Say you go to your primary-care doctor and discover you have high cholesterol. I believe that in him is life. I'll never believe anything else, anything less. He doesn't subscribe to our human hierarchies and systems of power, no matter what powerful people say. Jesus loved women and children and sick people and, irrationally, Roman leaders oppressing his people. No one could tell Jesus crap about who he was supposed to honor and dishonor. His grace knew no bounds, which people loved and hated and ultimately killed him for, but Jesus didn't care because he just came back alive and saved the world. He is in the saving business. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Let's go back to the potential objections to your process, the hard conversations around your spiritual movement. First, you are a learner, not a seminary professor, so it is not your responsibility to perfectly articulate your journey to someone else. They won't feel pain from your screaming and shouting and insults, they might even enjoy it. Feel pain from hurting you ? Not they! Now, if your lover has a core desire, outside the primitive emotions flying in an argument, to hug you in a healthy relationship, then you can work wonders with that. But if they don't contain that human quality, if they are at heart a cold individual, then it'll be almost impossible for that quality to develop inside them. The likely prognosis is, these bad spats will only get worse over time, as they push the boundary further and further. If you are in an otherwise healthy relationship, we can all work wonders by becoming skilled at fighting fairly. Something I haven't often seen talked about is dispute strategies. For while some people love to scream, shout and get it all out and then quickly make up, others recover by getting away to think alone and then return acting as if nothing has happened.
Everyone has their preferred conflict strategy and when they clash with yours, at worst they can be emotionally brutal and downright incendiary. After discussing methods of lowering cholesterol, whether through diet and exercise alone or in combination with medicine, you decide on a plan. At the next appointment, if the test reveals you have effectively lowered your cholesterol (therefore drastically lowering your risk of developing heart attack, stroke, dementia, and kidney disease), you receive a reduction in your insurance premium or a reduction in your co-pays contingent on maintaining it. Why are people opposed to positive reinforcement when it comes to our health? The ACA attempted to introduce value-based medicine but got it backward. According to the theory behind the ACA, the incentive for patients to be healthier was to jeopardize payments for doctors and hospitals if successful results are not achieved. Although this approach might help certain practitioners and sites improve their techniques, I would venture to say a larger benefit would be achieved if the patient was also incentivized to get healthier. Though well-intentioned, the law took a system already overburdened with administrative and regulatory tasks and made it worse. The new initiative to prove value (whatever that means) in services further impedes delivery of patient care. The ACA uses excessive regulation to try to get better health outcomes. The overwhelming transition to bundled payments, value-based reimbursements, and infinite box clicking on EMRs has left our physicians chasing their payments rather than focusing on patient wellness. This is a stubborn obstacle for women. How will I explain this? I don't know if I can get the words right. You don't have to. Early stages of spiritual examinations are often muddy and difficult to summarize. This doesn't mean you are dumb. It means you are doing the laborious work of deconstructing and reconstructing and listening and learning and praying about all this, and, excuse me, but this is not the best time to explain yourself to Aunt Margaret. If Aunt Margaret is sincerely interested in what you are exploring, she can do her own work. This may have surprising consequences.
When Brandon and I embraced affirming LGBTQ theology after two years of careful examination (sometimes it takes that long to replace old hard-wiring), his mom had some concerns and listened intently, as she had the same question and was actually hungry for relevant resources. So, if you find you're arguing with your partner too often and it deteriorates hatefully, then you need to take some action that may sound a bit nerdy, but which actually might just disperse your hostilities. Of course, never arguing again is unrealistic. But to completely avoid the kind of arguments that over time will erode and destroy love is something that, with persistence, we can actually achieve. So first, let's examine the structure of those fights. Do you each out-do one another to say worse and worse things in louder and louder voices as the heat rises until you're standing there screaming at each other? If so, right away you'll need to shut down this savage spiral completely by using a new strategy that both of you can agree on. Does one of you vocally pursue the other, pushing and pushing your version of reality while the other just will not respond, which makes you get even more angry? Stop -- here we need to recognize, to respect the differing argument strategy of each of you: one just wants to get it out there and get it resolved, while the other doggedly insists on time for their emotions to cool down and to be left alone where that can happen. Do your arguments always circle like loud flies over the same spot, stirring up past pain, showcasing a wonderful medley of all past wrongs and errors? Note that the longer we're with a lover, the more evidence we can use against them, so that the deep resentments of months and years build and intensify until they happily spurt out each time we fight. Increased regulation does not, in fact, lead to improved patient care. I am not saying that the system should go back entirely to fee-for-service, where doctors were paid for each service provided whether or not it worked. However, the concept of value-based care and what we define as value should be further explored. Sick individuals will need medication, hospitalization, and frequent doctor visits, all of which are expensive. We do not want to punish those who are already sick by barring them from coverage or burdening them with costly medical bills. However, we must reward people for better choices that lessen the risk of disease and subsequently lower their cost of care so that more resources can be used on the infirm. Living healthier lives means lessening the cost of individual care. The insurance company can cover more and charge less for others with expensive medical needs. The savings help us all, providing value to our overall system.
