Sunday, 13 September 2020

I'm doing it, and I like it

Like you, they need time to digest this information. They may cut you off or change the subject when you bring up how their mom or dad died. They may choose not to tell their friends or classmates about what happened, perhaps not even mentioning that their parent or relative has died. What is important for both you and your children, however, is your commitment to be honest and available to them as you each absorb this tremendous loss into your lives in your own way. How Can I Tell My Child about Suicide? This doesn't mean that they will easily give up, in fact. It could mean that they are motivated to make more of an effort to start interesting conversations and connect more deeply. They Want their Emotions to be Noticed: HSP show what they feel, whether it's sadness or happiness. Being with someone who understands and appreciates you is a must, since sensitive individuals cannot help but be expressive. It's just who they are. Make sure Dates include Time for Talking: The typical HSP's idea of a perfect date will involve some time to talk. While parties can be fun, avoiding over-stimulating environments will be appreciated. Plus, the company is a highly sensitive person's top priority, with details of the date coming in second in importance. They Listen Closely to their Partner's Desires: Highly sensitive people are intuitive about their mate's desires and have the ability to figure out what they wish for and follow through with it. This applies in love relationships as well as friendships. Because hello, you are already alone out there! You don't need to isolate yourself further. In fact, I would really recommend that you don't. I know it's not always easy to announce your presence, or even to offer encouragement to others, when you feel as though you have no idea what you're doing yourself. Or the chance to lend a hand and help someone else.

What I've come to believe about this topic is that the no--or the silence--protects only you. Your boundaries, your time, your energy. And there are times in life when you will absolutely need to protect yourself. For example, when I'm working on a deadline, I basically don't talk to or see anyone until after 4 p. Or when my mental health is suffering, I spend a lot more time in nature and with the people and dogs who want to be out there with me. To do is to never-stop-doing, and to always be trying to do better. Surely, we might think, this contradicts Descartes' recommendation that we should choose one opinion or direction, randomly if necessary, and never deviate. Is it better to decide on something once and for all and to stick with that decision no matter what, or should you constantly reevaluate your decisions, changing direction with the tide and flow of events? It depends. If all is dark around you, if you have no idea which way to go, then you must apply Descartes' maxim: make a random choice and stick to it. But if you have a few clues about the situation, if, like a good sailor, you know how to read the wind by looking at the water, if you can make predictions based on your own understanding, then you must do what you have to do. To clarify, Alain takes this example, which is the best one I've found because of its shock value: I discover what I want to say, he says, when I open my mouth. This runs counter to our received ideas, and to the popular wisdom that says you should think before you speak for fear of saying something stupid. Is this tantamount to saying that before opening our mouths we should have no idea what we're going to say? Not exactly. With suicide, you don't have the luxury of a few hours, days, or weeks to come to some measure of emotional stability before telling your children what happened. You don't have a chance to prepare or practice what you will say or how you say it. What you can do is tell your children that this is a terribly tough time for everyone, that you love them, that you will not leave them, that it's normal for your feelings to keep changing, and that all of you will be better over time. It's like being on an airplane and putting your oxygen mask on before you assist your child, says Dr Frank Campbell. You must be comfortable with your own emotional responses to the suicide before you can help your children.

Kids won't talk to you if you're a minefield or if they think their questions will set you off. Children do better if they know what emotion is behind your yelling or crying. If you feel you're out of control, look for professional guidance. Your getting help will send your children a powerful message that it's okay to ask for and accept help from other people when you're feeling sad or mixed up. REAL VOICES: They care a lot about making their significant other satisfied; You don't have to have the Same Personality: A highly sensitive person does not have to have a partner with the same personality. In fact, relationships between two very different people (as far as sensitivity levels go) can be quite harmonious. The important factor is understanding each other's traits and being able to appreciate them. Don't ever think that just because your partner is highly sensitive, they expect you to be. Just like any other relationship, a relationship with a highly sensitive person will take work, understanding, and patience. It's just part of love. However, the more interested you are in your partner's personality, and the more willing you are to work with their inherent traits, and the better off the partnership will be. In fact, if you are open minded enough, you might learn a thing or two from your sensitive significant other. Habits that show you are Highly Sensitive But when you're not suffering--when you're just living your life and trying to take the next right step--the simplest truth that I think we sometimes forget in this individualistic world of ours is, life isn't just about you. Maintaining our social media profiles has made it seem like we need to prove we can go it alone, and more and more people swapping careers for the gig economy makes it feel as though we are alone. Growing movements like minimalism feel pretty individualistic too. But we are wired for connection. And when you're venturing into the unknown, shutting yourself off from new people risks everyone missing out on the opportunity to connect with someone in a meaningful or memorable way.

While taking a new path might feel like a personal journey you need to lead the way on, if you keep your eyes open, you'll find a lot of people who are on their own journeys too. You might be doing things differently, but you've probably walked away from people who don't understand you or maybe even discouraged you from doing what felt right. And as you continue down these paths, you could lose even more people along the way. So when you cross paths with someone new, remember that you can both provide some comfort simply by acknowledging each other's presence. You won't know which interactions are going to be the most meaningful. But speaking is an adventure too. An adventure in which we all constantly take part. When we start speaking, we often don't know exactly what we're going to say. And this isn't a defect: it is in the very nature of the spoken word. That's what speech is there for: to teach us what we think by making it real to us, and therefore open it to being redirected, modified, or corrected like any other living thing. The paradox here is that you mustn't think too hard about what you're going to say if you want to say it well. Anyone who thinks too much about what they're going to say will fail to find the words for it, because they'll be too busy looking for them. Thought tends to block words. Inversely, people who pay too little attention to what they say are likely to be carried away by the sounds of their words to the detriment of their meaning. In speaking, it is important both to let oneself go with the rhythm of the phrase one has begun, and to control its rhythm, in order to guide the flux of the words. Children are entitled to know the truth. You can't shove what happened under the rug, because the facts will always resurface. A friend described how awful she felt after she found out about her grandmother's suicide from a cousin. When she asked her mother why she had never been told, her mother replied: Why should you know about your grandmother? Why should my mother hurt you like she hurt me?

My friend's mother probably thought she was protecting her, but protecting her from what? I tell my children that suicide is an unhealthy state of mind versus a healthy state. That their father's suicide was not done to them, that he killed himself to end his feelings of pain, not to cause pain to them. There's nothing to hide about suicide. Spalding's death was public, as was his life. Have you noticed that you seem to reflect on life more often than those around you? Are you often preoccupied with wondering what other people are feeling? Do you tend to enjoy environments that are less chaotic and quieter over loud and busy ones? If these apply to you, you are probably a highly sensitive person. Interest, in recent times, toward the trait of introversion has shed some light on traits in people that are more sensitive and prefer less stimulation. Although more research is being done on this subject, and more people are becoming interested, it still seems that very sensitive people are the minority. But just because this trait is less common, doesn't mean it isn't good. Actually, being a HSP comes along with wonderful benefits. Here are some habits that highly sensitive people display, along with their beneficial features. This list will also give connections between the mental and emotional habits of highly sensitive people and the love relationships they find themselves in. Sometimes you'll meet someone once and that will be good enough. And sometimes you'll meet someone a second or third time, and it will just keep getting better and better. Maybe they'll even become your new best friend over time. But they don't have to. Nobody needs that kind of pressure.

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