Building empathy

If we, us, and our are the words of choice, it might logically follow that I, mine, you, and yours should top the list of words to be avoided. Like it or not, however, it is obvious that you will have occasion to use these words, but nevertheless make it your business to avoid them in all cases where we, us, and our can be made to work instead. So, yes, wherever possible avoid: Also: Avoid all language that divides and limits, that defines a winner and a loser, that pits an I against a you. It's all incredibly frustrating. The pain improves a bit with the medications, but as soon as the pills wear off, it all comes roaring back. Six weeks pass, and you still feel the same, so now you begin to be concerned that the pain hasn't healed. You begin to wonder whether something more serious is going on. Am I going to need surgery? Am I always going to have to take these painkillers? Back at the doctor's office, you are told, Well, you know, you aren't in your 20's anymore. This is the normal. I have heard this story or a close variation of it HUNDREDS of times. People believe that nothing can be done to help their situation except take pills, get an injection, or go under the knife. Just around the time we broke ground for our new home, she left us and went to live in Santa Barbara. I was nine years old and can clearly remember the feelings I had--it was so painful. I knew she loved me, but I didn't know what I could do to make her come back. In many ways I was relieved she was gone, since the fighting stopped. But it was the worst feeling in the world to be a young girl without a mom. For the next year it was just my dad and me, living in the barn on our land.

It was incredibly eclectic and artistic, with a beautiful garden, a trailer for a kitchen, and an outhouse for a bathroom! I was the only person I knew who lived this way, and I'm convinced it was a source of my creativity. We'd always have family friends over, and every weekend seemed like a celebration. It seems funny that I grew up to be in the beauty world, because I was such a tomboy in those days. I write to you from a place of expansion. I leave my smallness behind in these articles not because I believe I am not small, but because I WANT to believe I am not small. Because I want to believe in my fullness, and I want to believe in it because I want you to believe in yours. Getting to Center emerges from me as a personal offering. I am not an anthropologist or a therapist or trained in any type of advice giving. This is not an advice article. This is the way I do life, the ways I find myself over and over again, a tornado person's anthology of being. It is my way of saying: Hello, I've tried a few things, now let me tell you how, and maybe you could apply a piece of this to yourself. I am a dancer, first and foremost. An improviser, a studier of choice making and compositional practice. If it's not 100 percent, why not? This is your free time, after all! If your answer was close to 100 percent--congratulations! And imagine what it would be like to have that kind of experience the rest of your day, too--in your job, in your relationships--it's possible! How big a slice of your leisure time is genuinely fulfilling? The only thing standing between you and a fantastically fulfilling life is a lack of the proper tools--tools to help you structure your life so you can fulfill your own unique set of needs.

Schools and universities simply don't teach that. They range from mediocre to excellent at turning out productive citizens--productive meaning good at survival and security, and at perpetuating the society that produced them. But there isn't much in the curriculum about having a high-quality life while you're doing it. I had the privilege of attending Harvard University. Then we all dispersed to our appointed spots on the route. Once the torch was handed off to you, you could walk, run or jog. The key was that you were to do your part of the route solo: you're the torchbearer; I chose to walk. So I was right in downtown Halifax, marching down the street, torch in hand. It was long and slim, made of this hard, slippery plastic. The flame atop it burned bright. The streets were lined like a parade route. There were loads of people. Lloyd and Blaize had set up in a spot where I would pass them. When people have lost touch with their inner voice, they often have the secret (irrational) fear that maybe they have no real self, no actual inner guide. This intolerable sense of emptiness leads them to re-embroil themselves in superficial, repetitive dramas that give them a fleeting but false sense of being fully alive. In order to be happy we have to be willing to step off the stage of our own habitual roles and - are you ready for this? Major lifestyle changes from an unhappy life to a happy life are possible, but can be very uncomfortable. For far too many of us, our sufferings turn into our main source of identity, and we don't even realize we are clinging to such negativity. Terri, one woman whom I counseled, called her newly happy feelings strange and weird.

For the first time in her life she found herself not constantly preoccupied with one self-imposed crisis after another. Thinking about her experiences growing up, Terri had the staggering realization that We only knew how to function with conflict in our lives. If it was not there we had to create it because it made us so uneasy to be without it. That's the weird thing, having to learn how to be happy. You can call your medical doctor, go directly to your nearest emergency room, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255. Factors That Contribute to Depression Research has helped us understand that depression is a bio-psycho-social disorder, which means it is a culmination of biological, psychological, and environmental influences. By identifying our own unique configurations of these factors of depression, we can begin to find our way out of it. This list outlines the three main factors that contribute to depression: Bio: People with genetic relatives who experience depression are more likely to experience depression. Chemicals in the brain, hormones, and other physiological factors can have an impact on how we think and feel. Psycho: Early experiences or trauma can impact psychological processes and lead to depression later in life. Personality traits such as negative affectivity (pessimism) also play a role in the development of depression. Social: Situational factors such as stress in the home, relationships, economic stressors, and substance use contribute to depression. I had a moment of intense clarity where I saw that my marriage was (and still is) a good, strong marriage. I loved my husband and children, we were financially secure, my business was thriving, I had lots of amazing friends and a good support network--so why was I so unhappy? I knew in that moment that I needed to get help and to start getting answers. In the end it was a routine appointment with my gynecologist that saved my soul and my marriage, and definitely my sanity. After two years of visits to other specialists, I went in for my regular well-woman examination. I usually hate those appointments, where the doctor rushes through the fifteen minutes allotted to you with little empathy and makes it seem almost impossible to ask the questions that are bothering you.

I always feel like a bloody nuisance and then struggle to find the right words to describe exactly how I'm feeling. This time, though, was different. As the appointment was ending, my doctor stopped, looked me straight in the eye, and saw that something wasn't right. Are you okay? Yes, I am going to help you sleep better by asking you to cut the amount of time you spend in bed. This can be demanding and is not an approach that is going to be appropriate for everyone, so if you have any health issues or are concerned about your suitability, then do talk to your doctor before beginning. One of the classic mistakes people who have problems sleeping make is to try to spend more time in bed--when, for most people, lying in bed not sleeping isn't restful, it is very stressful. It also sets up a really bad behavior pattern where your brain comes to associate being in bed with being awake, fretting. Studies have shown that sleep restriction is more effective than anything else, including drugs, and that the results last, long-term. The second novel thing about my program is the emphasis I place on food, particularly the sorts of foods that have been shown to improve the quality of sleep. Forget all those stories about turkey or cheese. It turns out that eating more legumes and fiber-rich foods, and fewer late-night sugary snacks, is one of the most effective ways to boost your levels of deep sleep and improve your mood. That's, in part, because fiber-rich foods feed the trillions of good bacteria that live in your gut, which, in turn, produce chemicals that have been shown to reduce stress and anxiety. I will take you on a fascinating guided tour of the science. Kids respond to different things, so this article features a variety of exercises. Little ones will be able to try out so many types of activities to find what works for them. Mindfulness is about understanding one's own thoughts, feelings, and actions in a positive way. Learning these skills early in life has been shown to alter the thinking of an individual for the rest of their life. Brain imaging has suggested that using exercises linked to mindfulness can strengthen the cerebral cortex. Children who work on their awareness change their brain structure to become better at reasoning and problem-solving.