Do something fun or creative, or write in your journal

Now I'd like you to identify the words or phrases that you use to hide your power. Grab your journal, a pen, and some quiet time alone in a comfortable spot to consider these questions: What do you say that diminishes who you are? What words do you use to lower the expectations of others? Do you put yourself down? If so, how? Once you've answered the questions, ask three close friends or family members for help in finding more examples. Choose people you can trust to tell you the truth without judgment or criticism. The idea that our subjective experience of emotions is determined by a two-step process involving a primary appraisal of benefit or harm, and a secondary appraisal providing a more differentiated emotional experience. The idea that our subjective experience of emotions is determined by a two-step process involving a primary appraisal of benefit or harm, and a secondary appraisal providing a more differentiated emotional experience. Lazarus's Cognitive Appraisal Theory of Emotions Lazarus's theory of emotions explains how our appraisals of a stimulus help to determine the specific emotion that we feel. How would the woman's emotion change if the secondary appraisal revealed that it was her best friend following her? The infographic shows horizontal flowchart that read the first step as stimulus, second step as primary appraisal process: Immediate increase in physiological arousal and third step as Secondary Appraisal Process: Interpretation of stimulus produces a cognitive label for the arousal. It finally concludes at the last as Emotional experience. The infographic shows an example with another three images. First image shows a man standing in dark, labeled as Stimulus: A stranger is following me. Second image shows the diagram of a human heart, labeled as Primary Appraisal: General autonomic arousal (heart races, etc) Third image shows a portrait of the woman with a callout that reads, Secondary Appraisal: Why do I feel like this? To help you with this challenge, put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it each time you catch yourself complaining. Close open loops

Do you suffer from chronic distraction? Do you feel overwhelmed? Are you stuck and unable to move forward? At the beginning of this article, I've invited you to complete one task you had been putting off. Let's talk about this in more depth. At any point in time, you have a list of things you want to do in your mind. Let's call it your mind's to-do list. You might not be aware of the number of tasks that have been accumulating, but these tasks tend to do nothing but weigh you down. You might be surprised at how perceptive your loved ones are about the way you hide your power. List five examples here: Power-Hiding Language: WHAT ARE YOU DOING (OR NOT DOING)? Now that we've looked at some of the ways your thoughts and words allow you to hide your power, let's look at some of your behaviors. Most of us have adopted habits that fuel our negative thinking. These actions can run the gamut from overeating and smoking to embellishing the truth when telling a story. Anything you do that makes you feel bad about yourself diminishes your power. In doing research for this article, I asked several people to share the actions they take that hide their power. Here's what they had to say: I must be in danger! It finally concludes at the last as Fear.

Once we experience arousal and an initial emotional response, we are likely to engage in a secondary appraisal to assess the environment further. This secondary appraisal often leads to a refinement, a modification, or even a change in the nature of the emotion people experience. It is here that the rational processing system (Epstein, 1980, 2013) gets involved as we consider memories, cultural influences, and thoughts of future ramifications. This secondary appraisal involves activity in the prefrontal lobes, a part of the brain associated with consciousness and high-level cognitive functioning such as language (LeDoux, 1996). Indeed, language actually helps to construct our emotional experience. Studies show that when a particular emotion word, say anger, is especially salient, people are more likely to experience that emotion. But when they are no longer appreciating the meaning of the word, they are less likely to experience that emotion (Lindquist et al. The idea that our subjective experience of emotions is determined by a two-step process involving a primary appraisal of benefit or harm, and a secondary appraisal providing a more differentiated emotional experience. When you accumulate too many unfinished tasks, you may feel stuck and unable to make progress the way you would like to. Often, you may not even know why you feel stuck. Whenever you experience difficulty in completing your tasks, it is usually a sign that you need to declutter your mind. While your mind is amazing at processing information, keeping everything in your head is not the best way to deal with your worries or problems. The simple act of writing things down will help you think things through and force you to clarify your thinking. Instead of having an abstract problem in your mind, by writing it down, you will have something tangible to work on. Thus, pen and paper are fantastic tools that will help to organize your thoughts and work your problems through. Exercise: close open loops Create a list of all the tasks present in the back of your mind, whether they be significant or otherwise. You might want to go one step further and organize your list into categories. I tell little white lies. I procrastinate.

I break the promises I make to myself. I'm a perfectionist. I don't ask for what I want directly. I shut down and remain silent when my husband and I disagree. I pretend not to know an answer when asked a question to make someone else feel smarter. I don't speak up for myself when something bothers me. I stay at a job I can't stand. I ask questions I already know the answers to. Discovering that someone is in your apartment will elicit an immediate jolt of arousal, but the realization that it's a surprise party for your birthday will engage a secondary and more positive emotional response. One of our colleagues recently experienced this two-step appraisal process rather vividly. He walked into a dark room, the lights were suddenly turned on, and a host of people were screaming at him. The primary appraisal initially led to arousal and a mixed state of surprise and fear. When the secondary appraisal process sized up the situation, he recognized that the screaming people were his friends. It was a surprise birthday party, which resulted in an outburst of unmitigated joy. On the other hand, if the secondary appraisal process yielded the recognition that these were mass murderers hiding out in his house, intense fear would have been the resulting emotional reaction. Such a reaction might have been further exacerbated if he had been returning home from a horror film and words related to fear were especially salient. How Emotions Affect Cognition Just as cognition influences emotions, emotions also affect cognitions. For instance, you could divide your list using categories such as, administrative tasks, daily chores, work-related duties, and so on. Then, schedule time to complete these tasks.

You can set an entire day to get rid of all the tasks you've been putting off. Or perhaps, you can set an entire week to complete a project. Do whatever works best for you. Remember, anything you haven't scheduled or completed will take up some of your mental resources and, allowing too many incomplete tasks to accumulate can leave you overwhelmed and stressed. Clear your mind and you will increase your capacity to feel more motivated. Free up your schedule Are you spending too much time on unimportant things? If so, you might need to free up your schedule. I don't charge enough for my services. I let others make decisions for me. I deflect compliments. I stay so busy that I never have the time or energy to do what I want to do. I keep ignoring my health. When faced with conflict, I always give in. I don't ask for help. What do you do (or not do) that hides your power? There are a variety of actions that hide our power. Some of them have come as a surprise to both my clients and me. For example, when people are in a good mood--after watching a funny video, for example--they make more positive judgments about themselves, other people, and events; In contrast, bad moods lead people to view things more negatively, to recall more negative memories, and to have more negative expectancies (Bower & Forgas, 2000;