Monday, 27 July 2020

Take away all your misery and gloom

What are you grateful for in the present? What do you choose to love and appreciate today? I've developed a kind of embarrassing habit - I kiss things I love. It all started when I heard this from Abraham: Feel your way, little by little, into a greater sense of abundance by noticing things you already have that please you. Writing your article of Freedom will help you do just that. My teacher, don Miguel, never taught in absolutes. He would make suggestions and whether you followed them would be your choice. When he introduced a process similar to this to his students, he told them they either had to do it or they could no longer study with him. That was how important he thought it was. Writing your article of Freedom is an arduous process but the rewards are immeasurable. Most of my students resist because they don't like to write, or they don't have the time, or . The question I pose to you is this: In five years you'll be five years older and if you don't actively do something to change yourself, your life will be pretty much the same. If you really use this tool you'll be five years older and your life will be totally transformed. Imagine it's five years from now; They want to learn how to deal with these issues in a way that's caught, rather than taught. My wife, Barbi, and I have watched this process many times in our own children. As we give up our good self to admit our faults, they begin taking on these qualities in their relationships. It makes everything worthwhile to walk around the corner and see a six-year-old taking initiative to apologize to his younger brother for hitting him. Children have a remarkable ability to forgive if you present the problem to them in a way they can understand. They want to be loved and close, and they don't hang on to resentment and bitterness in the same way we do.

If their needs are met and their feelings are not minimized by a defensive mom, they don't take long to grieve the pain she causes them and move on to more growth. Much better for them to forgive you now, than thirty years and a couple of marriages later in a therapist's office. You take up the slack. Admitting weaknesses to your child also covers a multitude of other things. In the past, when I'd been upset, I'd depended on finding calm in meditation. But now, in such a vertiginous spin, I couldn't contact it. I didn't want to be anxious, but this emotion, compounded by my fear of abandonment, just took hold: I was quaking inside, lying awake in bed at night watching the clock, restless like a dog unable to settle into the right position. I remember walking on the jetty by the ocean near my condo one afternoon, trying to calm down, but feeling so jittery I wasn't even sure I could make it home. Weird things come to mind in that state. I recalled how, as children, my friends and I used to ask ourselves impossible questions such as Would you rather be deaf or blind? We had to decide which was the lesser of two torments. Although nobody asked me now, I decided I'd rather be depressed than anxious. Then, I figured, at least I'd be slowed down, which would be preferable to the feeling of wanting to jump out of my skin. Even imagining I had a choice, which I didn't, was oddly reassuring. I loved this when I first read it, and started revelling in my memory foam mattress, my green iPhone, my childrens' cheeks (super squishy and yummy), and other things I have and love, but hadn't focused on being grateful for before. I was shopping with my nephew, and he unexpectedly bought me a stunning bottle of honey that I'd been admiring--unrefined, golden, in a trendy artisan glass bottle. I kissed the bottle in the store. A little embarrassing, I know. Now I know what you're thinking. There's nothing about kissing inanimate objects in this teaching.

But I can't explain it. Next thing I knew, I was getting such great pleasure from the small things I own that I started to kiss them. In my house. Not in stores. Remember what I said about making steps in your process non-negotiable? Writing your article of Freedom should be non-negotiable; I guarantee your life will be transformed. If you are diligent and follow all of the directions as written, you will learn to see life through the eyes of love and fear will leave you. The article of Freedom--Overview This journaling process has several different components. There are sections you write in daily; It is a very easy process if you stay in the moment and don't overwhelm yourself. Just read through the directions and follow them step-by-step. If you have a great deal of resistance to the process, track your resistance. In other words, children of confessing moms are able to bear and tolerate many other weaknesses in her. They can encounter attachment or boundary problems in mom and recover from them much more quickly. Without the emotional confusion of taking responsibility for mom's mistakes, they can accept the reality of her failing them, and still flourish. We have noted this principle time and time again: People who come from high-functioning but in-denial parents tend to function worse than those who had more dysfunctional but confessing parents. If a child knows that mom is weak but growing, she won't take her mother's problems as her own, but she'll get help from others to shore up her own weaknesses. From an honest mom she learns that even painful truths are better than secrets and hiding in her own life.

She'll learn that reality is her friend. Give the Kid Some Credit Finally, moms, you might as well admit your weaknesses because, much of the time, children are aware of our foibles anyway. They may be young, but they haven't yet figured out how to deceive themselves in quite the sophisticated fashion we grown-ups have. Nevertheless, that day I realized I couldn't get through this by myself, or even with friends' support. Fortunately, I found the right therapist, who became my north star. Working together over the next few months, I felt gradual relief as my anxiety quieted down. What helped was expressing it; I also became a connoisseur of techniques to find inner calm that I could use along with others I'd already practiced such as meditation and energy balancing. I'm eager to share these with you. This experience left me with a God-fearing respect for anxiety. Wrenching as it was, I evolved emotionally and gained greater compassion for others going through anxiety--gifts of getting to the other side of darkness. My curious nature is drawn to the deep end of living and finding my way back toward the light. Stretch my soul and make me free is my stance for coping with emotions in a world where most people avoid pain like the plague. I'll try not to do that again. Until recently, I was one of the few people my age who didn't need glasses for reading. I kind of liked that, especially when my younger sister got a pair! But lately, the screen had become slightly blurry, my needlepoint canvas was feeling daunting, and when my daughter asked me to undo the knot in her necklace chain (my specialty), I couldn't see clearly enough to do it. I remembered the glasses I'd bought during my last pregnancy, when my eyesight deteriorated temporarily. Sometimes my memory wows me.

And that night, not only did I remember I had the glasses, I actually knew where they were. I kissed my reading glasses, unfolded them, put them on, and wowza! The knot was crystal clear as was my computer monitor, and I was enormously grateful for this tiny miracle of glass and metal. What I'm even more grateful for is that I have no resistance to the need for glasses, nor the fact that they signal that my body is aging. This article is your ticket to personal freedom. Your mind is meant to be a tool but it has learned over the years to chatter endlessly. This incessant noise is the mitote of the mind. Your mind can learn to be quiet and only talk when it's necessary. I leave my computer on all day. When I am not actively using it I have the screen saver set so the screen goes blank. When I want to use my computer I touch a key and it's ready and willing to serve me. It doesn't sit on my desk and endlessly talk to me. It doesn't demand my attention or offer me its personal opinions. It just sits there and waits for me to use it. So you're oftentimes simply affirming verbally what they already know deep inside. Validation of reality can bring enormous structural growth to a child. I was working with my son Ricky once on his tendency to dart away from me in parking lots. Fearing that he might get hit by a car that was backing up, I told him, I'm going to have to give you a consequence the next time you dart from me. Ricky's response surprised me. You give me too many chances, he said.

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