Being unprepared for meetings

We are perhaps not conscious of this emptiness, but it infects us in all kinds of ways. Feeling that we are called to accomplish something is the most positive way for us to supply this sense of purpose and direction. It is a religious-like quest for each of us. This quest should not be seen as selfish or antisocial. It is in fact connected to something much larger than our individual lives. Our evolution as a species has depended on the creation of a tremendous diversity of skills and ways of thinking. We thrive by the collective activity of people supplying their individual talents. Without such diversity, a culture dies. Your uniqueness at birth is a marker of this necessary diversity. To the degree you cultivate and express it you are fulfilling a vital role. Narcissists are also compulsive liars who will go to great lengths to gain power and control over others. The willingness to do anything just to control the actions of others makes gaslighting easy to them for use, and since gaslighting is lying with a goal, the goal of the narcissist is to gain control over the action of another. Narcissists will use shame and confusion to isolate victims. The narcissist's goal is often to make the target entirely dependent on them alone, and in a bid to control the victim they will incite fear with words and actions that will make the victim withdraw from loved ones. This withdrawal from loved ones makes it easy for narcissists to abuse victims even more as there are no persons of the third-party present to rescue the victims. Narcissists have a compulsive need to be perfect people at all times, so gaslighting comes in handy in making other peoples' perception of an event a wrong one and to show and convince that they are right at all times. In going to great lengths and doing anything to get their object of desire, narcissists often step on others. Moreover, when they are confronted for their misdoings, they resolve to tactics to minimize or erase what they have done and won't hesitate to abuse people to get to this end, making people think how they feel about having their toes stepped on is totally unimportant. Healthy people display noble acts of selflessness from time to time, but since the world revolves around narcissists, they are always about their feelings and needs, so they employ tactics to dismiss the feelings and needs of others. Narcissists also love to evade responsibility, and they renege on agreements or promises they have previously made.

In a nearly constant manner, you are told what to do (or not do), when to do it, what will happen if you do or if you don't do it, who you can do it to or with, how soon you have to do it, and any other dimension of instruction that can be thought of or is needed by the agent of society who is doing the telling (for example, parent, sibling, teacher, police officer, friend, boss, co-worker, preacher, spouse, offspring, TV personality, politician, hero, or villain). After a mere few months, let alone a lifetime, of these public social consequences, we start to repeat them to ourselves when no one else is around to give them. They become powerful conditioned consequences because they are frequently associated or paired with other already powerful consequences. You learn quickly to pay attention to what parents, teachers, and bosses say, because if they approve of the behaviors you do, they give lots of other rewards (or they give lots of other punishers if they disapprove of what is done). A parent gives the young child those emotionally satisfying hugs when the words I love you are said. After the kindergarten kid picks up all the crayons and puts them into the plastic bin, a teacher gives that gold star worth 10 recess minutes and says, Great job, Johnny. When the boss adds a raise in pay to your next paycheck, it is symbolic of the words, Great job! The privatization of other people's confirmations and criticisms is, in part, a matter of repetition. It is repeated so many times by others that we start to say it to ourselves privately, and, as we saw above, those private self-given affirmations and criticisms provide the immediate consequences for following rules in novel settings or when no one else is around. A behavior can also have multiple consequences or outcomes, which are sometimes both positive and negative outcomes. Some years ago, studies at the University of Nottingham Medical School showed that premenopausal women, who were encouraged to do a series of little jumps for a controlled period of time on a regular basis, significantly increased the bone density of their ankles, knees and femoral head. On the flip side, it has been shown that astronauts who spend very long periods of time in a weightless environment experience considerable bone loss due to the lack of gravity. More recently, students volunteered to remain bedridden for long periods of time (even months) to help scientists separate out the effects of gravity on bone. All were found to have lost bone density, bone strength, and muscle mass, and extensive training was necessary to restore the loss. Bone is a living tissue that reacts to increases in loads and forces by growing stronger, but not all forms of exercise are effective for improving bone strength. Swimming and cycling are excellent for improving overall strength and suppleness and the function of your heart and lungs, but they are not weight bearing, and consequently do not promote bone strength. Research has shown that it is regular, weight-bearing/impact exercise combined with muscle-strengthening exercise that helps prevent some of the dramatic bone loss which often occurs in women over 50 years of age. Can we target specific bones? Introducing additional weights can target specific bones still further. For example, exercising with dumbbells puts extra demand on the arms and wrists.

