There's a good chance that you're going to have an answer now that you didn't have before. Knowing When You've Found It Okay, so you've asked yourself the question and an answer has come to you. How do you know you have the real answer? This is maybe the most common question people have when I talk about finding purpose. How do you know when you've actually found it? You won't stack up. You can't stack up. And you will feel terrible about yourself. Focus on the process, though, and every day that you stick to your routine you will feel good about yourself. If you planned to eat three healthy meals today, and you did eat three healthy meals . You deserve to feel great--and that sense of fulfillment will motivate you to take the long walk you plan for tomorrow. If you planned to save $200 this month, and you did save $200 . You deserve to pat yourself on the back--and that feeling of accomplishment will motivate you to save the $220 you plan to save next month. If you planned to finish one class this semester, and you not only did so but also got an A in the class . You deserve to feel proud--and your success will motivate you to complete the two classes you plan to take next semester. Judge Moss found her personal style and place in the world through a process of discovery. She was a female lawyer at a time where that was rare, and a single mom which made her story even more unusual. Early in her legal career, she worked at the City of Philadelphia's Solicitor's office, the only woman in an army of men. Judge Moss became a warrior, for sure, but her elegance was kept under wraps.
She loved jewelry, makeup, and beautiful clothes, but she wore drab, conservative dark suits to fit in with the men around her. But that all changed with one seminal event. Judge Moss was asked to chair a panel at a bar conference, with a cocktail party to follow. She wore yet another conservative suit for the panel, her camouflage, but she also brought her precious jewelry and her beautiful dress to wear to the cocktail party. The panel discussion was lauded as one of the best the attendees had ever seen. Sandra Moss was on a high as she headed up to her room to change into her jewels and her dress. I remember looking over the I banister, smiling at how cute he looked with his wind-blown hair, ripped jeans, and motorcycle helmet in hand. As I peered closer, I noticed Doug's expression was somber. Something was wrong. Trying to shake that feeling, I cheerily asked, Why are you here so early? At that moment, the phone rang. I can still hear the familiar brrrrrring and feel the heavy handle of the corded phone. Doug already knew what the call was about. Matthew was 18, a freshman at the University of Alaska, and I was 21, a senior at Vanderbilt University. Losing sweet Matthew 32 years ago was the most raw and real time in my life. There was no hiding from the all-consuming shock, sadness, anger, intense guilt, and questioning that comes with suicide. One of the clearest indications is a feeling of peace that wasn't there before. That's certainly what happened with me. As you know, when I was running from my real purpose and trying to make football fill that role, I was constantly stressed out, and I experienced a strong sense of discomfort every single day. I thought this was because I wasn't getting my break in the NFL or because arena football wasn't creating an opportunity for me to play on Sundays, but I understand now that it was because I wasn't doing what God intended for me to do.
Once I really started building RehabTime and started to do more videos and go on more stages to speak to groups of people, I discovered a peace that had eluded me my entire adult life. These new activities weren't a struggle. Instead, they were giving me a deep satisfaction that I didn't know was possible. That's when I knew I was living my purpose. You'll also get some big clues you're on the right track from the way people respond to you. As you go through the exercises we talked about in the last section, take a look at how people react to what you're doing. Lose forty pounds? Forget it, at least for now. Save a million dollars? Forget it, at least for now. Earn a bachelor's degree? Forget it, at least for now. Those are your goals. You set them, but for now you must forget them, because you will never be able to give yourself positive feedback when you constantly compare yourself with your end goal. You will always be your worst critic because by definition you will never measure up. And in time you will give up. But they were gone, stolen. Judge Moss decided to see the theft as a valuable gift, even a sign. Never again would she attempt to fit another's vision of how she should dress, look, or act. She would decide what worked for her, and not keep her true self hidden away.
Ever since, Judge Moss has been known for her jewelry, and especially her brooches. With the loss of that jewelry, she discovered her elegance, and now she owns it. In fact, she credits the jewelry incident with giving her much of her courage. While on the campaign trail to become a judge, she met Walter Mondale. He congratulated all of the male candidates, wishing them luck, but when he got to her he stopped. Why are you running for judge? Without knowing that I would experience grief in this way, I had registered for a Death and Dying class that semester. Miraculously, I had the opportunity to simultaneously live through loss while studying it. In processing my grief, I realized that my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, contained the essential ingredients 48 For me, grieving was the result of attaching to expectations and living in the land of shoulda, coulda, woulda. I mourned Mathew's past and the future I thought he deserved. I wanted the present to be under my control. Thanks+Giving, in contrast, is a process of relentless allowing, while stepping into acts of service that ignite passion and purpose. When I give thanks for all things, I surrender my battle sword wielded in my egoic experiences, and the dualities of expectations and reality, blame and responsibility, judgment and acceptance. When I consciously choose gratitude, I commit to seeing all things, situations, and people with ruthless compassion as part of a masterfully woven tapestry. Has something changed? Are the people around you treating you a little bit differently--better, hopefully--than they were before? Are new people coming into your life who are seeing you in ways that others haven't in the past? This isn't accidental.
When you're living your purpose, you're making a meaningful contribution to the world. And even if that contribution is a relatively small thing, people react differently when they feel that someone is contributing something of substance to the world. Are you seeing any of this in your own life? The other way you can know you've found your purpose is by asking, Can I see myself continuing to do this? Purpose is not something you do every now and then. Remember what Christine said about never retiring from a calling. The work will be too hard and the rewards too few. That's why you need to forget the goal. What matters is the process. If your process is one designed to get you where you eventually want to go, all you have to do is work your process--and sticking with your process is so much easier when you create that self-reinforcing feedback loop of Success -> Motivation -> More Success -> More That's the way I got one of my huge goals to actually love me back. f the first rule of Fight Club is You do not talk about Fight Club, the first rule of ghostwriting is You do not talk about your clients. In my case that's certainly true; I sign nondisclosure agreements so restrictive my firstborn child may as well be pledged as surety. That's the nature of the business, but it's challenging to market yourself when you can't talk about the great projects you've completed or the notable clients you've worked for. That way potential clients may read it and think, I really liked that . I need a ghostwriter. Because I look fabulous in black! Judge Moss knows herself, her worth, and her elegance. She developed it over time. You have to do the same.