Increase your exposure to light

Another reason you may have a hard time declining requests is because you're afraid of hurting other people's feelings. Like most people, you probably want everybody to like you. While understandable, this type of behavior will rarely allow you to perform at your best or design the life you want. You may lie to yourself, pretending you're acting selflessly, but it's often not the case. In fact, if anything, being a people pleaser is a selfish action, not a selfless one. When you seek to please people, you act out of fear of not being loved. Consequently, the focus is on yourself and what people may think of you, not on the other person. This is why Mr. Madeline was stunned by the results. Not once did she hear someone say You did that? Instead, new potential clients immediately complimented her work. Feeling empowered, Madeline's image also improved her approach with new clients. She felt much more confident, and it showed. At the end of the year, Madeline's sales increased by 30 percent! Whether you're a man or a woman, see if your image might need to be enhanced to allow your power to shine through. Complete the following quiz with yes or no answers. Don't underestimate the power of image in helping you to express more of who you really are. By recommending that you take your image seriously I'm not suggesting that you run out and buy designer label clothing. Hedonism is the motivation to approach pleasure and avoid pain. It is reflected in two fundamental human motivations: growth and security.

Humans can arrange goals in a hierarchy, from concrete to abstract, allowing flexibility in self-regulation and planning. Very Emotional Beings Emotions help people self-regulate to achieve goals and to communicate internal states to other people. Humans have background, primary, and secondary emotions. The experience of emotions is influenced by an initial rapid physiological response, followed by a secondary appraisal of the situation. Emotions and cognitions affect each other. Culture: The Uniquely Human Adaptation Learning Outcomes Nice Guy often finishes last. Instead of being himself, he wears a mask, hoping to make a good impression. He hides his true personality for fear of being rejected. In the end, he often is rejected; Even worse, in the long term, this type of behavior tends to create resentment toward people who abuse your kindness. Under this condition, instead of having real relationships with people, you will develop fake relationships based on resentment and fear of showing your true self. This lack of assertiveness and the tendency to please other people often result from insufficient self-worth. For instance, a lack of self-worth can prevent you: Standing for your values and what you believe in, Accepting that some people will not like you, Designer labels do not express power; WHAT AREN'T YOU DOING?

Sometimes the actions we don't take hide our power. For example, my client Ryan had a problem with procrastination. Ryan is an artist who does the most amazing watercolor paintings, and yet he could not get his art business off the ground. As we explored his office, the reason was obvious. His studio was filled with junk; The strange thing was that the rest of Ryan's life ran smoothly. His apartment was neat and orderly; On some level Ryan knew that he was a very talented artist--more talented than most. List and define the elements of culture. Explain the importance of cultural diffusion. Culture and history and religion and science [are] different from anything else we know of in the universe. That is fact. It is as if all life evolved to a certain point, and then in ourselves turned at a right angle and simply exploded in a different direction. Our depiction of human beings up to this point is already fairly complex, but it is a one-dimensional depiction of three-dimensional beings. Every individual has three primary psychological dimensions--the universal, the individual, and the cultural. So far we have focused on the universal dimension--the evolved characteristics shared by all human beings. A second dimension of the person is the individual dimension: a person's personality, values, attitudes, and beliefs that result from that person's unique genetic makeup and life experiences and that help distinguish him or her from all others. The third dimension is the cultural, which includes the aspects of each person that have been shaped by the particular culture within which she or he was socialized and that he or she currently inhabits. Valuing your time (and yourself), Setting expectations and clear boundaries, and

Deciding on a clear direction you want to follow. Whenever you say yes to something, you will probably have to say no to something else. For instance, when you help someone do something of little importance, you lose the opportunity to work on something of greater import, something that may have a bigger impact on the world. In short, saying yes too often can rob you of the opportunity to do something more meaningful and impactful with your time. In this regard, it is easy to see why saying yes is selfish. Contrary to what people think, saying yes is not the default answer, saying no is. Remember this: nobody is entitled to your time. When someone asks you to give them some of your time, they assume they know what's best for you and how you should use your time. As we explored his habit of procrastination at work he admitted that it was a shield that hid his power. Although Ryan said he was afraid to put his art out into the world for fear of having his work scrutinized, I knew it was more than that. Ryan was afraid of being able to effectively handle the success that would likely come his way. This is a common problem with highly talented people who feel burdened by their talent and who procrastinate. They feel as though they can't handle the responsibility they already have, so more success feels overwhelming. Rather than get the help they need, they just stay stuck. Emily had a different problem. One of the ways she hid her power was by being indirect about what she wanted and needed. At work, when coworkers invited her to lunch, rather than say directly which restaurant she preferred, she'd ask a question like Has anyone been to the new restaurant on the corner? At home with her husband she constantly complained about having to do more of the household chores rather than ask directly for more help. To round out our psychological depiction of humankind, we now turn to a profoundly influential aspect of human life that makes us not just animals but uniquely cultural animals. What Is Culture?

The scheme of things is a system of order. It is self-evidently true, is accepted so naturally and automatically that one is not aware of an act of acceptance having taken place. It comes with one's mother's milk, is chanted in school, proclaimed from the White House, is insinuated by television, validated at Harvard. Like the air we breathe, the scheme of things disappears, becomes simply reality, the way things are. Consider the present moment, right now, as you read this sentence. This is a moment of your conscious experience of life. It is a moment you will never experience again (perhaps thankfully). Now it's gone, and you are on to another fleeting moment. Or worse, they simply don't care about your time, and they are only considering their own interests. Isn't that selfish? The point is, whenever you offer your time, you give away a chunk of your life, and time is a hugely valuable commodity. Is it worth your time? Shouldn't you spend your time doing something you judge more important? Don't get me wrong, though. I'm not saying you should be a jerk and never help other people. The truth is, we usually love helping others. The helper feels good about sharing his or her knowledge, while the person asking for help is happy to find some. I'm merely encouraging you to become more selective in the way you use your time. Emily had picked up this habit from her mom who, for years, was never able to say what she needed directly. Instead she went through life acting like a powerless victim at the mercy of everyone else's needs.