Could it be that we were supposed to fix them and they were supposed to save us? Even though we knew better, part of us still believed in happily ever after. Now this has brought up other broken promises in our lives: unmourned losses from hopes and dreams yanked out from under us by a world incapable of following through. Sound bleak? You decide to be your whole real self, and I can tell you right now, you will not regret this. This is freedom. To help you get started identifying yours, I'll offer up mine. My twelve statements look like this: I am wired as a motivated, high-functioning introverted Enneagram Three. I love leading but have to work harder on self-assessment and emotions. I have a strong prophetic nature. When I'm healthy, I'm authentic and care deeply for people. When I'm disintegrating, I overvalue success and clamor for approval. I take up a large amount of space, because I am jammed with ideas, convictions, and dreams. From that point until her death in 1974, Ermolieva remained a member of the WHO's committee on antibiotics. 2 Facts can, of course, inspire in ways fiction cannot. Though Ermolieva is one of the most famous scientists of the Soviet era, she remains largely ignored in the history of antibiotic discovery. This is unfortunate, for her life should encourage generations of scientists to come. Born in the city of Frolovo in 1898, as a young student she excelled in Latin, French, and German.
Her knowledge of Latin served her especially well during her entrance exam to medical school. 3 World War I changed her life. As the war broke out in Europe, the University of Warsaw relocated--the entire university, with all its faculties, moved to Rostov-on-Don, where Ermolieva lived. But even if the attempt fails, making this type of response still diminishes the power of some old cognitive and behavioral patterns because it adds a new element to the existing self- esteem picture. Being successful, of course, has the additional advantage of increasing one's competence now and in the future when facing similar situations. The result of dealing with such an existential challenge in this fashion is that it always creates some degree of authentic self- esteem. On one hand, observing what happens when a crucial component is missing is often a good way to learn about its value, just as being ill usually teaches a lot about the importance of health. It was pointed out in article 1, for example, that there is general agreement that healthy self- esteem is desirable because it buffers people from stress, anxiety, and a host of negative phenomena (Leary & MacDonald, 2003. ) Those who work with mental illness have first- hand experience with this connection between self- esteem and well- being or, more properly, a lack of it because the benefits that come with competence and worthiness working together are strongly made known by their absence. Similarly, most people find that it is difficult to be around individuals for any length of time who have even moderate degrees of unstable self- esteem because of their tendency to become defensive, rigid, critical, or interpersonally aggressive, especially when stressed. Finally, that fact that self- esteem is tied to at least six important domains of existence that run across the entire life cycle in one way or another means that the self- protective function of self- esteem covers a lot of ter-ritory related to well- being. Few would want to be without the shield that healthy self- esteem provides for long, which is why social scientists have studied the self-protective function the most. Hello Happiness, can you please let me travel with you back to shore and away from this storm? Happiness was having such a good time in the excitement of rushing around packing and getting off the island! Love's request for help went unnoticed. It was just all too much fun! By now the storm was getting closer and the sky was darkening with threatening clouds. Lightning flashed and strong winds whipped up the water and sand.
Suddenly Love heard a voice call out, Quickly, get in my boat! I will take you back to the mainland and out of this storm. Love jumped into the boat, but in the darkness and confusion couldn't see who had offered help. When safely off the island, Love sought out Wisdom and asked, Who saved me when everyone else turned away? That's the path many of us slip down once the honeymoon phase is over. Granted, a raw deal like this can turn anyone into a Clot. Many couples I work with claim that was the specific point in their relationship when bad behavior started. The disappointment and heartache around the honeymoon phase's often abrupt end feels like a betrayal. We sometimes devalue the whole relationship from then on. Often the sense of disappointment snowballs, leaving us so profoundly hurt, we go on the attack. Only in this way--and often through extremely Clotish behavior--can we make our former ally, now enemy, feel the intense frustration that we feel. When the disappointment of tumbling out of the honeymoon stage infiltrates our everyday life, it's often used to justify all sorts of nonsensical acting out toward the person we believe betrayed us. And this happens in business and platonic relationships as well. You know, I really hate that schmuck Ray in my office, Emily said. I like big experiences. I like big feelings and big spaces. I'm comfortable with a large capacity and plan to fill it. I want to honor my body as the loyal, strong companion she is. I have been hateful to her for most of my life, and I am determined to love her better. I deserve goodness, even in religious spaces where I am an outlier.
I am still a good sister and God's kid, and I don't deserve mischaracterization, rejection, and gossip. I have learned to ask for help, and thus my life is as well-manned with partners and managers as it ever has been. I feel very supported. I am incredibly connected to my friends and family. A world-class university suddenly at her doorstep, she was also fortunate to be a student when the Russian Duma voted to open medical training to women. Zinaida Ermolieva, and her lifelong friend Nina Kliueva, were part of the first class. The years that followed Ermolieva's education were turbulent. Wars with foreign powers and domestic enemies shaped Ermolieva's career. She saw the horrors of World War I, the Russian Revolution, the subsequent civil war between the communists and the monarchists, and the famine and cholera epidemic in the immediate aftermath of the civil war. It was during these chaotic times that Ermolieva secured her first taste of bacteriology research. She promptly made her mark. Her first paper was published in 1922. She was only twenty-three years old. And she was among the first Russian scientists to tell the difference between a cholera pathogen and a cholera-like pathogen. On the other hand, humanistic psychology has been concerned with the growth- related function of self- esteem for over a half- century, and now positive psychology is becoming increasingly interested in this dimension of self- esteem too (Churchill & Mruk, 2014; Mruk, 2013a. ) Such a development is fortunate because this dimension of self- esteem is more directly connected to mental health and well- being. Moreover, the enhancing function of self- esteem is also relevant to everyone, not just those who suffer from its lack.
For example, even people with medium or normal self- esteem who are faring reasonably well in life can benefit from better understanding the benefits of self- esteem and how to enhance it. Consequently, this article focuses on the positive connections between authentic self- esteem and well- being, especially as they occur in everyday life. Who rescued me from the island? Wisdom smiled, That was Time. Only Time knows the true value of Love. Only Time knows what Love can do. Time knows that only Love can bring real peace, happiness and prosperity. The message of this story is we miss out on love if we become too fixated on prosperity, or happiness, or sorrow, or anything really! Only with time, do we come to understand the true value and power of love. We should examine our values and be clear about them, so that there is a balance and we can experience a full range of positive values and qualities. The following ancient tale is from the Mahabharata by Valmiki. The Mahabharata is the longest epic poem ever written. I can't stand cowards. Ray has been a coward throughout this whole project. Thanks for helping me see that. Emily, Ray, and Pam are colleagues who've collaborated on a creative project over the past few years, and most of the time Emily and Ray have been allied against the supposed authoritarian structure Pam tries to impose. After weekly meetings, they like to commiserate about Pam's heavy-handedness. And recently, disagreements between Pam and Emily have devolved into insults and name-calling.