Fighting Spirit

Which suggests she is likely lacking in the self-love department. A few of the injuries that lead to rigid, permeable, or gaping boundaries and physical energy problems are: Topping the list are physical violations, such as being involved in an accident or suffering an injury. A blow to the body produces an immediate effect in our energetic boundary. These boundary injuries can heal, but they don't always. Although we may suffer long-term bodily effects from an injury--a car accident can leave us without a limb, a sports injury can cost us full use of a leg--we will not attract further consequences, such as other injuries or wounds, if our energetic boundary fully repairs itself. If our energetic boundary remains ruptured, however, we can experience any of the seven syndromes. For instance, one of my clients experienced a severe car accident when she was sixteen. She was driving the family car, with her mother and sister as passengers, when they were blindsided by a drunk driver. My client's mother was killed instantly, and her sister was paralyzed from the waist down. My client escaped the accident with only a small twist of the neck, the results of which didn't even show up on X-rays. That is the end result we want. However, in our enthusiasm to get to the end and be `finished' as soon as possible, we can forget that the journey is just as important as the destination. In many ways the journey is more important. This is where the lessons are learned. It's easy to think that once we have decluttered, then things will be different. We'll embrace new habits and make better choices. We will be more mindful when we make purchases. We will think more carefully before bringing stuff into our homes. However, if we don't take the time to consider why we made the purchases originally and why we are getting rid of them now, we aren't setting ourselves up for the best chance of success in the future.

We all have a legacy of purchases that, with the benefit of hindsight, we wouldn't have made. But also: not evolved, and not cool. You are completely within your rights as a friend and witness to her behaviour to take her aside and tell her that her behaviour is not good friend- or good person-behaviour. And that if she is looking for someone to fawn over her, and respect and appreciate and spoil and compliment her, you know just the person. I've recently moved to a city and, being lonely and single, have found it hard to date. Recently a guy from work has started flirting with me, telling me that I'm beautiful and how much he'd love to take me out . I've developed feelings for him; He's started hinting that we should `hang out and see what happens'. I really like this guy and while I know he has a girlfriend I'm tempted to take him up on his offer. What should I do? He has a girlfriend - you know you wouldn't like to be in her shoes. She called me when she was thirty-six. She was desperate, having consulted with doctor after doctor and healer after healer. Every time she thought about doing something good for herself, such as asking for a raise or taking a vacation, her neck would spasm so horribly that she would have to cancel her plans. Not only that, but every time someone asked her for a favor, she would feel the same excruciating pain unless she performed the task, even if she didn't want to do it. Her father was especially good at getting her to obey his orders, from cleaning his home to making dinner for him and his new wife. My client's guilt over the car accident made her feel like she not only had to constantly atone, but also deny herself grace and goodness. This lack of self-forgiveness was like a wedge that kept her physical energetic boundary from closing. Unfortunately, others, especially her father, learned how to slip in through this hole and demand that she meet their needs at the expense of her own. As my client learned how to close this hole and open her heart to herself, the energetic boundary filled in and her neck aches stopped completely.

She also learned that responsibility starts with taking care of herself. However tempting it might be to toss the unwanted stuff aside as quickly as possible and start over with a clean slate, there is another way: one that is far more rewarding. We can own our bad choices, and find good solutions for the things we no longer need. We stand a much better chance of changing our habits if we take our time to let things go, and learn from the process. Part of this is considering how best we can pass on items that we no longer like, need or want. Often, we don't give any thought to what will happen to the purchases we make until they break or we realise we don't need them any more. It is only then that we start to ask the questions: What do I do with it now? Is it repairable? Is it recyclable? Would someone else be able to use it? And you know he's a dodgy bastard, because guys who hit on you when they have girlfriends are definitely dodgy bastards . I understand you're lonely. And I know that moving solo, especially to a big, unfriendly city, is hard. But unhealthy behaviour won't help long-term. And I'd categorise knowingly being the other woman with a workmate (you are trying to make a good impression here, right? Judging by the way you say `he makes me feel good about myself' I think the underlying issue here is your self-worth, and self-confidence. It's low, and you're craving someone or something to boost it. But you can't quick-fix confidence. Moving to a new city is hard, and lonely, and, having done it myself when I was seventeen, and been desperately unhappy, I understand how you're feeling.

But there are no shortcuts. Being abused--sexually, physically, emotionally, and/or mentally--sets us up for a life of pain, which is only exacerbated by the resulting permutations in our physical energy field. I've worked with probably 20,000 clients who received horrific treatment as children, were raped or abused as adults, or helplessly witnessed the same being inflicted on others. Any abuse--whether it happens to us once or repeatedly, whether it happens to us or we see it happening to others--punches holes in the physical energetic field, which can lead to any or all of the syndromes discussed in the next article. It will also affect the other three boundaries, making them rigid, permeable, or full of holes. People often think that they weren't really injured if they only witnessed abuse. Since they didn't experience the abuse themselves, how could they have the same problems as those they saw being abused? The reasons are largely energetic. Children are usually unable to distinguish themselves from others. They can't tell where their personal boundaries start and others' boundaries stop. So they personalize what someone else is experiencing. If we want to ensure that our future purchases are things that are made to last and that we will use, we need to be asking these questions before we buy things. We want to make considered purchases. That is mindful consumption. And the more we learn from mindfully letting go of our previous mistakes - things that were difficult to donate, impossible to fix and designed for the dump - the easier it is to make better choices next time. There are plenty of reasons why we find it so hard to let go of our stuff. We'll explore the emotional reasons in the next section, but first let's consider a very practical concern for many of us. We feel that getting rid of stuff is a waste of resources. If we care about the impact we're having on the planet, and worry about the embedded energy of the stuff we own (embedded energy is the energy it took to manufacture and transport the product in the first place), then being concerned about the waste can mean real reluctance to let go of items. The reality is, there is more than one way to waste stuff, and `Do I need it?

Keeping stuff we don't need is a waste, not the other way round. It takes a while to settle in. You have to build your new life slowly, one yoga class at a time, one going for a coffee with a girl from that yoga class at a time, one night out with her and her friends and kissing a cute boy at a time. If you do go out with Slimy Simon, don't assume it will magically propel you into a happy and fabulous new life. He will not be true to you, workmates may find out, which could tarnish your reputation, and when he goes back to his girlfriend at night, you'll be alone again, only feeling worse, because of the guilt. Tell him no, and ask a female workmate out to lunch instead. That Jess girl seems fun. What about her? I have a young son who is fixated on superheroes. I feel like a bit of a tool doing this speech all the time, or like I am an embellished extra in a family insurance TV ad, but I also really, really mean it. He needs to know that he is capable of magic already. For instance, if children see someone being physically struck, they will energetically absorb the force of the blow. If it happens only once, their injured physical energetic boundary will probably recover. Repetitive occurrences, however, will permanently damage children's physical energy boundaries. As a result, they will later attract partners who want to get rid of their energy by hitting others, or the children themselves will grow into adults that free themselves from negative energy by hitting someone else. Children are especially vulnerable to anything their mothers go through. One reason is that they are energetically linked to their mothers via an umbilical-like energy cord until they are at least three years old. Mom's experiences pass almost straight through the cord to her child. So does any energy of any issues that Mom disowns or won't deal with, like her abuse, illnesses, and addictions. This energy can also include problematic emotions, thoughts, and spiritual beliefs, which can damage her child's other three boundaries.