Saturday, 31 October 2020

How do you let your spouse know that you love him or her?

APPLICATION Escaping from Self-Awareness We've seen that focusing on ourselves can lead us to behave in line with how we want to be. What happens when we are aware that we are falling short of our standards but feel incapable of changing our behaviors? Self-awareness theory predicts that under these conditions, people try to escape from self-awareness. In fact, research shows that failure experiences initially direct attention to the self, but if no constructive action seems possible, people avoid self-focusing stimuli such as mirrors (Duval & Wicklund, 1972) and distract themselves with activities like watching TV (Moskalenko & Heine, 2003). More recent studies show that people may even choose unpleasant activities like shocking themselves over extended minutes of self-awareness with no external distractions (Wilson et al. Of course, when feeling positive about the self or hopeful about the future, escape from self-awareness is not needed. For example, Steenbarger and Aderman (1979) demonstrated that if participants delivered a speech poorly, they didn't subsequently avoid self-awareness if they thought it was easy to improve their speaking abilities. The principles of Abhyasa and Vairagya are applied to everything in life, including lifestyle disorders such as addiction, depression, obesity, insomnia, etc There are so many ways yoga positively affects health. Yoga nidras, asanas, and pranayama are common in abhyasa. Niskamakarma (selflessness) and Dhyana (meditation) help us maintain physical fitness, handle daily stressors, and improve the quality of life. Levels of Sadhana The four levels of sadhana in terms of abhyasa and vairagya include: Mrdu (Mild) Abhyasa: Painstaking, indefinite practice Vairagya: Yatamana separating sense from action leading to Arambhavastha or commencement. Madhya (Moderate) Abhyasa: Discipline and methodical practice Be empathetic. Empathy is about putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

It helps when developing the people on your team, challenging opposing views, giving constructive feedback, and listening to those in need. By putting ourselves in someone else's position, we can lean in, ask questions, understand their viewpoint, and find ways to forge a stronger relationship. Our body language and intonation also play an integral role in demonstrating empathy. Research shows that body language and intonation account for 93 percent of our communication, while words account for only 7 percent. Body language can show up as arms crossed, eyes averted, nodding, pacing, smiling, and various facial expressions. While intonation shows up in the tone, volume, and tempo of what you or the other person are saying. These cues inform you of the words or feelings not being spoken by the other person. This helps determine how to respond appropriately. However, they did avoid self-awareness if they thought their speaking ability is pretty much fixed for life. The tendency to escape self-awareness in the face of failure with little hope for improvement may contribute to problem behaviors such as binge eating and drug and alcohol abuse (Heatherton & Baumeister, 1991). This is because these activities tend to reduce self-focus and, therefore, any unpleasant thoughts that the self is falling short of its standards. But does everyone make equal use of this avoidance strategy? It seems likely that people who are generally high in self-awareness--who tend to think about their attitudes and feelings a lot--would be more likely to seek ways of escaping self-awareness than those who are less likely to introspect. Hull and Young (1983) examined this possibility by looking at whether people high in private self-consciousness, the trait of being generally high in self-awareness, would use alcohol as a way to escape from self-awareness. They recruited participants to take part in what they thought were two unrelated studies, one on personality and the other on alcohol preferences. Then they were told they did either really well or really poorly on an intelligence test. In this way, the researchers introduced a negative discrepancy between some participants' standards of success and their current performance. Believing that the first study was now complete, they walked down the hall to participate in a study on wine-tasting preferences. Vairagya: Vyatireka (avoiding desire) leading to Ghatavastha or understanding the inner workings of the body. Adhimatra (Intense)

