Make the Most of Every Moment

By doing this exercise Morgan was able to create a written reminder of her strengths and abilities. By flagging this article in her journal she was able to refer back to it during those times when she felt afraid and questioned her ability. Now refer back to your three challenges above and answer the following questions in your journal: What qualities of character allowed you to handle these challenges? In what ways were you resourceful? What did you learn from these experiences that might serve you now? Mark these articles in your journal so you can refer back to them easily for support when needed. Finally, as you prepare to build your courage muscles, I'd like you to find some symbol of courage--a talisman of sorts. You might also want to consider your friend's tastes in movies, the nature of your relationship with this person, how long the movie is and what else you'd like to do tonight, and so on. If you were to weigh all of the relevant pieces of information, you would be so immersed in thought that you would die of starvation before you selected a movie (FIGURE 3. Information Overload Even simple decisions, such as which movie to watch, require an ability to sort through and reason about a complex web of information. The woman is shown thinking, with a cloud callout attached to the image on a white isolated background. The callout reads Sidney likes action movies, but doesn't like them to be too gory or violent. She has a bit of an anticorporate vibe, so maybe she'd prefer an independent film. She spent last semester in France, so maybe even something subtitled. But I don't really want to have to read the whole time; And something funny-it should be funny, not sad. I was looking for something to do, and this was one of the only activities I could find in my city. I learned that it was a brand-new event creating by a French woman who had returned to France after living in Scotland for seven years.

Like me, she couldn't find any similar activity in her area, so she created the event. What about you? What new activities could you join or create to help you move toward your goals and dreams? Who do you want to be surrounded by, and what events could you create to attract them into your life? Do you want to be around vegans, young entrepreneurs, avid readers, growth-oriented people? Remember, it's hard to feel motivated when you're not surrounded by people who have similar values and a similar vision to you. And I'm afraid it's your responsibility to attract these people into your life. If you haven't done this before now, it's probably for one of the following reasons: My friend Nathan uses a small statue of the lion from The Wizard of Oz. My friend Michelle uses a special phrase--zero fear--when she needs to be reminded of her strength and courage. One year, when I made a conscious decision to build my courage muscles, I hung the following quote by Georgia O'Keeffe on my office wall to remind me of my commitment to act in spite of my fear: I've been terrified every day of my life but that's never stopped me from doing everything I wanted to do. What will you use as your mental security blanket? Remember, when you take well-prepared action in spite of your fear, you gain energy. The excitement that comes from pursuing something that will change your life for the better will fuel your efforts. Now it's time to take action! Take Action! Play the Face Your Fear Game There's that newish movie that is supposed to be Tom Cruise's comeback film. Oh, but Sidney hates Tom Cruise.

But maybe it would be fun to make fun of the movie the whole time. Wait, Sharknado would be perfect for that! Oh, but that might be too gory. What's important in this example is not the choice of a movie per se but something more fundamental: the choice of when to stop thinking and reach a conclusion that feels certain . We make this same basic choice every moment we navigate our social world. Whether we are forming an impression of a stranger or figuring out how we feel about a political issue, there is always more information we could consider, but eventually we have to reach a conclusion and move on. According to the theory of lay epistemology developed by Arie Kruglanski (1989, 2004), three motives influence this choice: The need to be accurate: Sometimes thinking is guided by a motive to achieve an accurate, truthful understanding of a given person, idea, or event. Your vision is shaky: You have no clear direction. Your values are unclear: You have no specific set of rules to live by. As a result, you follow the crowd and are easily influenced by people around you. Perhaps you allowed your parents to choose your career for you. Perhaps you're mimicking your friends' lifestyles. Ask yourself, is your current environment a reflection of who you really are? If not, determine what needs to change. You haven't jumped: You stay in your current environment because it is comfortable. It might be toxic, but it's something you're familiar with, and your brain finds comfort in familiarity. To change your life, build momentum and move toward the person you want to become, at some point, you need to jump. As you begin to face your fear, think of this process as a game. The object of the game is to build your courage muscles.

The prize is the courage, confidence, and emotional strength to live your life to its fullest. Here are the rules: If you are playing the game alone, be sure and push yourself beyond your comfort zone! There are seven categories to choose from. Read through the examples and choose one assignment from each category. If the examples do not apply to you, create your own assignment and add it to the list in the appropriate place. Once you've chosen seven assignments, you'll then need to review them with your partner or Life Makeover Group. To make sure that you're choosing items that will challenge you to stretch outside of your comfort zone, ask your partner or support team to raise the stakes (based on what they know about you) by making an item more challenging or by adding something completely new to your list. For example, if an employer is looking over a job application, she might be motivated to know for sure whether an applicant is qualified for a job, and so she will invest a lot of time and energy in thinking about the applicant's resume. The motive to be accurate may even drive her to stay extra hours at work to gather additional information about the applicant. Most of us would like to believe that if any force is driving the way we think, it is the motivation to be rational and accurate--to strive for the truth rather than folly. But thinking carefully takes time and energy--resources that are in short supply. Further, we often want to reach a particular conclusion. Thus, people are also motivated toward nonspecific and specific forms of closure. The need to reach closure quickly: We reach closure in our decision making when we stop the thinking process and grab the first handy judgment or decision, quickly and without extensive effort. Can you think of a time when you did not have a strong preference for one conclusion over another but just wanted to reach a conclusion--any conclusion? When the stakes are low and we just want a decision to be made, people are often content to choose whatever others choose, such as selecting the most popular menu item at your local restaurant or whatever movie is getting the highest downloads (Otto et al. The need to confirm what one already prefers to believe: This is the motive to reach a conclusion that fits well with the specific beliefs and attitudes that one already prefers. You need to outgrow your current situation and put yourself in a new environment in which you can grow and start expressing your true self. Ask yourself, if you had unlimited courage and no fear, what bold move would you make right now?

Exercise: meet the right people Using your action guide, answer the following questions: What type of people do I want to meet, and what are their values, visions, character traits, et cetera? Where can I find them? What concrete actions will I do to meet like-minded people? Break old patterns The reason you may feel stuck right now is because your daily rituals are not serving you well. In fact, you're probably operating under the same old patterns time after time. For example, if you decide to be bold and share your poetry with friends, your partner or group may challenge you to share your poetry at an open mike night instead. Remember that there is no judgment. One person's assignment might seem easier than another's. For example, if you have an outgoing personality, walking into a room full of strangers and introducing yourself might seem easy. But to a shy person this action may represent a very large step. The idea is to choose assignments that challenge you to move outside of your comfort zone. Face Your Fear Game Here are the seven categories: Fulfill a secret dream Stand out from the crowd If you held the attitude that Deadpool is the greatest movie of all time, and you read just one customer review praising the movie, chances are you'll halt the thinking process right there and confidently declare, Yup, just as I thought: It's a great movie. In contrast, if you hated that movie and read the same review, you would be more likely to continue reading reviews until you found one that affirms your belief that it stinks.