The vast majority of women having C-sections are having surgery because their doctors told them the procedure is medically best. For most of us--even if we surf the medical Web articles and read pregnancy advice articles--we can't help but be swayed by the way our doctors talk to us. When our doctor encourages us to try to give birth vaginally and offers reassuring statistics, we feel confident that we can do it. When a doctor lists everything that could go wrong in natural childbirth and regales the hospital's triumphant surgical record, we feel scared to push. I think it says a lot about how much he loved me that he tried for as long as he did. Gina's Aha: She knew she had to let go of Clayton as her husband. Still, she hoped she would be able to keep him as her friend and her partner in raising their child. Even if you were the one to leave, hearing about your ex's WBR can stir up a lot of uncomfortable emotions, including jealousy and resentment. For Suzanne, whose ex stayed in the family home, it was a surreal experience to see how much the house had changed after she left. The first time I went to pick up our son after my ex's girlfriend had moved in, seeing her furniture mixed in with items my ex and I had selected was a powerful visual reminder of our separate lives. When Denise noticed that Mitch started wearing a pressed shirt when he left the house to go out on a date, she felt an unexpected pang of envy. Old T-shirts had been good enough for Denise. To see him lose 20 pounds and work on being a new and improved version of himself for someone else was really hurtful, Denise said. It's not that I wanted him back. What was I meant to say now? How do I hide my disappointment? I forced myself to end the call with a positive note, thanking the message-giver for the call and promptly hanging up. Deflated and feeling completely rejected, I walked back to my desk. I sat in silence for some time, unsure what to do. I felt paralysed.
The unexpected had crept up on me without any notice, and I didn't like how it felt. My mind was racing - did I not include enough in my application? Am I not doing enough to differentiate myself as a community leader? Have I been focusing on the wrong things all this time? It's about to get messy. Whack the music up. Let's boogie . Pass me a needle and a camel because I reckon it's easier for me to thread a double humped mammal through the eye of that bastard needle than it is for me to fully grasp the content of what's about to come your way. The question is, of course, why? Why do I feel the need to up the ante and take you from the sunlit lush greenery of personal development to the harsh and windswept snow-capped peaks? Why not just keep it simple? Why risk alienating my readership with altitude sickness? Three reasons. Firstly, if I can get you to the top of the personal development mountain, the scenery is incredible. Let's face it, we are all aiming for a healthy baby. Naturally, we want the simplest and safest choice, but what one woman considers simple is another woman's toil. The crux of the C-section debate is figuring out how much of our doctor's advice stems from a concern about our health and that of our baby and how much stems from their fear of litigation or a desire to fit the birth into a tight schedule. What is knowable about the harms and benefits of the available paths? And how much risk is too much? How's a woman to know?
The few women asking for C-sections for no medical reason adds another layer to the delivery debates. Who's in charge here? Julius Caesar was not born by cesarean section. They either bled to death or succumbed to infection. I just found myself having a hard time seeing him move on. But move on he did. A few months after talking to Andre about the separation, Mitch tried online dating and started seriously seeing the second woman he met, Emily. Soon Mitch and Emily were inseparable. Denise was surprised by the emotions she felt--envy with a twist of hurt--when Mitch had actually found love before she did. Jill had been hearing a lot about the new woman in her ex's life from her kids and her ex. She seemed to be present every Daddy weekend. After a few months, Jill asked him over the phone if he was serious about her. Yes, we are planning to be together and have a baby, he replied without missing a beat. Flabbergasted might be the only word to describe Jill's reaction. What if I'm just not good enough? Self-doubt took control of my thoughts and left me mentally debilitated. I quickly texted my dad with the news. After what couldn't have been more than 40-seconds he texted back with the most powerful response: Life is full of surprises. During this experience, my brain registered a negative emotion, and I subsequently allowed that emotion to take over.
I surrendered to it so easily. If it weren't for my dad's comments, I would have spiralled into self-limiting doubt and negativity. His comments not only opened my eyes to the reality of the situation, but it was exactly what I needed to hear to snap out of it. Life has a way of providing lessons when you need it most, of revealing a weak point and uncovering vulnerabilities. The world looks different and oh so wonderful. Hence I'd like to share the view. Second, goats. Mountain goats live at the top (you're going to meet Jean Paul in a article or two. This will make sense then. And third, this section takes me to the edges of what I know. I adore positive psychology and I love disguising my PhD and presenting it with a dollop of fun, but to embed the messages, you need more. This part of the article is me hand-holding you to the summit. If you come with me, it'll give the themes of this article some stickability. But remember, Part 4 is what my wife warned me against (her exact motivational words were: `Whatever's in your head, write it down and we'll publish it when you're dead. Caesar's mom lived to see her son rule, which makes Caesar's cesarean unlikely. Why the Caesar moniker? There are two theories. According to one, the operation was named after an ancient Roman law, Lex Regia, which later became known as Lex Cesaria--as in Caesar was the ruler, not as in Caesar was born that way. The law, enacted in 715 BC (long before Caesar's birth by whatever means) mandated that the fetus be removed from a dead pregnant woman prior to burial. You can't help but wonder why Caesar would have insisted on pinning his name on a burial procedure;
That's why the other theory is more believable, which states that cesarean comes from the Latin caesuru, to cut. Woodcut of a baby being delivered by cesarean section of a dying mother. It is one of the first obstetric scenes in a printed article. From the woodcut article Seelwurzgarten, printed by Conrad Dinkmut, Ulm, 1483. I remember thinking `I need a drink, and I need it right now. Either way, it was a lot to take in. Initially I didn't approve of his girlfriend spending so much time with my girls, but it seemed like they were moving full steam ahead and I'd better get on board, Jill says. She decided that if this woman was going to be her girls' stepmother, it was time to get to know her. I sent an email offering to host a dinner at my house for my ex, his new girlfriend, and our children, Jill says. The goal was to spend some time together and have a family meeting. As the date for the meet-and-eat grew near, Jill worried about what to serve her ex's WBR, a strict vegan. Jill ended up making pasta and salad, along with hummus and carrots, and hoping for the best. The dinner went smoothly enough. The new couple wasn't touchy-feely, sensitive that this might be uncomfortable for everyone (somehow this helped make things less weird for Jill). In my moment of despair, all my attention shifted focus inwards to how I was feeling. I was only thinking about myself - not once did I stop to consider what this opportunity would mean for the other ten delegates who would embark on this life-changing experience. Life is not about what happens to you, but how you choose to respond. This was the only thought that helped me. When my expectation and the reality didn't meet in the middle, everything I thought I knew disappeared from sight. I surrendered to the negative emotion of disappointment that was taking over my body.