Our times might emphasize equality, which we then mistake for the need for everyone to be the same, but what we really mean by this is the equal chance for people to express their differences, to let a thousand flowers bloom. Your vocation is more than the work that you do. It is intimately connected to the deepest part of your being and is a manifestation of the intense diversity in nature and within human culture. In this sense, you must see your vocation as eminently poetic and inspiring. Some 2,600 years ago the ancient Greek poet Pindar wrote, Become who you are by learning who you are. What he meant is the following: You are born with a particular makeup and tendencies that mark you as a piece of fate. It is who you are to the core. Some people never become who they are; If you allow yourself to learn who you really are by paying attention to that voice and force within you, then you can become what you were fated to become--an individual, a Master. The misery that oppresses you lies not in your profession but in yourself! They won't hesitate to use gaslighting to present themselves as persons in pain to sap the feelings of others. Gaslighting over time effectively disconnects the victim from themselves, their feelings, and their ability to decide and know what they want for themselves. As gaslighting progress, the victim of abuse will second-guess their thoughts often. Their thought doubting may put them on the defensive and prevent them from criticizing the narcissist's behavior. This self-doubt can give the narcissist more opportunity to manipulate the victim. Eventually, gaslighting strips the victim of self-identity, the very core of the victim and leaves them feeling dependent on the narcissist, so the narcissist takes control of their lives and provides approval for them about what reality is. It doesn't matter whether it's happening in a marriage, or at work or somewhere else, it is vital to be aware of the signs that you (or someone you know) might be a victim. This awareness is the first step to getting out of this abusive situation. Gaslighting can cause long-term negative effects on the victim's psychological health, and it takes specialized help to restore the victim's balanced sense of self. Gaslighting only works when the victims are not aware of what is happening, but once they catch what is happening, they can take proactive steps to produce lasting changes.

Purchasing an automobile has the immediate pleasant consequence of having a new ride with all the bells and whistles that entails. But that same purchase also has the negative consequence of either a huge one-time monetary payment, or a monthly need to come up with smaller amounts of money to pay a lender. There are two seemingly conflicting consequences for the same chain of behavior. When a trauma victim like Felicia is honest with others about being molested by her uncle, there are multiple consequences, as well. The immediate unpleasantry of shame and social friction in her family is eventually coupled with the relief of not having to hide important aspects of her life, and/or the support she gets from those other people who care about her, like her cousin and her fellow group members. Combined with the private giving of praise and punishment, the multiple outcomes of behavior chains also allow for a cost/benefit analysis of the consequences of our behaviors. This cost/benefit analysis can greatly influence the power of those consequences. We learn the concept of behavior exchange fairly soon in life, because others let us know that one behavior can be exchanged for another: If you eat vegetables, you get dessert. When you do your homework, you can go out to play. At the same time, we learn the relative value of the rewarding aspects of living. Twisting a tight lid off a jar helps strengthen wrists and forearms, as does carrying heavy bags of shopping (just make sure you keep a straight back and don't stoop). Lifting household objects, like heavy cooking pots or the vacuum cleaner, has a similar beneficial effect. It is likely that it's the more intense muscle-strengthening exercise that is going to promote or improve bone strength, although doing any muscle-strengthening exercise will help to maintain bone strength and reduce the loss of bone density. However, take care to avoid falling when carrying awkward and heavy objects because a fall might cause a fracture. Once you are familiar with this exercise programme, you will be able to adapt everyday objects and activities and turn them into beneficial exercise. What about painful joints? My programme of exercises particularly targets the hips, wrists, and spine because these are most vulnerable to the painful, crippling and sometimes life-changing fractures caused as a result of osteoporosis. It's essential to maintain muscle strength, particularly in the legs and to maintain a good sense of balance and coordination. We will target the ankles, spine, thighs and back, as well as keeping the core muscles strong and flexible in order to avoid falls.So get up off your chair, enjoy the exercise sessions, strengthen your bones and make these exercises part of your life. If your joints are the problem, don't try to `pace' your joints - let your joints pace you!

What man in the world would not find his situation intolerable if he chooses a craft, an art, indeed any form of life, without experiencing an inner calling? Whoever is born with a talent, or to a talent, must surely find in that the most pleasing of occupations! Everything on this earth has its difficult sides! Only some inner drive--pleasure, love--can help us overcome obstacles, prepare a path, and lift us out of the narrow circle in which others tread out their anguished, miserable existences! It might seem that connecting to something as personal as your inclinations and Life's Task would be relatively simple and natural, once you recognize their importance. But in fact it is the opposite. It requires a good deal of planning and strategizing to do it properly, since so many obstacles will present themselves. The following five strategies, illustrated by stories of Masters, are designed to deal with the main obstacles in your path over time--the voices of others infecting you, fighting over limited resources, choosing false paths, getting stuck in the past, and losing your way. Pay attention to all of them because you will almost inevitably encounter each one in some form. Return to your origins--The primal inclination strategy It is essential to realize that anyone and any relationship can be a victim of gaslighting, though it is easier to notice gaslighting in romantic relationships because the end goal is often to gain control. In the end, narcissists often get what they want, and in relating with people at work or in the community, it might be hard to detect gaslighting because for the most part in these situations the goal might not only be in control, it might be other things, money as an example. The adverse effects of gaslighting can linger on in the victim's mind for a long time, but it is possible to recognize gaslighting at an early stage and avoid the consequences of this form of abuse. Covert narcissists are nicer to their children when they are small, and this is when they do the worst damage to them. Young brains are most receptive to suggestions and the narcissists can uphold their false image and appear to be good parents. Mothers are very important to small children. Kids cannot understand when the reason for their parent's unhappiness could be a bad day at the office. They've never had a bad day at the office and assume everything has something to do with them, especially when dysfunctional parents change their attitude to the children depending on their mood. Children are simply unable to meet the emotional needs of an adult. The narcissists do not like to take responsibility for their negative emotions, and transfer the blame to others.