What has been one of the most fulfilling experiences in your marriage?

Provide a positive, transparent, and concise set of messages that supports your team through uncertainty and change. Ensure that your words are aligned with your energy, tone, and body language to avoid your message being misunderstood. Other factors for effective communication include showing you care by acknowledging the other person's feelings and building agreement on how best to work collaboratively in the future. Give clear, constructive feedback. Giving constructive feedback is one of the most difficult activities for a leader or anyone in general. It brings up tremendous worry, procrastination, and fear of hurting another person. It also activates the person receiving the feedback into a stress response and the negative mindset of Who I am is not good enough and I need to be fixed. Many leaders have found it useful to reframe the feedback as a gift or service to help team members grow and succeed in their careers. But when students were led to compare the actual self with the ideal self, small discrepancies were associated with feelings of satisfaction, while large discrepancies increased feelings of rejection and discouragement. Whether people attribute their shortcomings to something specific they have done or to the type of person they are matters because it affects the emotions they experience. People tend to feel guilty if they conclude that they engaged in a bad behavior, and they feel shame if they conclude they are bad persons. Does it matter which emotion they feel? The psychologist Otto Rank (1930/1998) proposed that feelings of guilt signal to us that an important social relationship is in trouble, and as a result, they motivate us to take action to repair the damage we have done. Supporting studies show that people who are likely to experience guilt about their self-discrepancies also feel more empathy for others (Tangney, 1991) and are more motivated to make up for their past mistakes by apologizing to those who are harmed and offering to make the situation better somehow (Tangney, Miller, Flicker, & Barlow, 1996; On the other hand, people who tend to feel ashamed of themselves when they do something wrong show higher levels of depression (Tangney, Wagner, & Gramzow, 1992) and are also more likely to turn to drugs and alcohol as a means of escaping painful feelings of self-awareness (Dearing et al. Furthermore, people who feel chronically ashamed of themselves also tend to be angrier and more suspicious of others (Tangney, Wagner, Fletcher, & Gramzow, 1992). Staying on Target: How Goals Motivate and Guide Action Now that we have seen how self-awareness activates our concerns with meeting goals and the emotions linked to oughts and ideals, let's focus on how goals help us keep our behavior on target. The fourth level is Asmita Samadhi. Here, the bliss has evaporated with consciousness penetrating all the way to Buddhi.

At this stage, Buddhi has left behind all traces of the material world to be in tune with purusa. Purusa then becomes the object of meditation, and all that is left behind is pure sattvic ego. At this stage, one gains awareness of their individuality to embrace the state I Am in its most accurate elemental form. The yogi gets exposed to the divinity within themselves. You must exercise caution at this level, as the ego is a double-edged sword. When used with a clean heart, it can foster progress and help humanity, but spiritual progress can become stunted with greed. Yogi practicing Samprajnata must do it with a selfless and pure heart to avoid the yogi from abusing their abilities. Asamprajnata Samadhi (Sanskrit: ? Buckingham and Goodall's article, Nine Lies about Work , offers a strengths-based approach for giving feedback that motivates people to grow to the next level of excellence rather than diminishing their self-esteem. Additionally, I've found that a balanced approach helps people not only understand what they did well but also areas for growth that would elevate their performance. When giving feedback, it's best to focus on specific behaviors or observations as opposed to judgments about the person. Imposing your biases and judgments diminishes the other person rather than motivating or challenging them to thrive and excel. As the old adage goes, When you fish for a person, they can only eat for the day; Similarly, giving feedback with a coaching mindset encourages team members to learn, grow, make mistakes, and achieve more sustainable performance over time. Try the following approach for giving feedback to your team member: What did not work well? For example, when you delivered the presentation, I observed you being prepared with a clear business case for your proposed solution, responding to challenging questions with specific answers, and providing next steps for your audience to take action. For example, when you delivered that presentation, I experienced you getting too much into the details, not listening to cues, and getting defensive when people challenged your ideas. When we wake up in the morning, we're likely to think about our short-term goals for the day--make breakfast, call Mom, and so forth--and we might also think about more long-term, abstract goals, such as I need to find a meaningful career and Eventually I want to give back to my community. Goals such as these are what we strive for in order to meet our needs.

