Friday, 11 September 2020

Express feelings using I messages

It leaves you in a constant comparison trap where you will forever feel as though you're not good enough. Just because you didn't change your life in the exact same way someone else did? Or because you've set rules for yourself that are too strict or even impossible to stick to? I sat on the top of Arthur's Seat for two hours that day in 2018 and wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn't travel the way other people did. Why couldn't I just be happy and beam with gratitude at every stop I made? Patience is a virtue, but there is a negative form of expectation--namely, expecting too much of yourself. Nothing grows through that kind of waiting. If you don't know how you can get out of this kind of stagnation, do what Stendhal did: borrow your first sentence or your first action from someone else, and continue it. Continuing allows you to ride on other people's momentum instead of having to use your own. In cycling they talk about drafting, or, more commonly, slipstreaming. In life, as in writing, you first need to get into the wake of someone or something else. We start off learning a language by imitating others, learning by rote. Bit by bit, without realizing it, we end up creating our own slipstream and speaking the language. We write, we pedal, we gallop. We never actually had to start and now that all we have to do is keep on going, it's a whole lot easier. Think of taking a trip to be away. Stop writing Christmas cards, for example. Do something for someone else in the name of the person who died. Take presents to a children's hospital or volunteer for a soup kitchen. Do something special for yourself.

Stay in bed all day and read a good article; Give yourself permission to grieve. Take time out when the wave of grief comes over you. Know it's okay to laugh again. Know that you're not alone. In fact, they may decide to leave an event early or forego the invitation altogether. Falling in love does not just start with butterflies in your stomach, but it is more like skydiving. It is an exhilarating experience, but all the new sensations are completely overwhelming. You feel like you are losing yourself as everything is seemingly changing throughout your entire world. Sleep is a requirement to feeling on balance. If you get off of your sleep routine in any way, you will likely feel irritable the next day. Not only did you go off of the scheduled routine, but you also did not get your rest and rejuvenation time required to make it through the emotionally energetic day. Because you do not want to cause any conflict, you have a difficult time telling anyone no. This leads to being burnt out because often times the HSP will overextend themselves or look after other people's needs more than their own. If there is a failure, there is a tendency to go overboard and beat themselves up. Why was I crying? The answer was hard to learn but simple enough to understand: because I'm not all other travelers. This is one of my biggest problems with the self-help space in general: the idea that is sold to us is that if one person can do something, anyone can do that same thing. How many times have you read those exact words in a article or Instagram post? If I can do it, you can do it too!

Instead, what we should be saying is that if one person can change their life, it's just proof that it's possible for a person to change their life. It doesn't actually matter what exact steps they took to make it happen, because those exact same steps will not work for everyone who reads them. The only thing you should take from their experience is inspiration that it's possible to change your life too. One of the main points of this article is to showcase that there are multiple paths we can take in life. No two paths are the same, just as no two people are the same. A sculptor needs clay or stone to model or sculpt; Perhaps when Giacometti gives himself over to what he calls an obsession, content just to fiddle around with clay without actually achieving anything, he hasn't really begun yet, but that doesn't stop him from carrying on. He may always feel he's failed to do what he was trying to, but his work gives him great pleasure. Here, in an interview given at one of his exhibitions to the insightful documentary maker Jean-Marie Drot, he has the final word: Giacometti, when we last met in Paris, you were making sculptures. And now in Zurich you're a bit like a shepherd surveying his flock. They're everywhere. How does that make you feel? Yesterday, when I saw the exhibition, I thought it looked great. For a moment, anyway. Let your holidays and special days be filled with grace. Reprinted with permission from Iris M. Bolton, The Link Counseling Center, Atlanta, Georgia. This type of recognition and love is especially soothing if you feel you have been judged or alienated because your family member died of suicide. Try to remember that each anniversary, each birthday, each holiday meal gets a bit easier with the passage of time.

What you did the first or second year may not work anymore, and you may want to do something different. Always keep in mind that you are remembering and honoring your loved one's life--don't let how they died eclipse the beauty, the richness, and the brave struggles of how they lived. Become educated about suicide. Separating myths from realities may help you break the almost paralyzing hold that suicide has on your life and imagination. The vast majority of survivors know very little or nothing about the subject of suicide before their loved one's death. This line of negative self-talk is detrimental if allowed to continue over time as it leads to low self-image and self-esteem issues. Even if the HSP made a decision they later figured out was not for the best, they will have a hard time in forgiving themselves, forgetting about the matter and moving forward. This can also result in the individual being even more hesitant than usual in making decisions in the future or even voicing their opinion for fear that they are incorrect. Another common aspect which is setting the highly sensitive person to fall into this negative thinking cycle is that they usually set high standards for themselves. When they are trying to live life with purpose and intention and then fall off the wayside, like every other person in existence, they wonder why they are not capable of being perfect or meeting these set standards. The stimuli can be internal or external such as their realizations, emotions, thoughts, and surroundings. Of course, every person can feel sensitive at times when subjects are broached that would invoke this type of response. However, in the case of the HSP, this is a daily occurrence, which is a personality trait. Their reaction to these stimuli is more profound than the non-HSP as it can become overwhelming for the HSP to be in situations which would be normal to others. Many times, highly sensitive people have a safe refuge whether it is a room in their home or a place out in nature that is away from outside influences in which they can regroup and recharge from life situations. And even if two similar people tried to walk down the same path, they would still see it differently, because we all bring different knowledge, experiences, and perspectives to every situation we find ourselves in. With this in mind, please, please, please: give yourself the permission and the grace to move at your own pace, right from the start. This is your adventure. Nobody else's. Not your parents' or your friends' or your partner's or your coworkers' or that of the adventurers you look up to.

It's all yours. So don't try to keep up with other people. Instead, set your own goals and move at your own pace until you figure out what feels natural for you. Even if you don't see and do everything, you will at least be a little more comfortable--and might actually enjoy the journey. Good Enough Too good, actually. That does worry me a bit. Why's that? Because if I went on feeling as satisfied as I was yesterday, that would mean--in contradiction to what I generally think, wouldn't you say? Even so, it's a bit like seeing your whole life in one room. I suppose so, but it's . The key to action is getting down to it Taking the first step: anxiety of all lovers, nightmare of all tightrope walkers. I wouldn't be able to walk on that wire if I wasn't sure before taking the first step that I could do the last . It's very close to religious faith. As you talk with other survivors, read articles and articles, examine helpful Web sites, and explore other ways of gathering information, you will feel somewhat better. You may begin to understand some of the whys of your family member 's suicide. Your knowledge will not only help you to get through each day more easily, but also allow you to help other family members, friends and acquaintances, coworkers, and people whom you haven't even met yet. Consider family counseling if needed. One of the functions of a family is mutual support.

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