Imitate what they're doing to show them you notice

I was put through a process at O&O Academy in India where I was experiencing a strong sense of disconnection, meaning I was not feeling a part of the group. Despite the fact that I knew the thousand-plus people attending this course, I felt as if no one was paying attention to me; I felt lonely amidst the huge crowd, as if I didn't belong, and the more this story circulated inside of my mind, the worse it got. I began to witness how the stronger the story got, the more isolated and alone I felt, which was the opposite of what my mind wanted. This contrast of what I was wanting with what was happening was getting stronger and worse by the minute. As I observed what was happening internally, I could see it with others, how there are those of us who live in a more disconnected state than connected and how desperately we want to feel part of something, yet the more we want it, the further away it becomes. It was a helpless feeling that thankfully I was able to bring awareness to and see, so I did the Serene Mind practice (detailed at the end of article 4), watching the movement of thought. I connected to the Universal Intelligence, and boom, things began to shift. The contraction shifted to expansion, the frown on my face turned into a smile, and random people I didn't even know would come up to me smiling and saying hello or wanting a hug. It was magnificent to experience this contrast, the leela (or play) from disconnection to connection. Third, identifying behavior patterns gives you what psychologist Robert Meyers (the creator of CRAFT) likes to call a road map for going forward. It puts your loved one's triggers--the who-what-where-whys of his behavior--in plain sight. It lets you consider (from your loved one's perspective) the negative consequences of the behavior along with the positive, helping you to analyze the costs and benefits so you can pinpoint specifically what you can do to help change the balance. Fourth, behavior analysis helps generate empathy in you because it's an exercise in understanding your loved one's use from her perspective. What's hard about this . Going over substance problems with a fine-tooth comb like this requires fortitude, but we think you'll find it's worth it. Your behavior analysis will inform much of the rest of what you do to help. The process of doing it usually gives people a greater sense of control, a better sense of direction, and a boost in optimism. Insofar as it cultivates empathy, it will make you a more effective communicator and positive influence on your loved one's motivation, and you may find empathy a great relief from anger and resentment. To help you understand exactly how the behavior analysis works, we're providing an example in addition to an exercise you can do.

While you may be very interested to find out what the behavioral patterns are of the positive 5%, you will benefit tremendously by first learning WHY they are so successful. Knowing this simple but powerful secret will give you the key to unlocking your inner power and realize your own dreams. Before we get started, let's recap what you already know: You have learned what attitude is; Then, when you later encountered similar situations where you had to act or say something, your subconscious mind dictated your behavior according to the information it has stored. If negative images and impulses were recorded and stored in your subconscious mind from a young age you will have a negative attitude now. The same is true of positive images and impulses, which create a positive attitude. Think about Thomas Edison, whom we discussed in the first article. The negative influence in his young life was his teacher who did not like his inquisitiveness, portraying him as self-centered and unable to learn anything due to his prominent forehead and large head. On the other hand there was his mother who thought Thomas was brilliant and told him this continuously. In a large web-based study, about three-quarters of people with hoarding reported experiencing interpersonal violence in the past, and late-onset hoarding was associated with recent stressful life events. In another study, over half of those who hoarded connected the onset of their difficulties to stressful life environments, and this was less common among people whose hoarding began early in life. It is possible that traumatic life events play a greater role in adult-onset hoarding compared to early onset in children and adolescents. A history of traumatic events, perhaps especially losses, might predispose vulnerable people to derive greater comfort from the objects around them. Can animal models help us understand human hoarding? It is interesting to consider whether animal behavior might provide a model for understanding human hoarding. Both food hoarding and nesting seem analogous behaviors to human hoarding. Some scientists suggest that hoarding might reflect a fixed action pattern akin to the building of nests by mammals and birds. In a similar vein, human hoarding may be the modern-day equivalent of survival instincts from days of yore when both humans and animals competed for scarce resources. Dr Stephanie Preston and her colleagues have studied hoarding behavior in various small mammals that are known to hoard food and occasionally objects.

