Decisions and Mental Models

Later, as a lawyer, that way of looking at the world helped me to dig out of the pile of complaints that could have weighed me down. You can see the world as full of complaints, or full of song. Remember, though, sometimes your perspective depends on where you are standing. Move, and things can change. For most of us, complaining may actually cause more stress. And the more you complain, the more inclined you are to complain. Then in one moment, there were opportunities allowing me to learn and grow, and all the negativity, hate, vengefulness, and difficulty changed. Each of my experiences had arisen at the right moment in time, creating many a-ha moments and takeaways. This allowed me to heal, and realize there is no right or wrong, good or bad, or me versus them, but rather, a oneness. I grew exponentially in my conscious awareness when I learned to forgive myself for my feelings. Talk about a strange concept. How does one go about forgiving oneself? First and foremost, you need to know it is okay to feel resentment, anger, bitterness, disheartenment, and negativity toward varying situations or events, and understand that these are all lessons we asked for. Some lessons are more difficult than others; You see, our life is a path with numerous twists, curves, hills, straightaways, and forks on which we can choose to turn left or right, or even go straight. We must know that we will encounter obstacles along the way, but it is how we tackle these obstacles that will determine our course. Another tool is trial and error. Put things out into the world and see what happens. Think about all of the different ways you interact with the world. What would happen if you played with your approach to these things?

What if you put a little more of yourself out there on social media? What if you shared an idea with your boss or offered to do something new at work? What if you shared something you knew a lot about with people who could benefit from your expertise? This sort of thing might be way outside of your comfort zone, but often we benefit the most when we get beyond that zone, and doing so here might lead to some big discoveries. You might get a great reaction from other people in your life. You might expose a strength you didn't realize you had or discover that something you never appreciated about yourself has real value to others. You have to care only about today. Because of that, your huge goal is no longer important. Your process is important--and where your process is concerned, you're a success. On certain days during the following week you may have to run farther. Either way, what matters is not how you currently compare with your eventual goal. What matters is that you consistently work your process and do what you set out to do, each and every day. If you dedicate yourself to working your process, you will make progress. Success is inevitable. And one day you'll wake up and realize you can run five miles . Follow your process and someday you will run that marathon. Our brains create pathways, and by complaining you are creating more and more complaining pathways. You can think of these pathways as ruts, if you prefer--you can get stuck in one way of thinking. If you're stuck in a rut that causes stress, you may actually be shrinking the hippocampus, the part of the brain that involves memory and learning. Complaints are one way of looking at things.

They're one perspective. When you move, you have the opportunity to see them differently. When you're surrounded by complaints, it's easy to get into the rut of complaining. Once you find your power and move, the change in perspective can change everything. Recognize your complaints for what they are: a call to action. Complain when you must, but don't forget to move. You see, we can choose to go around, over, or under without ever truly seeing the challenge for what it is. Growth and awareness happen when we choose to tackle the obstacles head-on, layer after layer until we reach the core. To tackle negativity and overcome obstacles, I have found that breathwork is one of the most effective techniques to release stuck energies. It begins with a deep breath inhaling all the way down to the abdomen, where your solar plexus chakra is located, with the understanding of breathing in peace, love, and light. While having used this technique countless times on myself and others, the heaviness the body holds onto due to these emotions seems to dissipate with each deep exhale, resulting in a lightness felt throughout the body. It still astounds me every time. For the many people who have asked how I have come to these perspectives, here's my answer: I am forever grateful for everyone who has come into my life. He is integral to who I am and who I am yet to become through all the events, lessons, experiences, and growth I have chosen to receive in this lifetime, as well as from the people I have encountered along the way. Last but not least, I am blessed beyond words for the endless support of my husband, Jim, as he grows and gains experience through his own personal journey. My daughters, Kayla and Hailey, for not only being two of my guides, but for also allowing me to be theirs. In all likelihood, a bunch of this stuff is going to lead nowhere, but if you make a conscious effort to put more things out into the world, there's a good chance that one of them is going to stick--and your purpose might very well reveal itself to you through this exercise. Now, let's get back to one of the key points: our purpose in life is to be used. I don't mean that in a foul or abusive or disruptive way, but I do believe our purpose in life is to be used in a powerful and impactful way. When you realize that your life exists to be used--for whatever reason--you start to understand why God put you here in the first place.

So, let's do one more exercise. How can people use you--without making you feel like you're being taken advantage of--in a way that allows your talents, your wisdom, and your life experience to benefit them? If you could make just one piece of yourself available to anyone who wanted to use it, what would that piece be? There may be a big clue to your purpose in the answer to that question. Now look at the results of these exercises. What did you learn when you took some time to get out of reaction mode? You will have gone from here to there--almost without thinking about there. And somehow, almost magically, you will have stayed motivated and enthusiastic. How did that happen? None of us receives enough positive feedback. Each of us is our own worst critic. Feedback is based primarily on some form of comparison. If your boss says, You did a great job, an implicit comparison is at play: Compared with a standard, spoken or unspoken, you performed relatively well. The same is true when you give yourself feedback. In effect, you compare what you just did with what you expect of yourself. But you will never be happy with what you see if you're measuring yourself against your eventual goal. In lawsuits, discovery is the process through which you indulge your curiosity, ask questions, and find treasure. Discovery can do the same for you in your own life. Elegance is personal, and it's based upon your goals and needs. Only you can know what choices you need to make to find your elegance, and those choices will change with time and circumstance.

One thing is for sure: you will never know your individual elegance if you don't ask questions. Then the process of discovery involves being brave enough to follow the answers where they lead. The Honorable Sandra Mazer Moss is a retired judge in Philadelphia. For years, I tried cases before her. Her personal look of elegance has included lots of jewelry, stylish suits, and a perfectly done hairstyle. But I recently learned this wasn't always the case. To my mom, Marie, I am so proud of you. The Grateful Soul: The Art And Practice Of Gratitude thru one of the most difficult decisions you made this past year. To everyone else throughout my life thus far. This quote from Anonymous sums it up best: People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. Chantalle Ullett is a licensed massage therapist, having earned her degree in 2010 from Cortiva Institute for Massage Therapy. French-Canadian born, she relocated in 1997 to McHenry County, Illinois, where she now lives with her husband and their two daughters. Here, she practices her therapy, continuing her lifelong healing journey, which includes traveling the world, working with sentient beings, and experiencing deep, transformational healings with animals of all kinds. She specializes in treating the body, mind, and spirit through a variety of modalities, including Linking Awareness creating heart-to-heart connections with sentient beings. My boyfriend, Doug, What did you discover about your pain? What happened when you put some new things out there? What's the part of you that others can use the most? Now ask yourself the question again: What's my purpose?