Wednesday, 17 June 2020

Where to Tap

The anger builds up, and it doesn't feel good. What are my most treasured childhood memories? Who are the people I most enjoy spending time with? What activities do I find personally fulfilling and rewarding? What things would I love to do more of? What am I doing when I'm happiest? How could less stuff and less clutter help me be more present? How would I feel with less stuff and less clutter? Our spare time is precious. The less we have, the more we need to be sure we are using it to do the things we value the most. How do I currently spend my time: days, evenings and weekends? Even if they were a total garbage person, and Patsy was spectacularly betrayed, there are still lessons and take-aways for her. The bottom line, here and in life, always is: begin with the relationship you have with yourself. Get to know who you are, and what you need and want, before bringing someone else into the equation. When you can be clear about your love and respect for yourself, the self-doubt and insecurities that commonly fuck up relationships no longer exist. The dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, they exist. The guy I like works for my dad's family business. I'd brush it off if the feelings weren't mutual but we connect really well and flirt a lot. Although we haven't admitted it, I know he likes me - even the other workers have noticed. How do I decide if he's worth the drama that him dating the boss's daughter will bring?

Not knowing your dad makes this a tricky one to advise on, because if he's a Really Scary Protective Dad, then, yes, a relationship could make life hard for your coworker. The energy needs somewhere to go, and eventually, it breaks out of the man's own emotional energy boundaries, creating a gaping hole or escaping through an outlet already present. Typically, the outer result is a stream of hurtful words or even physical violence, although sometimes men invert their anger, turning it into passive-aggressive behaviors. For instance, they might agree to help their spouse with a project, but fail to remember the due date, or promise to pick up a child from daycare and then get too busy at work. In both cases, their significant other is forced to deal with the crisis. The further he gets from his real feelings, such as sadness, hurt, or disappointment, the harder it becomes for him to listen to his true emotions and respond honestly, rather than reactively, to situations. The short- and long-term consequences include illnesses and stress (caused by built-up emotions), poor decision-making, and wounded or dissolved relationships. Too often, the man's female partner absorbs the anger into her own emotional energy boundary. Women are often raised to take care of others' needs. Others' emotions penetrate their own shields when they are young, creating either holes or permeable membranes. Without knowing it, their energetic boundary is announcing, Here, here! How does this divide up over the course of the week? How many hours do I spend doing the things that I love with people I love? How many hours do I spend doing things I don't particularly enjoy? What do I spend too much time on? What do I spend too little time on? How could less stuff and less clutter help me find more time for the important things? Simply put, a scarcity mindset is the belief that there will never be `enough'. When it comes to decluttering, holding on to stuff can be the result of a scarcity mindset. We might realise that we have too much stuff, but we don't want to reach the point of having too little stuff.

How do we know what `enough' actually is? If he's just a regular nice dad in practical cargo shorts who hired a chap that his daughter has fallen for, things should be okay. Good call on wanting to suss it out with your fella before making it official and having the relationship out in the open, though. Will he have a problem with it, do you think? Ideally, the guy makes the first move, but the Boss's Daughter element might be holding him back, so you'll need to REALLY encourage him. Try cheeky emails about how Marge from Accounts `asked if we were dating, can you believe it? I'm kidding. Definitely don't do that. Maybe organise a group outing he can attend and, hopefully, he'll feel confident enough to say something then, out of the work environment. Especially if you're being flirtatious and throwing around loaded comments like, `Dad really likes you, you know' and `You're the only one who makes work bearable' and `Do you reckon we will have a boy or a girl baby first? Eventually, if he feels safe asking you out, he will. I can care for your anger. So in comes the anger, which the woman experiences as pain or hurt, and out goes her loving energy. In the body, psychic or subtle energies can transform into physical energies through the chakras, which are able to convert physical energy into psychic energy and vice versa. What starts as a psychic toxin turns into a physical toxin, which creates or enhances inflammation, the cause of dozens of various disease states, including chronic fatigue syndrome, arthritis, heart problems, and even cancer. The shame of ignoring her feelings and carrying someone else's emotions can also increase a woman's already-existing self-disgust or low self-worth. Having a poor self-image can lead to further issues, including anorexia, overeating, and addictions or compulsions, such as overdrinking or excessive shopping. These issues could also include many less intense addictions, such as dependence on religion or spirituality, and codependency, the caring for others at the expense of the self. I saw this pattern completely end with one couple when the woman refused to continue taking on her husband's anger and battened up the hatches, so to speak. This client's husband was always angry.

He lost his temper often and without thought of the consequences. The truth is, we don't - not until we start letting go of what we no longer need. This is how we find out how much (or how little) we really do need. That said, no one wants to declutter things that they later realise they did have a use for after all. The idea of decluttering everything and just buying it back again if we change our mind doesn't sit well with anyone on a budget. It's also a waste of time to get rid of things only to have to track them down again later. It's a balance. The scarcity mindset and the fear we feel when we let go of things that we might actually need later limits how much we will declutter. The question is whether the fear is justified in some way, or an excuse to hold on to something. Overcoming the scarcity mindset isn't about `feeling the fear and doing it anyway' - in some cases the fear of decluttering an item may be entirely logical. When we declutter we simply need to be practical and realistic about our own situation. If he doesn't, and you feel you've done everything you can except write `HEY, DUMMY, I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU' on your forehead, try not to take it personally. It might be that he's not willing to complicate his work life right now. Or, he's just a big old flirt. Do all you can to make it safe for him to reveal his feelings, but also, don't waste too long on this. He needs to be brave if he wants you, in my opinion. A lot of people woke up this morning and asked themselves: can I get another day out of this hair? The answer is probably yes, but I'm not close enough to smell you, so I can't be sure. Another common question is: am I a bad person? We've all asked ourselves this at some stage, especially when it comes to matters of el hearto.

Am I a bad person for breaking up with Frankie? She would acquiesce to his angry demands. If he yelled that the pot roast wasn't cooked enough, she would fix him a steak. If he screamed that she wasn't giving him enough sex, she would put on a negligee and act sexual. Internally, however, she was both hurt and seething. Every time she gave in to his demands, she would sequester herself in the utility room and eat massive amounts of chocolate-chip cookies or Twinkies. This habit led to a weight issue, which in turn resulted in self-shame, aches, and pains--and persistent criticism from her husband. She was about to leave him when she asked me if we could patch up her emotional energetic boundaries. The immediate outcome wasn't pleasant. Her husband stormed and ranted even more, until he saw that he wasn't getting any result. Then, one night, he burst into tears and asked if she would help him get help. What `enough' looks like for each of us will be different. We need to ask the question: Realistically, what would happen if I were to let go of something and then realised I needed it later on? The answer to this will depend on two sets of considerations. The first relates to the item: what it is, what consequences there would be to needing the item and being without it, how easy it would be to find an alternative and how affordable a replacement would be. The second relates to our personal situation: the place we live, our access to transport, our budget for getting a replacement and how practical it would be for us to physically get the replacement. A set of wine glasses is likely easier to replace quickly than a specialist textarticle; Living rurally might mean less access to shops and less ability to find a replacement; There are three factors to consider when deciding whether to let go of an item we are worried that we might need again: Ask yourself: How quickly would I be able to find a replacement, how far am I willing to travel for a replacement and how much money am I willing to spend?

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