Sunday, 25 October 2020

Focusing on one big project at a time

Saturn is the sworn enemy of easy answers. It knows that the more hastily solutions are patched together, the faster they will fall apart--and usually with disastrous consequences. You may be afraid of opportunities slipping through your fingers if you don't grab them right away, but are they really worth it if they wind up costing you in the end? Yes, it's tedious how your Saturn insists on always taking the long way, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Gemini Saturn . Burdens: Gemini Suns with second thoughts and second-guessing. Exacerbates: Taurus and Cancer Suns by making them overthink it. Then the desert progressively gives way to a moist, lush landscape. As new aspects of the inner being come forth, the person's relationship with the outer world changes. The task is to align this new, enlarged inner self with one's outer life. This may take time and cause some disruption. But to create a new balance between inner self and outer life is the whole meaning and purpose of the midlife transition. As this occurs there is very often a profound spiritual awakening. Spiritual joy and exaltation, states of inner peace and tranquility, heart openings of love and compassion and gratitude for being alive, replace the darkness of the previous period. A more soul-infused self transforms relationships, work, and daily life. Greater creativity, mature meditation and prayer, and gratitude for life's abundance become the keynote of daily living. Relationships take on a new hue, more authentic, affirming, and loving. By letting him sleep in, Nadia would miss her husband's company at the games, and knew the kids would too. She decided, however, that they could tolerate these drawbacks temporarily, knowing that the potential benefits were worth it. She also anticipated some logistical challenges on days when the girls were in different games--historically she would go to one and her husband to the other.

She could arrange for the girls to get rides with other teammates, but one of their kids would not have a cheering parent on the sideline. She would let them talk to their father about that if they missed him. How will your loved one handle the consequence? In Nadia's case, she knew her husband would feel upset with himself and worry about how their kids took it. She did not think he would be angry with her. Emotional discomfort is an effective natural consequence, but you may need to prepare for the possibility that your loved one will initially take it out on you. They may be used to your protection or even depend on it. Allies with: Aries and Leo Suns by mapping out plans one step at a time. Thwarts: Virgo and Pisces Suns when it's being contrary for contrariness's sake. Mentors: Libra and Aquarius Suns by getting them to talk to--and not at--people. Is anyone's guess with: Scorpio and Capricorn Suns because it makes them painstakingly precise. Sometimes good because they will never be disputed, sometimes bad because there's no tolerance for error. Opposes: Sagittarius Suns. You see others as hard-nosed skeptics. When Saturn is opposite your Sun sign, you don't connect to its energy naturally, and you'll find yourself being tested until you do. Your big test is to win them over. Being a Sagittarius, you'll want to wow your critics, but that's not the way to go. The person sees how important relationships are. He or she is more present in relationships, better able to give and more open to receiving love and nurturing. Work and play are transformed.

Work is renewed by changing the outer form so it's in closer alignment with the person's inner values and self. Alternately, the person's inner attitude toward work changes, and when its inner meaning shifts, the previous alienation subsides. Life's difficulties and setbacks still occur, but banished are the depression and spiritual darkness that accompanied it. A new stage of more sustained joy, light, love, and peace are the spiritual foundation on which the person can build their life anew. Andrew's mother had been traumatized by the Cultural Revolution in China, where her husband had been killed. Andrew had only been a baby when she'd immigrated to the U. When Andrew was six, his mother left Andrew and his younger sister with an aunt for three years, telling them she couldn't handle them anymore. You leaving him exposed will probably stir up confusion, anger, and fear. You can use your distress tolerance skills to manage his initial reactions, and do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If violence is a possibility, review our suggestions in article 6, Have Your Limits, to know your limits and make plans that keep you and yours as safe as possible. Assign task(s). Decide how and when you will communicate the plan. Nadia used positive communication to tell her husband about her new approach to weekend mornings. She planned to talk to him in a calm moment before they went out the night before, as she thought this would get a better reception than if she sprung it on him either in front of people as he was reaching for a drink or the next morning when he would be feeling lousy. She wrote herself a script and practiced: I want to talk with you about our weekend plans. It's hard for me to get the girls ready for the games and also make sure you're up and ready too. I know sometimes Saturday mornings are tough for you to get going--and I'm sure you'd rather I didn't stalk you! You'll only make them more standoffish. Be inquisitive and conversational instead. Not only will you come to appreciate their point of view, but you may even discover that some of their reservations are valid.

SATURN IN CANCER People can be so needy. Constantly asking for love and reassurance, and whining or acting out when they don't get it. It's tough being the only adult in a room full of yowling brats. People trust you to be their emotional anchor. As long as you're centered and unfazed they know everything will be all right. But who looks after you? When his mother brought them back to live with her, she let them know that if they acted up, they'd be sent back to their aunt immediately. Naturally, Andrew became utterly compliant to avoid any possibility of another traumatic separation from his mother. Deeply scarred from his own mother's abandonment, he wanted to be sure nothing like this ever happened again. So Andrew married a woman who he knew was never going to leave him. However, after twenty years of marriage and two kids, Andrew was bored and depressed. He and his wife had stopped having sex a decade earlier, and Andrew found himself attracted to several women at work. After a failed affair, in his mid-fifties, he entered therapy more depressed than ever. I suggested he start couples therapy with his wife, which he did. However, after six months of trying to revive their dead relationship, he left his wife and filed for divorce. In our individual work, Andrew focused on his early years with his mother and the horrific time after she left. So for now I plan to leave the getting up part to you and hope that we can all enjoy our Saturdays together. Nadia also planned what she would say to the kids if their father didn't get up in time: Your dad seems to be having trouble getting up this morning, so we're going to go ahead and perhaps he can meet us there, otherwise we'll see him afterward. You know how much he enjoys your games, so I'm sure he'll want to hear all about it later.

For now, let's get going with our day and make sure we get there on time. Get out of the way. Now that you've selected a natural consequence for its potential to impact your loved one's decision to use, it's time to get out of the way and see what happens. Nadia let her husband sleep and she went to watch the girls. After this happened a few times, she heard him decline a drink at a party because he had to get up early for the kids. When Nadia realized that her plan was working, she even went so far as to schedule appealing morning activities if there were no naturally occurring sports events. She felt so pleased by the changes she saw that she was able to do this in the spirit of family fun rather than punishment, a difference that was not lost on her husband. Who reaches out and holds your hand in the dark? Needs are frightening--not because you don't like feeling vulnerable, but because needs mean relying on someone else, and you don't believe anyone's going to be there for you. Saturn is in detriment in Cancer, which means you clam up when it comes to expressing your needs. You're so afraid of being let down that you'd rather not put anyone on the spot. But how can people know what's going on if you don't speak up? Give them a chance to come through and you may discover they're more willing and able than you gave them credit for. Cancer Saturn . Burdens: Cancer Suns with weighty responsibilities. Exacerbates: Gemini and Leo Suns because it won't let them blow off an obligation. Allies with: Taurus and Virgo Suns by bringing a personal touch to what they do. His uncle had been a kind of surrogate father figure for Andrew, but an unreliable one, and that played itself out in our relationship of the transference, where he felt betrayed when I was vacation a few times. At one point Andrew joyfully strode into the office and declared he was in love with a co-worker he'd been obsessed with and had started to date. Little did he know, this was but an oasis in the desert, not a solution.

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