Would you empty the trash?

That depends on a few factors. If you're down in the dumps and just want to feel better about what happened, downward counterfactuals and imagining a worse outcome can improve how you feel. But that's not always the most productive response. Sometimes we can learn a lot from thoughts that make us feel worse. Indeed, if the outcome pertains to an event that is likely to reoccur in the future, upward counterfactuals can give you a game plan for improvement or avoiding the bad outcome. But it also depends on whether you're able to exert any control over the outcome that you experienced or that you might face in the future (Roese, 1994). Say that you get into a car accident, because--shame on you--you were texting while driving. In this case, assuming that you're reasonably okay, it would be more productive to generate an upward counterfactual, such as If I only I had not been texting, I would not have hit the stop sign. It is therefore important that you are perceived correctly. And yes, the right perception of other people is hard work because you have to bring about change in many places at the same time. But first and foremost it is about gaining more self-confidence, self-assurance and inner strength to go through life with confidence. You can work on your posture if you know how to present yourself best. A raised head and an open look radiate competence and a high status. Observe the people around you. You will notice how different their posture, body language and expressions are. What do they do differently from you? Feel free to make comparisons with strong personalities and successful people and try to recognize yourself as objectively as possible. For once, pay close attention to your way of walking. Release your thumb on the right nostril and exhale through the right nostril. Inhale through the right nostril and then close the right nostril with your thumb.

Exhale through the left nostril and repeat the cycle. Continue this breathing practice for five minutes. I often personalize yoga, meditation, and breathing practices to support my client's specific needs. For example, Julie was a top healthcare executive who wanted to build more body awareness and reduce the stress and anxiety that came with the demands of her role. With a high IQ, she was astute at problem-solving, researching industry trends, having tough conversations, and getting things done. She even engaged in vinyasa yoga classes to burn off her stress during the week. During our engagement, I suggested yin yoga, body-awareness meditation, and breathing practices to help regulate her nervous system and cultivate more inner calm and balance. This allowed her to sense and track her body sensations when she was stressed or not in agreement with an important business decision. This teaches you to avoid texting while driving, and since you're likely to be driving again, this is a good lesson to learn! But say you were attentively driving when someone ran a stop sign and nailed your rear fender. In this case the outcome is out of your control, and so you're better off generating a downward counterfactual and thanking your lucky stars that it was just a fender bender, and you're all right. In sum, counterfactuals, our processes of remembering, of forming impressions of others, and of generating causal attributions have important implications for the way we feel toward the past and act in the future. This can help or hinder our efforts to regulate our actions to achieve our desired goals, a theme we will pick up, along with much of what we have discussed regarding perceiving others, in the next set of articles, where we focus on the self. SECTION REVIEW What If, If Only: Counterfactual Thinking Counterfactual thoughts routinely influence how we judge and respond emotionally to events in our lives and those of others. Easily Undone A close miss is more upsetting because it's easier to imagine a better counterfactual. Upward counterfactuals--if onlys--make us feel worse but prepare us to avoid similar ills in the future. Do you lift your feet when walking or shuffle? Such a gait seems careless and has nothing in common with nonchalance.

If you can't get your feet off the ground, you will show little dynamism, sadness, exhaustion or even rebellion because conventions are not observed. Do you always sit on the front edge of a chair? This signals that you are insecure, tense and ready to escape at any time. You send the same signals when you cannot sit still. Try to use the entire seat for yourself and sit still. If you support your elbows and place your chin in your hands, you will give the impression of great tiredness and boredom. In conversation, such a posture is not very flattering. Nervousness becomes apparent when the support leg is constantly changed. With consistent practice and through journaling her insights, Julie noticed a big difference in her energy and productivity levels and how she was more present, patient, and available for her team, colleagues, and family. Cardio Exercise Cardio exercises, such as walking, swimming, gardening, running, cycling, and playing soccer, are an excellent way to elevate heart rate, circulate blood, and strengthen muscles. Health professionals recommend getting 150 minutes of moderate cardio exercise or seventy-five minutes of vigorous activity each week. Research shows that aerobic exercise also improves cardiovascular health (eg, lowers blood pressure, healthy cholesterol levels); These endorphins create the feeling, known as a runner's high. I've seen leaders run or exercise during lunchtime and return to the office renewed, energized, and ready to conquer the remaining demands of the day. Being outdoors is nature's medicine for relieving stress and experiencing more joy and inner peace. Our affinity toward nature is genetic and deeply rooted in our human evolution. In his article Last Child in the Wood s, Richard Louv shares how we are experiencing a nature deficit disorder, or a loss of connection to our natural environment. They are best applied when we have the possibility of exerting control over future outcomes. Downward counterfactuals--It could have been worse: at least.

CONNECT ONLINE: Don't stop now! Check out our videos and additional resources located at: www. The Nature, Origins, and Functions of the Self Text reads: Topic Overview: External influences on the Self-Concept (article 164). How Do We Come to Know the Self? Self-Regulation: Here's What the I Can Do for You (article 179). Self-Regulatory Challenges (article 190). The impression is quickly given that other priorities have priority and that the conversation is not relevant. Are you hiding your hands? Although this is more a part of body language, it is closely related to posture. Hands are often hidden because people are nervous, bored, irritated or insecure. Meanwhile, people change from one supporting leg to the other. It is better if the hands are used to underline the statement made to create more weight. Did you recognize yourself? Then you should work on your posture. Because if you practice in a better posture, you will bring body and mind into harmony. Apart from the health effects that come from a better posture, you will at the same time ensure a better feeling of well-being and a new self-confidence. Often, urbanization, technology, and social media reduce or eliminate our exposure to nature. Studies show that being out in nature, whether walking, hiking, cycling, or running, improves mood, mental clarity, immunity with increased vitamin D levels (increasing white-blood-cell levels), and keeps our brain cells nourished and healthy.

One study found that thirty minutes of midday summer sun exposure in Oslo, Norway, was equivalent to consuming ten thousand to twenty thousand IU of vitamin D. To maintain healthy blood levels, aim for ten to thirty minutes of midday sunlight several times a week. Your exposure time will depend on your skin sensitivity and skin color; Low vitamin-D levels are linked to health concerns such as osteoporosis, cancer, depression, and muscle weakness. Forest bathing--walking in the woods and soaking in the fresh oxygen--regulates the nervous system, heart rate, cortisol levels, circadian rhythms, and digestion. They found that those who walked through the city had lower levels of activity in the prefrontal cortex and repetitive thoughts and negative emotions. When people are depressed or under high levels of stress, the prefrontal cortex malfunctions, creating continuous looping of negative thinking. They also found that when people engaged with natural spaces, basking in the beauty, sounds, and oxygen of the forest or coastal beaches, they receive therapeutic benefits, such as lower blood pressure and cortisol levels, which calm the body's stress response. Topic Overview External Influences on the Self-Concept How Do We Come to Know the Self? Self-Regulation: Here's What the I Can Do for You Self-Regulatory Challenges Every species on this planet has unique qualities that set it apart from other species. African pixie frogs can hang out for years underground in a self-made sac until a rainy season comes around; We humans can't do any of those things, but we have a pretty cool trick of our own--the ability to focus attention on our own thoughts, feelings, and desires; In some ways, the self is private. Only you know what it's like from your point of view. You do not have to train every day to build up muscles. It is often enough to do small things to give others a strengthened self-confidence.