Where must I say NO to the places that are distracting me from my highest priorities?

Those primed with rudeness seemed more likely to enact a rude behavior. These and other similar prime-to-behavior studies have garnered a lot of interest, but there has also been intense debate about the strength and reliability of these kinds of findings since several concerted follow-up studies have failed to show clear effects (Earp et al. Harris et al. Shanks et al. On the one hand, there is no question that priming one concept can activate another in someone's mind. In fact, researchers harness the power of priming to measure the automatic activation of attitudes that people might otherwise deny having (Payne & Lundberg, 2014). The question is whether such primes can be powerful enough to alter one's actions. Under very short time frames when one has to act fast, priming might be more likely to affect behavior. As a result, they may be reluctant to ask for help, believing they should know everything. When they don't, they assume something is wrong with them. The truth is that most of us have many things we suck at. We may be bad at cooking, driving or making speeches. Yet, this doesn't mean we can't be proud of ourselves. And it certainly doesn't mean we should avoid asking for help. It's better to admit we don't know how to do something than to hide our incompetence and suffer in silence for weeks or months as a result. To boost your self-esteem, I encourage you to ask yourself the following questions every day before going to bed: What are three things I'm proud of today? What do I want to acknowledge myself for today? Let's look at an example of what I mean. I met Debbie during a weekend workshop I was giving at Mile Hi Church in Lakewood, Colorado.

Debbie loved to ski. In her early fifties, she recently had recovered from an illness that had kept her bedridden for six months and she was now ready to make some life changes. While discussing the benefits of brainstorming I asked for a volunteer to demonstrate the power of group mind. Debbie raised her hand immediately. Debbie said she wanted to be a fulltime professional ski instructor. She loved to ski and wanted to share this love with others, but she was concerned about her age and her physical ability after her illness. When she shared this with the other members of the workshop she got a long list of ideas within a few short minutes. Here are ten examples of what she received: For example, in a recent set of studies, researchers examined the effect of being primed with words such as gamble, bet, or wager compared to pass, fold, and stay prior to making each decision during a game of blackjack. The prime words were flashed for only 300 milliseconds, just before participants needed to make each betting decision. In these studies, participants primed with betting-related words were consistently more likely to place a bet, but only when the cards they were dealt were not obviously good or bad (Payne et al. People seem to be more suggestable to primed information when the right action is ambiguous and they have to act quickly. Whether and when primes can affect behaviors that take more effort and time to enact is still an active area of inquiry and debate (Jonas, 2013; Klatzky & Creswell, 2014; Molden, 2014; Weingarten et al. APPLICATION Using Priming to Prevent Infection Recent research finds some evidence that priming can be used to promote public health. Now, don't imagine your answers need to be anything big. In fact, it is better to come up with something small so long as it is specific.

This will be more effective in improving your self-esteem. Some examples are: Waking up on time. Completing *insert your task here*. Eating a healthy breakfast. Exercising. Being kind to myself (as opposed to beating myself up). Reading something educational. Offer a class for people who would love to ski but are afraid. Post a skiing for chickens flyer advertising this class in your church bulletin. Call ski schools to see when they're hiring. Develop a class for more mature skiers. Contact five ski instructors and conduct informational interviews. Read biographies of people who started new careers after age sixty for inspiration. Visit the National Ski Association website for more info. Develop your own special training strategy to build confidence and a unique reputation. Do something to bring back the feeling of how it felt to learn how to ski. Invest in your physical health. THINK ABOUT Think about this scenario: You come the hospital to visit friend who is in intensive care after being involved in a car accident.

As you come to the door of the ICU, there is a hand gel dispenser on the wall and sign warning you that you are entering a hand hygiene zone. Surely, you would stop to sanitize your hands before entering the ICU, right? Research suggests that fewer than 12% of visitors to a hospital comply with such requests to wash the bacteria and germs from their hands before entering the rooms of those most at risk of infection (Birnbach et al. Can priming cleanliness increase this behavior? Maybe it can. In one study, when researchers added an automated air freshener that released a clean citrus scent just at the entrance to the ICU, the percentage of visitors who cleansed their hands went from 15% to 47% (FIGURE 3. Primed to Act When researchers introduced a clean-smelling citrus scent just outside the entrance to the ICU at a hospital, 47% of visitors stopped to sanitize their hands. Doing an act of kindness to someone, et cetera. So, what are you proud of today? From time to time, say to yourself, I'm proud of you. It doesn't cost anything, and you really do deserve it. Exercise: be proud of yourself Find something you're proud of and acknowledge yourself for this right now. Say to yourself, I'm proud of you for *insert what makes you proud of yourself*. Then, before going to bed, think of three things you're proud of having done that day. Right action vs. Do you often celebrate your results? Start a new weight-training program. Research some of the physical concerns that older clients might have.

Debbie was surprised and energized by the response of the group. As she listened to the great ideas, her hesitation and fear diminished. By the end of the workshop, Debbie was raring to go. In the same workshop, Victoria raised her hand to go next. She said that she wanted to combine her language skills with her love of travel to earn a living. She also mentioned that she loved food. Immediately the group went to town coming up with possible action steps. They included: This was a large increase from the 15% who cleansed their hands without this cleanliness prime. The vertical axis represents the percentage of visitors to the ICU who sanitized their hands, and ranges from 0 to 100. The horizontal axis contains two bars: Cleanliness prime reaching about 47 percent and the other bar representing No prime reaching about 15%. Confirmation Bias: How Schemas Alter Perceptions and Shape Reality Schemas and the expectations and interpretations they produce are generally quite useful. Your party schema tells you what to expect, how to behave, how to dress, and so forth. Your mom schema helps you predict and interpret things your mom will say and do. And the schemas that become active in particular situations are usually the ones most relevant to that situation. However, once we have a schema, we tend to seek out and evaluate new information so that it confirms what we already believe or feel. This is known as confirmation bias. Now, what happens when you keep trying but never achieve the results you are after? Well, you likely feel bad about yourself.