Tuesday, 9 June 2020

It's a J-O-B

One woman had her vagina removed, the other a vaginectomy plus hysterectomy. Just as in Herbst's study, all the mothers took DES during pregnancy. No mothers in a control group of daughters without cancer had taken DES. There can no longer be doubt that synthetic estrogens are absolutely contraindicated in pregnancy, Greenwald concluded. We call the new woman who quickly appears on the scene the WBR, or Warm Body Replacement. She can be a fleeting woman your ex nuzzles up to on a lonely night, or she can stick around and turn into a permanent fixture. It's the ones with staying power who can make you the craziest, whether you wanted the divorce or not. The common characteristic of the WBR is that your ex will hook up with her before your side of the bed has a chance to get cold. This was certainly true in our group members' experience. Jamie's ex remarried within six months of their divorce being final. Jill's ex welcomed a new baby in about a year. While they were not the first women that their exes dated, they sure showed up fast and partnered up with them in short order. Whether you have kids or not--and whether you left him or he left you--the new woman in your ex's life can take up valuable space in your heart and mind if you compare yourself to her. I can't believe she looks just like me--ugh! Generally though, your immediate first response is to reciprocate. If someone asks you, `How was your day? We can induce certain responses simply by how we choose to ask a question or pose a statement. In the same way, our responses are influenced by the manner in which the other person engages us - the reasons lie with the brain. Gerry's demonstration of this concept was far more intentional than I had thought. His simple act of joyful connection, promoted by his genuine desire to spread happiness, was undoubtedly inspiring to the thousands each day who walked in and out of those sterile glass doors and just happened to catch Gerry's eyes.

Where he smiled, they smiled. When they smiled, they became happier, even if only marginally. When they became happier, they became more positive. When they were more positive they were a step closer to experiencing the full ambit of benefits that come from positive thinking - greater confidence, greater resilience, less stress and more positivity in their lives. All are energy leakages which can be plugged by mixing with staff who have a spring in their step. That comes from purpose, as well as mixing with other staff who have a spring in their step. Kim Cameron's work on organizational vitality examines four types of energy: physical, mental, psychological, and relational. The first three are depleted throughout the day. Physical energy is diminished by calorie burning, psychological energy by mental concentration, and emotional energy is sapped by long meetings. But the last one, relational, is renewable. In contrast to the other three, relational energy increases as it is exercised. And where does `relational energy' come from? People, that's where. And we come full circle. This raises concern about the future. It is not known how many more vaginal carcinomas will be developing, whether other types of cancer will also develop in men or women, or whether a longer induction period may be present for those who received a smaller dose. Greenwald, who is currently director of the Division of Cancer Prevention at the National Cancer Institute, said that immediately after his study, he wrote a letter to the New York Times alerting physicians about the dangers of DES. The point was not only to alert doctors to stop giving the drug, but to warn women who had taken it to have their daughters examined for vaginal cancer. Caught early, vaginal cancer is curable. Neglected, it kills.

Greenwald was called to testify during congressional hearings about DES. The FDA seemed not to be convinced at first, he told me, saying there is just one study. I said there are two studies with solid verifications. After days of the contentious hearing, the FDA reversed its DES decision. Learn from what we went through to find ways to let the obsession go and refocus your energy on more important things, like yourself. Watching your husband walk out the door can make you feel like an expired carton of milk that's beginning to turn. When you see him moving on (or moving in) with a WBR, your self-confidence can plummet as you elevate what-iffing to an Olympic sport. Obsessing about the WBR can drive you to do some nutty things. But we've discovered from experience that there are many ways to harness strong feelings about an ex's new girlfriend, whether it's simmering jealousy and resentment (just ask Eleanor and Iris), burning curiosity (Meghan couldn't help but ask around town for crumbs of information about Joan's new girlfriend, Kelly), or murderous rage (Carlotta would be happy to expound). Without a game plan, it's easy to spiral into obsessive behavior, like our friend Eleanor. Suzanne had the chance to get to know Eleanor at a friend's block party. Carrying a glass of wine in each hand, Eleanor announced: Suzanne! Nice to see you again. Sorry, these are both for me, honey. The transformative power of a simple smile. After four years of successfully working her way up the ranks of her organisation, she was looking for her next move. As a young professional with immense leadership potential, Jenny believed that the only way to progress her career was to take on a role as a leader, managing a team of people. Her good fortune struck when a senior leader in another business area approached her with a promotion opportunity. While it was aligned with her short-term aspirations - those of people leadership - it wasn't in the area she'd hoped to get into. Jenny wanted to run a team in Operations, yet the role she was offered was in the Sales business: two very different business areas with very different priorities.

Unsure of whether she should accept the role or wait in her current position for her ideal role to become available, she sought the advice of others. She spoke to colleagues, friends, family and her partner. She even asked the elderly lady she sat next to on the train. The responses were varied, with some opportunists encouraging her to take the promotion and jump at the challenge. Cutting to the chase, physical, psychological, and emotional energy are depleted during the day. The only way to renew your energy is to mix with 2%ers. Putting bright, optimistic, smiley people in key communication nodes - that's an obvious quick win. Yet businesses are not doing it! This week, it was my fifth trip to a wonderful organization and, having learned from trips 1 to 4, I already knew what to expect. For some reason they have chosen the most miserable person in the entire organization and given her the job of receptionist. No matter how great you feel as you stride across the car park to sign in, you will feel suicidal by the time you've got your badge. I've had five visits and tried five different tactics; I've bounced in, smiled my way in, bantered in, consoled my way in, and frowned back. Not a glimmer of the merest hint of upturned lips. In 1971, months after the studies were published, the FDA banned DES during pregnancy. Though sales plummeted, not everyone believed the hullabaloo over a drug that had been used for so long. Many doctors and women were worried that a good drug was being taken off the market. Further studies would shatter that idea. DES would be blamed for even more harmful consequences. The warnings, not surprisingly, did not end the story of DES, but launched a new episode.

DES sparked patient activism, scientific studies, and a slew of lawsuits. Friday morning, April 23, 1971. Pat Cody poured herself a cup of coffee and opened her San Francisco Chronicle: DRUG PASSES CANCER TO DAUGHTER Since my husband left me, the only two men I can count on are Ernest & Julio Gallo! Eleanor proceeded to spill nitty-gritty details, and some of her wine, as she told Suzanne how hard things had been for her since Harold moved out. Eleanor said the only way she'd been able to make it through each day was with the help of her happy pills and Chardonnay. Who here knows what it feels like to have the man who's slept beside you tell you he doesn't want you anymore? Eleanor shouted, as her neighbors politely tried to ignore her. Dressed in a clingy skirt and revealing wrap top, Eleanor explained that she hoped to win Harold back now that she had a sexy new look. It wasn't hard for Suzanne to see that under her outrageous behavior, Eleanor was brokenhearted. As a woman who had never worked outside the home and who had spent all her energy taking care of her husband and their now-grown daughter, and running their household, Eleanor felt she had lost more than a man--she had lost her identity. She couldn't let go of him and didn't know what to do with herself. It only seemed natural to her that she set out to gather information about the woman who had stolen her husband. Others, more conservative in their approach, advised her to wait patiently for the role she really wanted. The most influential person in her life, her partner, told her she would be foolish not to take the opportunity that was in front of her. Jenny took his advice and accepted the role. It's now been four months since Jenny's decision to take on the role. Jenny has split from her partner and resigned from her company. Well, here's what happened.

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