Abhyasa: Scientific decisive practice Vairagya: Ekendriya -- Quieting the mind, leading to Paricayavastha or personal knowledge of mind and self. Tivra Samvegin Adhimatrataman (Very Intense) Abhyasa: Purity and religious devotion Vairagya: Vasikara (overcoming all desire) leading to Nispattya or Paravairagya (extreme detachment) where one transcends mortality to perceive the soul. The Place of Consciousness in Samadhi The word Citta or Chitta (Sanskrit ? Loosely translated, citta represents the mind in all its forms: unconscious, semi-conscious, and conscious. When leading with empathy, it's helpful to listen, ask questions and speak congruently, ensuring your nonverbal cues match your actual words. Relationship Management Relationship management is the ability to be aware of our own emotions as well as the emotions of others to manage interactions effectively. This requires clear communication, skillful handling of conflict, and taking the time to build trusting relationships. Our interpersonal skills and ability to cultivate strong relationships are essential in getting things done, influencing people to commit to our mission, debating ideas about a decision or project, and moving to the next level of leadership. Below are three key strategies for building strong relationships and clear communication. Create win-win outcomes. We all have times when we don't see eye to eye with someone. When stakes are high, emotions are strong, and viewpoints are conflicting, we have what is called a crucial conversation. Building upon the research in the Joseph Grenny and team's article, Crucial Conversations , and my client-work experience, I developed the following process for facilitating courageous conversations to build awareness, trust, and healthy dialogue that lead to win-win outcomes. They were asked to taste a number of different wines and rate their preferences over a 15-minute period. Did their earlier experiences with the test affect how much alcohol they consumed?

Those participants who were high in private self-consciousness and received failure feedback consumed more wine than the other participants. They were, in effect, drinking their troubles away. This tendency to avoid unpleasant self-awareness by drowning one's problems in booze has also been documented outside the laboratory. For example, Hull and colleagues (1986) found that among alcoholics who were attending a treatment program at a veterans' hospital, those who were higher in private self-consciousness and experienced failures over the next few months were more likely to relapse. Escaping self-awareness is a way to cope with feelings of inferiority. Another not-so-healthy reaction is to throw in the towel and withdraw from life. This can be especially likely when people think about how life will eventually end. When people are generally dissatisfied with their life, thinking that it will all end soon anyhow can sap their motivation (Hayes et al. Citta is not equal to purusa, nor is it separate from Prakriti. It is the bridge to understanding the synergy between Prakriti (the seen) and purusa (the seer). In yoga sutra 2. Satchidananda explains this, saying, The union of Owner (Purusa) and owned (Prakriti) causes the recognition of the nature and powers of them both. Regardless of the omnipresence of Prakriti and purusa, the all-pervading citta is held back by the ego. The Functions of the Citta The three primary functions of the citta include buddhi, manas, and ahamkara. These functions do not frequently appear in the yoga sutras but are commonly seen in Sankhya philosophy that shares guiding principles with Sri Patanjali's yoga sutras. Buddhi is the purest, most subtle form following the evolution of Prakriti. It is the middle man between spirit (purusa) and nature (Prakriti). Before the conversation: Examine the situation by exploring these questions: Why does the situation require a courageous conversation?

What is your stress response: are you fleeing (masking, avoiding, withdrawing), fighting (controlling, labeling, or attacking) or freezing (shutting down)? For example, when my manager gave me constructive feedback, I got defensive, moved to attacking, and cited examples where I thought he was wrong or inaccurate. What are the implications or costs of not addressing the situation? What are your thoughts, assumptions, and feelings about the person or situation? What facts, behaviors, or evidence make this true? What do you want or need for yourself and the other person? Journal Prompt: Based on this (challenging situation), I reacted by (fighting, fleeing, or freezing). This showed up as (behaviors). How can we avoid this kind of response? A key factor, we're learning, is hope, or the belief that one can accomplish future goals. People with high or temporarily increased feelings of hope view obstacles as challenging opportunities for growth rather than as reasons for giving up on life (Kwon et al. What Feelings Does Self-Awareness Arouse? At a general level, the emotions we feel when we focus internally help to keep the self on track toward meeting goals. If we sense that we are living up to our standards or making rapid progress toward a goal (such as getting an A on a midterm exam), we experience positive emotions that are reinforcing. But when we judge ourselves as falling short or making inadequate progress toward a goal, we experience anxiety, guilt, or disappointment. As we just saw, these emotions can motivate us to do better if that seems possible or to escape from self-awareness if change seems unlikely. Tory Higgins's (1989)self-discrepancy theory provides a more refined understanding of the different types of emotions that self-awareness is likely to evoke. Higgins built on the Freudian notion of the superego, which posits that during childhood, we internalize a set of standards and goals regarding ourselves. Ahamkara, the three gunas (forces of nature), the senses, and the elements all evolve from buddhi. Buddhi is the discerning faculty of the mind.

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