Bottom line: We want to take care of everyone, but we need to do it in smarter ways. (Jacki is a lifelong conservative and faithful Christian; never make assumptions about someone else's faith. We cannot possibly know how God is challenging another person in the quiet of his or her own soul. ) Brandon gave her every article we read (supporting both arguments) and a complete list of resources we consulted. She read every single one. Rather than clamp down in fear, Jacki did her own heavy lifting and then some. Her sincere investigation took her to the world of sexual and biological science, which has come light years in decades, and this clinched it for her. (I checked this paragraph with her, and I wish I could insert her entire response. This sentence was particularly classic Jacki: I read all the studies and responses on clinical evidence supporting genome and epigenome genetic links completed recently. LOL. Instead, you must be firm and resolve all these past injuries so they can never be used repeatedly during outbursts. Stop, and analyze the structure. You can bet that, whether you're quarreling over money or over the way he checked out that waitress, you'll see that the structure repeats. Then in a stretch of warmth and calm, get the agreement of your partner that you're arguing way too much. You can say, then, you've been trying by yourself to understand why this has become so uncontrollable -- that you've read this article and want to try a new solution. This is the new strategy, you tell them, for next time you argue, at which point you might make certain requests of them and ask that they have some requests ready for you. Requests about those things you do in a dispute that particularly upset and enrage them and that you aren't aware of. You both agree, therefore, that the next time things get stormy, you'll call a time out: you go off to separate rooms and then after five minutes, you come back, give each other a firm hug and say something healing (you're so sexy / adorable when you are angry) and then decide objectively if there even is an underlying issue to resolve, or if it was just a nothing argument out of nowhere. Here are some things you can stop and try in the midst of an argument to defuse tension:
Let's stop here 'cos I'm not thinking straight, let's freeze the moment and talk it through rationally later. Workplace health incentive plans were originally created to motivate employees toward higher wellness achievement. Incentive plans that reward employees for reaching preestablished goals provide encouragement and give them something to aim for. The advantage to the employer is increased levels of productivity--and, in turn, increased productivity and wellness also become an advantage for workers. Although the concept of work-wellness programs seem positive and show some benefit, they are not very good at improving the overall health of employees, nor do they lower the overall cost of care. 3 The findings were published as a working paper at the National Bureau of Economic Research. In fact, employees with the highest medical costs are actually the least likely to participate. 4 The only uptick in participation in wellness programs, albeit minor, was seen when financial incentives were offered for participation. The bottom line is incentives work, and not costly feel good programs. Yet companies continue to pour money into them. The wellness industry in the United States is estimated to surpass $179 billion in 2020,5 with $8 billion alone in workplace wellness programs. She is a real science type. And then this beauty: Original texts in the original languages do not say what we're reading and interpreting within our context in our culture. God's word is inerrant, but man is not. ) The whole six-month operation spit her out on the other side fully affirming. Her process will go down as one of the greatest examples of spiritual maturity I've witnessed in my life. This was not the case across the board, as you might imagine, nor will it be for you, whatever interpretation or structure you are examining. While you are not responsible to do the heavy lifting for your community, here are some responses that might aid you in conversation or conflict: Would you like a list of resources I am learning from? I'm still working out how to understand this.