Believe the Kindness of Others

And if it's your job to eat two frogs, I think you'll agree that this is not the stage for cutting corners, so we will need to alter the schedule, adjusting the completion date for the entire project from June 12th to September 1st. CUSTOMER: That's a pretty big delay . YOU: I am confident that the results and the resulting peace of mind you'll derive more than justify the extra time we are asking for. If we take the time to do it right now, you'll experience fewer start-up glitches, and you'll be up and running at full capacity sooner. OBJECTIONS TO OVERCOME WHEN ASKING FOR MORE TIME Depending on many variables--the nature of the project, costs, lost revenue, the personalities involved, and on and on--asking for more time may be met with stiff resistance. Let's anticipate some of that here:1. This is bad, bad for us. I was serious about that deadline. Now look, you'd better just kick butt and get this thing in on time! I can experience joy and still be of service. I can still take action. I can experience joy and still honor the circumstances around me where others might be affected. Shrinking my own joy to make others feel more comfortable doesn't serve any of us. So I vow to stay committed to experiencing mine in an effort to bring us all to the other side, where it flows freely and without guilt. I also find it helpful to find joy teachers. Some that I look to are Shira Erlichman, Jacqueline Suskin, Jamila Reddy, Megan Touhey, Brandi Harper, and many more. People who I know are walking through the world and facing the hard pains, and still choosing joy no matter what knocks them off their centers. I am often the farthest from my center when I have passed a deadline, emails are piled up, I've sabotaged my finances again, I'm not doing the simple maintenance things to take care of myself, and therefore I am not letting myself access the things that usually shift me out of this: radical self-care, movement, plant allies, my work, my creative practice.

This is how guilt and shame manifest in my life. Identify the frog Decide which task on your to-do list is something you don't want to do but you actually need to do. While you procrastinate on it, the task starts weighing on your mind, causing pressure and stress. Start working on the task without thinking too much about it and don't stop until it's finished. Postpone nothing Do this task first thing in the morning, when the office is still quiet, your mind is clearer and your willpower not yet depleted. When there are two or more frogs If there's more than one important thing to do during the day, tackle the biggest one first. Once these problematic tasks are done, you will feel more satisfied and may use the momentum to tackle even more things. But keep this within a set timeframe. Reply with: Perkins, I am very serious about the deadline, and that's why I'm talking to you about it now. This is the situation: I can give you a job you'll be 75 percent happy with if I deliver on deadline. Give me another week, and I can promise 100 percent satisfaction. The successful completion of the project is just as serious a matter as the deadline. Look, what do you people do out there? I just can't understand it! Reply with: Garrison, we are moving ahead on the project.

And one of the things we've just completed doing is an evaluation of the project in terms of how best to use our resources. As a total freeze up, the inability to do anything. Guilt and shame live together in a little bubble inside of my head. They've made themselves a nice, cozy zone to lie around in all day and tell me I am a miserable failure--Why even start if you are going to fail like you have in the past? First of all, what even IS failing? Who made this word up? They're an asshole--don't listen to them. Something not going as planned does not mean that you failed. It means that you weren't ready yet, that something different was in line with the universe. So when I am past a deadline, instead of beating the living shit out of myself due to the level of guilt and shame I feel, I can get curious. I can notice. You are looking to work smarter, not harder. Add a niksen break between each task to keep your mind fresh and focused. Niksen on Holiday Finally, the day is here. Everything's organised. You've articleed a wonderful hotel for the week, with swimming pool and spa. It's going to be the most chilled holiday you've ever had, spending your days eating, reading and doing nothing. It's only once you've arrived that you realise how hard it is to unwind. In practice, a one-week holiday often means only a couple of days of relaxation.

It can take up to three days to wind down, and before the end of the week you will already be anticipating what you need to do when you get home. We could cut corners, but that will only cost us time later. We'll have this conversation when the time line's become a genuine crisis. It's far from that at this point. We have control, and we have choices. That's why I want to modify the schedule--to build a better foundation now, so we'll avoid really time-eating trouble later. You have got to move faster than this! Reply with: Well, maybe we could. But neither of us would be comfortable with the results. And if we're not comfortable, how can we be confident? I can ask myself: What threw me so far off center that I can't seem to even feel my feet on the ground? I take pen to paper and I make a list. I am Harriet the Spy and I am a detective and I will get to the bottom of this. Sometimes the answer just wants to be I am depressed or I am sad or I am feeling a lot of grief. But I can also go deeper, look at the pathways that took me there, look at the pathways to get back to myself and back to my center. This is hard work. It's exhausting. And we can also remember that it is a practice and when we practice something enough times, it does start to get easier. And we can always return.

Cutting through the shame and the guilt can be a full-time job, though. Because of this, many companies in the Netherlands make it mandatory for their employees to take at least one 14-day period of leave every year. While you may not be able to take two weeks off, the following suggestions will help you get into the right state of mind as quickly as possible. Do only what's necessary before you leave Do you usually want to empty your inbox, triple check if your co-workers know what to do during your absence, and clean out the dishwasher before you pull the door behind you? Then remind yourself that you'll be back in a week. Do what you can, but goed is goed (`good is good enough'). Pat yourself on the back and let yourself unwind. Disconnect from home If you want to take your phone with you, and maybe even your laptop, temporarily delete your mail application and social media. This will reduce the temptation to check into your life back home and helps you to be more present in the moment. Can you absolutely guarantee this will be the only delay? Reply with: I can guarantee that I will do everything possible to make certain that the schedule won't have to be altered again. TIP: Answer with what you can do, not what you cannot. Getting a Job Interview for a Friend or Relative This is a frequently asked favor that is also typical of the many miscellaneous favors you may ask a customer. With this favor request, as with all others, exercise thought before you call. STEP 1: Evaluate what you are asking. Can you and your customer live happily with the consequences of the favor?