Fix a Broken Window

More recently, psychologists have begun to observe that in times of trauma, people get stuck, both physically and emotionally. Movement gets us unstuck. It restores agency by giving us the feeling we're acting on our situation; A trio of researchers in New Hampshire asked people about memorable experiences in their lives. Moves generated twice as many memories as comparable experiences. Their explanation: Each time we move, we go through our possessions, engage and reengage old memories, reconnect with milestones of meaning we may have forgotten. To be sure, some of the moves we make, especially ones at the beginning of a transition, tend to be isolating: Michael Hebb taking only his golf clubs and moving into an Airstream outside Portland after his humiliating fall from grace as a restaurateur; Derek's glove hand stung, but he wasn't going to cry uncle. He gave back as good as he got, and he knew Pete's hand had to be hurting just as much. In the end, neither one could claim a clear victory. Considering how wild they both were, Derek didn't think either of them would get to pitch anytime soon. Luckily, three o'clock rolled around before Derek's arm totally fell off or his hand caught fire. Coach Kozlowski called the Tigers off the field just as the Yankees started to arrive for their practice. Derek saw Jeff, Jason, and Harry--along with two other good players he knew, Skip Larsen and Jayquan Graves--all high-fiving one another. Derek couldn't help wishing he were on the Yankees too. He tried to look on the bright side. There were five or six kids on the Tigers who might be pretty good. Dr Kastrup comments: If I lost a limb or had a heart transplant tomorrow I would still have the same sense of identity. Therefore I cannot be equated with my body. I experiences the body, but I is not the body itself.

Is I my genes? We know from biology that genes mutate. So I don't have the exact genetic makeup I had earlier in my life. Yet the same I persists even if my genes are slightly different. Thought of another way by Dr Kastrup: Am I my genetic code? No, for I could have an identical twin with the same genetic code and I wouldn't be him. I is not the same as my genes. Amichai Lau-Lavie moving to a hippie compound in Israel's Negev desert after coming out as gay to his ultra-religious family. But more tend to symbolize healing. They are signs--dramatic, visible public signs--that we're turning a corner, literally and figuratively, and taking up residence in a new mental space. Some we make for personal reasons. Carolyn Graham, after going through therapy following the breakup of her second marriage, built a treehouse in her backyard in central Florida. It was in an old oak tree, no glass windows, all screens. I rented out my house and moved into the treehouse. I had lights, beautiful running water, I used the bathroom outside. Some we undertake for medical reasons. Eric Westover, after enduring a downturn in his marriage following the biking accident that took his legs, moved into a ranch-style home in Grand Rapids that was easier for him to navigate. Himself, Pete for sure, Isaiah . That kid Ryan, the big lefty, was awesome at first base. Ernesto didn't throw hard like Derek or Pete, but at least he seemed like he could get the ball over the plate.

And little Chris had good speed. He'll steal a ton of bases, Derek thought. If he ever gets on base. Still, Derek couldn't help feeling disappointed as he watched the Yankees gather, looking like a team full of world-beaters. Okay, we're out of time, unfortunately, Coach Kozlowski said. Next practice is tomorrow at four o'clock, right here. We'll do some hitting and some baserunning. This exercise could go on and on. In any instance of I am ____, we will see that there is a distinction between I and whatever the state ____ is. Try it--insert anything into ____, and see if you can find something that is identical to I. It can't be done. As stated by Dr Hawkins: Just as the eye is unaffected by what is observed or the ear by what is heard, there is the ongoing process of witnessing, which is unaffected by that which is witnessed. So we have just established that I is untouched by any transitory states that come after I am. I is without qualification or limitation. I is un-limited. We then might ask, Who is it that knows that `I am'? The answer: I. After everything that happened, my wife really wanted to do the move ourselves. We had some guys help us with the furniture, but we did everything else. It took us six weeks.

At the end, we said, Finally, we can live. Some we make for work reasons. Jenny Wynn, after being promoted to senior pastor of her Oklahoma City church following the death of her predecessor, took a sabbatical and asked the board to redecorate and repaint her new office in her absence so that when she started as the first female spiritual leader, the community would find it easier to accept her in her new role. Others we tackle for family reasons. Jan Egberts, after becoming a single dad following the suicide of his wife, quit his job as CEO of a public company in New Jersey and moved his three sons to his native Amsterdam. I said, `Why don't we make a fresh start in Holland? But everyone, in a sense, moves for the same reason--they need a change in scenery, a new setting for their life story. For now, here are your uniforms. He opened the top of a big garbage bag and started pulling uniform shirts out. They were green, with Tigers written in yellow script on the front. Derek held his breath, hoping he would get number 13. He'd worn it the past two seasons, and although it hadn't exactly proved to be a lucky number, 13 had been his dad's number in college. And his dad was Derek's original, all-time, and forever baseball role model (even though Dave Winfield was his current favorite). Coach Kozlowski pulled out several jerseys and tossed them to kids one by one, based on who he thought would fit that size shirt. When Derek saw number 13 come out of the bag, he raised his hand and said, Me! Sorry, Darren. This one's taken. Is the I that knows that I am the same I as the one in I am? So I is aware of itself. I knows itself.

I is both the perceiver and perceived, the knower and the known, the subject and the object. I is therefore self-aware. We might then wonder what I's form is. My body has a measurable form. My table has finite boundaries. I can measure the exact size and boundaries of my cell phone. But does I have any borders? Khaliqa Baqi, who left her husband and the spiritual retreat they were building in rural Oregon, went on a vision quest and then settled in Portland, where she became a medical chaplain. I think of transition itself as movement, she said. Sometimes that movement is manifested by physically moving from one place to the other. But it's also an internal transition that involves moving from what you might call one native land to another. You leave an identity, a knowingness, something you've probably called home. And you do that because the soul has a certain trajectory. That trajectory is not linear. It's possible that something that once brought you joy all of a sudden is empty to you. But the soul moves on, and your ego has to learn to follow. You have to let go of that old identity, go into the emptiness, and find your new life's dream. It's Derek, said Vijay. I had a special request for this number. He gave Derek a wink, then tossed the shirt over to Pete, who quickly pulled it over his head.