The Act of Observing May Change the Behavior We Seek to Explain

When pairs of seven-year-old twins were rated by parents for prosocial behavior, identical twins showed correlations greater than . Keep in mind that identical twins share 100% of their genes and that fraternal twins share only about 50%. But both types of twins are typically raised together in the same household by the same parents and go to the same school. So when behavioral geneticists observe higher correlations among identical (monozygotic) twins than among fraternal (dizygotic twins), they conclude that the trait has some genetic component. In this case, 62% in the variation among the children in prosociality was attributed to genetic factors. This is suggestive evidence, but it is not definitive because identical twins' similar levels of helpfulness could result from their being treated especially similarly by others because their other personality and physical attributes are so similar. Other evidence suggestive of a biological basis for helpfulness can be found in the study of nonhuman social animals. Chimpanzees will help out their human caretaker by getting something that she cannot reach (Warneken & Tomasello, 2006). He or she uses lying to pretend and use their imagination during play. It is no surprise then that your child might test out their lying on you on an occasion or two. Since these studies that have been done by the Institute of Child Study at Toronto University show that lying is a normal development of a human brain, a parent should actually be concerned if their child doesn't lie to them. A child's inability to tell half-truths, pretend or tell lies actually implies that there may be some cognitive malfunction or abnormality in the brain. Lying is a normal part of growing up and learning about our environment. As parents, it is our job to nurture our children and teach them that lying has consequences just like walking across the street without looking both ways might have negative consequences. If we notice that our children have an inability to lie, imagine or pretend or consistently challenges other people's information and have no ability to accept pretending or half-truths from others, it may be necessary to test them for autistic disorders. Autism is one of the disorders in which a child struggles with lying and pretending the way that a normal child might due to cognitive impairment. The Definition of a Pathological or Compulsive Liar Because everyone is so different and their minds and personalities differ, every person can truly have a large spectrum of honesty versus dishonesty traits. Often when we verbally express our anger at our partner, we say things that are hard to forget. We're more concerned about proving the other person wrong or controlling him or even punishing him.

An interesting study was conducted with divorced women to discover the cause of growth or stagnation. Two hundred fifty-three women were interviewed twice--once during the upsetting time of divorce and then again four months later. Many questions were used to discover attitudes and reactions: Did you show your anger or keep it in? Did you recover from it quickly or slowly? The women who let anger out were not in better shape than those who kept it in. Expressing anger did not automatically make a woman feel better, and it did not improve the woman's self-esteem. Those whose mental health improved were those who had an active social life following the divorce and did not harp on the divorce. Those who did not grow also socialized but tended to talk obsessively about the divorce. They will also share food with other chimps and will help other chimps who have helped them in the past or with whom they have formed friendships or alliances (Brosnan & de Waal, 2002). Such examples of helping are not confined to primates. Scientists monitoring a group of killer whales near Patagonia observed that when an elderly female had damaged her jaw and could not eat properly, her companions fed her and kept her alive (Mountain, 2012). Similarly, in an experiment, rats who first shared a cage with another rat for a couple of weeks worked to free their cage mate when they found he was trapped behind a closed door (Bartal et al. Without any prior learning about how to open the door or any clear reward for doing so, the rats figured out how to free their buddy. If a pile of delicious chocolate chips was placed behind a second closed door, the rats were as likely to free their cage mate as free the chocolate chips. And when both doors had been opened, the two rats tended to share the chocolate. Who knew rats could make such good roommates! Of course, nonhuman animals are occasionally stingy, keeping food for themselves even when another is visibly begging for a snack (Vonk et al. As shown in laboratory research by Bartal and colleagues (2011), even rats will work to free a trapped cage mate without prior learning or obvious reward. There are different types of liars and different levels at which they lie, too. At the opposite of the normal spectrum, there are psychiatric disorders that can cause a person to obsess in lying to others, sometimes without any logical reason for doing so.