Listen to your body and pay attention to your emotions; If you have access to mental health care, there are body-based therapies such as Somatic Experiencing or sensorimotor psychotherapy that can help you address the physical aspects of your panic response and restore your resilience. Cognitive behavioral approaches that help you question and reframe your intense activation can also be supportive. When panic and anxiety are in the driver's seat, they can get themselves into a feedback loop where your anxiety will search for upcoming hazards, and your panic will prepare to fight, flee, or freeze (etc). In this highly activated state, your anxiety may ramp up even more and begin to expect danger everywhere (and of course, your panic will respond, because it has to! Somatic, emotion-focused, and cognitive therapies can help you work with these responses and calm yourself so that you can gently pause the feedback loop or stop the loop from forming in the first place. If you can't access mental health care, there are a lot of things you can do to help yourself. The four keys to emotional genius from article 1 (see article 22) are pivotal in a mixed-emotion situation like this because your anxiety and your panic need you to engage with them lovingly, perceptively, and empathically. If you don't understand what these two emotions are trying to do for you and for each other, you'll probably view and experience them as a problem, a disorder, or a disaster. And you'll react accordingly, probably with more panic. And this is especially true with loved ones. Let's say you bombed at math--then it will be impossible for you to see how your child could succeed at it even if she's a math whiz. You just can't see how somebody else can be good at something you weren't. So you'll withhold support. And this doesn't come from wishing her ill. Ironically, it comes from being protective and not wanting to see someone you care about fail. You don't want to create false hope. But because you have a blind spot when it comes to yourself, you may not see how you are actually standing in the way of another person's growth. Just because you didn't succeed doesn't mean that the same will hold true for them. The best thing you can do is step out of the way and not be an obstacle.

Tryptophan and 5-HTP . Tryptophan and 5-HTP are chemical precursors to serotonin, and increased serotonin levels appear to upregulate neurogenesis. Tryptophan can also be used as a sleep aid in larger amounts (2. Doses for tryptophan are usually 500-1,000 mg; Whole soy foods such as tofu, edamame, soy milk, soy nuts as well as soy isoflavone extracts containing daidzein and genistein . Soy has been shown to be neuroprotective. Key extracts, particularly daidzein and genistein, have been shown to increase neurogenesis. This is true for naturally occurring estrogen, but not for non-bioidentical hormones such as Premarin, which decrease neurogenesis. Because of the increase in estrogenic compounds from soy intake, men should exercise caution with soy and soy extracts. Some males have reported decreased sex drive with soy or soy extract use. An eye primer is the modern solution. It's quick and easy and does double duty: it smoothes the surface for the shadow so it will stay put, and it camouflages discoloration, blotchiness, and blue blood vessels and generally evens out the skin tone with a uniform palette. My favorite is Laura Mercier Eye Basics. Sometimes, when I'm in a rush, I wear Eye Basics alone and skip the shadow altogether. Shadowing Your Eyes The Old Way . Paint three distinct color blocks on the lid, one atop another, with the top tier a pearly white up to the brow bone. The Newer Way . Use two neutral colors and blend them so they look natural. Bright bands of eye shadow in deep, jewel tones are so OL: very dated, very eighties.

When you learn to live mindfully, you will be more observant about what goes on around you. This means that your mind will be able to think clearly and identify situations or triggers that can make you anxious. The following are ways in which mindfulness can help you manage anxiety. Connecting You to the Present Mindfulness will draw your attention to the present. There is a huge benefit that you gain here considering the fact that overthinking tends to dwell more on how we perceive our future and our past. Since you will master more control over how you think about your future and past, you will be in a better position to prevent yourself from worry. Mindfulness Retrains the Brain One of the most important benefits that you gain by practicing mindfulness is that you can rewire the brain to think positively. There are new thought patterns that you will create through the exercises that you will be adopting. Remember: when a fearful thought comes up, it is just trying to protect you. Tell the fear, I appreciate that you want to help me. Follow that with an affirmation to address that particular fear. Acknowledge and thank the fear, but don't give it power or importance. Your Day 12 Meditation: Creating a Safe and Loving World Think of today and every day as a time of learning, a new beginning. It is an opportunity to change and grow, to open your consciousness to a new level and consider new ideas and new ways of thinking, to envision the world we dream of living in. Our vision helps to create the world. Come with me as we see ourselves and our planet in new and powerful ways. Envision a world where everyone has dignity, where everyone, no matter what race or nationality, feels empowered and secure.