Hoping for a change that's never going to happen.

I stopped what I was saying and asked Amy if she had heard what I heard. Her eyebrows rose as she nodded. I jumped up from the soft leather bench and wove my way through the line of waiting customers to the front counter, where a server stood near a microphone. Excuse me, I said, did you just call `Lauren'? She nodded and began to tell me that the order had already been picked up. That's okay, I said excitedly. I just wanted to be sure. I'm sure the young woman, if she gave me a second thought, figured I was nutty. But I knew what I'd heard, and so did Amy. In a restaurant where no other customers' names had been called since the moment we walked in, suddenly, and at the same moment we were talking about Lauren's contribution and inspiration for Amy, Beth and Olivia, we heard her name. People are so stressed by this election that the American Psychological Association has coping tips. Han solo boasts to Princess Leia, `You know, sometimes, I amaze even myself. They are more likely to initiate something than complete it - they like to get the ball rolling but will avoid organising and implementing if they can. When he is mistaken for a god by the Ewoks, he refuses to comply and argues, `It's against my programming to impersonate a deity. The blocker's mantra is the saying, `If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. They value being given the freedom and independence to think things through by themselves. Their desire for self-sufficiency means that they can be hard to get to know. their grip, the more star systems will slip through their fingers. An observer merely sits back and watches the action take place, choosing to comment on facts rather than offer opinions. When the wise old Jedi Master listened to Luke Skywalker express doubts about his ability to beat Darth Vader and conquer the Dark Side, he offered the comment, `Either do or do not.

There is no try. As a side note, Rob and I had the honour of hearing the song being performed live and dedicated to us at a concert in Tacoma, Washington, in early 2017. It was indeed a surreal experience as My Heart Goes Out to You began the show, just as it does the album. I trembled as I stood during a Q&A session to explain to the audience what this song meant to our family, and how grateful we were to Amy, Beth and Olivia for their efforts in helping the grieving, and those who work with them, to move forward and heal through their music. Later, when we met up with the trio backstage, we were able to express our gratitude and humility in person. And each one was just as kind and lovely as you would wish them to be. And so it is my hope that, just as Lauren may have helped inspire music to aid others in their healing, she has guided me through this article for you. It has been my honour to share with you the story of our family, our lives and especially our daughter. But most of all, it is my deepest and fondest hope that you have seen something in these articles that gives you proof that life can go on after losing someone who means everything to you. I know it can be done because we are doing it. Our moments of laughter far outnumber our tears now, and we will continue to try to live our lives in a way that would make our Lauren happy and proud. This hijacking of processing time may be a factor in sexual exploitation where the initiator claims innocence because the victim, reflecting or seeking the right words, did not utter a clear and strong no. Luke is the character at the heart of the group. With Luke, who is in many ways a bit like all of them, it all makes sense. As his name suggests, he is a romantic dreamer and heir to the mystical Jedi Knights, the benevolent champions of the Republic and ministers of the Force - the spiritual life energy that binds the galaxy together. Once he decides to learn `the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like my father', he begins a journey to find the wisdom and power of human intuition, learning to `let go of my conscious self', to `stretch out with my feelings' and to `trust my feelings'. Adapters are people who are a combination of the other three styles. They see the merits in focusing on people, getting things done and quality of performance. They value flexibility and taking a balanced approach to any situation. They can often take on the role of peacekeeper in a disagreement as they can quickly see and empathise with each of the different perspectives.

It is Luke who tries to convince others that Darth Vader is still capable of changing, claiming, `There is still good in him. Adapters like to experiment, be open to change, make sure bases are covered and options considered. We visit her son and his parents in Ottawa a minimum of two times a year (and plan to extend an obnoxious number of invitations to them to come west when they feel they want to visit our home in British Columbia), and we're grateful for the time we spend getting caught up through short videos sent our way and via live computer visits. How lucky we are to live in this age when thousands of miles dissolve with the click of a mouse. It's not quite as special as having this tall, sweet, brown-haired little boy sitting on our laps while we read to him, but for now it provides some warmth when we're missing him and his folks so terribly. We cherish the memories and videos of the hours we spent with a young Colin during those early months and years of loss for us all. We would take him for walks and to play in the sprawling, well-appointed park near the home where his mother took her last breath; We took this well-mannered little man to family restaurants, to visit a department store Santa at Christmas and to roll on the thick grass on Canada's Parliament Hill in summer. At the end of our full days, I would rock him in the dark for as long as his careful bedtime regimen would allow, tears falling from my cheeks and landing on his soft warm sleeper as I sang to him the same You Are My Sunshine I'd sung softly to his mother just two decades earlier. May you never grow too old to cuddle and to rock, sweet boy. Our futures are brightened by thoughts of theme parks, of long visits, of boat rides and plane rides and more precious memories in the making. It's all we can hope for. They sometimes feel pulled in many directions by their different motivations. Luke goes through the wringer when Darth Vader urges him to `Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. So, which character do you most identify with? Are you a blocker, initiator, observer or adapter? Our innate sense of belonging means that we often seek out similar types of people. For example, initiators often seek out other initiators, people who will encourage their thinking about what is possible. In Napoleon Hill's classic article Think and Grow Rich, he dedicates a whole article to the benefits - financial and emotional - of this.

