Saturday, 12 September 2020

Avoid sweeping generalizations like You always or You never

Secrecy will force you to live in the shadowlands, surrounded by illusions and questions. The cycle of stigma and shame about suicide that reverberates over generations can be broken only by acknowledging the truth and passing it on to our children and their children to follow. By telling your children the truth about a family member 's suicide, you are delivering a sincere and authentic message that you respect and love them. Being honest with them actually protects their mental health. Children who are confused, who are getting mixed messages, who can't make sense of what they've been told become anxious and emotionally upset. She even had a feeling of where different things were located in relation to the room: the common waiting area on the floor, the women's bathroom, the vending machines, and even the nurse's station. Keysha realized she'd been doing this for weeks. She could even envision the nurses. A part of her had been there with the girls the whole time, and it was exhausting. What Keysha was experiencing was called a soul tie. Soul ties can cause you to have unconscious reactions. In Keysha's case, it had become physical, too. She had begun clenching her teeth so hard in the night that a tooth abscessed and eventually had to be pulled out. As soon as she was able, she visited her family in Galveston. She was surprised to find the details of the hospital were very close, if not dead on, to what she'd envisioned in those bouts of lost time. We knew so many of the same people (because the Canadian personal finance space is teeny tiny, not unlike our overall population), and yet we had very different relationships with them. And we had so many of the same topics on our minds: traveling long term, not knowing when and where to eventually settle, and how to be okay with the fact that it's perfectly okay not to have any answers. Chris and Mimi had left Toronto in November 2018 as well, and they were traveling to wherever Mimi's contracts took them. They did still have a home that they were subleasing out, but they didn't know how long they would be living and traveling this way. They also didn't know if Toronto was the place they wanted to return to.

If anyone had been listening to us, they would have heard two people bouncing around from topic to topic, seemingly without reaching any conclusions, because that's exactly what we were doing. And I can say that switching subjects partway through and moving on to the next wasn't particularly comfortable at times. Our minds want answers. We want to feel as though we are working toward something. We want to know where the path is leading and where we will end up. You can't simply decree that an opinion is true--you need first to examine it from every angle, weigh the pros and cons, take all the time you need, before affirming it. This is true in the realm of thought. But in the realm of action it's false. In practice, time is short, my friends, the sun is setting, it's going to rain, we've got no water, we must press on. In most cases it's less a question of acting than it is of reacting--to circumstances, to events, or to other people. If you spend time weighing all the possible options you might take you will never act and it will always be too late. So it's better, Descartes is telling us, to choose randomly than not to choose at all. What makes for a good decision is making it, and sticking to it, as if it were the best one possible. In that critical moment of action, it's always the best one possible. Just because. They may be afraid to go to sleep, have nightmares, be unable to concentrate in school, withdraw into themselves, or have tantrums. Some may develop physical symptoms such as stomachaches, headaches, or overeating. If you tell your children the real truth of how Daddy died, will they be sad? Of course, but they're already sad about losing him. Will they have some anxiety?

But you can watch for this and help. Won't they have a lot of questions? But, you can answer their questions about why to the best of your ability and in a reassuring way. You may be the parent, but you are all on this new course together. The more you speak with your children, the more you may discover that they are helping you with your own healing as you are helping them. Even more, Keysha found out that her other niece, with whom she'd been close, too, had to have a tooth pulled because--yes--she'd been grinding her teeth so much that it had abscessed at the root. Most of the time, people don't intend to create soul ties with intuitives. It's not an intentional, malicious thing, even though it can have negative effects on their partner. It's up to the intuitive to recognize the signs and take steps to free themselves from the aspects of the relationship that are unhealthy. Letting go of a soul tie to a person doesn't mean you must disappear from her life; Signs You Might Be Intuitive You may not immediately know what you were thinking about, as you weren't actually daydreaming. When you try to access what you'd been thinking about, it's real people and situations, feelings and places, not fiction or fantasy. It's usually a secondary thought, as your primary attention was on something else about them. Sometimes, you have no idea what they were wearing or carrying after they were gone, even though you had a face-to-face conversation with them that lasted ten minutes. But by the end of our first coffee, Chris and I agreed that this would be the only rule for our conversations going forward: to never pressure each other to have answers or leave with takeaways. The ramble was good enough. The only plan we made at the end was that we would, in fact, do this again. In this first ramble of ours, we had discovered we would all be in London for the month of April. I was taking the train up that afternoon, so I told Chris to send me his address after he arrived and got settled in.

A few days later, I was hanging out at my friend Saima's flat, where I was staying, when his text message came through--and I nearly stopped breathing. Chris and Mimi's address was just seven digits off from Saima's. Directly across the street. I looked outside and sent Chris a picture of his building. In a city with thirty-plus boroughs and more than nine million people, the odds of two old Canadian personal finance blogging friends not only finding themselves in London at the same time but also finding themselves neighbors were not good. Once a decision has been made, it must be considered irrevocable. So you tell yourself there is no going back, no regretting, or, worst of all, changing your mind in midstream. The true enemy of action is doubt. So you don't begin an action because you've thought about it long enough to judge that it's the best of all possible choices, but because indecision is the worst of all evils, and there just isn't time to examine them all. Seen like this, beginning is the key to completing. It means forgetting about deliberation, hesitation, and calculation and just getting on with the job. Not tomorrow, not later: here and now. Don't wait for the first of January to make your vows. Alain says: Making a resolution means nothing; The thought will follow. HARD ISSUES FACED BY CHILD SURVIVORS Why do people kill themselves? Do people who kill themselves go to hell? Is it my fault? Could I have stopped it?

I'm embarrassed to say what really happened. I don't like it when people talk about suicide. Whose fault is it? I'm afraid other people I love will die. I'm afraid I will die. If someone asks you a simple question like, Where did you put the tape? You figure you're not supposed to be where you thought you should be quite yet, and that it will all work out. Intuition can be a pleasant and useful gift but keep aware of what belongs to you and what does not. Don't allow people to connect to you on a spiritual level without your consent, and don't feel obligated to share your insights or your energy with just anyone. Understanding a Highly Sensitive Partner Relationships tend to be quite complicated, regardless of your personality type. And certain statements about relationships are true for everyone, no matter how they are, such as fighting is not enjoyable. Gestures of appreciation or romance are typically a positive thing, communication is highly valuable and compromising can be highly difficult. But many of these subtleties are noticed only when you are the more sensitive type of partner. Keep these Factors in Mind about HSP in Relationships: We would never be able to understand how that happened. But we didn't need to know how or why. We didn't need the answers. The only thing that mattered was that when the opportunity to spend time together presented itself, we said yes. I know that other opt-out adventurers won't be able to replicate the story of Chris and me finding each other in the UK.

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