One of the reasons children's energetic boundaries absorb the energies of others is that children are innocent. If, in an attempt to avoid waste, we are keeping items we never use, we are simply turning our homes into personal landfills. That is not a solution. Really, how is keeping something in a cupboard and never using it any different to simply throwing it away? Of course, throwing something in the bin is a complete waste of resources, but as we've talked about already, decluttering doesn't have to mean sending everything to landfill. There is a difference between things we don't use but that still have plenty of life left in them, and broken, useless items. For some of us, getting rid of broken items is actually more difficult than finding new homes for the good stuff. That's because giving items we no longer require to people who will use them or repurpose them can alleviate some of the guilt that comes from wasting resources. When it comes to broken stuff that really has no use, no value and no potential for reuse, the only option is landfill, and landfill can feel like a failure. If something truly has no use, no value and no reuse potential, keeping it in our home is simply delaying the inevitable. Some things are designed for the dump, and as much as we wish things were different, that is the reality. No nylon costume or fictional gadget/skill required. You get the same message. To be clear - and never is there a more pertinent time to hear this than when you're flying solo across life - soaking it all in, and sorting it all out: You are invincible. You don't need anything from anybody, 'cos you can get it yourself. You are enough. You are wonderful. You have flaws and you will make mistakes, but that's part of life's glorious and ridiculous journey. So long as you learn from your failures ('cos without failure there is no growth or evolution), all is as it should be.
No one can let you down, if you don't look to people for validation and happiness. They haven't yet renounced their hearts, the part of our body that generates the largest energetic field. Children don't soak up others' negativity to hurt themselves; Bottom line, hurtful forces are actual energies that can produce physical effects, and they can remain stuck in our energetic boundaries forever--or at least, until they are gently removed through therapeutic and energetic means. The gap they create in the physical energetic boundary can't help but invite the same treatment that we experienced during the initial abuse. Do you think that illness can't be caught energetically? Think again. Experiencing our own or another's long-term illness can leave us vulnerable to taking on others' illnesses and predicaments--that is, until we close down the vulnerable gap in our physical energy border. One of my clients had been diagnosed with thirty diseases during her lifetime, from leukemia to shingles. Guess what? Her mother had been sick the entire time she was growing up. If an item isn't being used, it is going to waste, regardless of whether it is in our home or the local landfill site. Let it go, and resolve to make better choices in future. The `waste' argument is no excuse to keep useful items that you don't actually use. If you're genuinely concerned about waste, there are plenty of ways to connect things you don't need with people who will use them (we'll cover this later). If you regret having spent money on brand-new items you've never used, the advantage is that you should be able to sell them for a reasonable price. Even worn and used items often have a second-hand market, so there's an opportunity to recoup some of the money you spent, which can help soften the blow. However, financial recompense isn't everything. Being able to gift something to someone in genuine need of it is another very rewarding option. How can we feel guilty about letting something go when we see the joy of others in receiving it?
Whichever way we decide to do it, finding people who will use our stuff is the best use of resources and the best way to let go of guilt. People can't let you down or disappoint you if you don't expect them to complete you, or make you happy. Or, in other words, if you are already having a fantastic time in life, you're not gonna settle for a relationship that is minus fantastic, right? At risk of sounding like a quote on a sparkly diary, if you are able to be you and do you in a way that is healthy, and fulfilling, and makes you feel empowered and useful and like you are living a generous, wholehearted, truthful, satisfying life, then you're set to get a whole lot more out of life, and other people. That's not to say you must become a rigid, unfeeling robot who doesn't need love and affection because you've got you and you are all you need. Humans need community and compassion and communication and company to survive. This is not a solo performance. But if you don't look to others to finish, or fulfil you, or make your life complete, you give yourself the best possible head start to finding a very real, very compatible, very excellent mate. Self-love plus gratitude is a magnificent way to Do Life. It also happens to be wildly attractive, but that's by the by. I struggle to make conversation with guys, especially guys who are attractive or I have a thing for. My client's pattern of illness cleared up after she closed down the physical energetic borders. Any traumatic physical, emotional, or relational violation--such as being abandoned, unwanted, neglected, overworked, or exposed to long-term poverty--can injure our physical energy boundaries. One of my clients, for example, lost her mother at an early age. My client became a shopaholic, but interestingly, she bought only red clothes. It turned out her mother loved the color red and had been wearing a red dress when she was killed in a car crash. After my client dealt with her abandonment issues, her spending sprees ended. I also worked with a fifteen-year-old girl whose mother had tried to abort her seven times. The girl's physical energetic boundaries had been punctured so many times by the attempted abortions that she had no physical energy borders of any sort. This girl did absolutely everything anyone asked her.
If friends tried cocaine, she did. Don't let your hang-ups about previous purchases cloud or influence the real decision: whether you need something or not. Remember, if you don't need it and don't use it, it is already going to waste. On the fence about something? Ask these questions. Do I need it now? Have I used it in the last six months? Can I imagine a time in the next six months when I might need it? How realistic is it that I will need it again? Is there something I already own that I could use/make do with instead? Would I be able to borrow something similar from someone I know? I have no idea what to make conversation about! On the scale of Being Alone In This, you are at around -100. ALL of us struggle talking to people we think are total dreamboats, and those who don't are just better at hiding it. It's perfectly normal, and extremely frustrating. The key is to treat hunks like anyone else you have small talk with. As though he's just a mate. Like you've known him since kindy and he used to wet his pants right before the last bell each day. Here are some more concrete and less urine-based tips: When you see him, take a deep breath, smile and: FAKE IT.
Just pretend to be confident: act like a confident person, do what they would do. If others cut classes, she did. If someone wanted to have her do his or her homework, she did it. By the age of fifteen, she was sneaking around and having sex for money to buy drugs for her friends. She had been working with a therapist, but nothing changed until I had her carry around a doll for a week. Her job was to dress this doll in red clothes and take care of it. After a week of toting around the doll, my client said no to sex with her latest boyfriend. She moved to her aunt's house, transferred a different school, and began working hard to get straight A's. Even spiritual violations can damage our physical energy boundaries. For instance, I've worked with a client who was tortured by the spirit of an ancestor. This ancestor had been addicted to gin while alive, and now his spirit came to my client as a voice and forced him to drink every night against his will, so it could feel the drunken high through my client's drinking binges. Would I be able to hire it rather than buying a replacement? Would I be able to find it (or something similar) in the charity shop, or second-hand? Do I have the budget to purchase a replacement? How quickly would I be able to find a replacement? How important would it be to be able to find a replacement quickly? Would there be any physical or practical restrictions on getting a replacement easily? Once we identify things we no longer need and decide to declutter them, it can be all too tempting to charge down to the charity shop with most of them and send the rest off with the nearest rubbish truck in our haste to be finished. But we can still work quickly without limiting our thinking to just two options - and do better by the environment and by others in the process. This is our opportunity to let someone else make good use of our stuff, save resources, help those less fortunate and learn a lot about ourselves and our habits along the way.