How can I appreciate my most important relationships?

Which of these three motives influences how a person thinks? It depends on his or her situation at the time. The need for accuracy is often active when there is a risk that a false judgment or a poor decision would have negative consequences for the self or others. Returning to our movie choice example, if you were intent on impressing your friend with your fine taste in films, and you felt that a poor movie choice would embarrass you, you would think long and hard about the relevant information until you felt confident that you were making the right choice. Or, to take another example, if during a presidential election season, one candidate advocates aggressive military responses, whereas the other promises peace, you might be particularly motivated to gain an accurate impression of each candidate before voting because you believe that going to war would affect you and the people you care about. People want to reach closure quickly in situations where thinking involves a lot of effort or is otherwise unpleasant. If you feel that you are under time pressure to make a decision, if you have a lot of things on your mind, or if you are simply exhausted from a long day at work, you will be more inclined to terminate the thinking process early and reach closure on a good enough conclusion. The first recommended movie that pops up might be the one you choose to watch. And, if you keep thinking, feeling and acting the same way, you'll struggle to climb out of the rut and build momentum. Now, your daily rituals may either be deliberate or unconscious, but you definitely have some in your life. For instance, one of your daily rituals might be to hit the snooze button. Alternatively, it might be to dwell on how bad your day is going to be as soon as you open your eyes. Or it might be to plow through Facearticle on your phone, mindlessly. In any event, you are probably doing the same thing over and over again. Einstein said that, The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Therefore, unless you change your old patterns, you'll find it difficult to motivate yourself. Exercise: identify disempowering patterns If you feel stuck or unmotivated right now, you must be thinking, feeling and/or acting in a different way than you did when you were motivated. Tell the truth Face a physical fear

Face a professional fear Face a financial fear Fulfill a Secret Dream For years I harbored a secret dream to dance. I loved watching performers like Michael Jackson spin their magic on the stage. While listening to music in my car I often choreographed dance moves in my head. I kept this dream to myself, deciding that I was too old to ever dance professionally. But when I was thirty-one years old I learned about a street funk exercise class that gave me a chance to fulfill my secret dream. People are motivated to validate what they think they already know or prefer to believe when their prior beliefs and values are brought to mind, when those beliefs are central to their sense of meaning in life or personal worth, and perhaps especially when they feel that their beliefs are being challenged by contradictory information. In these cases, people might be motivated to act on information that confirms their worldview, even if it's not very accurate. For example, the 2016 election season saw a proliferation of fake news stories that people often liked and shared on social media without critically examining their accuracy (Hollan, 2016). This has led to widespread concern about public confusion over basic facts (FIGURE 3. Confirming What We Believe: Americans Who Share Fake News People sometimes have a motivation to believe information that confirms their existing views. For example, in a 2016 Pew Survey, 23% of American adults reported that they had shared a political news article that was fake, although they might not have realized it was fake at the time. According to the graph, 16 percent of adults found out later they shared fake news; Which motive influences a person's thinking also depends on his or her personality traits. Some people have a high need for closure, meaning that they seek and prefer simple and clear knowledge and feel especially uncomfortable when confronted with ambiguous or confusing situations (Thompson et al. Using your action guide, write down how you think, feel and act now as opposed to before. Doing everything differently

Sometimes, you need to break your old patterns to be able to move forward with your life. What if you decided today to do the exact opposite of what you're currently doing? What if you spent your day doing things you haven't done for a while or have never done before? For example, if you haven't ridden your bike for years, perhaps you can do just that. What about calling a friend you haven't talked to for ages? Or perhaps you could exercise or play sports you haven't played for a long time. Think of activities you enjoyed doing in the past but haven't done for a while. Engaging in these activities might help you reconnect with positive memories. The class was taught by an amazing young man named Carleton Jones, a dancer who had performed on Broadway and with Janet Jackson and Paula Abdul. My first visit to the class reinforced the voice of my fear that said I was too old to dance. The class was one and a half hours long, and it was hard. During one of the classes Carleton announced that the Dance Company was putting together their annual performance in Boston and he would be choreographing the street funk performances. Carleton encouraged anybody who was interested in performing in this production to sign up and study with him for three months. When he made this announcement I felt excitement wash over me; Because I had created a habit of responding to these feelings with action, I agreed to participate in the performance at once. In the beginning I felt anxious on my way to every single class. After rehearsing for a month I started to settle down and enjoy the pleasure of fulfilling this important dream. When I look back at the night of the performance I still smile when I think about how excited I was to dance with such a wonderful group of people. By contrast, other people are more tolerant of complexity and ambiguity and are willing to gather more information and deliberate before arriving at a conclusion. In fact, they may view novelty, surprise, and uncertainty to be the very spice of life.

Another factor is expertise. As people become expert in a given area, they can come to feel more entitled to have close-minded or dogmatic views (Ottati et al. Keep these three motives in mind as you read the rest of this article--and indeed, this entire textarticle--because you'll see how they influence social thought and behavior in various ways across a wide range of situations. SECTION REVIEW The Why of Social Cognition: The Motives Behind Thinking Three basic motives influence thinking about the social world. The need to be accurate A desire to achieve an accurate understanding Activated when being inaccurate could result in undesired outcomes Remember, actions build momentum. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. You are the object. As you start the ball rolling, you warm up the engine and can more easily shift your emotional state from a negative to a more positive one. You can never really be stuck. It is only your thinking that makes you feel that way. As you clear your thinking and take action, your emotional state changes and, as a result, your thoughts change as well. Ask yourself: What would I need to do to break free from this feeling of being stuck? Exercise: do things differently Using your action guide, write down things you could do right now. Now it's your turn. What do you dream about doing?

Here are some possible assignments: Stand Out from the Crowd What's the one thing you could do to stand out from the crowd? Too many of us have been taught to blend--to fit in with others' expectations and desires. If you want to be a leader in your life, you'll need to get comfortable standing on your own. My client Jennifer was surprised when I suggested that she learn to stand out from the crowd with a simple first step--wear a new color nail polish: metallic blue. Always the conservative one of her friends, if Jennifer wore nail polish at all, it was pale pink or clear. Although it sounded like a strange request, it was actually a safe and fun way to practice doing something out of the ordinary that felt a little risky. The need to reach closure quickly A desire for a simple, quick, and clear-cut understanding as opposed to confusion and ambiguity Activated when thinking is effortful or unpleasant (eg, when under time pressure) The need to confirm what one already prefers to believe A desire to understand something in a way that fits well with previously held beliefs and values. Activated when prior beliefs and values are brought to mind, central to one's sense of meaning in life or personal worth, or threatened by contradictory information. The How of Social Cognition: Two Ways to Think About the Social World Learning Outcomes Compare and contrast the two systems of thinking. Explain how and why intuition is sometimes smart. These could be the things you haven't done for a while or new things you want to try out. Perform an act of kindness