused by stories of women being forced to have sex (Barbaree & Marshall, 1991; Donnerstein et al. These men also lack empathy for others, tend to be narcissistic, and believe rape myths (Burt, 1980). Such myths include the beliefs that women like to be dominated, are aroused by the idea of being raped, and bring the attacks on themselves. Rape Myth Measuring Statement She asked for it When women go around wearing low-cut tops or short skirts, they're just asking for trouble. Keeping It Interesting Variation is another thing you should take advantage of.