The Motive to Maintain a Consistent Self

McGinnis, 2003). Of course, cultural change does not occur in isolation but in the context of, and in part because of, changes in the economic, technological, and population landscape. For example, whereas marriage traditionally was fueled in part by economic concerns, this is now less the case. Women's role in the workplace is changing the relationship context, with women becoming less reliant on a husband's financial contributions. Indeed, nations tend to tolerate more divorces as those countries become more industrialized and there are fewer gender disparities in the workplace. The base feelings will mean little to you. The people with this chakra in dominance experience another level of intensity in their life. They feel stimulated by things that may not even touch others. There are seven chakras in our body. The three lower chakras govern our survival. We have the instincts of self-preservation due to these three power chakras. The upper three chakras dominate the feeling to see beyond these feelings. If the upper three chakras or energy centers in your body are dominant, you will have a deep longing to think beyond the usual pleasures. You will no longer find pleasure in the base feelings. You will have the urge to think above the masses. Years ago, Linda was seen as the wise older sibling with great advice to be solemnly appreciated and absorbed. Linda realizes she still comes across as slightly patronizing, but these days Flo is quick to let her big sister know she can do things her own way. I worked with Linda to help her avoid the shoulds when speaking with Flo. Linda sees she can get away with maybe one should per conversation, but any more and Flo's shoulders tense and her eyes roll. With a quiet tut, Flo will push back with a comment like, Yes, I already know that or Yes, you don't need to tell me.

Linda has been working at it, and now avoids shoulding all over Flo. Can you relate to Linda? You have ideas for how someone might do something different, and the You should try this or You should do that want to fall off your tongue like commuters pouring out of a subway station. Of course, using should or ought to might work with some audiences, but with others this approach will only succeed in putting their backs up, making them feel defensive and like a child in kindergarten being scolded by a teacher. The ask, don't tell approach is a way to transform should into something much gentler. For example, as China has moved toward a market economy, the divorce rate has steadily risen (Wang, 2001). Cultural, economic, and technological changes have contributed to what Finkel and colleagues (2015) characterize as three dominant models of marriage. They argue that from the late 1700s to the mid-1800s, marriage was geared primarily toward resolving practical concerns and meeting pragmatic goals, such as economic self-sufficiency. They refer to this model as practical marriage. From the mid-1800s to the mid-1960s, the breadwinner model dominated. During this time, a wife's labor became less essential to the household's economic self-sufficiency, and consistent with Rank's (1936a) idea that romantic love became more important in the 20th century, marriages focused more on love, passion, and intimacy. Finkel and colleagues suggest that from the mid-1960s to the present time, marriages increasingly have become a forum for trying to experience a greater sense of satisfaction from life and self-growth and actualization. This self-expressive model can put a lot of pressure on the relationship if it is not built to support those kinds of goals. In fact, Finkel and colleagues use the metaphor that such a reliance often sets people up to climb Mount Maslow (referring to the famous psychologist who introduced the concept of self-actualization; SECTION REVIEW Cultural and Historical Perspectives on Relationships You would want to do things that others don't do. The urge to excel becomes dominant. The heart chakra is the meeting point of both these levels. In this chakra, you still seek pleasure, but it is not in material forms. You are still grounded but do not feel a need to be a part of it.

The Throat Chakra This is the seat of power. If your throat chakra is dominant, you will become a power center. You will resonate with great power. You will control others effortlessly. This strategy involves asking questions to get the other person to dig deep and find their own solution. If they ask for clarification or supporting detail, feel free to give a full response. But instead of saying something like What you should do is . What's the first thing you'd do? A wise coach knows their mentee has the answers within them and the ability to get to the correct answer. A good coach will steer or guide their mentee to the right answer and only tell them explicitly when necessary. This approach is especially useful for people who are proud or self-sufficient, as they are most likely to snap back if shoulded. For example, contrast the following responses: Should: Pam, why on earth did you park on the side of the street while you ran into the store? You should have parked in the parking lot! Differences in Romantic Commitment Historical differences in the United States and cultural differences around the world suggest that love is not always the central basis of marriage. In collectivistic cultures, family considerations have more influence on choice of marriage partners than in individualistic cultures. The Time Course of Romantic Relationships Learning Outcomes

Identify the factors that make the early stages of a relationship a honeymoon period. Explain how interdependence can either strengthen or weaken a relationship. List the factors that can create marital dissatisfaction. Identify the personal characteristics that speed recovery after a breakup. Although romantic relationships progress in a variety of ways, there are commonalities in how relationships change over time. People will follow you and listen to you. You will have the gift of words and voice. You will hold the world by your sound. You will make heads move. You wouldn't seek power to gain wealth but to make a difference. The Third Eye This is the sixth chakra. It is the seat of the all-seeing eye. If the energies in this chakra become dominant, you will start looking at this world from a different perspective. You will become intellectually realized. No wonder you got a parking ticket. Ask, don't tell: Pam, so sorry to hear about your parking ticket. It's tough when you only have a few moments to go to the store before picking up the kids. What else could you have done? Is there a parking lot nearby?

Being on the receiving end of a should is not enjoyable for an independent person who may have made an unwitting mistake and is capable of thinking things through (maybe with some gentle prompting). One final note: Even if you have a wisdom you'd like to share, consider the worst that can happen if you say nothing. Sometimes being an effective communicator means knowing when to simply smile, shrug, and stay silent. Moralizing language like should and ought to can make others defensive. If you really want to help, take a coaching approach by asking the person what they might do if the situation played out again. As we have done throughout this article, we will generally discuss these issues without focusing on the sexual orientation of the partners in the relationship. To date, the vast majority of relationship research has been conducted with heterosexual couples, and this can be an important factor to keep in mind. At the same time, however, the factors that influence relational commitment and satisfaction have generally been found to be similar among same-sex and heterosexual couples (eg, Balsam et al. Ducharme & Kollar, 2012; Kurdek, 2004; Roisman et al. Self-Disclosure Imagine two people meeting for the first time. During this initial stage of a relationship, people engage in varying degrees of self-disclosure, sharing information about themselves. Self-disclosure plays a key role in the formation and maintenance of close relationships and in the intimacy developed between two people. Your perception of the world would change. You will not judge things but look at them as they are. It is important to understand that most of the problems and confusions in this world arise as we interpret things. We look at things and make meanings out of them. Our deductions may not be exact, but we consider them to be true, and the same is the case with others.