Using the Rolling Pin

Once you decide to be a certain way, you take on a new importance and significance to people. It is not what you do or say that attracts them but your very presence. Whether you are in their lives or not makes a difference to them. Whether you are going to be at their parties or not makes a difference to them. But around the time her brother's last child was born, Beverly herself was nearing middle age and beginning to feel the strain of her overly responsible nature. Nevertheless, she agreed to take care of the new baby during the day while her sister-in-law worked. The infant brought delight and stimulation into Beverly's life, and she adored the little boy. She came to see me because of horrible thoughts she had begun to have about her nephew. Beverly had started having flashing images about getting rid of the baby. These unwanted and completely alien thoughts shocked her badly and she thought she was losing her mind. I questioned Beverly carefully: she had no intention of harming the child and really was not about to lose control of her impulses, but she was distraught she could even think of such things! Beverly was just paying the cost of her own wounded wishes for freedom. She was not crazy; Out of her love and loyalty for her family, Beverly had sacrificed too much of herself, not allowing normal wishes their place in her life. Some individuals, for example, find walking meditation beneficial. Taking a ten-minute stroll, concentrating in turn on various sensations. Start by feeling your body walking, reflecting on what the motions feel like, really. Switch on to the breathing sensation. Concentrate on what the air feels like on your skin after that, then try to think about what you see and what you listen to. E xercise has long been concluded as a way to lose weight, strengthen the coordination of muscles, and enhance general well-being.

Many individuals may not know, though, that exercise is one of the best ways to enhance memory and focus. It might be time to include some basic exercises in your everyday routine if you are not getting as much exercise as you can. Doing so will improve your ability far into the future to stay mentally sharp. There have been several studies relating exercise to a healthy aging process in general. People are proud to work for you. They start to act like it is an honor to know you. Positive human qualities are contagious. What makes for success is that a certain principle is constantly operating for you 24 hours a day, even when you are not consciously expressing it. At that point, you are not aiming toward that higher energy field on the Map of Consciousness; STEP 10: GRACIOUSNESS Realize that life is a feedback loop. Life is your feedback loop. You strengthen within yourself the identical things that you strengthen in others. This clinical fact has enormous implications. The added responsibility of the baby's care had finally pushed her wishes against the wall, and they responded in the extreme language of destructive imagery. When Beverly realized the source of her disturbing and unwanted fantasies, she calmed down and had some sympathy for herself. Once she grasped the idea that she was just feeling overwhelmed by everyone's needs, the shocking thoughts diminished. Debbie's Story Another client, Debbie, was much more self-accepting of her frustration and resentment over caring for a colicky baby who never seemed to sleep. Debbie had no illusions about being able to handle everything on her own and was very much in touch with her wishes for relief.

She laughingly told me about her visit to the pediatrician that morning. She told him he'd better give her something to help with this colic because the night before she had dreamed of putting the baby in the oven instead of the Thanksgiving turkey! Your wishes may get quite bizarre and dramatic if you keep tuning them out. The Innocence of Wishes Physical activity keeps the body working, and disease rates among seniors have been known to decrease. A recent placed a real number on the brain effects of exercise and how it translates to increase and preservation of memory. University of Illinois researchers performed a study with a group of people in their 60s. For a year, half of them were given an aerobic exercise regimen that they consistently observed, while the other half had no regimen or instructions to follow. In the aerobic exercise community, participants increased the average volume of the hippocampus in the left and right hemispheres by 2. The control group that engaged in non-aerobic stretching exercises reported a 1. The baseline fitness level within the control group was a deciding factor in minimizing the total loss of hippocampal volume. A rise in hippocampal volume is directly associated with memory improvements. The findings are quite remarkable. Exercise prevents the shrinking of the hippocampus and can raise the volume as well. The obvious conclusion to be drawn, therefore, is that you will do well to constantly support that which is positive in others. We say that some people are negative people and other people are positive people as though it were just accidental. It is not accidental at all. It is the easily observable demonstration of the clinical fact just mentioned. If we listen to people's conversations, we will hear some people engaging in negative gossip, describing all the negative facts they can about other people's lives or about world events. What they don't realize is that they are reinforcing these very same things within themselves.

When I was very young, my grandmother, who was described as saintly by everyone around her, used to say, If you haven't got something good to say about someone, then don't say anything at all. I puzzled over this for many years. It was only after I became clinically experienced as a psychiatrist that I could see the results of these principles in operation and began to understand what she meant. That is the next principle: support the success of others in every little way you can think to do. Remember that you cannot be expected to take responsibility for that which you find yourself wishing. You have to take responsibility for how you act on your wishes, but not for having the wishes. Your wishes and your fantasies come from the psychological realm of who you were meant to be. But this is an amoral, primeval realm, like the mind of childhood. Wishes, like children, resent being neglected, and will always let you know it in no uncertain terms. If you ever have fantasies or wishes that take on an immoral or scary tone, don't panic. You are a grown-up: just ask yourself the simple question of what it might mean. Your true self may have been forced to put the solution in crude terms, but what if it is trying to tell you about something essential you are neglecting? This can be complicated work, and it is sometimes so hard to see it on our own that a therapist is needed. But short of this step, ask yourself - without horror or judgment - how your life would be different if the dreadful thought came to pass. Exercise can help with the memory process by maintaining the memory space you have, and in many situations, it allows you more space to work with. The proof does not lie. For your general health and brain activity, exercise has many benefits, including: Alleviates body pain and inflammation and increases the activity of the immune system Reduces resistance to insulin, eventually helping to better regulate blood sugar levels Stimulates and regulates brain chemicals that influence cell development

Promotes healthy body-wide cell growth Promoting the building of new blood vessels in the brain, helping more areas of the brain to access oxygen-rich blood There are also different ways that exercising in a more subtle manner leads to the well-being of the brain. And, this could also increase the quality of life. This means to also recognize and acknowledge their successes, which tends to reinforce the positive not only within them but also in yourself. It is not about manipulative flattery but rather genuine appreciation for the positive characteristics of everyone you run into, including store clerks, servers, colleagues, family members, friends, guests, casual acquaintances, and people you might encounter only in passing. This is a valuable training that teaches you to look for the positive. This method moves you to an attitude of givingness rather than gettingness. Everyone around us unconsciously reacts differently to diverse attitudes. People know on a conscious or unconscious level when someone is out to get something from them. They are on guard, wary, and resistive. If even animals can detect this, we can be sure that human beings, who are far more evolved, also detect it. Many people resist adopting a giving attitude because they have an equation that to give is to lose. They do not understand this feedback mechanism; You might be surprised at the secret sense of relief and freedom it might bring. If you can find the innocent wish behind the horrible thought, you will be able to find other acceptable outlets for it. Brainstorming Finding outlets for your wishes can be a challenge if you have fallen too far into the rut of conventional attitudes. Brainstorming is a way of deliberately being silly and extravagantly imaginative in a way that throws our ego off its high horse so we can get some real work done. Marcie's Story