They give energy and direction to our behavior. They are associated with maintaining or approaching positive feelings (eg, a yummy breakfast) or alleviating or avoiding negative feelings (eg, feeling like work is pointless). People's goals generally serve either basic survival needs or the core human psychological motivations for security or growth that we've encountered in prior articles. But let's look at some more specific questions: How do we choose which goals to pursue? How do they come to mind in the first place? And what determines how hard we strive to achieve them? Pursuing Goals: Desire and Attainability What determines the amount of our available energy that we are willing to expend on achieving a particular goal? This is also called Nirvikalpa Samadhi or Nirbija Samadhi (samadhi without seed). This stage of samadhi represents the highest state of samadhi. It is a state of bliss obtained where the yogi has discovered the highest self. Synonymous with enlightenment, this stage makes the mind a blank slate where the devotee is free from all material thought. Citta ensures the yogi sees unity and perfection in everything. Asamprajnata allows the yogi's consciousness (astral, causal, and physical) to reach a state of perfect non-duality where no differences exists between the universe and self. This form of samadhi brings independence (kaivalya) and excellent awareness about the deliberate practice of the cessation of mental impressions or modifications. Samprajnata Samadhi differs from Asamprajnata Samadhi because the former requires support or alambanas. In Samprajnata or cognitive samadhi, the citta needs an object to focus on, be it subtle or gross, until dharma-megha (the perfect super-consciousness) is attained. The Hazards of Samadhi What was showing up for you during that time? It's natural for people to get defensive and have strong reactions.

The self-management skills we've discussed will keep you centered, neutral, and objective. Growing a Courageous Heart In March 2017, I received a call--the call you never want to receive. My brother asked me to fly over to visit my mother soon because my mom's health had declined dramatically. She was given a prognosis of pulmonary fibrosis (lung disease) and advanced type 2 diabetes with only two months to live. My heart dropped instantly, and a force of compassion came through me like a lightning bolt, propelling me to take action. I flew down to visit my parents and was devastated to see my mother lifeless, staring at the wall, sedated with medications, and on oxygen. This was a woman who had eight children, seventeen grandchildren, a heart of gold, and tremendous courage and energy in the face of adversity. According to expectancy-value theory (Feather, 1982), effort is based on the value or desirability of the goal multiplied by the person's assessment of how likely it is that she will be able to attain the goal. This means we will work the hardest to reach the goals we value the most and that we think are most attainable. But sometimes the goals that require the most effort are also viewed as the most desirable, and we become particularly energized by difficult goals that we think we can attain (Brehm & Self, 1989). Perhaps, for example, you've had the experience of taking a difficult class and realizing that if you really buckle down, you can do well in it. Thinking I can do this! Expectancy-value theory The theory that effort is based on the value or desirability of the goal, multiplied by the person's assessment of how likely it is that she will be able to attain the goal. The children's story The Little Engine That Could captures the idea that expecting success energizes us to achieve our goals. Activating Goals: Getting Turned On Once goals are activated, they can influence thought and behavior by bringing to mind other beliefs, feelings, and past knowledge. Samadhi can provide benefits and risks to the practitioner. Meditation (samadhi) brings calm and peace.

What danger could exist with peace, one may ask? That once the mind is in a state of calm, it is possible to get lost in bliss so that citta refuses to return to reality. This question is the reason for Upacara samadhi. Upacara samadhi tethers us to reality so that even while in samadhi jhana, the mind can leave a state of deep, sustained calm to comprehend reality. Refusal to do this sharpens the mind to a point like a new butcher's knife one refuses to use. Wisdom from samadhi becomes an enemy because of the lack of awareness. There is no comprehension or clarity with all that knowledge. Understanding the Serenity Called Samadhi I held my mother's pale hands and looked into her tired brown eyes. She leaned over and whispered, Help me! Without hesitation, I leaped into action. Having experienced my own health challenges, I contacted my naturopathic doctor in town and was fortunate to get an appointment from a last-minute cancellation. I called my brother for help, and we drove my mom to see the doctor. He conducted some diagnostic tests and recommended a specific diet and nutritional supplement program to best support her health. We implemented the health protocol when we got home, and within forty-eight hours, my mom regained her spirit and energy and was able to communicate with us again. With support from my family, we rallied together, changed my mother's diet, and got her off all medications except insulin. We leveraged nutritional supplements and the latest health research for reversing diabetes. Three years later, at eighty-six, she engages at family gatherings, and her physical health and well-being had significantly improved. For instance, the goal make coffee may seem simple enough, but it actually involves cuing up a vast amount of knowledge about kitchen faucets, electrical appliances, and cleanliness, not to mention your feelings about coffee and the belief that it will help you focus on that paper you need to write. You can imagine that more complex goals, such as ending a romantic relationship, are linked to an even larger set of associations.