We share the love and don't allow others to put themselves down

nonetheless, mindfulness is vital to walking through anger in a conscious way. In this article, I'll show you why mindfulness is a fundamental component of Yield Theory and what it takes to be mindful as you listen, validate, and explore options with others. A professor approached the Zen master and condescendingly asked him what made him a master of Zen. The master said, When I eat, I eat. When I walk, I walk. When I talk to someone, I talk to that person. The haughty professor, who could barely keep himself from interrupting the master, replied, That's ridiculous! Everyone does those things! You might not feel completely ready to get back out there. You might still be a little sad. That's natural! But breakups stop being healthy and start being harmful when you just can't seem to let go. Part of being a good dater is the ability to recover from heartbreak and move on to the next person--the person who wants to be with you. Don't waste too much time crying over the wrong one. THE IN-PERSON BREAKUP TALK THERE'S THIS pervasive idea that a face-to-face conversation is the most mature way to handle a breakup. It's also sort of the suckiest. It sucks for you, obviously, because it's scary and awkward and nerve-wracking to have to end it with someone and see his reaction. He could read their level of anxiety in how they walked or moved their arms or fixed their eyes on something. The body does not lie, he would often tell her.

In high school in Santa Barbara, California, Martha developed an interest in theater. But one evening in 1911, Dr Graham took his seventeen-year-old daughter to Los Angeles to see a performance of the famous dancer Ruth St. Denis, and from then on all she could think about was becoming a dancer. Influenced by her father, she was intrigued by the ability to express emotions without any words, strictly through the movement of the body. As soon as St. Denis opened up her own dance school (along with her partner, Ted Shawn) in 1916, Martha enrolled as one of its first pupils. Much of the choreography was a kind of free-form ballet, with an emphasis on making everything seem easy and natural. There was a lot of posing and moving about with scarves, similar to the work of Isadora Duncan. And I guess since I do them, that makes me a Zen master, too. The master smiled and said, To the contrary, when you eat, you think of other things. When you walk, your mind is elsewhere. And when you talk to others, your mind is not on what they're saying, but on what you'll say next. You are anywhere but present. That is the difference. To be aware of the present moment and what you're doing in such a complete way can take tremendous effort . until it doesn't. That is, being mindful takes practice until it just becomes the way you approach life. On the surface, presence might seem more achievable during routine tasks (like eating or walking or having a normal conversation) than in the midst of high conflict, but that's only if you equate being present with being calm. But it sucks for him, too. In a casual relationship, an in-person breakup can seem especially cruel, like, You dragged me all the way out to this diner just to break up with me?

Is this a breakup breakfast? If you haven't been dating that long, you might as well give the person the option of just hanging up on you, or deleting your email and promptly forgetting you exist. I mean, it's the humane thing to do. But if you've been dating someone long enough to really have established a personal connection and made a mark on each other's lives--to the point that not dating him will mean a noticeable difference in your everyday life, rather than simply a discontinuation of something--you definitely owe it to him to tell him face-to-face. Because getting dumped sucks, and the least you can do is have the balls to tell him in person, so that in some small way, it sucks for both of you, not just the person on the receiving end of the email. THE FADEOUT: WHEN IT HAPPENS TO YOU THE FADEOUT is an amazing option for breaking up with someone--unless, of course, the fadeout happens to you. Then it's awful. At first, Graham was not considered a promising dancer. She was shy, always staying toward the back of the class. She was not particularly built for the art (she did not have a lithe ballerina's body), and she was slow to pick up the choreography. But when she was given her first solo, St. Denis and Shawn saw something that surprised them: she exploded with an energy they had not suspected in her. She had charisma. Denis compared her to a young tornado when she took the stage. Everything they taught her she had a way of transforming into something sharper and more aggressive. After several years she became one of their leading students, a major performer in their troupe and a teacher of the Denishawn method, as it came to be known. But soon she began to tire of this form of dancing. Being mindful of how you feel in the midst of intense or uncomfortable situations means, not trying to control how you feel, but tuning in to how you do feel. Ultimately, mindfulness is about becoming the objective observer of yourself.

The more you get to know yourself, including understanding the root of your thoughts and the path they tend to take, the easier it will be for you to identify what triggers what in you. With your heightened self-awareness, you will likely find being present becomes second nature. Presence is a way of being, and the key to presence is mindfulness, and the key to being effective at mindfulness is practice. That can start right now. For example, in this moment you may feel overwhelmed at the thought that the next time you have conflict, you're supposed to be aware simultaneously of all your thoughts, language, how others are perceiving you, and what they're saying and doing, as well as figuring out how you're supposed to juggle all that and circumvent their fight-or-flight response. Practicing mindfulness in this moment, right here and now, simply means being aware of those racing thoughts and how they make you feel. In reality, in this exact moment, if you are paying attention to this sentence right now and nothing else, you are practicing mindfulness. Humans have always had to deal with distractions, but perhaps never more so than in our current milieu of social media, 24/7 news cycles, and instant mobile connectedness. Then it's a drawn-out, terrible period of you wondering if maybe he's just really busy, and maybe he'll turn up again with apologies and a damned good excuse, and maybe he lost his phone, as well as all access to the Internet. This is followed by a confusing period where you find yourself going over your last date, your last conversation, minute by minute.He said, See you later! Was he lying? Did he know then that he had no intention of actually seeing you later? Was this his plan all along? You'll consider messaging him, demanding that he give you an answer. At least you'd have peace of mind. You'll fantasize about running into him at a bar, where you'd pretend to barely remember his name. In the end, you sort of just get over it. You got faded out. It did not suit her temperament. To get some distance from the school she moved to New York, and to support herself she taught classes in the Denishawn method.

Then one day in 1926, perhaps upset at her leaving the troupe, Ted Shawn surprised her with an ultimatum--she would have to pay $500 for the right to teach Denishawn exercises and dance material. If not, she was strictly forbidden, under penalty of a lawsuit, ever to use any of their methods in her classes or personal work. For Graham, this precipitated a crisis of sorts. She was now thirty-two years old, no longer young for a career in dance. She had barely $50 to her name, which meant that she could never pay Shawn even if she had wanted to. To earn extra money she had already tried working in popular dance shows on Broadway and had hated it, vowing never to go back. But as she weighed her options, one idea kept recurring to her. In her mind she had always been able to envision a kind of dance that did not exist in the world but that spoke to her innermost desires, both as a performer and a spectator. Just observe people in public places as they walk alongside friends or sit in coffee shops while they use their phones to text or talk to someone else. Distraction is now the normal context of our communication. That means that almost any attempt you make to reach the minds and emotional centers of others is like walking through a forest that has no neatly paved path; the trees--the many distractions--get in the way. Most of us live in such forests. You need to create a path through your own forest of distraction before you have any chance of reaching someone else who is also living with distractions. Mindfulness is that path. To master communication is to accurately understand how others are receiving what you're saying, so that from moment to moment you can make the adjustments necessary to ensure the message you intend to convey is actually heard. The question we are constantly asking ourselves in Yield Theory is: How can I meet ever-shifting others where they are? To answer that is to be mindful of your thoughts, feelings, speech, tone, body language, energy, and presence. But dating karma, man. He who fades out will get faded out, too.