It has to be conscious. By choosing rather than allowing, you shift from a victim mentality to a warrior mentality. In order to win in all areas of life without losing yourself, you have to make that choice, and make it with intent. Elegance is available to men and women, baby boomers and millennials. It is the ability to be true to yourself, both who you are and who you feel destined to be, no matter what inner and outer wars you face. And elegance often has to be chosen in the heat of battle. I won't be, and never will be, with someone who does not wholly want to be with me. So, I humbly reclaimed my maiden name, like a long, lost relative. I embraced my next article with deep, unwavering gratitude because it was mine. The Grateful Soul: The Art And Practice Of Gratitude committed to healing my pain. I knew my heart's desire and my intrinsic motivation. I was a willing partner and had so much to offer, even though I realize now that I never learned how to be in a healthy partnership. After a year of practicing continuous, committed self-care, and radical acceptance, I've determined that the divorce I feared so much was the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. It was the best thing that ever happened because I found my perfectly imperfect self on the other side. I found clarity about my true responsibilities. I found an authentic, vulnerable, strong, honest woman inside of me. And definitely don't listen to that voice in your head that says that because you're a bus driver, you don't have any purpose other than getting people from one destination to another. Think about it this way: the right words said at the right time can make a gigantic difference. That's what happened with me. I started posting videos and sending out messages of inspiration, which led to positive changes in people's lives.
And once that started happening, I realized that the things people had been saying to me since I was five were right and that by doing this inspirational work, I was living my purpose. So, if you feel that you don't know what your purpose is, answer this question for me: What are you doing that makes a difference in the lives of others? Again, don't get caught up in how much of a difference or how many others. Just give that some thought. What are you doing that has the most positive effect? And how do you feel when you're doing it? Instead, the main problem with setting a huge goal lies much less with caring and much more in two simple words: here and there. The distance from here, where you start, to there, where you someday want to be, is too great, especially at the beginning. For example: If your goal is to lose forty pounds, and this week you managed to lose only one pound, how defeating is that? The distance from here to there is too great. If your goal is to save a million dollars for retirement, and this month you managed to save only a hundred dollars, how defeating is that? The distance from here to there is too great. If your goal is to go back to school and change careers, and you've managed to complete only one class toward a degree, how defeating is that? The distance from here to there is too great. The distance between your dream and the stark reality of your present is incredibly demoralizing--no wonder you give up on that goal. I didn't realize what a challenge this choice could be until my first trial. In the courtroom I could maintain the earrings, and reapply the lipstick, but my compassion had to be tempered with a fighting spirit, and my grace had to be countered with a willingness to go in for the kill in defense of my client. Elegance feels like one thing; When we strive for both, we often miss the mark.
It's tempting to give up on the balance and to go for the win like a warrior; You can look to Maya Angelou, Atticus Finch, Mary Oliver, Laura Bush, and Oprah Winfrey as examples. You might not be a lawyer, but you have trials. You have battles that you have to fight, and you want to win. Sometimes those battles are personal, defending who and what you love. Sometimes they're professional. I had no other choice but to commit to my happiness and show up for me! I had to show up humbly, and unapologetically, in a way that felt admittedly messy, uncertain, and forced into total surrender. I had to put one foot in front of the other, and bravely march in the direction of the unknown. It required so much courage and humility. But I was determined to accept my fate as it was. I knew that I wouldn't be alone forever. I knew God would send me the loving partnership I deserved, admitting that the person I chose to be my one and only, was mistakenly not the one for me. The divorce was like a rebirth. I have deep gratitude in my heart that I was able to experience my worst fear, to overcome it and remember my true essence and strength, and remember who I am. After the divorce, I became committed to myself in a whole new way. There's a very good chance that when you're doing these things, those are the moments when you feel most right. If that's the case, then you're probably much closer to your purpose than you ever realized. In the last article, I pushed you to be completely real with yourself. I'm going to be doing that a lot in this article, and I'm doing it again right now.
It's an important part of our work together, so I really need you to commit to this. Here's your next opportunity to face the truth. Yes, it's possible that if you don't know what your purpose is, it's because you just haven't discovered that thing yet. But something else might be going on here: you might not know what your purpose is because you don't want to see it or you don't want that thing to be your purpose. I know all about this one. As I said before, long before I ever made a video or got up on a stage, people had been telling me that they saw me speaking to and inspiring people. Unfortunately, it's a cycle I've repeated more than a few times. Thinking about goals is like thinking about winning the lottery: You get to dream big and imagine yourself living a totally different life. Dreams are really important. They make us human. We dare to set nearly impossible goals. Yet all those imaginings are worthless without a process to help us achieve them. A dream, once born, quickly dies without a process to support it. Then a dream turns into a regret--and all of us already have too many of those. The key is to set a goal, use it as a target that helps you create a plan for achieving it . As I learned from James Clear, a leading thinker on the subject, the best use of a goal is to inform the process you will follow to achieve it. At times, they're both. After years of fighting battles inside and outside the courtroom, I know that it's possible to win our battles with elegance. We can be warriors without losing our grace or our compassion. We can respect ourselves and others while we fight.
We can win life's trials without losing ourselves. And we don't need to put on earrings or lipstick to PROVE IT. You can win your battles without losing your own personal elegance, whatever that means to you. Everything I know about being an Elegant Warrior I've learned in the courtroom. Lawyers ask questions and give voice to objections--these are two of our key tools. In this article, I will share these and other essential tools I've used to succeed in the courtroom. I committed to my career, my inner peace, and my new life article with vigor. I had surrendered so much of myself to try to preserve my marriage, and that was the dark truth behind the divorce. The gift I received from my now ex-husband was the greatest gift of self-love. And for that, my soul will be forever grateful. She helps individuals find their unique spiritual path and purpose. He took it upon himself to write me a long letter detailing his points of contention. The one line that stood out in the letter pretty much summed up how he felt about me: You will never amount to anything. Yes, you read that correctly. Being a parent now, I can't imagine ever saying that to my son, but that is what my dad said to me. If I had been completely real with myself, I would have accepted that I was going to contribute much more to the world doing this than I would ever contribute playing football. After all, besides providing a temporary thrill to fans after I made a big gain or scored a touchdown, football was really all about me. Speaking and offering inspiration, however, was a way I could go outside of myself and touch other lives. But here's the thing: I really didn't want my purpose to be speaking.