Sunday, 5 July 2020

Thrown around in the spectacle

There might be a few relationships in your circle that aren't very healthy. Identify those relationships and look at ways to break the negative tie or reduce the impact it has on you, so that you are open for healthier connections. If you aren't even sure what kinds of support you are missing or where you might find that support, sit down and figure it out. For example, if you have lots of practical support, but not much emotional support, looking for a group of folks dealing with the same issues would greatly strengthen your network. We meet numerous people over the course of our lives, but only some of them become part of our network and even fewer become true friends. Forming meaningful connections takes time; TREASURE IT. Strong relationships are not one-sided. The power to be great is within you. Examine your inner strengths, your natural abilities, and everyday skills and use them to generate Yes! One of our greatest gifts is the physical, sensual, free gift of just being alive, yet like so many of life's benefits, it is too often overlooked. The Inquiry What's the big game you're ready to play? The Exercise Consider the types of energy to which you aspire. List them in your journal. What gifts do you have that service this energy? What services and support do you provide others that you take for granted or that aren't necessarily valued? It is an acceptance of what is, a letting go of trying to rework the outcome you wanted in your mind. Time is something that cannot be relived or taken back.

So what we have left is acceptance of what is, what remains, and the aftereffects. And by facing your suffering, you can grieve, feel the pain, and allow the process to move forward. Suppressing your feelings only transforms the pain into resentment. Often it can seem easier to hold on to the anger of resentment--anger can seem powerful and protective. But that is an illusion, because beneath resentment is suffering asking to be released and cleansed. You may fear experiencing the true pain beneath your resentment, so anger feels like the preferable option. But suppressing pain and suffering is like creating beautiful space for a garden and doing everything necessary for growth, except planting the seeds. Instead, you place the seeds in a drawer but check the garden every day to see if flowers are beginning to emerge. Whether they're making unproven claims based on the latest buzzword bandwagon or just frightening you into trying to fix a problem you don't have, the skincare industry is rife with repeat offenders. I'm not singling out any particular brands here, but these are the products that have no reason for being on our shelves. They do not `clean' your face. They are for Emergencies Only - real emergencies. If you have access to clean water, there is no emergency. They're also atrocious for the environment. Remember: Fannies, flights and festivals (see here). And NEVER flush. Sheet masks, aka `wipes with holes cut out for eyes'. Think of the environment if nothing else. Why does the air smell so fresh right after a thunderstorm? We can imagine lots of likely answers to these questions.

If you are at the beach, you are not at work (unless you're a lifeguard or cotton-candy hawker). Niagara Falls is a stupefying spectacle, a wonder of nature, and pretty scary if you think about being swept into it. Rain makes the grass smell sweeter and washes the grunge off the concrete. And any of these experiences is enhanced if you are with someone you like. There is something else they have in common, too, though. Each is a situation in which you are likely to find higher concentrations of negative air ions. Negative air ions appear when a molecule of oxygen in the air takes on an extra electron, giving it a negative electrical charge. Unless the air is very dry, microscopic droplets of water, which help protect the charge from dissipating, surround the charged molecule. Be sure you find ways to contribute to your important relationships and tell those special people how much you appreciate them in your life. MAINTAINING KEY SUPPORT RELATIONSHIPS You may have a great support network but also recognize that a few important relationships need a little maintenance. Creating lasting, healthy relationships requires effort. Here are a few ideas on strengthening the key connections in your life so that you can count on them over the long haul. LOVE EQUALS TIME. Be sure you manage your time in a way that allows you to focus on the important people in your network. Make time to go out with your best friend, play with your child, or have a deep talk with your partner. If you don't make time to nurture these relationships, they will deteriorate. DON'T BE A BULLY OR A WIMP. How can you change that? Next Steps:

Make a candid appraisal of your strengths, your skills, and your gifts. To help you be inclusive, consider how you make a living, not the job or title, but all of the actual skills you use. Look at the things you do every day that you might take for granted, but which you do very well and which come easily to you. Draw up as big of a list of your gifts as you can here. If you fall short, ask a trusted friend or relative for a few thoughts. LEVERAGING LIBIDO The Drive of Nature I love my libido. Seeds need the right conditions to transform into flowers. Your bitterness and resentment is similar: When you release these shadow emotions instead of allowing them to take up space, blocking growth, you open up to transforming these feelings into something else--joy, calm, and connection. A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it, it just blooms. Jealousy and envy in motherhood are not pretty. These shadow emotions can be awful to experience, especially when these feelings are in reaction to your child. The first time I felt jealousy and envy as a mother was when my twin daughters, who were born premature, needed round-the-clock care in the neonatal intensive care unit for two weeks, with breathing tubes, heart monitors, and feeding tubes. I didn't feel the shadow emotions of jealousy and envy right away, or even during the first days when I had visitors and was busy spending time with the girls. No, these shadow emotions came in the quiet of the night, when I was alone in my hospital room and my babies were being cared for by a team of nurses down the hall in the NICU. About three nights into our hospital stay, I woke up to the sound of a crying infant from the room across the hall. I felt the shadow emotions of jealousy and envy in full force. Foaming face washes that contain SLS/SLES or, more specifically, anything that describes itself as giving you `squeaky clean' skin. No part of your body should squeak.

These products are too drying. You may want to also consider removing hair products and toothpaste containing SLS from your routine. Micellar waters. These are fine for removing eye makeup, or your entire face in an emergency with no access to water, but they're not a one-stop shop for daily use and should be washed off. Use them as a first cleanse only. Pore strips. I don't care who you see advertising them, no one who works in and on skin and cares deeply about your skin would ever - ever - recommend these. Horrible things. These clusters of molecules are particularly plentiful at the seashore by the pounding surf, next to waterfalls and rapids, after lightning storms, and in the tropical rain forest. We are also more likely to find negative air ions out in the countryside than in the city. The reason is that so many of the objects around us--radiators, plumbing, house wiring, electronic devices of all sorts--function as electrical grounds that attract and neutralize the negative ions. They don't even need to be directly connected to the earth, as long as they are more positive in charge than the ions. The ions come in contact with them and presto! The process is just like what happens on a dry winter day when you take off your coat, then reach for a doorknob or light switch. The electrical charge you accumulated instantly discharges and you feel a slight shock. There is another reason negative air ions are scarce in our homes, schools, offices, and hospitals: climate control. In the winter, heating systems take cool air that is already dry and warm it up, making it still dryer. In the summer, air conditioners take the humidity out of the air as they cool it. Assertiveness is expressing your needs and feelings while respecting others' needs and feelings. It is a way to communicate without being aggressive or passive.

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