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Another method of avoidance is de-escalation. De-escalation is when you sense you are in danger of a physical confrontation, so you speak or act in a way that diffuses the situation. Remember what it was like to be in the grocery store with a toddler on the brink of having meltdown? If you're skilled enough, before you know it, the tantrum's been averted. That is de-escalation in the truest sense of the word. BE READY QUICK TIP! Do you know what a gun shot sounds like? If the only shots you've heard were in the movies, take your family to a gun range just to hear the sound. Once you've done that, say your goal to yourself (aloud or silently) - and as you do so, notice what your mind starts telling you. Did the reason-giving machine crank into action? Churning out all the reasons not to do it? I'd be surprised if it didn't - but that's easily fixed. To set the reason-giving machine in motion, all you need to do is up the stakes. Simply make a commitment right now that as soon as you finish this article, you will put the article down and publically announce your goal (either in person, via telephone or via email) to somebody whose opinion really matters to you. Now listen in to your mind for twenty seconds, and notice all the reasons it comes up with. If you did the above exercise, what tactics did you notice your mind using: obstacles, self-judgements, comparisons or predictions? If you didn't do it, please take a moment to reflect: your mind just gave you some reasons to skip the exercise - `can't be bothered', `do it later', `can't think of anything right now', `too hard', `won't matter if I skip this bit' - and you got hooked! This is completely normal, by the way - many readers will have done the same thing as you. Example: My son's teacher can't do anything right. He's critical and insensitive and lousy at teaching.

Testing Your Thoughts Worksheet, side 1. Copyright (c) 2018 CBT Worksheet Packet. Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. What is the situation? You might be having thoughts about something that just happened in the environment or something that happened inside of you (an intense emotion, a painful sensation, an image, a daydream, a flashback, or a stream of thoughts--eg, thinking about my future). I got a parking ticket. What am I thinking or imagining? I'm so stupid. It takes time to develop the skills required to perform the exercises effectively. It takes at least 21 days to develop new habits. Building resilience takes time, effort, and dedication. You have to commit to long-term practices and make them an integral part of your life. They aren't always simple or enjoyable. You will have to use your willpower and give yourself regular pep talks to stay motivated. Lifestyle Changes A great deal of stress management involves changing your mindset and your way of life. Some changes will gradually happen over time, but for the most part, a lot of lifestyle habits need to be modified immediately. We can't eliminate all of our stressors, but if we're willing to make some compromises and sacrifices, we can buffer their impact and make ourselves less vulnerable. Being able to recognize the sound of gun fire immediately may save your lives one day. IS YOUR KID A radKID?

Take a look at these statistics: Physical force is used 85% of the time during child abductions. A child is more likely to be a victim of youth violence on school grounds than on the way to school. Five percent or 864,000 students admit to staying home from school at least once a month because they are afraid of being harmed. Alarming, right? One organization thinks so and is committed to doing something about it. RadKIDS is a non-profit whose mission is to teach, train and empower kids to avoid, resist and escape harm. Certified instructors accomplish this not by telling kids what to do but actually showing them how to do it. It just goes to show how good our minds are at reason-giving. BUT WHAT IF MY THOUGHTS ARE TRUE? Sometimes when I first talk about reason-giving, my clients protest strongly: `But these thoughts are true! It's about whether they're helpful. If we allow these thoughts to guide our actions, will they help us to achieve the results we want? Will they help us to be the person we want to be? Will they help us to create the life we want to live? To make this clear, let's revisit the four most common categories of reason-giving: Our minds point out all the obstacles and difficulties that lie in our paths. We all have obstacles, barriers and difficulties that get in the way of us doing the things we want to do. What is the cognitive distortion? What makes me think the thought is true?

I shouldn't have lost track of time. What makes me think the thought is not true or not completely true? Other people get parking tickets. It doesn't necessarily mean they're stupid. What's another way to look at this? I just made a mistake. If the worst happens, what could I do then? Just keep paying parking tickets, but it would be better to set an alarm on my phone so it doesn't happen again. Making changes gives you a better sense of control over your environment, and it enables you to arrange your life in such a way that you can easily sidestep stressors as if they weren't even there. For example, avoiding stressful and invasive calls by switching your phone to silent or leaving it at home. You can start fresh and create a brand-new way of living. You can be proactive. You can do what inspires you. Not all changes are good, and not all stressors can or should be cut out of your life. Change does not imply making extreme or impulsive adjustments to your life; For example, if you're having a terribly stressful day at work and decide to make a huge lifestyle change by promptly quitting your job, well, that would be foolish and create even more unbearable stressors. Low levels of stress are healthy and eliminating them from your life will weaken your vitality. A little bit of stress keeps you on your toes, makes you sharp, and promotes productivity. Rad stands for resisting aggression defensively and children leave the program with awareness, personal safety strategies, and self-defense skills. In addition to how to fight off an attacker, how to escape and how to call for help, the radKIDs curriculum covers a variety of safety topics like:

Home and school safety Vehicle and bike safety Internet safety Good, bad and unwanted touch Concerned this program will scare your kids more? It actually does the opposite. It gives them confidence that they have the power to protect themselves. To find a program near you visit www. And our minds are very effective problem-solving machines. So if your mind is realistically appraising those obstacles and constructively figuring out how to overcome them, then such thoughts are likely to be helpful. For example, suppose the barrier or difficulty is lack of time, and your mind says, `Yes, I am very busy. So to make time to practise my presentation skills, I'll cut back on the amount of TV I watch' Thoughts like this are likely to be helpful. But if your mind just keeps going over and over all the potential obstacles, complaining about them, shoving them in your face, and telling you how hard it all is, without looking for constructive, practical solutions, then those thoughts are likely to be unhelpful. Self-judgements Our minds point out all those ways in which we're not up to the task. Our minds are good at spotting what can be improved upon. So if our minds are respectfully appraising our skills, and constructively advising us as to how we can improve them, that's generally useful. For example, if your mind says, `I'm not very good at telling jokes, and I'd like to improve, so I'm going to buy a joke article and practise telling jokes to my trusted friends,' that's probably helpful. What's the best that could happen? I'll never get a parking ticket again.