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It's even a kind of cowardice, this French flair . It means we create situations in which, because we believe all is lost, we manage to turn the situation around. Some people embrace their faith after the suicide of a loved one while others may turn away, either temporarily or permanently. Yet all survivors need whatever reinforcements they can find to regain their footing after such a devastating and puzzling loss, and many look for spiritual and religious guidance to help them sort out how they are feeling. My definition of faith changed after my friend's suicide, says Alex, a writer from New York. I saw how limited our individual power is, no matter how much we would like to change the outcome of what happens or influence the events in our life. I now believe that faith means giving up control and accepting that there will always be mystery and the unknown. I also had to make peace with destiny or God or whatever I care to name it, and accept that my anger and defiance would not bring my friend back or explain his decision to kill himself. For me, faith is believing in--and ultimately accepting--something you can't know and are unable to prove. For the past decade, scientists have been conducting hundreds of studies to try to measure the effects of faith and spirituality on a person's physical well-being. The results are mixed, and health professionals themselves are polarized about the role that religious and spiritual beliefs play in medicine. The relationship between faith and healing continues to be explored, however, and is taken into consideration by all of the health sciences. Make life pay off, on your own terms. Remember this: you can have anything in life you truly desire, as long as you give up the belief that you can't have it. Begin to see your life as a game--a fun game--that each day is filled with wonderful experiences to learn from. See yourself using each experience to help you grow and become bigger, better and more in control of your life and helping you to achieve whatever it is you truly desire. Remember that many people are upset at life because they never really understood the meaning behind the wise old saying. Rich is the person who makes their income fit their lifestyle. Poor [and let's also say frustrated] is the person who makes their lifestyle fit their income. I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have only been like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a prettier shell, or smoother pebble than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.

ALWAYS TAKE TIME TO PLAY You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in one year of conversation. It might be someone you love; But it's just a simple exit, and that's okay. Everyone is moving in the direction they need to go. You can wave goodbye and miss people, but it doesn't need to be dramatic. You can simply trust that you were on the same road together for a reason, and be grateful for the time you spent together. While I haven't lost anyone because of my most recent optout, to move around and travel the way I do is to live in a constant practice of letting go. Saying goodbye to your home. Then saying goodbye to the places that become your home. Leaving behind the people who lived and loved you there. Walking away from the paths you stepped on, and the trees you touched, and the flowers you smelled, and the birds you watched and listened to. So if we were truly honest with ourselves, why not play in the first minute the way we are capable of playing in the seventy-fifth minute? If French flair can be born out of a sense of powerlessness, if it's just another name for the energy of despair, then it's nothing much to be proud of. But French flair isn't just that. To put it simply, where the Anglo-Saxons play with reason, the French take a bet on their intuition. Pierre Villepreux, who was a player and then trainer for the French team, is considered one of the principal upholders of this tradition and says: There was a time when, compared to the more pragmatic, stereotypical English game, France developed a more inventive style of play. It required some intelligence in reading the situation, which not everyone is capable of. It is not therefore simply the fruit of chance or despair, but the ability of the whole team to act both as a unit and as a fluid ensemble of individuals, each of whom has the freedom to read the game and to adapt in real time to disorder. Whether inspiration or situational intelligence, call this capacity for improvisation what you will, the aim is to act on the pitch like a jazz ensemble, always poised to follow and support your partner for as long as is required.

Rene Deleplace, who is considered the theoretician of total rugby, the idea that led to French flair, was not just a rugby man (a player and then trainer in the fifties and sixties), he was also a teacher of mathematics and above all a musician (French horn). He was a proponent of the idea of perpetual motion rugby, of seeking harmony between the lines in an ongoing improvisation. FAITH-BASED RESOURCES CONCERNED WITH SUICIDE For a wide range of faith-based programs, publications, Web sites, and organizations throughout the U. For a complete listing of additional resources and programs, see Resource Directory, article 275. Religion and Suicide Suicide has a long and complicated relationship with religion. Taking your own life was considered a sin by all of the major faiths until not so long ago. This was very painful for survivors because their loved ones could not receive a religious funeral with the traditional rituals of death, nor could they be buried inside the cemetery or on consecrated ground. Although today's clergy are more enlightened about current thinking on suicide, there still remains a residue of discomfort, puzzlement, and shame about the topic. For example, the clergyperson may not name the cause of death at the funeral, and may encourage eulogists to omit any reference to suicide. There may be a hushed silence in the chapel or whispered huddling at the reception. So many folks are so caught up in having material things, accolades and worldly success that they've neglected a big part of their lives: play. All work and little play makes for a very dull and boring life. You need an equal balance of work and play in order to release stress, tensions and pent-up energies that seek expression through ways other than just work. Look at some of the most successful people in life. Yes, a few of them do nothing but work, work, work. To them, it's their life, the only thing they know. Yet I've known many of them--each worth hundreds of millions of dollars--and they feel like they can't stop. Like an addiction that if they stop to enjoy a hobby or play, their whole world would fall apart.

Talk about being chronically frustrated and deeply unhappy! Still, I've met many--measured in society's terms--worth infinitely more. Knowing you may never see any of it again. Being grateful for the time you had. Then breaking your own heart a little bit more, with every step you take. And reminding yourself that all things end eventually, while trusting that you lived that experience for a reason. So, the question that inspired this article: Did you lose anyone along the way? Yes, I have. And so will you. And so will everyone--whether you're opting out or not. If you are opting out, though, the most important lesson I pulled from Lori Gottlieb's article Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is that change travels with loss. It's the simplest equation, really. He was basically the designer of French flair. The paradox of rugby is that even when it is being played intuitively, it requires constant awareness and a detailed knowledge of the rules. Even if improvisation is the capacity to bring order to disorder, it is not an uncertain science itself; In rugby, you never stop reflecting; But in the end the real inventor of French flair was Descartes himself. Stopping thinking in order to act doesn't mean despising reason; We've talked about hypnosis, yoga, non-thinking, archery . Yet it was the inventor of modern rationalism who drew a distinction between thought and action with such exemplary firmness.

When you're thinking, you have all the time in the world. You can shut yourself away for a week, meditate, write, dream, perhaps. Some surviving family members may worry that their loved one is in hell or may be stuck in purgatory. Some may rage at God. But this is the dark side. There are theologians and religious leaders at the national and international forefront who are educating men and women of the cloth about suicide, forgiveness, and compassion. They want the most up-to-date information--that suicide is most often brought about by a mental illness and is not a sin--to be espoused from the pulpit so that congregants from all faiths will understand the message and reach out to survivors during their difficult times. The word sin in Greek literally means `missing the mark,' explains Rev. We all do that in our lives. We also experience alienation in large and small ways, and when you kill yourself, you are alienated from your own being. When people ask me if suicide is a sin, I tell them the the love of God is beyond our imagination, and religion is about compassion and forgiveness. Dr James T. They have found that taking time to play not only fulfills that deep inner need that constantly longs to be fulfilled, but the skills and discipline they learn through play actually helps them become better in their work. What a beautiful benefit, and it's one you can start enjoying right now! Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain. THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL EVER KNOW IS TO EXPERIENCE, AS ONLY YOU KNOW, WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. Have you ever wanted to take a trip to someplace you've never been before, dreamed of doing something you've always wanted to do yet never have, or been interested in a job and asked someone doing it how it was? Of course you have. And if you asked three different people who've done and experienced the same things, I'll bet that each of them gave you a different answer.