The illusions that we create with our mind while we're sitting in meditation--illusions that we call thought--can create fear, joy, sadness, wonder, anger: the whole gamut of emotions. Thoughts can cause us to cry, they can cause us to smile. Many thoughts have a lot of emotional content. In our everyday lives, we are run around by these thoughts that we make so solid with our mind and our thinking. Numbers can quickly make the horror seem distant. But try to put yourself in their shoes--which many of them don't even have. These people are someone's children, parents and friends. All have dreams and emotions. Yet they suffer more than some will ever have to. If you've never seen it before, a video on YouTube would show you. If these were people you knew, there would be no limit to what you'd do to help them. If you advance the meaning of life you can, in part, assist in the removal of this misery. When we seek the greater good by what we make, we are able to help those who cannot help themselves. Knowing about this suffering, it's easy to see why some think that if we don't hold ourselves to a higher standard, we are failing not just ourselves but all of humanity. If you can't share nicely you must go to your room. The tussle between Andy and Rick over the bike should have been handled something like this. Rick makes a grab for the bike and Andy yells out indignantly: Janet: Andy, I suggest that you go and tell Rick that that is your bike and he must ask permission to use it. Andy: But I don't want him to ride it, it's mine. Janet: If you really don't want him to ride it tell him so, but remember if you don't let Rick play with your things when he comes here, when you go to his house he may not let you play with his.
Also he might not want to come here anymore if it's no fun for him. It may occasionally be necessary for you to intervene on your child's behalf if his property rights are being violated by someone older and stronger than he. For example, if Geoff, who is ten, takes Andy's bike without asking, Janet might have to say: `Geoff, that is Andy's bike. You must ask his permission to use it. Above all, before making any pivotal decision, you need to consider how much of your marital unhappiness is due to you, how much of it is due to your spouse, how much of it is due to dynamics within your marriage, and how much of it is due to circumstances beyond your control. Such understanding may not change your ultimate decision, but it will influence what element of your marriage or your life you should seek to change. Knowing that this happiness myth is wrong--that your life won't end when your relationship does--opens up new roads and new positive possibilities for how to enact that change. I'll Be Happy When . I Have Kids I was walking with a friend when she confessed something to me that I had never heard anyone say out loud: I don't like being a parent. She adores her son, probably more than anything. She had tried to have a baby for a decade before she finally succeeded, with the help of multiple fertility treatments. She is grateful for that. But perhaps because the desire for a child had been so strong and so enduring, and the effort so difficult and stressful, it took her several years to acknowledge the reality that parenting just doesn't suit her. Sources: citrus fruits, broccoli, and tomatoes. Why you need it: crucial to maintaining healthy gum tissue and preventing periodontal disease, as well as maintaining healthy bones and aiding in the absorption of iron. Fat-Soluble Vitamins Recommended daily need: 900 micrograms (equivalent to 3,000 IU). Sources: many breakfast cereals, juice, sweet potatoes, carrots, spinach, and apricots. Why you need it: important for vision and the immune system.
Recommended daily intake of vitamin D up to age 50 is 5 micrograms (200 IU), 10 micrograms (400 IU) between the ages of 51 and 70, and 15 micrograms (600 IU) after age 70. But intakes much higher are optimal. There are upper limits, although this is not a vitamin most men can get too much of. Why you need it: helps maintain bone density, allows you to absorb needed calcium and phosphorus, and helps increase muscle strength. While it's important to stick with the facts, it's also important to acknowledge all of the past and present evidence that supports and verifies your hot thought. Len identified five pieces of evidence that seemed to support the hot thought I'm a first-class failure. Here's what he wrote in his Evidence for column: Only $24,000 in sales for December. Couldn't close that big account when they seemed almost ready to give me the contract. Boss asked if I had any problems. This is the third time in twelve months I've been below $30,000 in sales. Had a disagreement with Randolph, and he pulled his job. Notice that Len doesn't talk about conjectures, assumptions, or a feeling that he's doing a bad job. He confines himself to the facts and an objective description of events. Notice the smells, the filth, the garbage everywhere. You might be in a cave filled with rats, snakes, cockroaches, or spiders. Call forth a place that you wish never to go to. When you've created this place, continue to take slow, deep breaths and then look down into a corner and see the lowest form of yourself imaginable. Allow an image of you at your worst to appear in your mind. Try to sense and see everything about you: how you look, how you smell, how you feel.
Now allow a word that describes the person you are seeing to come into your mind. After you have visited with this person long enough to get a sense of him or her, open your eyes. Write down the word you received and everything you experienced in your visualization. Write for at least ten minutes. Yet they knew his character well enough to follow his lead. It is likely, however, that only a few people knew Crazy Horse intimately: his parents, an uncle or two, his brother and sister, his wife, and his friends He Dog, Lone Bear, Hump, Touch the Clouds, Stands in Timber, Chips, and Spotted Tail. Those people knew him as a person, without the mantle and responsibility of leadership. They saw him being thoughtful, angry, puzzled, grieving, joyful, determined, and tender. They saw him laugh and cry over the trials and tribulations of everyday life, and agonize about the future. They heard him express frustration, doubt, optimism, pride, and many other human emotions. Likewise, he knew them and shared with them the good and bad moments of life. For different reasons and in different ways, a bond of trust was established between Crazy Horse and his intimate companions and fellow fighting men. When people know they can depend on one another, they are powerful. This is the kind of power upon which cooperation, allegiance, alliance, devotion, and dedication are formed. No need to worry. Produce that's flash-frozen actually maintains all of its important nutrients from the time of freezing, making frozen a good healthy option. Plan for leftovers. Double your batches, then freeze half in meal-size portions. That way, if you're too busy, too tired, or just not feeling it, you can reach into your freezer and thaw out something delicious. Plus, if you keep up this practice, you'll have food waiting for you when you get home with your new baby.
Mama Mantra Pay close attention to the things that bring you joy--and make more time for them. Through the Months: Your Growing Baby Over the next three articles we're going to explore what you will likely experience during pregnancy as you and your baby grow and change together. Check to see what your payoff is for being off purpose or without purpose. Do you feel you owe it to others to let them distract you? Do you think if you pick a goal you will fail, or feel pressured to try to reach it? What are your real reasons for being off purpose? Give up Blame Make whatever is going on with you at the moment okay. Don't blame yourself for being off purpose, just note that you are. Blaming others is a game; Give up the need for approval from others and be yourself. It is equally pointless to make yourself wrong. Try holding the protractor so you can read the numbers right-side up. Parenting is teaching, and teachers look for the teachable moments in just about everything we do. Find those moments and lead your child toward answers. Discoveries children make under their own steam will always be remembered longer and understood more deeply than the answers you hand them out of impatience. AUTONOMY-SUPPORTIVE PARENTS ALLOW FOR MISTAKES AND HELP CHILDREN UNDERSTAND THE CONSEQUENCES OF THOSE MISTAKES. It's no big deal that you dropped that glass, I'll show you how to clean it all up, and you can remember to carry fewer next time.