Pathological lying is defined by Webster's Dictionary as an individual who habitually tells lies so exaggerated or bizarre that they are suggestive of mental disorder. It is said by the literature to start around 16-years-old and plagues some teenagers who are juvenile offenders. Lies that are told by pathological liars are different in that they are not pre-planned, whereas a lie told by normal person occasionally is generally planned out ahead of time and executed with some thought and intent in hiding or covering up the lie. Someone who is a pathological or compulsive liar may or may not even be aware that they are lying. They may be having fantasies or their reality or perception may be inaccurate because they have an underlying psychiatric or mental disorder that could be causing them to lie. Or their lying may be purposeful and intentional, especially if they are using lying as a protective measure. A pathological or compulsive liar may have trouble controlling their lying, even if their lying is not provoked by another person or they have no reason to be lying. Is Lying a Symptom of Underlying Problems? I'm not suggesting that we should never talk about our anger or let it out. But we need to choose a way to express it that will cause the anger to go away. Only then are we free from its tyranny over our life and marriage. Anger can be positive if it helps us solve the cause of the anger. We need to communicate our anger without condemning! We need to express it in a way that reduces the anger and draws us closer to our partner. How do we do that? How to Navigate Conflict First, let's consider what you can do when your spouse is upset or angry with you. Remember, just because the other person is angry doesn't mean that you have to become angry. If prosocial behavior is an inherent part of our human nature, then we might see evidence of it at a very young age. In fact, babies have a pretty keen sense of who's naughty and who's nice.

Infants as young as 3 months prefer others who are helpful rather than hurtful (Hamlin et al. Hamlin & Wynn, 2011). If we come into the world ready to evaluate people on the basis of their good or bad behavior, perhaps we come preequipped to carry out good behavior ourselves. In one study, toddlers less than two years old helped an experimenter pick up something she had dropped (Warneken & Tomasello, 2006). What's more, the toddlers did not help simply because they were interested in picking up stuff when it fell. They picked up a fallen item only if it seemed to have been dropped by accident and not when the experimenter intentionally dropped it. Young kids do not help just anyone but selectively help those who have been helpful in the past (Dunfield & Kuhlmeier, 2010). These early examples of helping also might reflect a motive to affiliate with others. There are many underlying psychiatric conditions that list pathological or compulsive lying as a symptom of the disease. Health professionals aren't yet in agreement whether excessive lying is a psychiatric illness or personality disorder in itself, or whether it is just a symptom of many other mental health illnesses. Narcissism, psychopathy, antisocial disorders, borderline personality disorder, and histrionic personality disorder are all illnesses that have an element of lying to them. Excessive lying in any case could be directly linked to mental illnesses. If lying is used in the form of manipulation with no disregard for the other person, it is especially harmful. One of the most prevalent mental illnesses that can result in serious habitual lying is a person who is diagnosed as a psychopath, also referred to as a sociopath. Psychopaths and sociopaths have a tendency to lie in a way that is manipulative to others and serves their own self-gratification purposes. Not all sociopaths or psychopaths are serial killers or bad people, thought. In fact, some sociopathic and psychopathic people can be in positions of power without you even knowing it, such as a CEO of a company. Being diagnosed with psychopathy means that a person doesn't have normal inhibitions, has little or no empathy for others, has little or no remorse for actions taken against others and may exhibit antisocial behavior. Here are some suggestions. Accept Your Spouse's Emotional Response

Give your partner permission in your own mind to be angry with you. It's all right for him or her to be angry. It's not the end of the world, and you can handle it without becoming a mirror reflection of it. Say the words to yourself, It's all right for (spouse's name) to be angry. I can handle it. Be sure you don't reinforce or reward your spouse for becoming angry with you. If the person yells, rants, raves and stomps around, and you respond by becoming upset or by complying with what he or she wants from you, guess what? You just reinforced your spouse's behavior. Even 18-month-old toddlers are more likely to help when they are primed with affiliation by first seeing two dolls standing together (Over & Carpenter, 2009). Taken together, this research points to an innate prosocial proclivity in our species. When they are quite young, children show a desire to help others. Learning to Be Good Humans are no doubt genetically predisposed toward helping, but we also are predisposed to learn and so develop helpful tendencies through the socialization process. Positive parenting practices, for example, predict greater prosocial behavior in children even after controlling for any shared genetic relationship (Knafo & Plomin, 2006). Although genes provide people with some basic inclinations, culture and learning shape when and for whom these inclinations are cued. Indeed, among the most important genetic inheritances we humans share is the enormously flexible capacity for learning and internalizing local morals and social norms (Becker, 1962; Hoffman, 1981). In this way, people's prosocial behavior is jointly influenced by both genes and environment (Eisenberg & Mussen, 1989; Some people are simply born this way. Being classified as a psychopath, sociopath or compulsive or pathologic liar does not necessarily mean the person exhibits criminal behavior towards others.