Hill writes: `No two minds ever come together without, thereby, creating a third, invisible, intangible force which may be likened to a third mind. Famous examples of this include US President Benjamin Franklin who created the Leather Apron Club, a group of young men who met weekly to discuss subjects such as philosophy, morals, economics and politics. Just as Nancy McCartney thought her son, Brennan, would ask how she'd spent the years after his untimely and tragic death, I sometimes imagine an interview where, instead of me posing the questions to Lauren as I did prior to her only Mother's Day, she might have some for me. I don't know that there's such a thing as pure joy when you've lost someone as important and beloved to us as you, but what we could do was not turn our backs on the opportunity, to the idea of being joyful. We continued to find pleasure in the moments and the hours that we spent with your memory, just as we enjoyed the ones where we were being present with each other and taking in a sunset or a full moon or the perfection of a summer day by the ocean or a walk in a late-night snowfall. Best of all, even though I was the one consoled for what seemed like so long through our radio family of listeners and correspondents, I managed to turn things around to the point where I became the one doing the consoling. People would write to me and say that they mourned with me when you died, and then suddenly found themselves in the same unimaginable position, and ask me how I survived. And I actually had answers! It was all for them, just as you said. All of these things--the memories of moments past and the pleasures of the present--plus hopefully helping others move into the future as we made our way there ourselves: these were all our way of honouring you. Just as he knew the strength and love of his father in this day-to-day life, he always felt our arms--and yours--around him, even from a distance. We made sure he had everything in this life that you would have wanted for him. The group was responsible for the implementation of the first public library, volunteer fire departments, the first public hospital, police departments and even paved streets. They adhered to Napoleon Hill's belief, `When a group of individual brains are co-ordinated and function in harmony, the increased energy created through that alliance becomes available to every individual brain in the group. It is easy to see why people are naturally attracted to initiators. They bring energy and a buzz. It is partly this initiative that is credited with helping Toyota to enjoy its status as the world's second largest car manufacturer today. Most of the tension in any group lies between the initiator and the blocker. Initiators are all about making things happen. They have a wealth of fresh ideas.

They might be wildly optimistic and have a tendency to rush into action, and their creativity, energy and drive can be instrumental when it comes to innovation. In contrast, blockers question the merit or wisdom of new decisions. And although we never stopped wishing you were here to be his mother, we knew he'd always be surrounded by all the love he could possibly want. And probably a little more! If I left radio, which I knew it was time to do, I couldn't still be in the same city, seeing the same sad eyes and hearing those welcome kind, soft words of condolence. We knew that your son and his father didn't need us as they had in those early months after you left us, when we were visiting Ottawa every few weeks to try to lend a hand where we could. You chose wisely. Phil did a beautiful job of handling the impossible. But just as Colin and his daddy had continued to grow and to move on in their lives with a new, loving woman that your son calls Mommy (and who swears she feels your presence and sometimes asks for your help), we felt we needed a chance to start somewhere new, where we could try to build a different kind of life--one that wasn't constantly reminding us of how very much we had lost. Then we came to awaken (at a much later hour) to the sounds of gulls, the sights of ocean and mountains with deer grazing in our yard and eagles hanging lazily on breezes off our deck, and we came to believe in the power of beauty and nature to heal. And so it was with this enveloping and comforting backdrop that we continued to hold you close in our hearts, in our dreams. We spoke often to your little boy and his family, and they knew how much we loved them all. Instead of going along with things, they raise points about what they see are the harmful consequences that might follow. Most of the tension in any group lies between the initiator and the blocker. It is dangerous simply to dismiss the importance of this latter group. Blockers can be useful. He believed that these people had done the designing for him, because a careful assessment of those lists gave him a blueprint, including the need to create a whole new branch of chemistry (boron chemistry) to deliver the programme. Similarly, think how American politicians and the media reacted to the French during the days leading up to the second Iraq war. The White House officials motivated, energised and pushed forward, and before long managed to get public opinion on their side. When George Bush tried to get a UN resolution passed in support of the war in Iraq, the French foreign minister tried to block the measure, firmly announcing, `We will not allow a resolution to pass that authorises resorting to force.